As you know, I’m a world-renowned NICE person, so I want you to know there are no hard feelings from me either. I wish you luck tomorrow in the Book Parade. I’m looking forward to seeing you and ALL the other Germima and Jenny Snoggletooth costumes, because half the school is ALSO coming as those wizard sisters. But then you might decide to come as Empress Buttercup like Clarissa Spatts and the rest of 1st Grade! Or maybe you’ll join the SWARM of butterflies and caterpillars from that super irritating book about cleaning up your room??? If you DO come as a butterfly, I’m sure you and the other 50 kids (including Casper N!) will all look great!
Personally, I like to be a little more original. So since no one will partner with me, I’ll be partnering with myself and coming as something totally unique and no one will be able to copy me and then I’ll probably win and then I’ll get my library badge back and then I’ll take over the library and everyone will be so happy I’m back that I’ll be given a fluffy companion alpaca named Florence that smells like chocolate and is big enough to ride to school and also carries my schoolbag in her teeth.
Yours singularly,
Jimmy Cook