October 31

Dear Tara*Starr,

Well, here it is Halloween and I’m not going out or anything. I guess you’re probably at the combination costume and book character party right now. What costume did you decide on? Personally, I’m voting for the Cat in the Hat or the Little Engine That Could. No offense, but Elizabeth Bennett doesn’t sound all that interesting, although I haven’t read Pride and Prejudice yet. (By the way, I just started The Yearling and I can barely put it down.) There’s no party at school this year. Nancy Hall (remember her? from down the street?) invited me to go trick-or-treating with her and her sister and their cousin, but I feel too old for trick-or-treating. I took Emma trick-or-treating this afternoon, though. We went at 3:30 because Emma just couldn’t wait any longer. Emma’s costume was one of those horrible plastic ones from March’s downtown. She’s supposed to be a skeleton, but it’s hard to tell. I guess you get what you pay for, and Mom paid about three dollars for this thing — when she finally even remembered that Emma would need a costume, which was at, like, 9:00 last night.

A little different from last year, huh? Remember the good old days when my family was normal? (Well, normal for my family.) Tara, you’re right. Something BIG is going on. And believe me, I’m waking up and smelling the coffee. I just don’t like what I smell. I tried to get away with holding my nose, but even I know that doesn’t make the odor go away. That’s like trying to fix a leaky faucet by closing the door to the bathroom so you can’t hear the dripping anymore.

But anyway, do you remember last year? Last year Mom asked Emma and me in September what we wanted to be for Halloween, and by the middle of October those elaborate handmade costumes were finished. Last year Mom used to stay at home all day being a mom. Last year Dad used to come home at six most nights and then we would eat dinner together. I know you think he’s a stuffed shirt, but he was always planning things for Emma and me. And most important, he was home every evening and every weekend.

So back to Halloween. It’s so different this year. It didn’t even occur to Mom to buy Emma a pumpkin. In fact, she forgot to buy Halloween candy too. She’s downstairs now handing out gum, breath mints, apples, even those mini boxes of cereal — anything she can find. It’s so embarrassing.

So. What is going on in my house? Well, here’s the thing. I’m not sure.

But I have my suspicions.

I know you think Dad is having an affair (you do watch a lot of television), but like I said before, I’m pretty sure that’s not it. I still couldn’t tell you why. It’s just a very strong feeling. And you know that when I get my really strong feelings I’m usually right.

What I think is going on (but I do NOT have a strong feeling about) is that Mom and Dad are getting a divorce. I just can’t figure out why. I haven’t heard one single word about what’s wrong between them. Usually when parents are getting divorced the kids have some idea about it. Like all Carly heard about for months before her parents got divorced was how they fought over money. I mean, a neon divorce sign was practically beaming from their rooftop.

My only clues are that my family is so different from last year, and that my parents seem really unhappy and all wrapped up in themselves. I guess that spells DIVORCE.

But I’m not sure.

To answer your questions — baby-sitting for Emma is not a bogus excuse. As you well know, Martha leaves at 3:00, and Jeannemarie was hired to cook. Plus, Emma and I don’t want a nanny. I suppose I could ask Mom to get a sitter for her, but the thing is that Mom races off nearly every afternoon now and I feel kind of sorry for Emma. She looks confused. Besides, she’s my little sister and I love her. I’d rather watch her myself than let someone else do it. Anyway, what’s the point of getting a sitter when I don’t have anywhere to go? Mom would probably hire, like, Carly — to be my sitter? Forget it.

And Tara, Emma takes naps because she’s four. Most kids nap until they’re five or six, which you would know if you had a little sister. I think preschool takes a lot out of Emma. On school days she absolutely crashes at about three-thirty in the afternoon. On weekends she sometimes doesn’t nap, though. But by six o’clock on those days we all wish she did.

Well, this has been an extremely long letter about me. But guess what. Now that it’s written, I feel better. I wish we could talk in person, though. I love Barb, but I want to talk to you.

Love,

P.S. Congratulations on getting the part!

P.P.S. How is the friendship campaign coming?

P.P.P.S. I’ll tell you about Kate’s Kitchen some other time.