How dare you, Alice Toolie! How dare you! I absolutely never borrowed Princess Snow Cone and the Snuggle Panda Sleepover. I am not even interested in frozen princesses! Although, I admit I am sort of curious about this species of Snuggle Pandas, they sound totally venomous and endangered. I’m kind of an expert on endangered venomous animals. I once discovered a whole new species of poisonous killer guinea pigs, which makes me pretty famous.
Also, I want you to know, I am not happy that you got up in assembly this morning and announced to everyone in the ENTIRE school that I have this terrible Snow Cone book that I don’t EVEN have!!! You know, it’s actually a crime to ruin my reputation, it’s called ‘salamander’ and I could actually take you to court and then you’d have to give me all your stuff. Not that I want it, because it probably smells like mouldy peaches and fairy farts.
Yours outrageously,
Jimmy Cook