Palmer turns around and stares at me as though I just told her a meteor is about to fall from the sky and kill us all. Her expression holds shock, surprise, and a hint of fight-or-flight mode. “What?”
“Don’t go.” I rise off the bed and take her hands. “Don’t go out with Matt.”
Her face relaxes, and a small sigh slips from her lips. She speaks out loud since Adley is no longer in the room. “Hudson, I know this is different, I haven’t dated anyone in a while, but you have nothing to worry about. Matt is a fling. We both know he’s not going to stick around here. Nothing is going to change with how we parent Adley.”
Awesome. So she’s basically telling me she’s only going out with him to sleep with him. Perfect. Jealousy is like a monster clawing inside my chest.
“That’s not what I mean. Fuck.” I walk away, pushing my fingers through my hair. How do I explain this to her when I’m not even sure I understand what’s going on myself?
“Palm! Someone is here for you!” Harper screams up the stairs.
Palmer turns and inspects herself in the mirror one last time. She walks toward the door, and I reach it before she does, shutting it before she can escape.
She comes to an abrupt stop, forehead wrinkled. “Hudson, what’s going on?”
I shake my head. “Give me a minute.”
“We can talk about this when I get home.” She reaches for the doorknob, but I shift my body in front of the door.
“No.”
“What is wrong with you?” She crosses her arms, giving me the look she used to when we’d fight over something to do with Adley.
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “All my thoughts are just jumbled right now.”
As I say that, Theresa pops into my head. How can I tell Palmer not to go out with Matt when I have Theresa on her way over for our own date?
“I just don’t want you to go.”
“Is there something wrong with Matt? Is he going to murder me? Does he have, like, eight different baby mamas and doesn’t pay child support?” Her head tilts to the side.
“No. None of that.” Matt’s a great guy. He’s not looking for anything serious, but now I see that Palmer really isn’t either, so it cancels itself out.
“Then I don’t understand where this is coming from.”
She’s right. From her perspective, this is all coming out of left field. As all these feelings have resurfaced inside me, she’s been living the life we created—a lifelong friendship and co-parenting agreement. Hell, she’s watched me with Theresa for months and even warned me that Theresa is looking to get serious. Never once has Palmer ever acted jealous.
Fuck. I’m alone in this. If I stop her from going out with Matt, I’m an asshole because what I’m feeling, she isn’t.
“Never mind.” I step away from the door, but she doesn’t reach for the knob.
“Hudson?”
I look up, and damn, I hate the fact she’s so done up for another man. “Nothing. Sorry.”
Palmer doesn’t move, watching me, waiting for me to fill her in. She’s my best friend, and I don’t think she’s seen me this nervous since the time I went to her house after the first night we met. I’d been prepared for her to kick me in the balls and send me on my way.
“Honestly.” I open the door, my gut churning. “Go enjoy your night.”
Her gaze doesn’t leave me because she’s probably worried I need medical attention at this point. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah. You look great. Go.”
Staring at me the entire time, she slowly walks through the doorway. I don’t stop her because how will it affect us if I open my chest and let my heart out into her hands, and she doesn’t accept it? Then it will be awkward and weird, and we’re going to be in each other’s lives until the end of one of ours.
I follow her down the stairs. Matt tilts his head when he sees me following her.
Adley sits on the couch watching her favorite movie about characters that are elements falling in love. I shouldn’t be surprised she loves a movie that’s romance-based. Her mom is the same.
My attention falls to Adley’s lap, then shifts to Harper. Adley has an entire bowl of microwave popcorn in her lap. Her butter-covered fingers dig into the bowl, then push a handful of kernels into her mouth.
“Adley, be careful, you’ll choke,” I say.
Harper laughs. “So overprotective.” She thumbs in my direction, looking at Matt as if he doesn’t know who she’s talking about.
“Why don’t you give her a small bowl?”
“Hey, it’s my night with her. I’m the babysitter. You go do whatever you’re doing. Go do Theresa.”
“Yes, you’re the babysitter, not the parent. There are rules babysitters have to adhere to.” My gaze shifts to Palmer. Matt’s hands are on the small of her back. They’re hugging. Who hugs at the start of a date?
“I think I hear Theresa calling you,” Harper says, putting her hand on the outside of her ear. “She says she’ll do anal if you hurry.”
“Harper!” Palmer turns to her with wide eyes.
At least she’s out of Matt’s arms now. Never thought I’d thank Harper for anything.
Harper covers Adley’s ears. “She isn’t paying attention, and she doesn’t know what anal means.”
“So you say it twice.” I frown and shake my head.
“I covered her ears.”
“And that solves the problem?”
“Okay, we’re heading out,” Palmer says while signing.
“Hey, man.” Matt fist bumps me then scurries after Palmer, placing his hand on the small of her back to guide her out the front door.
I don’t realize I’m watching them through the window until a throat clears behind me.
Stripping my gaze away, I find Harper laughing on the couch. Adley stares at her as if she’s crazy—probably because the movie isn’t at a funny part.
Disregarding Adley, Harper stands and pats me on the back. “I give you a lot of credit.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure I could watch it all like you are,” she says, walking toward the kitchen.
“Watch what?” I follow her.
“Watch the person you want to be with leave with another man. A man she’s probably going to fuck tonight. A man she’ll probably get naked with and let him lick her entire body.”
I choke on the bile rising up my throat. “You have such a way with words, Harper. How come you’re not a writer too?” I grumble.
She shrugs. “I’m just saying. You’re losing the best thing in your life.”
I turn to look through the window at the driveway again, but all I see is Matt’s rental drive off with Palmer in it. Am I so transparent that Harper sees what’s eating me up inside?
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She grabs a water and leans against the fridge. “Okay then.”
I want to bombard her with questions about whether she thinks Palmer wants me too. If we’ve been stupid all these years, keeping a friendship alive when we could be so much more. But movement in my peripheral has me turning to see Theresa pulling into my driveway.
My heart sinks.
“Let Theresa suck you off, and maybe it will make you forget everything until Palmer returns.” Harper smiles widely at me and disappears into the family room.
I flip her off, but unfortunately, she doesn’t see it.
I walk out of Palmer’s house through the back door as usual, and Theresa’s smile drops when she sees me.
It’s at that moment that I realize that something has to be done. Something I don’t look forward to doing, but it’s not fair to Theresa no matter what happens with Palmer and me. Theresa can’t be stuck in the middle while I try to figure out what the hell it is that these newfound feelings for Palmer mean.
Crossing the driveway, my stomach turns over. I hate hurting people. I never would’ve pursued Theresa if I knew these feelings for Palmer were still festering, lying dormant all these years.
“Hey.” She thumbs over her shoulder. “I think I just passed Matt and Palmer.”
“What do you have there?” I ask, ignoring the Matt and Palmer topic and inquiring about the two grocery bags in her hand. Thinking about Palmer on her date agitates me, and if I’m going to break up with Theresa, I don’t want it to be on bad terms because I was in a shit mood when I did it.
Lake Starlight is a small town, and although maybe I don’t know everyone, I don’t want Adley to hear one day what a jerk her dad is.
“Dinner!” Theresa seems oddly happy, almost as though it’s fake. “And I’m making your favorite. Beef tenderloin and my mushroom sauce.”
Fuck. I love that dish. Guilt races up my spine. I cannot let her go to all the effort of cooking me my favorite dish and then breaking this off. She walks ahead of me to go into the house. I haven’t broken up with anyone since my crazy ex with the baseball bat, and I don’t want a repeat of that experience. Since her, I only had flings. Women I never saw more than a few times and never wanted a future with.
I follow Theresa into the house and catch her throwing away the orange chicken I just got for lunch yesterday. Then I watch as she places pre-made salads in the fridge along with some yogurt.
Watching her, I rethink our time together and whether my feelings for Palmer are just from jealousy or some weird alpha male protectiveness. Is this a rash decision? Theresa could make dinner and spend the night for me to test this theory, so I don’t end up throwing away something I’ll miss later on.
But something in my gut tells me I’m only making excuses. Besides, I’m not one of those dicks who string women along.
“I think we need to talk,” I say, shocked that I’m so blunt.
Theresa turns and looks at me, her face sinking. It confirms that she’s not surprised it’s come to this. She knows what I’m about to say.
She shuts the fridge and keeps her distance on the other side of the room. “About?”
“Us.”
She nods. “What about us?” Her tone turns almost sarcastic.
“I’m not sure…I mean…”
“Spit it out, Hudson.” She crosses her arms, and her eyes narrow. She’s pissed.
“If you know what I’m going to say, then why do you need me to say it?”
“Because I want to hear the words from your mouth.”
I look at the floor then back up at her. “I think we should break up.” God, how junior high does that sound? I clear my throat. “I mean, things have changed.”
“Not for me. I still love you.”
Love? My heart skitters, and not in a good way. She loves me? When did love enter the equation?
“Don’t look so alarmed. It’s a natural emotion when you’re dating someone.”
Okay, it’s clear to me that we’re not going to end this on good terms.
“I just didn’t think we were there yet. You caught me by surprise.”
Her arms drop, and her shoulders rise and fall in a deep sigh. “No, Hudson, you weren’t there yet because you’re too afraid to commit to someone.” I open my mouth to respond, but she’s not finished. “If you could commit to someone, you would’ve done so with Palmer when you got her pregnant. Or hell, maybe earlier.”
She has no idea what my past with Palmer entails, that it was Palmer who kept us as friends in the beginning, not me.
“I’m sorry,” I say, not knowing what else to say to smooth this over.
“Sorry? I’m so sick of men. Men like you. Men who just flit around and mess with women’s hearts and then move on. I should’ve known.” She circles back to the fridge, shoving the things she bought back in her grocery bags. “You’re just scared.” She flips around and grabs her purse, shoving it on her shoulder. “Grow up, Hudson.”
“Can’t we talk about this? Be civil.”
Her mouth drops. Guess that was the wrong thing to say.
“Civil about what? That you want to break up with me because you’ve developed feelings for your baby mama?”
My head rears back. “I never said anything about Palmer.”
A condescending laugh erupts out of her, but she quickly sobers. “Do you think I’m stupid? I knew from the get-go that your situation isn’t normal. Living side by side, the constant going in and out of one another’s home. The hugging, the inside jokes when you use sign language with each other. All the signs were there, but I was the stupid one who ignored them.”
“We’re just friends raising our baby.” I’m telling her the truth, but she’ll never believe I didn’t realize my feelings had changed until recently. When Matt came into town and threatened to steal her away from me.
“And now?” She puts her hand on her hip and cocks it.
I’m not going to tell her anything before I even divulge what I’m feeling to Palmer. “Listen, I’m trying to be nice about this. I just think we’re looking for two different things here.”
She laughs, one that suggests I’m unbelievable. “Yeah, I want you, and you want your baby mama. So, let me get out of your hair so you can go track her down.” She storms over to the back door.
“Can’t we be adults about this?”
She whips around, and there’s pure venom in her eyes. There’s a long silence, and my gaze shifts to the knives in the block on the counter, wondering if she’s about to make a mad dash for one.
“Goodbye, Hudson. Have a great life. If you see me around, do us both a favor and ignore me.” She walks out, slamming the door behind her.
Well, I obviously fucked that up.
She pulls out of the driveway, tires squealing in pure heartbroken teenage girl fashion. I feel like a complete shit.
I blink, realizing that even though what I just did sucks, it feels right. I need to find Palmer and confess my feelings before she does something with Matt, but I have no idea where they’re going.
I run next door and barge through the door. Harper and Adley are sitting on the floor in the family room while Harper paints Adley’s nails.
“Daddy!” Adley holds up her hand. “Pink.”
“Those look pretty.” I give her a smile then turn my attention to Harper.
Harper holds the nail polish mid swipe on Adley’s other hand, staring up at me. “Are you training for a marathon? Why do you look so flushed?”
“Did Palmer say where they were going?” I ask as nonchalantly as possible.
She turns back to Adley and continues to paint her nails, but I don’t miss the smile she’s trying to fight. “Why?”
I decide to cut the shit. “Harper, you know why, so just tell me.”
The movie is still on the TV while Harper does her nails, so thankfully it grabs Adley’s attention away from our conversation.
“Finally biting the bullet?” Harper asks.
“Harper.” I can barely hold any niceness in my tone.
She laughs. “Glacier Point Resort. Eating, and well, you know what else.”
Shit. I have to get there before she sleeps with him.
I bend down and kiss Adley on the cheek.
“Daddy?” She turns her head to watch her movie.
As I head toward the door, Harper calls, “A thank you would be nice.”
Turning around, I peek my head into the family room. “Thanks.”
She smiles at me, one that’s too sweet for Harper, and says, “You’re welcome.”
I run out to my truck, put the key in the ignition, then my own tires are squealing when I put the truck in reverse.