37
Mark
October 1996
Mark pulled up in front of Mae’s house, or David’s house, and got out of the driver’s seat, eager and anxious about the inevitable confrontation but ready for it. He prayed Mae would agree to go with them to the Department of Justice and start the process of an official custody agreement—if she didn’t, his mom had said they would do whatever it took to get his rights acknowledged. Mom couldn’t afford a fight like that, but she’d offered it anyway. Because she loved him and because family was everything.
He flipped his seat forward and leaned in to unbuckle Sienna from her car seat. She grinned and kicked her feet, now clad in Dora the Explorer Velcro shoes. Mom had gone shopping that morning and come home with a week’s worth of toddler clothes. Mark didn’t have a lot for Sienna at the apartment because new things went always went back to Mae’s and generally didn’t return. A lot of what Mae dressed her in probably belonged to David’s other kids; the clothes rarely fit well and always smelled like David’s house.
Mom was still in the passenger seat when Mark came around to her side of the car with Sienna on his hip. He stopped by her door and smiled encouragingly through the window when she looked up and met his eyes. He’d rarely seen Mom so nervous, but then last night had been pretty horrible. He would make all this up to her, one day. His first responsibility was Sienna, but his second responsibility would be to get back to the ranch and take his place there. He’d wanted to see the world, and he’d seen more than he ever wanted to see again. Mom took off her seat belt while Mark let out a billowing breath that clouded in front of his face.
Mom got out of the car and glanced nervously at the front door of the house. She stretched out her hands, made a fist, and stretched out her hands again while looking around the neighborhood as though checking to see if anyone was watching them. She’d been eager to confront Mae yesterday, but today she had been in no hurry to return, coming up with all kinds of tasks and errands to do before coming here. If he didn’t know better, he’d think she was stalling. It was already three o’clock and the office was only open until five. “Everything okay, Mom?”
She looked from the house to him and pulled her eyebrows together. “Of course I’m okay,” she snapped.
“You just seem a little . . . never mind.”
He turned toward the front of the house, his eagerness contrasting with Mom’s hesitation. Something was going to happen, finally! They would get orders or papers or something drawn up so that he wasn’t at Mae’s mercy anymore. He turned his head and blew a raspberry on Sienna’s freckled cheek. She giggled and tried to pull away. He spun around with her in his arms, her two little pigtails flying, and then blew another raspberry on her cheek. After today I will have a chance to make things different, he thought as her giggles filled him from top to bottom.
He was standing on the porch before Mom had reached the bottom step. He turned to look at her but bit his tongue to keep from asking again if everything was okay. Seeing Mae’s life through Mom’s eyes had showed Mark the depth of the ugliness that Sienna was subjected to every day. Would still be subjected to, but specific visitation rights would solidify his role as Sienna’s dad. If Mae were arrested, he would for sure be contacted. If the neglect continued or if he ever found out that Mae had given their child vodka again, he would have something more than just a birth certificate to use in asserting his rights.
Mom finally joined him on the porch and made a “go ahead” motion with her hands and eyebrows as though he were the one taking his time. He knocked on the door and braced himself as he always did. He never knew what to expect from the other side of that door.
The door opened, and David filled the door frame. Mark didn’t let himself shrink back even though he had really hoped David wouldn’t be here.
“We’re here to see Mae,” Mark said, glad his voice sounded stronger today than it had yesterday. It was a little pathetic that it was because his mom was here, but whatever.
“She’s not here.”
Mark felt his face tingle. “She said she would come with us to the Department of Justice today, to start working on official visitation and stuff.” He huffed out a breath and cursed in his mind. Mae always found a way to take the upper hand. Crap.
David pulled his eyebrows together. “She said she was going to go with you?”
Mark lifted his chin. “Yes, she said we could take Sienna last night and then come back today so we can go to the offices.” He turned to his mother. “Mom, what exactly did she say?”
“Just that. She, uh, didn’t want Sienna last night, but she said she would go with us today.”
David was looking between the two of them. “So, when you left last night she was okay?”
“Well, she was high or drunk, I guess,” Mark said in another show of bravery. Was David hiding her? “But that’s kind of Mae’s standard these days, right?”
David leaned against the door frame, as though he were feeling casual even though the tension was unchanged. He crossed his thick arms across his chest. “Ya know, one thing about Mae is, she knows her limits. All these years she’s never OD’d ’cause she knows how much is too much. Last night she managed to take two days’ worth of heroin—I wouldn’t guess she could even stay conscious long enough after half that dose to take another one.”
“She was blitzed when we got here,” Mom said defensively. “You give her too much credit.”
David’s eyes seemed to zero in on Mom. “Do I?”
She returned his gaze with the same hardness. Seconds ticked by, and a car drove past on the street. Mark boosted Sienna farther up his hip. She was leaning against his shoulder, silent and tense. It was cold, but he wasn’t about to ask David if they could go inside.
“So, what, she’s too trashed to come with us today, David?” Mark asked, his frustration growing. “Is that what you’re saying?” Crap. What if Mae found a way to keep this court stuff from happening until Mom had to leave? Mom had sounded so sure last night when she’d explained the conversation she and Mae had had after he went out to the car. He should have known Mae wouldn’t keep her word. His neck started feeling hot, and his relief at having a solution on hand began to fade.
“Like I told you,” David said in reply to Mark but with his eyes on Mom, “she’s not here.”
“When did you last see her?” Mom asked.
“Here’s the thing.” David’s voice was low and menacing, and Mark swallowed. If this man wanted to, he could brush all three of them off the porch with one sweep of his beefy arm. Sienna snuggled in even closer. “Mae’s gone, and I’ve got a pretty good feeling she’s not coming back. I think you know why.”
Mark was startled by the accusation, and then froze as two pink spots appeared on Mom’s cheeks.
David continued. “I spent the day getting things together here.” He nodded toward the house behind him, and Mark looked inside for the first time. The part of the living room he could see from here was . . . tidy. He could smell Pine-Sol. “I’ve been waiting for you guys to come so that I could see what you knew, but I need to call the police and file a missing person’s report pretty soon. It would be better for all of us if our stories were straight. I don’t want any trouble, and I’m betting you don’t either.”
“What?” Mark asked sharply. Sienna whimpered, and Mark automatically kissed her on the forehead and shifted her to his other hip. His feet were starting to tingle from the cold.
“That would be a good idea,” Mom said.
Mark’s head swiveled to look at her but words failed him. What was she talking about?
David nodded. “Mae and I had a fight about her drug use last night before I went to work, you guys arrived to pick up Sienna for an overnight visit just as I was leaving. When I got home, Mae was gone. I thought maybe she was with you guys working things out with the custody stuff.” He included Mark with a glance. “She was wearing a black sweater dress and house slippers—not even a coat, which was weird. I went to sleep like I always do after working the night shift and expected her to be there when I woke up, but she wasn’t. Now you guys have come back, so I know she’s not with you and realize that I need to call the police.”
Mark stared at David, and his heart raced. Why was he saying all of this?
“We talked to her after you left last night,” Mom said, picking up the narrative. “We argued a little bit about us taking Sienna for the night, but she finally agreed. She was obviously high and—”
“No, she wasn’t,” David interrupted. “She’d been clean for a few weeks because I told her she couldn’t stay here if she wasn’t—my girls come every other weekend. So, yeah, maybe she’d been drinking before you came, but then she must have left to get a hit after arguing with me and sending Sienna with you guys. She hasn’t been doing any drugs here, not in my house. The cops might want to search the house, and I’m gonna let them do it ’cause they won’t find anything. Do you understand what I’m saying? They won’t find anything that might interfere with me and my family. Mae and I had a fight yesterday afternoon because I told her that things weren’t working out and I wanted to reconcile with my wife—I have a family, after all. She was upset when I left for work, but I expected her to calm down so we could talk things over this morning.”
Mom nodded slowly. “You’re right, she’d been drinking when we got here, but she was upset and agitated, probably from the fight you two’d had.”
“Mom, what the hell are you—” Mom grabbed Mark’s hand and held it tight enough that he jumped and shut up. She kept her eyes on David while her grip remained as tight as a vise.
“After you left, she told us we couldn’t take Sienna, but then I sent Mark and the baby out to the car so I could talk to her a bit. She calmed down some and finally said we could take Sienna for the night and that today we would start work on the custody stuff. I was surprised that she gave in so easily but not about to argue. Then she said we had to go because she had someone to see.” She paused, raising an eyebrow as though seeking approval.
David nodded.
Mom nodded too, let out a shaky breath, and continued. “Mark’s name is on the birth certificate, and he is fully capable and willing to take responsibility for Sienna. We’ll be fighting for that as things move forward.”
Birth certificate? Responsibility? Sticky dread was beginning to settle into Mark’s stomach. Mom and David were doing exactly what David had suggested, getting their stories straight. They would do that only if they both had something to hide and something to protect.
“That works,” David said easily. “Sienna’s all yours, and it sounds like our stories match up pretty well. So long as I don’t get charged with nothin’, I’m good to stick with it and move on with my life. Know what I mean?” He pushed himself away from the door frame and took hold of the knob. “Sienna should stay with you guys while things get sorted out. I imagine the police will be contacting you for your side of the story. I’ll be telling them you came by tonight and we all talked. It won’t surprise them that we both told the other person our side of things.”
“We’ll be ready,” Mom said. “You have Mark’s number to give the police?”
“Yeah.”
“And then what?” Mom asked. “What about, uh, Mae?”
“Give it a few days. Junkies turn up in a bad way all the time—they get dumped, ya see, after partying too hard. The folks they’re with don’t want to take the heat so they get rid of the body.” He looked at Mark, then at Sienna in a way that made Mark pull her closer and rub her back. David’s light blue eyes came back to Mark’s. “I think it’ll all turn out okay in the end. Live and learn and all that, ya know.”
He shut the door. Mark blinked and then turned his head slowly to look at Mom. “What was that?”
“Let’s get that baby out of the cold.” Mom turned around, going down the steps toward the car. Mark followed her. She let herself into the passenger side while Mark buckled Sienna into her car seat. He slid into the driver’s seat and started the car but didn’t shift into drive. He rested his hands on the steering wheel, took a breath, and stared straight ahead. “What happened after I took Sienna to the car last night?”
Mom took a breath of her own, then let it out. She swallowed and cleared her throat. “You love that baby, Mark?”
“Yes,” he said, his hands tightening on the steering wheel as he braced himself.
“You’d do anything for her, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Anything?”
He turned to look at her and was surprised to see tears in her eyes. He’d never, not once in his life, seen his mother cry.
“I’d do anything,” he said.
“Don’t forget that,” she said, her voice catching. She laid her shaking hands in her lap. A tear rolled down her cheek. “You would do anything for that child, and I know this because I would do anything for mine.”