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JOSHUA JAMES PACED in front of the little sod shack, his heavy boots raising tiny puffs of dust from the hard-packed dirt yard with every step. His shirt was plastered to him by the nervous perspiration that seemed to ooze from each pore.
Another anguished wail stole through the crooked wooden door and he cringed, hunching his shoulders as if warding off a physical blow.
The sun in the western sky was sinking low and the cool of the night began to creep across the ever-darkening grasslands as a light breeze made him shiver.
Another scream splitting the night followed by a clattering of steel implements had Joshua wrenching the door open and sliding into the single room where oil lamps turned to their highest flame illuminated every nook and cranny.
Bridgette lay still and silent as a rag doll sprawled on the heavy rail framed double bed in the far corner of the room, her skin a ghostly white.
“Bri?” he croaked, reaching out a hand toward her.
“Sit with her,” a tired voice called as a man bent over a bundle on the small rough table near a tiny cookstove.
Joshua swallowed hard before crossing to the bed and easing himself down on it, making the rope and wood frame groan.
Gently he lifted Bridgette’s cold limp hand in his, pushing damp hair away from her face. He felt small and helpless as he looked at his unconscious wife.
A soft whimper behind him made Joshua turn to see the lean army doctor lift something from the table. Behind him, Billy stood at the stove stirring something and grumbling under his breath.
“You have another daughter, Mr. James,” the doctor said wearily. “She had a hard time getting here, but she’s healthy enough.” He moved toward Joshua, handing him a tightly swaddled form.
“She’s heavy,” Joshua said, gazing down into the puckered face of his little girl.
“They usually are in situations like this.” The doc spoke, running a hand through his already tousled hair. “The birth dislocated her shoulder.” He finally spoke again, “I put it back and wrapped her up tight. She’s good as gold now.” He pushed the blanket away from the little girl’s face, looking at eyes that were neither blue nor green.
“What about Bri?” Joshua asked, gently rocking the babe in his arms.
The sound of silence stretched taut across the little shack for long moments as Joshua waited.
“She’s lost a lot of blood.” The doctor finally spoke, his voice soft, his eyes meeting Joshua’s icy stare. “She’s in God’s hands now.”
“Soup’s on,” Billy barked, plunking bowls on the table roughly. “They’s hot water in the washbowl,” he added, looking at the doctor. “You might as well sit yerself down.”
“I’ll call the others.” Joshua rose, still cradling his newborn in the crook of his arm.
“Nope,” Billy said gruffly, “They got their grub and are fine where they is. Now you eat up and don’t give me no trouble.” He ladled soup into the bowls and placed a loaf of freshly sliced bread in the middle of the table along with a plate of soft white cheese.
Joshua noticed how the doctor shook his head but walked to the washbasin, scrubbed his hands, and moved to the table. “I’ll just pick up my things first,” he said, stopping and turning.
“Them do-dads is already in the other pot boilin’,” Billy said, “eat yer vitals so’s you can look after our Bridgette. No reason we should all be swoonin’ for hunger.”
Despite himself, Joshua smiled when the doctor harrumphed and pulled out a chair. Slowly he lowered himself to the seat and looked at the food before him. He was tired and worry gnawed at him. The baby squirmed and whimpered in his arms, then blinked at him with big bright eyes.
“We’ll have to see what your ma wants to call you, little one,” he said, twirling a lock of fine dark hair around his finger. Taking a deep breath, he lifted his spoon and began to eat.
“I’ll stay around a few days if it’s not a burden,” the doctor spoke around his food. “Looks like you put up a pretty nice place.”
Joshua nodded, “We got some vegetables coming and each of us has a sod house to stay in. The girls are staying with Benji today in his.”
For several minutes the doctor engaged Joshua in conversation about their new home and neither of them noticed Billy carry a cup of hot broth to the bed. Billy had noticed Bridgette stir and as quietly as possible went to help her as she woke.
“You drink this up,” he whispered, helping her sit into the pillows he stacked behind her.
“Baby?” she questioned, her voice barely audible.
“She’s just fine, but she needs her ma ta drink some broth. You git this down and I’ll tell Joshua to bring that little bit to ya.” He smiled, pursing his lips and making his beard wiggle as he helped her with the cup.
“Joshua,” Bridgette called after she’d finished the broth and Billy had tucked the blankets around her.
Joshua stood to his feet so fast, he nearly tipped the table over in his hurry to reach her. “Darlin’?” he called, dropping to one knee, holding the baby out where she could see her.
“It’s another girl.” He added with a smile. “What should we name her?”
Bridgette reached for the baby and he carefully laid her in his wife’s arms.
“We’ll call her Fiona,” Bridgette said. “It means fair.” She smiled tiredly, snuggling the baby close. “She’ll need to eat.”
“I don’t want you straining yourself.” Joshua chided, looking into her brown eyes. They looked hollow and glistened in the bright light of the lamps.
“I’m her mother.” Bridgette’s words were raspy, but firm, as she pulled at the ties that held her nightgown closed.
Carefully Joshua helped her adjust her gown and settled Fiona to nurse as the door behind them clicked closed.
***
“SEND KATRION TO ME,” Bridgette said. Her voice was weak, her skin was pale and clammy. For three days the doctor had done all he could to restore her strength and ward off the fever, but it was a losing battle and they both knew it.
“Go on Josh, send me Katie,” she said again, trying to raise her hand. Her glassy eyes were bright with fever and Joshua winced at her stare but rose and walked outside to fetch his oldest child.
“I’ve got the baby drinking from a bottle now,” the doctor said, picking up her wrist between thumb and forefingers as he stared at the minute hand on his pocket watch.
“You’ve been a god-send,” Bri said, offering a weak smile. “I’ll be away soon but thank you for your care. I know you’ve done all you could.”
The lean doctor shook his head. He’d seen this type of case a time or two before and even though he knew that the body’s incapacity for coping with sugars in the system was the cause, he was helpless to do anything about it.
Some women survived but lost the child. Other times both were lost when the baby was too large to be delivered. He didn’t know how she could so calmly accept her death.
“You knew from the first time you examined me, didn’t you?” the woman asked as he placed her arm back on the bed. Her pulse was weak but fast.
“Yes,” he answered simply.
“That’s why you brought the bottles and things.”
“I couldn’t tell the future or anything,” he spoke softly. “I just know that things happen when women have babies and you should be prepared.”
“Thank you.” Bridgette’s words were simple but sincere. “I’m glad Billy has a goat so there’s plenty for Fiona when I’m gone.” A sad smile touched her lips. “I wish I could see her grow, see my girls turn to beautiful young women with hopes and dreams, and maybe husbands.”
The door to the sod shack creaked open and Joshua walked in, leading Katie by the hand. The little girl’s pale green eyes were large and worried.
Bridgette James reached out her arms, letting her daughter fall into them. “Give us a minute,” she said, stroking Katie’s blonde hair and waiting for the men to withdraw.
“Mam,” Katie’s voice was strained, “are you going away to be with the angels?” Bright tears pooled in her eyes as her heart filled with sorrow and fear.
“Aye, lass. There’s naught we can do for it now.” She squeezed Katie to her. “I’ll be in heaven with Da’s folks and lookin’ down on ye and yer sisters.” She placed a gentle kiss on the girl’s forehead.
“I need you to do something for me, Katie,” she spoke again, “I need you to look after your da for me. He’ll be having a hard time of it but you, my love, are strong and brave and I know you’ll look out for him. Promise?”
Katie nodded her head as the tears spilled from her eyes and trickled down her cheeks. “I will Mam, I promise. I’ll look after Da and Meg and little Fiona. I’ll make sure they’re safe.” She hiccupped softly as anguish collected in her small chest.
“You’re my brave lass,” Bri said pulling her close again. “I love ye and Meggie and Fiona. Now you have a good cry, then go fetch your Da and the others. I can feel the angles coming.”
***
JOSHUA FELT HOLLOW inside. Cold and empty and bereft of all light. He clamped his fist around the handful of black earth he’d lifted from the heap under the cottonwood tree, then reluctantly dropped it into the open grave that contained his heart.
A small hand slipped into his. It was warm and firm, if frail. He looked down into the serious green gaze of Katie, surprised to see no tears there. He squeezed her hand, trying to find courage for her.
“Billy, can you take Meg?” Benji’s voice was a mere hint of words as he handed the little redhead to the grizzled older man. Meg snuggled her head into Billy’s neck, bewildered by the strange ceremony the men had just performed as they’d laid her mother in the ground.
Katie tugged at Joshua’s hand and he turned, following her like some lost pup. The sound of shovels slipping into the mound of dirt barely registered as together he and Katie walked into the tiny shack they called home.
“I’ll get some lunch on,” Billy spoke as he entered the soddy. “I’m sure these girls can use somethin’ ta eat.” He eyed Joshua critically for a moment, then handed him, Meg. The little girl curled herself around her father, laying her head on his shoulder and patting him on the back gently as if she knew he needed comfort.
“I done fed Fiona and she’s fast asleep,” Billy continued, moving to the stove and stoking the fire. The sound of pots and pans being shuffled about and other cooking noises soon filled the little house.
Joshua moved to a battered chair and lowered himself down on it without a word. He gazed around him at the solid earthen walls and heavy log trusses that held the roof. The space no longer felt like home. It seemed empty, nothing more than a pile dirt.
“Here, Pa,” Katie’s voice pulled him from his dark thoughts, as she offered him a cup of coffee. “You drink that up while me an’ Billy get some lunch.”
***
“HERE, GRANDPA.” ERIC’S voice breaking through his thoughts was jarring and Joshua blinked as his grandson offered him a handkerchief. Suddenly he realized that tears were streaming down his face.
Drying his eyes, he looked around him at his family still seated at the table, the girls had tears in their eyes and Katie sniffed into Will’s shoulder.
“I didn’t mean to get maudlin,” Joshua spoke. “That’s what happened.” For a few moments, he was quiet as he studied the faces of his six daughters and his sons-in-law. He smiled, softly gazing at his grandchildren.
“Bri and I, we were happy during the time we had,” he began again. “Seems you don’t really understand happiness unless you’ve felt a bit of sorrow.” He smiled, lifting his cup. “She was my first love and a bright star that burned out too quickly.”
“I’m so sorry, Pa,” Fiona said, rising and coming to wrap an arm around her father’s shoulders. “If I hadn’t been born...”
“Oh, darlin’ it ain’t your fault your mother died. God had a plan for her and for you, even if at the time I didn’t understand. She loved you with everything in her those few days that she had you.”
He patted her hand where it rested on his shoulder. “Your Ma understood more about lovin’ than I did. She gave all of herself to it, every minute of every day. Even if we’d known what would happen before, your Ma would have chosen you over her own life.”
“I ain’t saying it wasn’t an awful hard time then, it was, but God has his purpose in even the darkest hour.”
He looked down the table to his best friend Benji, who sat holding hands with his wife Cathleen. “What happened next none of us expected.”
“What happened next, Grandpa?” Eric asked, leaning on the table and wondering about this heritage he’d been privileged to be a part of.
“Well like, I said we’d all built us some sod houses. That one at the back where you and your pa first lived was the very same one me and the girls lived in then. Old Billy, he moved right in with me for a while, helpin’ with Fiona and the like.” He paused, staring into his coffee cup a minute, wondering when the brew had gone cold.
“We’d planted some vegetables and had plenty of stores to keep us through the winter. We’d no sooner harvested our little garden than Brion come in and told me he was leavin’.”
The old man looked around at the people at the table and thanked Fiona for the fresh cup of coffee she handed him.
“It was only a couple of weeks after Bridgette had passed and he came in like a winter storm, looked me in the eye and said he was leavin’. Said he was goin’ over to that fort ta send a letter home and then he didn’t know what he’d do. When I pressed him, he said he might go into the mountains and see what he could find.”