6
Things Get Harey!
‘You can’t tell my kids they must vote for you! You might not be any good!’ said Banoffee.
‘Of course I’ll be good! I’ll be better than you anyway!’ said Coco.
Back at the soup kitchen a row had broken out between Banoffee and Coco over The Ice Factor competition. Coco desperately wanted to win and she had been trying to persuade Banoffee’s children to vote for her.
‘No, you won’t!’ Banoffee said. ‘I’ve watched it on the telly just as much as you have. I know all the moves.’
‘I don’t believe you,’ said Coco. ‘Prove it!’
‘All right, I will.’ Banoffee took a running jump and leaped into the air. She landed on top of Fuzzy.
‘Oomph!’ Fuzzy groaned.
‘See!’ Coco gloated. ‘I knew you weren’t very good.’
‘That’s because there’s no ice, dummy!’ Banoffee picked herself up.
‘Don’t call me dummy,’ Coco shouted, ‘or I’ll call you fatty!’
The two guinea pigs glared at one another.
‘Ladies, ladies!’ Bernardo said. ‘This isn’t a wrestling match in a Peruvian mudslide. It’s a dance competition, remember?’ He licked his paws and smoothed the fur on his cheeks. ‘We must be cool. We must be elegant. Now come. Let’s go to the stream for a practice.’
‘But I don’t have a partner,’ Banoffee said sadly.
‘Ha ha, serves you right!’ Coco crowed.
‘I’ll be your partner,’ Fuzzy offered kindly.
‘That’s brave of you!’ Coco sniggered. ‘I wouldn’t like to be in your paws when fatty lands on you. It would be like being run over by a bus.’
‘Stop it, Coco!’ Fuzzy said sharply. ‘Guinea pigs come in all shapes and sizes. Don’t be mean about Banoffee. She’s one of your best friends.’
Coco realized that everyone was looking at her. And not at all in the admiring way she had hoped. She felt very small and silly. She burst into tears. ‘I’m sorry, Banoffee,’ she said, tears streaming down her face.
‘That’s all right!’ Banoffee sprang forward at once and gave her a hug. ‘I’m sorry too. What we need is some fresh air. I’ve been cooped up for so long this winter I think I’ve gone a bit mad!’
‘Me too!’ Coco sniffed.
‘But then again, it’s so cold,’ Banoffee started to worry, ‘I don’t think we should go out without extra clothes on.’
‘Honestly, Mum, you do make a fuss!’ Terry said. ‘But if you’re that worried about it, we could always raid the dressing-up box.’
‘The dressing-up box?!’ Coco echoed.
‘Yeah, it’s full of old doll’s clothes,’ Terry explained. ‘The kids from the house used to try and dress us up in them sometimes.’ He chuckled. ‘They never twigged that we could do it on our own when they weren’t looking!’
‘I love dressing up,’ Coco said dreamily.
‘So do we!’ chorused Banoffee’s children.
‘The box is over there,’ Banoffee said, pointing to the corner of the hutch.
‘Give me a hand, Alan,’ Terry said. ‘You’re the biggest.’
‘I’m also the laziest,’ Alan reminded him, lying down for a nap. ‘And I’m already dressed up as a squirrel.’
‘By the might of Mordor, so will I!’ Olaf the Viking guinea pig agreed.
The three guinea pigs pulled and tugged at the old box. After a little while they had pulled it into the centre of the hutch. Fuzzy lifted the lid. Everyone crowded around.
‘Oh, Banoffee, they’re wonderful!’ Coco gasped.
Inside the box was an assortment of clothes. There were even shoes and a pair of white skating boots!
As soon as she saw the skating boots Coco knew that she wanted them more than anything else in the world, but because she’d just been told off, she didn’t dare ask for them.
Fuzzy chose a warm scarf. Terry found some mittens. Bernardo wrapped himself in a silver cloak. Banoffee decided on a pink woolly cardigan with big shiny buttons and a pair of elasticated blue knickers. Then all Banoffee’s other children selected something. Coco began to wonder if there would be anything left for her to wear at all, never mind if she’d get the skating boots.
‘Don’t worry!’ Banoffee whispered. ‘There’s still something special in there for you!’
Coco looked into the box. In among the dull woolly clothes there was a tiny bit of shiny blue poking out. She pulled at it and drew out a spangly ice-blue leotard. It was the perfect costume for The Ice Factor!
‘Put it on then!’
Coco wriggled into it. It was quite hard getting her legs into the right holes. The first time she ended up with the bottom bit over her head, and her bottom poking out where her head should be, but after a few tries and a little bit of help from Banoffee, she got it on the right way round.
‘You look very nice,’ Banoffee said.
‘So do you!’ Coco lied. The knickers and pink cardy looked completely daft, but she didn’t want to upset Banoffee again.
‘Thanks, Coco. ‘Here –’ she held out the skating boots ‘I want you to wear these.’
Coco almost burst into tears for a second time. She had such good friends after all! She promised herself she would never be silly and selfish again.
‘Follow me, everyone!’ She couldn’t wait to impress Rufus and Renarta with her costume!
The guinea pigs scampered out of the hutch and off towards the stream.
*
‘It’s not as easy as it looks!’ Banoffee panted.
‘You can say that again!’ Coco puffed. To her surprise, the skates didn’t seem to be helping.
‘I would do, but I’m too out of breath!’ Banoffee gasped.
The two guinea pigs slipped and slithered about on the icy stream.
Bernardo glided up. ‘How are you getting on, ladies?’ he said. Bernardo was the only one of the guinea pigs who could skate properly. ‘I expect you’re wondering why I’m so good,’ he said.
‘No, we’re not,’ Coco said. She was getting bored with Bernardo. He was a dreadful show-off.
‘It is because I come from Peru,’ Bernardo told her anyway. ‘All Agoutis are brilliant at winter sports. But I, Bernardo Felipe Juan Carlos José Marino Ronaldo del Monte, am the best.’ He did a quick triple axel and skated off again.
‘How’s it going, Co?’ Terry whizzed up. Although he and the rest of Banoffee’s kids had never tried skating before, to Coco’s irritation they seemed to have got the hang of it quite quickly, even without skating boots. So, annoyingly, had Fuzzy. And Olaf the Viking. And all the other animals who had come to the soup kitchen (apart from Alan, who had wandered off in search of more food). The squirrels and the mice and the rabbits looked as if they had been born to skate compared to her (especially the rabbits, because they had huge feet). In fact, far from being the best, Coco reflected bitterly, she and Banoffee were the worst!
‘Don’t worry, Coco, your friends Rufus and Renarta will sort you out!’ Fuzzy did a neat little spin and zoomed off.
‘Yes, indeed we will!’ a deep voice said.
Coco looked up. Thank goodness, she thought, they’re here. Two enormous hares were standing by the edge of the stream. Rufus and Renarta had finally arrived!
‘You go, Coco,’ Banoffee said. ‘I’ll join you in a minute. I need to straighten my knickers.’
Coco wobbled off. ‘Cooee!’ she called. ‘I’m Coco!’ She slid her way towards them on her tummy. The two hares waited for her. She picked herself up and looked at them brightly. At last she would learn to skate like the celebrities on The Ice Factor! She blinked. Rufus and Renarta weren’t quite what she’d been expecting. She’d never seen a hare before, but she didn’t realize they were quite so big or had such long pointy noses. ‘Which one of you is Rufus and which one is Renarta?’ she asked. The two hares looked very similar.
‘Er . . . he is,’ Rufus and Renarta said together, pointing at one another.
‘I mean, er . . . she is,’ Rufus and Renarta both said.
Coco looked at the two animals more closely. She had an uneasy feeling something funny was going on. Rufus and Renarta were wearing onesies, like Alan’s, except they were hare onesies with long droopy ears and great big back feet. But why would a hare be wearing a hare onesie? It didn’t make any sense. Unless . . .
Coco backed away. Suddenly she understood! She had been tricked again. Rufus and Renarta weren’t really hares at all! They were foxes. They had gone on the Internet pretending to be hares so that they could catch her. And this time there was no Eduardo to rescue her.
‘Recognize me now?’ Renard said. He pulled back the head of his costume to reveal his foxy face. ‘When will you learn that you should never talk to people you don’t know on the Internet?’ he sighed.
‘Or invite strangers to parties?’ the other fox added.
‘But I thought you were Fuzzy’s friends!’ Coco squealed.
‘You should be more careful about who you accept as a friend on the computer,’ Renard said.
‘Talking of friends, this is Thaddeus, my pal from the railway line. He’s staying with me for the winter. He brought me a little present. Would you like to see it?’
Coco shook her head. Her knees trembled. She couldn’t move she was so frightened. And even if she could move, she would just fall over. There was no way of warning Fuzzy and the others except to cry out. They were all too busy enjoying themselves on the ice to notice she was in danger (except for Banoffee, who was still straightening her knickers). And if she cried out, the foxes would definitely eat her.
Renard reached into his onesie and pulled out an object with a plastic handle and a gleaming metal cylinder. Coco recognized it at once. Henrietta kept one in her bedroom. Coco had often admired it. ‘A hairdryer!’ she snorted, trying to sound brave and clever at the same time. ‘What are you going to do with that? Blow-dry us to death?
‘No.’ Renard eyed her hungrily. ‘We’re going to drown you all. Then we’re going to take you back to the burrow and have a feast.’ And he pointed the hairdryer at the ice and began to melt it.
