April 26

Dear Tara*Starr,

I promise I won’t say another word about the b _ _ _ — after this paragraph. I just have to say these few things here and then I won’t mention the subject again until you bring it up. I’m enclosing a note for Barb and Luke. I know you said I have their address, which I assumed meant that I was supposed to mail a note to them separately, but I’m trying to save the cost of a postage stamp. (I’m doing some baby-sitting here at DEER RUN, so I’m earning my own $$, but I’m being as thrifty as possible. I just have to be. There is not one spare cent for anything extra.) Anyway, I put your parents’ note in its own envelope and sealed it so you don’t even have to look at the letter. And you won’t have to say anything about it to your parents. The envelope speaks for itself. It says TO BARB AND LUKE FROM ELIZABETH on the outside. See? Just leave it on the kitchen table or someplace. Okay? Thank you. That is my last word about the b _ _ _.

Well, we’ve been here at DEER RUN for almost three weeks. Here are some of the pros and cons about it:

PROS	CONS
We can afford it.	It isn’t very attractive.
I like having other people around.	Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a fishbowl.
Two blocks from library	Across the street from a row of gas stations
Four blocks from Dunkin’ Donuts	Four blocks from Fred’s Fish Fry
Six blocks from Chuck E. Cheez (Emma’s pro)	Six blocks from Chuck E. Cheez (my con)
Nine kids from our school live here.	One of them is Karen Frank’s best friend.
We live on the first floor, so we have a little garden.	Mom worries about our safety.

We’re pretty much unpacked now. We’re crowded, but it isn’t too bad.

Oh, Tara. We still haven’t heard from my father. No one has. Mom wants to file a missing person’s report with the police, but the thing is, Dad left voluntarily. I mean, he told us he needed to be alone for a while. It isn’t as if he called from the office and said, “I’ll be home in fifteen minutes,” and then never showed up and his car was located in a parking lot, with blood everywhere. He said he was leaving and he left. He just hasn’t been in touch like he said he would be. So we’re waiting, but I’m not sure for what. A phone call? A letter? Until my uncle says, “Okay, now we should go to the police”? Until three years pass and Mom meets someone nice and wants to marry him, but she can’t because she isn’t divorced from Dad, so she has to do something about finding him?

I’m mad at my father for putting Mom in this position when she has so many other things to do right now. Like she needs this too? She’s trying to juggle her new job, Emma’s day care, our new apartment, a whole new life — and do it all by herself. I know that lots of single moms do this, but my mother at least needs a little time to get used to it. I think things will be better when we get to know more people at DEER RUN, and Mom can share carpooling with other parents or whatever. Right now, for instance, she spends her lunch hour dashing across town to pick up Emma at Miss Fine’s and drive her to the day care center for the afternoon. Then Mom spends the weekends cleaning and running errands. (She decided to devote evenings to Emma and me, even though it’s nobody’s best time. Mom and Emma come home at 6:00 every night, exhausted, but we do have those few hours together.)

I help out, of course. I get home first every day, and I’m in charge of grocery shopping and making dinner. I’m learning to cook, Tara! Guess what. It’s kind of fun. I like it. Mom likes that I do these things, but she doesn’t demand it. And she knows that starting next week I won’t get home until 5:00 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She says we’ll just keep things in the freezer — casseroles and stews — that we can thaw out in the microwave for quick suppers those nights.

Why won’t I get home until 5:00? Because I will have poetry journal meetings on those afternoons. The poetry journal really is going to happen, and I really am going to be the student editor!!!! I CANNOT WAIT!!!! I will tell you about it in my next letter.

Write soon, okay?

Love,