Riley woke to warm breath on his cock and a sensuous wet tongue lapping at his balls. When he opened his eyes, a painful shot of sunlight pierced his brain. He blinked a few times before turning his attention to the sexy bump under the blanket over his crotch. Josh's mouth worked him like a pro—not really that surprising, considering he'd had a lot of practice before Riley. To say Josh was an insatiable lover was a total understatement. When they'd been in law school, before they became exclusive, his Georgia peach boyfriend had been quite the man's man. It had never bothered Riley since once they were together, Josh was nothing but loyal and Riley was over-the-top smitten.
He groaned and arched his back when Josh swallowed and took him deep, his nose snuffling in Riley's pubic hair. A soft hand cupped and rolled Riley's balls around in their sac, and Riley knew he wouldn't last long.
"Josh," he whimpered. He shoved his hands under the warm blankets and fisted his fingers in Josh's curls.
Josh hummed under the covers, throat clenching and releasing around Riley's morning wood. "Close," Riley hissed. He tried hard not to buck and thrust into the dizzying heat of Josh's mouth. Then a tap to his thigh gave him permission to do just that, and as a sigh of relief escaped his lips, he finally let himself go. His ass rose off the bed while he fucked his cock between Josh's expert lips. Sweat droplets formed on his hairline, and he quickly swept the stifling blanket to the side. His eyes met Josh's lustful brown gaze, and he groaned passionately while he watched his dick glide in and out of Josh's mouth. Josh's lips stretched wide as they slid up and down his girth. "Gonna … Fuck."
His belly clenched, muscles fluttered and constricted, and his erection throbbed almost painfully before he shot hot seed into Josh's mouth. Josh's fingertips dug into his ass, and Riley's whole body flexed and burned while he rode out his orgasm, his fingers still twisting and pulling in Josh's hair while Josh's mouth and throat sucked and milked him dry. He bit his bottom lip and squeezed his eyes shut when passionate pleasure turned to oversensitivity and let his bottom fall back to the bed, his dick slipping from Josh's mouth.
Riley slowly opened his eyes to the slobbery smirk on Josh's face, his tongue and mouth still licking and sucking Riley's cock clean. Riley grinned back, drew in a deep breath, and exhaled with a whoosh while Josh's lips traveled back up his body. Riley lifted his head when Josh moved up to kiss him, his "G'morning," lost in the hollow of Riley's mouth. He could taste himself on Josh's lips, in his mouth, on his tongue and as impossible as he thought it was, he got aroused again.
"Great morning is more like it." Riley's heart fluttered and flitted when he peered into Josh's loving eyes and smiling face. "Looking for a return on my deposit, Counselor?"
Josh grinned wider and tilted his head to reposition their mouths. Riley thought he was the most beautiful thing in the world. He knew Josh didn't deserve the effects of his moodiness and stress that he'd been finding harder and harder to control. And he hated that his tension as of late often resulted in unjustified anger, the rage and frustration turning on the easiest and most accessible target: Josh.
For the first time in their relationship, Riley wondered when Josh's boiling point would be reached and he would simply find Riley to be too much work, too much hassle to keep around. Riley had some big decisions weighing heavily on his conscience, decisions that would impact both himself and Josh. He prayed he had the balls to take that first step, but he needed Josh's support to do it, and the way Riley had been acting was certainly not conducive to summoning encouragement or commitment from him.
He forced himself back to the present when Josh spoke softly to him. "Mmm. Nothing I want more." Their lips brushed together again, sparking tiny tendrils of hope straight to Riley's heart. "But I think you said something about a meeting?"
Riley's pulse flip-flopped, his eyes, his eyes bulging from their sockets as, his head flicked to the side to see the clock on the nightstand. "Oh fuck, Josh! Why didn't you tell me what time it was?" He shoved Josh off, flipped himself out of the bed, and headed straight for the shower. "You know I have to see Adams this morning, and it's already six-thirty. Fuck!" He slammed the door behind him, not taking even a second to look back at Josh on the bed.
*~*~*
Josh fell back on the bed, combing his fingers through his messy curls and closed his eyes. Well, he'd messed that up royally. Goddamn it, all he'd been trying to do was start Riley's day off right, and yeah, maybe he was being a little selfish too because he loved his man's dick. He'd wracked his brain for some way to relieve Riley's stress, but as usual he'd reverted to sex in hopes it would at least give Riley a chance to relax for a minute. Granted, it was a temporary release, but Josh was desperate to help Riley with whatever issues he was dealing with—which were undoubtedly caused in some way by his asshole boss. Riley refused to listen to reason when it came to the shitty position he had at that uber-douche's firm. Riley always seemed to have so much to prove, and Josh just wanted to shake him.
In law school, Riley had been the most laidback of all Josh's friends, always up for a party or some fun despite early morning lectures or exams. He remembered Riley telling him how freeing it had been for him to finally leave home and start his own life. That was the most Riley had ever talked about his life before law school, and he had remained tight-lipped about the situation right up to the present. There had been one little chip in Riley's armor during their last year of law school. Riley had taken a month leave of absence. When he came back, he was a little stiffer and more serious, but eventually he seemed to relax back into himself.
Josh had taken a year to travel, after which he'd headed to Indianapolis and eventually found a job with the firm of his dreams. His move had been purely fueled by the knowledge Riley was there. He had no idea whether Riley had found a new lover, or whether he even still wanted Josh. All he knew was he wanted to be with Riley again, so with no job prospects or even a place to live, he'd started a new life in Indianapolis based on a hope and a dream of getting Riley back. The risk had paid off when he and Riley had found each other again, and Josh was ecstatic to learn they still shared the same passion for each other.
He'd noticed the change in Riley immediately. The easy smile and relaxed charm replaced with a sarcastic sense of humor—an almost cynical view of life—and a moodiness that Josh still hadn't come to understand. He loved Riley with everything he had and loving someone went hand-in-hand with worrying, but Josh's worries had doubled in the past few months because of Riley's erratic behavior. He didn't like the strain and stress Riley seemed to be falling victim to and he was positive his employer was the man factor behind it all.
Josh had seen Derek T. Adams before but they'd only formally met once. Not even formally really, he and Riley had just bumped into him by accident at a street market. The man had been polite enough, but Josh recognized the all too familiar look in his eyes that conveyed, "I know what you are, and I think you're disgusting." Riley had talked about the man's homophobia, the slurs and comments that he and his like-minded associates slung around the office. Josh had been urging Riley to quit for at least a year, but he was too stubborn to even consider it.
Josh wasn't sure if it was all about the seemingly ironclad contract Adams had tricked him into signing, or if Riley actually thought he could change the atmosphere of the firm, or make a difference in the treatment of some of the clients that came through. But as proud as Josh was of Riley's fortitude and perseverance, Josh really wanted him to find another cause to rally for and a platform on which to do it.
Rolling his body up to a sitting position, Josh decided he'd done enough sulking for one morning and forced himself from the bed. He paused at the bathroom door, heard the shower running, and wondered if it would make the morning better or worse if he joined Riley. He resolved not to chance it and instead walked naked through the condo and into the kitchen. He'd make Riley a good breakfast in a show of apology and, hopefully, make his man less angry with him. Who knew a blowjob could cause such grief?
*~*~*
Riley adjusted his tie, pulled his suit jacket down straight, and then inhaled deeply a few times in an attempt to calm his fluttering nerves and churning stomach. He knocked on the door, knowing it was too early for Mr. Adams' secretary to be at her desk. He heard coughing just before the gruff voice of his boss yelled for him to come in.
"Callahan, you're late!" the silver-haired man shouted as soon as Riley stepped inside the large office.
Riley nodded as he took in the red, puffy face of his employer. A lit cigar teetered in the corner of his mouth, and the top two buttons open on the collar of his wrinkled white shirt revealed far too much skin. His vest was loud, vertically striped, and obviously not doing its job in hiding the immense overlap of Adams' gut and the waistband of his dress pants. Riley was sure if anyone on the street saw him and didn't know he was a lawyer, they'd think he was a seedy used car salesman, because that was exactly how he looked: egotistical, shady, and dishonest. That described Adams to a T.
"You can be sure I'm gonna figure out some way to dock you for that."
Riley continued to stand before Adams, his throat clenching as anxiety threatened to climb up his throat and strangle him. "Sorry, sir. My alarm didn't go off."
"I hope you at least got some pussy this morning while you made me wait," Adams said indignantly, arrogantly, taking a big puff and blowing the smoke in Riley's direction. "Well, sit down for Christ's sake. I haven't got all day."
Turning to the expensive leather chairs in front of the desk, Riley sank down and drew in another breath, fingers moving automatically to slip between his collar and his neck. Little pinpricks of sweat burst out around his hairline and his shirt was suddenly too confining and too tight. He needed a glass of water, but there was no way in hell he was going to ask. His only goal was to get in and out as quickly as possible.
"If you've settled yourself to your satisfaction, you can explain just what the hell that bullshit was in court yesterday."
"Bullshit? I didn't do …"
"You let that faggot lawyer fuck you like a cheap hooker."
Riley felt the panic swirl faster in his chest, rise up into his throat and force foul-tasting bile into his mouth. The words "faggot lawyer" echoed and bounced around in his brain. He cleared his throat, the bitter taste making him wince while his stomach roiled and twisted. He'd never become accustomed to Adams' unprofessional, rude manner, and if things went according to his plan, he'd never have to.
"Callahan! Are you listening to me? For Christ's sake, I never should have hired you in the first place. Too goddamn weak when it comes to real cases. When this one's over, I'm moving you back down to the cubes."
Riley sucked down the rest of the bile and rose to his feet. "With the juniors? You can't do that."
Adams snorted. "Whose name is on the door, Callahan? I can do whatever I want, including moving a pussy-assed lawyer back to junior status. Your other cases will be distributed, and you'll be expected to bring whoever takes over them up to speed. You can keep the gay boy."
Wrath singed Riley's gut, and the familiar burn of the ulcer he was pretty sure blazed in his stomach kicked up a shit storm in his body. "Do you even want me to win the case?"
"Are you really that stupid? I couldn't care less. The poof's family has already paid me double what I usually charge because they have something to prove. Whether you win or not, the homo's already lined my pockets."
"I can win this case." Riley's mouth was so dry, his tongue felt like sandpaper as he forced the words past his lips. His throat burned from the acid still threatening to overflow and he just wanted to get the hell out of that office … for good.
"Doesn't matter. I just want that fag out of my office as soon as possible. I don't care if you throw the case; just make it go away."
"But, sir …"
Adams sneered at Riley. "Just make it go away. I'm running a fag-free firm from now on."
Riley stood dumbfounded. He wanted to stand up for himself, stand up for his client and for Josh, but no words would form on his tongue, and the burning in his belly was quickly making its way up his throat.
"By the way, the judge on your fag case has apparently taken sick. It's been postponed until Monday, so you have some more time to try and impress me. Now out, Callahan! Don't you have some work to do before you head off to your waiting cubicle?"
*~*~*
Riley stumbled down the hall to his office, avoiding eye contact with everyone he passed in the wide hallway. He realized it wasn't his office he needed right then and quickly backtracked, throwing himself through the bathroom door and into a stall. He barely made it before his breakfast, and everything else that festered in his stomach, was brought up and dumped in the toilet.
He clutched at the bowl, his knees scraping against the hard tile floor, belly heaving until there was nothing left to heave except the foul-tasting bile. Grabbing a swatch of toilet paper from the side of the stall, he wiped his mouth and threw the scrunched-up ball in the bowl. He was becoming accustomed to losing his lunch, or breakfast, or whatever happened to be in his stomach at the time it decided to revolt against him. He'd taken to making sure there was more than just coffee in his system ever since he'd discovered that it was the worst shit to puke up on its own.
Josh had mentioned his slight weight loss, but Riley had just cast his worries aside with the excuse that he was going to the gym during his lunch hour. Josh seemed satisfied with the reasoning at the time. Besides, he rarely threw up at home, his body saving that special occasion for anytime he was around his vomit-inducing boss. He hated that he was lying to Josh—more than usual—but he knew Josh was already worried about the toll Riley's job was taking on his mental state.
The anti-anxiety medication he'd been prescribed was no secret to Josh, but Riley hated that his lover felt the need to coddle him because of it. Josh had also made little comments here and there about Riley's inability to remember little things, like his dates with Josh or other things they had planned. Josh said he was worried, and though Riley understood and felt terrible about that, he just wasn't ready to confide in him—not yet. He feared it would only add extra stress to Josh and to their relationship in general.
Josh thought Riley's insistence in keeping his position with Adams was all about the contract he'd signed. Riley admitted it was partly true since Adams had locked him into the position with harsh stipulations and consequences. In the beginning, he'd wined and dined Riley with false compliments and admiration, offering him things other firms hadn't even come close to. Riley had graduated top of his class at law school, and the promise of an associate's position rather than a junior spot straight away had certainly flattered him. Though he'd not entirely believed Adams was sincere in his words and actions, Riley had been looking for a firm to get lost in, one that wouldn't put him in any sort of high publicity situation. Adams seemed like the perfect man to make that happen, so signing an exclusivity agreement with a penalty for breaking the contract hadn't seemed like any sort of risk at the time. Adams' true, offensive, bigoted nature hadn't revealed itself until it was too late.
Riley chastised himself regularly when he considered how naïve and just plain stupid he'd been. But as harsh as the contract and monetary penalty for breaking it was, it wasn't the main reason Riley stayed under Adams' borderline abusive thumb. Josh didn't know the real reason, but if things went according to plan, he soon would.
As Riley chewed a handful of chalky antacids, his belly flaming like it was on fire, he reminded himself it was only an ulcer. People had them all the time, and besides, he had faith it would clear up once he manned up and chose his new path. It had been coming for a long time. But first he owed it to his client to do the best job he could for him.
*~*~*
Riley grimaced and dropped his head to his desk. He suspected there might soon be a hospital visit in his future if he didn't start taking better care of himself. There'd been a slight tinge of blood in the bowl when he'd finally managed to pull himself from the floor and get his crawling nerves under control. It was so wrong for someone his age to have an ulcer, but with the circumstances of his childhood and his teenage years, the occurrence wasn't that surprising. Add to that the stresses of his professional life, his past threatening to delve back into his present, his insistence on keeping things from Josh, and there really wasn't any way he could have avoided some sort of health issue.
The day had brought more bad news in the form of a phone call from the private investigator Riley had on permanent retainer. Mason Cason was his P.I. and also his friend, but a call from him out of the blue was generally not a happy occasion. Riley had been keeping track of his father through Mason since his last year of law school when everything had hit the proverbial fan. There'd been the odd attempt at communication from Robert Callahan over the years, but always via Riley's lawyer. The last time he'd talked to Mason had been three weeks before, when his father had apparently fallen off the map.
Mason said his father still hadn't been spotted in any of his regular haunts, and though that was not completely out of character, it was worrying. Riley tried not to panic, but the same old fears from his youth cropped up in his mind. It was just what he needed at that moment: more worries to torture his belly.
A big part of his anxiety and fear revolved around not having come clean with Josh … ever. The man he had dinner with every night, slept beside, and loved more than life had no idea about the demons Riley fought inside his head. Josh didn't know his family background or the trauma his father had caused in Riley's and his grandmother's lives. It wasn't something someone brought up on a first date or even after five dates, no matter how much he already knew he was falling for the guy in his arms.
And Josh's family was just so … family-like and normal. Their relationship had snowballed so fast—in a very good way, but quickly nonetheless. Josh offered his fidelity in exchange for one little word of love from Riley, and Riley had complied with the agreement … eventually. It had been harder than anything he'd done in law school, or any school for that matter, admitting his feelings for another human being—at least one who wasn't his beloved grandmother.
It hadn't been because he didn't have the feelings—he certainly did, almost from the very beginning—but more a matter of putting himself out there for Josh to really see, to scrutinize, to love, to reject. When they'd been apart after their final year of law school, Riley hadn't slept with anyone else, let alone dated or told anyone he loved them. At the time, he'd thought it was fate's way of saying Josh couldn't be his when Josh had decided to take a year off and gallivant around the world before settling into his big boy pants.
Riley could have easily gone along, his finances such that it wouldn't have been an issue, but that had been the year of his father's worst behavior, the year everything important in Riley's life had come to a head and big decisions had been made. So he'd let Josh go with a promise to catch up in the future. He'd known it would never happen, and though most of him had been sad at that realization, there had been a small part that knew Riley and his real life was not something Josh deserved to have shoved in his face. He loved Josh, so he let him go. Wasn't that how the saying went?
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be.
Riley had honestly thought he would never see Josh again after law school, and once he threw himself into the job that he hated, he tried not to look back. The memories eventually faded, or at least become a little less painful, but the ache in his chest from missing Josh never went away completely. His days became regimented and far too busy and stressful to wonder or dream. He did what he had to do to save himself and his grandmother from the horror that was his father, and up until recently, he'd been doing a damn fine job.
Snapping his spine straight again in his chair, Riley was reaching into his top drawer for his bottle of antacids again when an envelope on his desk caught his eye. He was sure it hadn't been there when he left the day before. After tossing a few more tablets into his mouth, Riley fingered the envelope. Disbelief and anger rocked his mind when he recognized the handwriting.
There was no fucking way it was from him. He couldn't actually know where Riley worked, could he?
The flap of the envelope slid open with ease, revealing a single sheet of paper. Riley was literally terrified to pull it out, but there was no choice. No one was going to do it for him, and he didn't want anyone else to do it anyhow. With trembling fingers and a throat burning with acid, he slipped the paper out of the envelope. It was a photograph of himself and Josh, and Riley knew exactly when and where it had been taken.
It had been Josh's birthday only a few weeks before. Riley had taken a break from his usual working weekend to surprise Josh with an overnight stay at a cabin on Lake Michigan. They were both shirtless, relaxing in the sand, the sun bouncing off the water and turning everything brilliant. It was by no means explicit: no personal contact, no handholding or even brushing of bare thighs together. The angle of the photo showed both their faces turned to one another, bright teasing smiles that practically screamed attraction. It was no buddy photo, not a picture that could be explained away as two best friends enjoying a day at the beach. The over-the-top look of love in Riley's eye was mirrored perfectly in Josh's. In reality it should have been a photo to cherish, not fear.
Riley remembered the specific moment. Josh had said something inappropriate about what he intended to do to Riley once they got back to the cabin. It had been a great day, a rare one in the past few months, and now it had been used in an underhanded, dirty way. It meant his father was getting closer and definitely meant business.
Riley slid the photo back into the envelope, but it didn't go back in the same way it came out. He shook the envelope, and a small folded news clipping fluttered out onto the desk.
Gay firing prompts GLBT outcry.
It was obviously meant as the pièce de résistance, the biggest clue that Riley's father knew exactly where he was and what he was doing. The short article named both Josh and Riley as counsel as well as the firms they represented, and Riley couldn't have been more horrified to see it all in print. It wasn't a big article, but Riley still couldn't imagine how he'd missed it in the first place. The main reason he'd chosen to stay at Adams, Jordan and Watts was the knowledge that Adams would never give him a high profile case that would make the news. Total fail.
Riley reached into his jacket pocket, pulled out his phone, and caressed it between his fingers. His first instinct was to call Josh, to come clean about absolutely everything. He peered at the picture again, one finger tracing over the handsome profile of Josh's face. He wasn't ready yet to dump all his issues on Josh, hadn't prepared everything he needed to say or tied up all the loose ends that needed tying. Maybe he was taking the cowardly way out, but between the throbbing in his head and the fire in his gut, he couldn't deal with it any other way at that moment. He needed to think, or maybe he needed a drink—maybe a whole lot of them.