After spending the summer getting to know each other, Jack and Emma are dating. He is intentionally pursuing her heart as his commitment to her increases. Emma feels cherished and safe with Jack. He no longer spends a lot of time alone with Lucy. Lucy has learned the hard way how to guard her heart around men. She is fun and lighthearted in her interactions with her brothers in Christ. And when Ted started showing special attention to her, she was cautious but optimistic. She intentionally avoided spending a lot of time alone with him, choosing to get to know him in a group. Since he learned about the 5 Conversation Categories, he is following that guideline as he pursues her heart. He knows to keep the level of intimacy in their conversations equal with how ready they are to commit to each other.

I sincerely hope you have a clearer understanding of how to intentionally guard someone’s heart and your own. When you recognize the emotional ties that form through conversation, you are able to better lead others into healthy conversations. When you find yourself talking alone with someone of the opposite sex, stick with the facts. Wait until you are committed to each other to share more deeply. Remember, the level of intimacy should equal the level of commitment.

If you marry, the 5 Conversation Categories can help you continue to pursue your spouse’s heart. The categories can also act as a guide as you relate to other men and women in your life, such as your brothers and sisters in Bible study. When the relationships are ready, try to go beyond just the facts. Share what is really going on in your heart so you can be encouraged and supported. I cherish it when other women trust me enough to go beyond surface issues. If you struggle with opening up with your friends, the 5 Conversation Categories can be a good challenge to go deeper.

A long time ago I shared these principles with a car full of student friends. Several weeks later one of the women in the group told me she didn’t think the Conversations Categories would really work. But she had decided on her own to give it a go. As time passed, she realized that she was enjoying her friendships with guys a lot more than before. She no longer struggled with wondering whether there was something more than just a friendship. Practicing emotional purity freed her up to have satisfying opposite-sex friendships! I was excited for her, and I hope that you find that the same thing happens for you.

Let’s prayerfully apply these ideas as God leads and use the 5 Conversation Categories as a guideline to raise self-awareness of emotional bonds formed in conversation. This will help us guard our hearts just as Proverbs 4:23 encourages. As we do this, we can glorify God through healthy and satisfying relationships.

Stop and Discuss

1. What ideas in this booklet were new to you? What did you learn?
2. How can we encourage one another in emotional purity?
3. List five of your friends, both same and opposite gender. Now think through the 5 Conversation Categories and how deep emotionally you have gone with each of your friends. Write that down next to each name. Now pray about them and ask God whether you should be pursuing deeper intimacy or backing off a bit with each person.