By the final day of Savers Week, the kids had each earned a paycheck for one hundred Kid Saver dollars from their assigned jobs. Some were doctors and postal employees, others worked at restaurants and law offices. There was even one teensy rambunctious bank manager with pigtails and a junior bank badge.
From Mr. Farfalla, as the kids called Nico, the class had been given an account register book, four utility bills, one parking ticket, a choice of bus fare or gasoline cost, and a list of groceries the previous day, with the assignment of balancing their checking accounts. Today they were going to be adults, budgeting and determining the difference between needs and wants.
It really was kind of a big deal. Over the full school year, art classes had worked on painting and constructing miniature city sets, complete with cardboard buildings and cars. The whole school got involved. Everyone wore costumes or uniforms suited to their careers, including the principals and teachers, who really got into their roles as “the law.” The whole class had been transformed into a new world to allow the kids to manage their expenses and decide whether to save or buy themselves treats at any of the tiny stores.
Julie got in on the fun as well. She put on her best navy blue suit and heels, and proudly clamped her badge over her breast pocket. Armed with business cards and a box full of piggybanks, books, and candy, she greeted the children by Mr. and Ms.
In her most professional voice, she assisted her mini-manager Jasmine as they opened checking and savings accounts and offered twenty-dollar loans. Her heart filled with joy as she laughed with the kids and mingled with the staff and faculty.
She was armed with a basket full of plastic groceries at the checkout, when she looked over at the post office, formerly known as Mr. Farfalla’s desk. He stood there with a sack full of envelopes addressed in large wobbly print. Seemingly lost in conversation, his lips continued to move as he spoke with the principal, but his mind appeared to be somewhere else. Over the principal’s shoulder, he wore a slack expression on his face and his attention was focused on Julie.
In the crowded room, over the din of joyously shrieking children, their eyes met.
Suddenly, Julie’s skin pulsed with the memory of his gentle touch. She could feel the blood in her veins racing. That’s when it all came into sharp focus. She knew the difference between a need and a want. In her mind, she wanted him. In her heart and in her bones, she needed him.
Love wasn’t a want. It was an urgent, life-threatening melding of the mind and body, psychosomatic need.
The realization slapped her in the face. She had to tell him, now.
In the middle of the line, she sat her groceries on the makeshift conveyor belt and walked away. The cashier made a point of yelling, “you haven’t paid for this,” loud enough for the other store patrons and city workers to hear.
It even got the attention of Mr. Farfalla, who excused himself from the principal and closed the distance between himself and Julie.
“Everything okay?” he asked with genuine concern.
“Uh…yeah.” She twisted her watch on her wrist, then clutched her fidgety hands together to keep them from driving her crazy. She took a deep breath. “I just, I need to talk to you for a second. Do you think they’ll notice if we step outside for a few minutes?” she said, her eyes pleading with him.
A flash of worry crossed his face and he nodded emphatically. Over his shoulder, he notified another teacher that he’d be right back and excused them as he guided her from the room with his hand on the small of her back.
When they reached the side of the building, he exhaled and seemed to brace himself for whatever it was she was going to say.
She didn’t want to alarm him or make him think anything was wrong with any of the kids. “This has nothing to do with the class,” she explained.
Almost instantly, he deflated and puffed up again with fresh annoyance. “Don’t do this. We’ve already run this thing into the ground. Let’s just leave it at that.” His gaze flicked upward as he shook his head.
“Please.”
“I’m not doing this here. This is where I work,” he scoffed.
All she heard was “here.” Maybe this wasn’t the appropriate place or the time, but this was where it all made sense. Seeing him with the kids and being around him only made her so much more aware of his absence—how he’d filled a void in her life that she hadn’t known was there.
As he walked away, desperation pumped through her.
“I’ll stay,” she said. She hadn’t had much time to think anything through, but it seemed the only option that fit.
He stopped, but he didn’t turn to her. His body appeared weighed down, despondency an incomprehensible burden.
“I love you, Nico. Please talk to me, butterfly…” Her voice cracked. In that moment, her body felt boneless as her shoulders curled over and her spine bent. She was breathless, waiting for him to say something, anything.
And when he did turn to her, she knew she was willing to do anything.
Slowly, he walked to her and stared down into her forlorn eyes. “Is this a game to you?” he asked, his words laced with two parts disdain and one part agony. Between each word he paused, as if tasting them on his tongue. “Because it’s not for me. I imagined the kind of lifetime love my parents had, but for you, that means nothing. It’s all a game, isn’t it?”
She shook her head. “No.”
At her answer, he ran his hands through his hair and dropped his face into his hands. “What are you doing, Jules?” he questioned, low and exhausted. “Do you even know what you want?” Now he sounded desperate and anguished.
Her chest rose and fell to a hurried staccato beat. “You. That’s all I want is you.” Tears streamed freely over her cheeks.
A light breeze rustled the swings across the playground, setting off a squeaky tick of the clock. This strategic chess game measured in moves. Every choice would have a consequence, and they each hesitated in anticipation of the other’s move. She had made hers. Now, it was his turn.
“Do you know what bothers me the most?” Nico asked. His chin lifted now as he trained his eyes on Julie. “That you were willing to give up so fast. And I know that most long-distance relationships don’t work, but you didn’t even consider it. You threw every option out the window before you even talked to me. How do you think that made me feel?”
“I know and I’m sorry.” Julie reached for Nico’s arm and he moved away.
As if he had been compiling a list, he began shooting off his questions. “Have you ever been to Portland? Do you know anyone there? Most people don’t just decide to up and leave everyone and everything they know. Was it for the experience, or was this some kind of test that I didn’t pass? Huh?”
As much as she did, it seemed he needed to make sense of things, too. She had to make him understand where she was coming from.
“Nico, it wasn’t about Portland. I’ve been wanting this for so long and finally someone said yes. ‘We believe in you. You’re good enough.’ And it felt so good to have my hard work and dreams validated, if you can understand that.” She turned on her heels and paced a few steps. Then, her tone low and careful, she treaded lightly. “I’ve had promises of love before and I’ve had my heart crushed. I didn’t know where this thing with us was going. I was scared. I’m scared,” she admitted, biting back tears.
Behind her, Julie felt the warmth of Nico’s chest hard against her back. As his arms curved around her waist, he leaned his head down in the small of her neck.
“I’m scared, too,” he whispered, squeezing her tight.
He trailed soft kisses behind her ear along her hairline and turned her in his arms until they were face to face.
Julie’s lips parted and she inhaled deeply before she began again. “This is scary and I have been hurt, but no one has ever made me feel like I feel when I’m with you.” She held onto his arms and lifted herself up onto her toes.
With every touch of his lips on hers, her skin tingled. She’d been gone. The wind knocked from her. Pieces of her had died, but with one kiss, he was giving her life again.
Air flowed through her lungs. She could breathe again. Her heart beat buoyantly, for once not at war with her mind. And though there was still the matter of trust, the gumption to try for him was abundantly present.
“I’m willing to take a chance, if this is real,” Julie said. “If they’re not just words. I need you to tell me that if I stay, that we’ve got a real chance. That I’m not just giving up on my dream for something you’ve only got a halfway feeling about.” She looked at him expectantly, awaiting the answer she needed to soothe her angst.
In her mind’s eye, she imagined a dramatic profession of his unfiltered, undying love. Maybe a lone glistening tear as he confessed that he’d waited his whole life to meet her. And somewhere in the wildest of her dreams, he’d kneel and another small box—possibly in a pastel shade of teal blue—would materialize in his hands as he suggested they stick together. Oh maybe until they sprouted silvery hair and their skin lost elasticity. Nothing too formal, just forever.
But Nico didn’t tap into any of those fantasies. True to form, he put his own twisted spin on it.
As cute as he was in his blue and gray postal uniform with the mail sack, Julie had figured it was all in good fun for the sake of the kids. She had no clue that it was all part of his finely detailed plan.
From his sack, he pulled out a stack of packages and envelopes, all in that same adolescent script. He rifled through them until he found one written in red crayon addressed to Ms. Laurich with a yellow butterfly drawn in the top right corner. He handed it to her and folded his arms over his chest.
The expression on his face wasn’t exactly smug, but it definitely had the telltale signs of confidence and a challenge met. She imagined him accepting her wager and raising her one Kid Saver postal envelope for the win. He was all in.
Julie tucked her right index finger under the corner of the envelope flap and slid it the full length until there was a slit wide enough to retrieve the letter inside. It had to be about five or six white pages thick, folded in half. She pulled the stack free and flattened the pages as she scanned the text.
At first, it looked like some kind of Google search or a bibliography, the way the results were spaced on the page. But, as she looked closer and read the search criteria, her eyes watered.
“I didn’t know if you would, but I hoped you’d stay,” Nico said.
Julie flipped through the pages, eager to see all the work he had put into it. “You did this for me?” she asked. A mix of laughter and amazement bubbled up inside of her. “I can’t believe you literally found every branch manager opening within a fifty-mile radius. You’re crazy, you know that? And amazing.”
She threw her arms around his neck and pulled herself up high enough to wrap her legs around his waist.
This was what real felt like.
It wasn’t rainbows and fireworks by any stretch. She recalled the instaspark she felt just looking at Nico in traffic. The image and the man she’d built up in her mind. Her first impression of him at the gym. How she’d misjudged him based on her own blindness. How no matter how much he’d proven himself otherwise, she’d kept finding her way back to her perception of him as a player. From their night at Nora’s Italian and their chaotic exchanges at the gym, she’d held on to the words between Nico and Dane over everything else.
Now when she thought about it in such an epiphanic moment, it never was about the words.
For too long, she’d relied on the words instead of finding her way back to the actions. Patrick’s words, for one, never held their weight. His forever was something akin to two and half years of infidelity and constantly stripping her of her value and worth. His words were loud, but his actions should have been her focus.
Her heart beat now with urgency, with hope. Like a magnet, she was drawn to Nico. Like she hadn’t fully understood her purpose until she felt the undeniable force of his pull.
Nico lowered Julie down onto her feet without letting her go. “So, you’re staying?” he asked, averting his gaze. A mischievous grin tugged at his eyes and mouth.
A silent pause buzzed in the air.
“Wait a minute.” Julie muttered, her mouth agape. She could feel her eyes widen and her pupils dilating. “Wait, just a minute.” She emphasized each word and pulled his chin down so that he had to face her. “You are so guilty.”
Playfully slapping him on the chest, she could barely contain her shock. But, even as she touched him, a bout of giggles bubbled up inside her.
He burst out laughing.
“I cannot believe you. This was all a big game to you. You had this printed out and sealed in this envelope.” Ear to ear grin, Julie shook her head in disbelief at how slick he was. How he had played her.
“You even involved the kids, you dirty sneak.” She narrowed her gaze. “You knew you were going to get me to stay, didn’t you? And you still put me through all of this, let me keep going on and on and on?”
Nico clutched her upper arms and drew her into a hungry kiss as he chuckled guiltily.
Her skin pulsed beneath his strong hands leaving her dazed and short of breath as his deep bass rumbled into her mouth. She trembled, her heart fluttering like a hundred butterflies were caged in her chest.
A surge of fire ignited in her feet and coursed upward, electrifying every nerve ending in her body as she kissed him deeper still.
“I love you,” he said between kisses. “But, I had to know your reasons, your why—see if you meant it and what changed your mind. I was never going to let you go.”