Chapter Nine

 

TWO WEEKS PASSED after the therapy began and I was in the garden one lovely Spring afternoon, trying my hardest to hold Freya on a swing when Steven strolled across the lawn towards us. I hadn’t expected him to be back at Glencara that soon as I understood he was due to stay at Harley Street in London for a month after the therapy started. He appeared near the large willow trees that bordered the path to the tennis courts, stepping lightly over the low privet with its shining black berries. He waved as he approached.

“Hello Amy,” he said and his voice sounded very young. “Nice to see you…. How are you?”

Freya tightened her grip on the swing chain handles as she heard his voice. I touched her ear gently as I always did when I wanted her to know that someone was near and that she should not be afraid. She blinked and pulled her legs back under the swing.

“Be careful darling. Don’t sway too much ...you could fall off. Careful now ...Oh! Hello Steven. I didn’t expect you back until the end of the month. I’m fine ...and you?”

“Couldn’t be better,” he answered perkily, “And how is our young patient this morning?”

I looked down into Freya’s face and smiled at her.

“You’re happy my love, aren’t you?”

Her large head turned to face Steven, but her eyes did not move.

“I can see she is looking better. Do you think the therapy is working, Amy?” he asked and smiled at Freya, but she remained motionless.

“Well, we like our swings and we have great fun in the swimming pool, don’t we darling?” I said, feeling rather embarrassed by Freya’s attitude.

“The diet O.K?” he asked as he ignored her for a moment and turned to face me.

“Yes, with Aggie’s help, of course. I think we’re managing fine.”

“That’s good ...I’m pleased. Look Amy, I’m here for a few days so maybe we could go through the diet sheets again sometime and I’ll have a look at your progress charts, eh?”

“Sure ...Any time you want. They’re all up to date …well that is until last night. Anna kept me talking until rather late I’m afraid, but I can complete them now ...if you want. I usually do them in the evenings after I’ve settled Freya down for the night.” I looked at Freya but she appeared to be worried about something and I wondered if perhaps she thought Steven and I were arguing. “Can I talk to you later Steven? We should be going indoors very soon and I had intended to do some reading with Freya before lunch.”

Steven lowered his eyes.

“Can we talk Amy? I mean as soon as possible after you’ve taken Freya to her room. It is important.”

I couldn’t understand what he meant but he looked very serious. There was a grave look in his eye as I lifted the little girl from the swing and attempted to throw her over my shoulder as she always liked to be carried that way, but she reached out again for the swing and started to cry.

“Come darling. It’s time to go in now. We’ve had a nice time on the swings, haven’t we? …and look, there’s a dirty old cloud lingering up there, just above our heads. I think it’s going to rain and we don’t want to get wet now, do we?”

There wasn’t a cloud at all in the sky as I looked to Steven for help.

“Yes, it does look a bit dull, doesn’t it? Come on Freya,” He held out his arms, “Would you like a ride on my shoulders?”

Freya glared at him and her nostrils widened, but she made no attempt to go to him and I could hear a faint growl coming from her chest, similar to that which a dog might make when he is angry.

“Come on darling,” I coaxed and I don’t know why I said what I did next, because after I had said it, I could have bitten my tongue out. “We cane have a ride on Dobbin, eh? You’ll like that.” I hated that bloody horse, but my suggestion had the desired effect and Freya became visibly relaxed and let her shoulders sag. It would be so much better if you could only speak, my love ...I thought as we walked back to the house, with Steven slowly tagging on behind, kicking a stone as he went, and I wondered what went on in that little silent mind ...and what she thought of me ...as I rather think she didn’t like Steven. I felt she could understand most of what I said to her even if I found her looking at me sometimes in a strange and distant way. She would adopt a sort of blank expression which could be frightening and in that blank stare, I knew we had no connection ...None whatsoever and sometimes I despaired that I could ever achieve anything with her, even if I desperately wanted to do something for her and I am sure she realized that in her own, seemingly limited way. We went to her room and I sat her on the horse. Her movements on that thing were totally controlled and she sat aside the animal like an experienced horse woman. It seemed to me then that this was no play for her. This was no toy ...This was a therapy that both Freya and her ‘friend’ needed and enjoyed.

Steven looked on in amazement as I stood aside, waiting and caring, in the event that she might fall off ...but I knew she never would as I waited with outstretched arms ...just in case.

“Leave her Amy. Come and stand by me here,” I heard Steven say,

“But Steven ...if ...”

“Leave her Amy,” he insisted, “Please come and stand here near me.”

I did as he told me as Freya was secure in her rocking action, straining harder and harder until the arches below the horse were extended as full as they could go, but still, she was in control. Her eyes were wide, with her ‘snout’ stuck out in the air and her feet stuck firmly into the stirrups with her knees tight to the animals sides. The wooden figure apparently enjoyed her mastery as his eyes appeared to be injected with life, giving the impression that he could see. I stared at Steven and he gripped my hand tighter. There was a peculiar smell in the room like the pungent stench of stale garlic as I moved away from Steven to take the child from the rocking horse, but he stopped me and led me towards the door.

“Leave them Amy. Leave them alone. They will be alright.” he said as he gently closed the bedroom door behind us and led me into the corridor outside. I could still hear the clomping sound as the arched wood swayed violently from end to end and I had fears for Freya, but Steven shook his head slowly as we stood there together, motionless, waiting and listening for a few seconds ...and then the noise ceased.

Steven opened the bedroom door again quickly and went in, pulling me after him. Freya was lying on the bed with her eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling. She was breathing heavily and a thick white creamy solution bubbled around her snout and chin. I rushed across to where she lay to wipe her mouth, grabbing a towel as I went, but Freya closed her eyes and snorted, pulling the slimy substance back into her nostrils. Steven looked at me.

“She will be alright ...It’s the medication that’s doing this, I’m sure, “ he said as he took her hand in his and checked the pulse, but I observed him playing with the tiny fingers as if they obstructed his examination, then the large head lolled across the pillow and lay still.

“She will be asleep for a few hours now Amy and I want to talk to you.”

“But Steven . . .I have never seen her like this before. I don’t think I should leave her.”

He glared impatiently at me.

“She will be alright I tell you ... LEAVE HER.”

I followed him reluctantly from the room, keeping my eyes on the little white, still form on the bed, but as we were leaving, the horse started to rock again of it’s own accord. I stared at it and grabbed Steven by the arm. The eyes were red and wild and the ragged open mouth was stained with the same garlic slime that I had tried to wipe from Freya’s mouth.