Have you ever had a friendship with someone of the same gender that was a little too emotionally draining? I have—it can really put a strain on your friendship. Practicing emotional purity is important in relationships with people of the same sex, too.
We all want to be known. This is natural and how God created us as relational beings. But sometimes we look to others—even friends of the same sex—too much to fill our emotional needs. If we look to others to listen to all our problems, be our constant companions, or continually lift us up, we are probably forming an unhealthy attachment to them. Being this needy will scare off anyone who isn’t doing the same thing to us.
We all must start by turning to Christ for our heart needs. If you don’t know how to do this, try finding a mature Christian to mentor you. Then, with the 5 Conversation Categories in mind, intentionally do not go too deep in conversation, even with a friend of the same sex. Wait until you are in a healthy relationship with Christ, being filled up emotionally from Him. With your “emotional tank” full from the One who loves you the most, you will be able to more sincerely pour out on others. This doesn’t mean we don’t receive love from others; they simply are no longer our primary source.
If you struggle with becoming too emotionally dependent, try seeking out relationships with several friends so you do not become overly dependent on one person. Practicing emotional purity is vital to developing healthy friendships.
Same-Sex Attraction
Several months ago I attended a seminar on helping others with same-sex attraction. I was struck by what I heard: that for women (and perhaps for men as well), unhealthy emotional dependency is often the gateway into same-sex attraction. By guarding against unhealthy emotional attachments, someone with same-sex attraction can avoid the temptation to act on these emotions. So the guidelines laid out in this booklet still apply! If you are attracted to someone of the same sex, it would be wise to keep the conversations light and avoid talking too deeply about feelings.
This booklet isn’t designed to comprehensively address this difficult situation. It is important for anyone dealing with same-sex attraction to share about that attraction with a trusted Christian mentor or counselor who can help them develop healthy boundaries and satisfying friendships. The following resources can also offer help and insight if this is something you are facing.