When my Nickelodeon contract started, I was so excited about getting to do what I loved, and I was most certainly grateful, but being away from home so much left me bereft. As much as I enjoyed being on television, I also loved being home and living like an average tween. Momma kept me humble, and most of the kids at home treated me as they always had—I was just Jamie Lynn. There were others who tried to become my friend because of my fame and some who razzed me for it. Fortunately, my good friends remained steadfast, and have stayed that way even now.
Contrary to what you might have read, my tween years were pretty sedate, except for being on a Nickelodeon show and having a pop star for a sister. Whenever I got home to Kentwood, I jumped right back into being just like everyone else. I enjoyed playing sports, attending church groups, and I retained my tomboy spirit. Weekends were typically spent with friends and having sleepovers at my house whenever possible. My friends and I usually got ourselves into some sort of mischief. One time I managed to almost burn down the house when my friend Crystal and I were playing with a new video camera. We decided to record one of our skits in the bathroom, where my sister had a candle burning. We became so engrossed in what we were doing and the excitement of watching ourselves that we didn’t notice we’d knocked over the candle. Minutes later, our laughter was interrupted when I heard someone yelling, “What’s that smell? Something is burning upstairs!” Crystal and I stared at each other in disbelief. Within minutes the flames were snuffed out and there wasn’t much damage.
My family will tell you I was a precocious child. I was outspoken and mature in some aspects of my life. Although I was sassy, I rarely felt comfortable sharing my anxieties and sadness about the shifting dynamics of my family. There were two versions of me: my public persona and my true self. I was exposed to so many things during my childhood, but when it came to boys, I was innocent and genuinely naive. I never played spin the bottle or seven minutes in heaven. When I was twelve, slow dances with boys were about as naughty as I got. My partner and I would stand one foot apart with our hands placed gently just so. We’d sway slowly and do anything we could not to make eye contact. By thirteen, I was allowed to go with girlfriends to a boy’s house. I remember the first time a boy held my hand throughout an entire movie, and I thought that was a big deal. My first kiss didn’t happen until a couple of years later, when at fourteen, I dated a boy named Jarett Forman who was a year older than me. He was such a good guy, and the experience was sweet.
Being home also presented a set of challenges for me. My family life was never stable. My parents divorced when I was ten, but for years before that, life in the Spears house was decidedly dysfunctional. My dad’s long-standing habit of disappearing for weeks at a time continued despite the angst it caused, and my momma enabled his behaviors. I was traumatized by the fallout of his alcohol abuse and developed anticipatory anxiety at the thought of him showing up drunk to any of my sporting events or performances. I feared the potential humiliation and shame that would result from him making a scene. My momma’s permissiveness created tension in our relationship and made things difficult for us. I couldn’t make sense of how she could divorce him because of his irresponsible and neglectful habits and then rely on him to make sensible decisions about me and my siblings. It just felt wrong.
Much of the time I spent in Louisiana, my parents were traveling for work or to assist Britney. My dad was working, and Momma was on the road with my sister for weeks at a time. She always wanted me to go on tour, but I craved the normalcy of being home. I had already spent many of my formative years on my sister’s tour bus and didn’t want to spend my hiatuses on one now. All I wanted was the stability of family dinners and the routine of a simple life. But that wasn’t my experience. My brother, Bryan, had moved to New York, and when my parents were gone, I stayed with my friends and their families for long stretches of time. No one ever made me feel unwelcome, but the longer I stayed, the more uncomfortable I became. I always felt like I was imposing. The longing I had to be home intensified as each day passed. My active schedule helped to keep that sadness at bay. I went to school, ate lunch with my friends, and studied. I participated in activities and sports and tried to ignore the ache to be home in my own house. It became a routine: In spring and summer, I had a place and a routine. Come fall, I often found myself living a nomadic existence.
My time on All That gave me the confidence to start to consider moving on to something more serious. After three seasons on the show I had become a fan favorite, and with rave reviews about my performance and comedic timing. Nickelodeon approached me about developing a show where I would be the lead character. In addition to his work on All That, Dan Schneider wanted to develop a show around me. After talks and several brainstorming meetings together, Zoey 101 was created. Dan thought I would be the perfect Zoey. The premise of the show was following the antics of a young teen girl and her band of friends who attended a boarding school that had just opened to girls. I was excited. Although I loved the camaraderie and daring nature of All That, the opportunity to act in a leading role had me ready to sign. I thought, Wow, my own show! How awesome. Almost immediately I started to think about how I wanted to portray this character. Who would Zoey be? How much of me might be incorporated into Zoey? I was hoping by infusing Zoey with some of my personality, she would become someone girls could relate to—a tomboy and goofy like me, yet courageous in the face of boys and bullies. I met with the show’s development team and producers a few times to discuss Zoey. We had lunches where we would talk about specifics about the character and the setting for the show. The vision of Zoey became well defined, and seeing a bit of myself in her made bringing her to life seamless.
As part of the promotional campaign for Zoey, Nickelodeon arranged for a camera to shoot footage of me and my friend watching the premiere in a New York City hotel. After that, I never watched the show with anyone, and I never watched it by myself either. The promotion for Zoey was completely different from that of All That. The ensemble of All That worked as a unit or in pairs for promotional commercials and spots. As the lead in a new sitcom, I was the star with my own publicist and stylist—in a position to speak to the media and present myself to the world. In a way, I was launching myself into the next level. I was both nervous and excited to speak for myself and discuss different topics that mattered to me. I realized I had a voice and cared about how I’d be heard. I had watched my sister and other contemporaries appear on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Live! with Regis and Kelly, TRL, and Good Morning America, and now I was on them too. I felt like I had made it. Zoey 101 aired on January 9, 2005, and within weeks it was a hit. When it was time to return to the studio to shoot the second season of Zoey 101, the cast and I showed up invigorated by our success. I loved the familiarity of the set and the pace of shooting the series. The show attracted some of the best professionals in the business. The creator and director, Dan Schneider, was exacting and insisted on professionalism. He knew how to get just what he needed from a rambunctious group of teens who thought that they were all that. Scheduling and getting scenes shot in a timely fashion wasn’t always so easy. Unlike All That I was on-screen for much of each episode. The entire crew understood that time was a factor in every shot. In the industry, working with teens and children was different from working with adults. Because of union rules, I was only permitted to work about ten hours a day. Sometimes shoots would run longer, and producers would have to come up with a way to get the scenes done. One time we were shooting an episode where I was actually in every scene. We knew we were going to run out of time. As part of the script, a bucket was placed on my head so all the scenes could be shot. A double could do the bucket scenes and I could finish out others.
Unfortunately, the camaraderie of the show’s stars didn’t always transfer into real life. In the first season of Zoey 101, Kristin Herrera, Alexa Nikolas, and I became fast friends. Kristin, who played Dana Cruz, and I clicked immediately, but all three of us spent time together on and off the set. On the weekends we would have sleepovers, go to the beach, the mall, or just hang out. We were typical girls talking fashion and boys. Alexa, who played Nicole Bristow, noticed that Kristin and I were growing closer, which caused some issues. Three is the worst number for girls because invariably one always feels left out. Throughout the shooting season we had our fair share of fun and fights, just like all girls our age. But slowly I started to feel like there was something amiss. Late into season one, rumors about me began to spread among the cast and extras. At first, it was small lies—things like people saying I was mean or bitchy. Everyone was telling me that Alexa was the one making the false claims. I went to the producers to share my concerns. Then the rumors took on a more sinister feel. I got a feeling that a few people on the set were trying to stir the pot and perhaps cause trouble between me and Alexa. I was led to believe that Alexa told extras that I smelled bad and other things that I couldn’t control. I would leave the set humiliated and sad. I cried many times after work and had to hide my feelings. The way her mother walked around on set as if she owned it and whispered to her daughter incessantly—seemingly about me—raised concerns. For all I know, someone was feeding her lies that instigated the problems we experienced. I began to suspect that she was interested in having me thrown off the show in the hopes they would make Alexa the star. I did all I could to manage the situation, but over time it became more difficult. I went to the producers several times to issue complaints. After the first season Kristin left the show because the producers wanted a change, and she was replaced by Victoria Justice. The cast realized changes could be made at any time, and I wasn’t experiencing any whispers or unpleasant looks. Things improved temporarily. Alexa’s attention was diverted by the arrival of a new cast member, but weeks into shooting, another particularly vicious rumor spread that I had lice. Some of the extras seemed put off, and I felt an unwarranted shame.
The situation made me an emotional wreck and in need of support, so I went to my big sister for guidance.
A few days later, a very pregnant Britney came to the set to visit and have a chat with Alexa. Britney asked a PA to bring Alexa to my trailer. I was on set at the time. Alexa, who was really into fame and connections, was excited that my sister wanted to “speak” with her. The door was open when Alexa walked in. Britney didn’t waste any time getting to the point. “Are you making fun of my sister? Telling lies and spreading rumors? You shouldn’t do that!” Britney told her that she wouldn’t keep jobs if she continued to treat people that way. Alexa scurried away from the trailer. After that chat Alexa didn’t blatantly bully me, and once season two was in the can, she was dismissed from the show. She later spoke of being bullied on the set of Zoey.
For years I took the high road and ignored the story. I don’t remember ever bullying anyone, especially a coworker on set. Considering the cruel way I felt that she treated me and tried to turn the cast and crew against me, her claims seemed designed to garner attention once her fame had waned. I can’t control how she perceived our dynamic, but I can say I wouldn’t have hurt her on purpose. That’s just not me. Based upon everything that went on, and being thirteen, we both felt justified in our actions. Looking back, I think that all of these are normal childhood challenges. But in a working environment, with parents and producers involved, the drama of these events intensified. Some of it was a result of just too much time spent in each other’s company.
I adored all the boys on the show and many others in the cast. The boys were much easier to be around at that time for me. Chris Massey, who played Michael Barret on the show, was a good friend and we still keep in touch. Sean Flynn, Matt Underwood, and Austin Butler were so much fun to be around. Erin Sanders was so much like her character, Quinn Pensky, which made it easy to like her. Sometimes it felt like the entire cast had a connection that didn’t include me. Perhaps it was my own insecurity, but I think that they built stronger bonds in California while I was home most of the year in Louisiana. I was good one-on-one. But when the entire group was together, I felt a little on the friendship fringe. Oddly enough, I was a little uptight and shy at that time.
When I wasn’t shooting, I spent hours in the school trailer with our teacher, Ms. Patty, and my castmates. School on set can be rigorous at times. We had to get things done in a more efficient way than regular school. Our classes were subject to time limits, and it’s amazing how much you can get done in a short period. We were required to study and get things done in a way that worked with being on one of the highest rated television shows at the time. Some of my favorite memories are of the cast just being kids, goofing off and being silly. We all understood that education was a requirement, but like all kids, sometimes we had to blow off steam. We would play tricks and pranks on each other with whatever was available in the room. There were times we’d do impressions and have entertaining discussions that took us way off topic. My favorite memory is when we’d make bread as a class—like some Hollywood set home-ec class. But Ms. Patty was the absolute best and managed to get us to meet our prerequisites. We were our own weird, wonderful kind of family. Ms. Patty, who I selected to be my teacher, was more than an educator. She also served as a liaison between me and the producers. She was also responsible for protecting us and ensuring we were not overworked. Ms. Patty enforced the set laws for closing in and out, school hours, and rest. If there was a problem she would serve as a buffer or handle issues that children would have difficulty discussing. Ms. Patty stepped in when it wasn’t a parent’s place but the actor needed a voice. She was so patient and kind. Summer shoots were much easier and didn’t require the demands of school, but we still needed Ms. Patty for all the other things she did for us. She always had our backs.
The first two seasons of Zoey were shot at Pepperdine University in Malibu during the school’s summer break. Going into the third season, Nickelodeon moved the set to Valencia because we were going to shoot twenty-six episodes instead of the regular thirteen, which would overlap with the start of Pepperdine’s school year. It took a little time to adjust to our new environment. The beach view from the coast was replaced by the abandoned warehouses of an old military base. Nickelodeon brought in a team of engineers that completely converted old buildings and parking lots to replicate our Pepperdine home. They re-created our dorm rooms and even made our lounge area in a way that made it easier to shoot scenes. For the first time we had other staging areas that also made filming simpler. When I walked on set and saw the intricate details they had copied, I was in awe. Previously we shot with one camera on-site. Now, we were on a stage.
Momma and I rented an apartment that was exactly five minutes from the set. A typical day started with me rolling out of bed, taking care of necessities, and getting to set. My days usually began early, in Mr. Michael’s makeup chair. He had a morning ritual for my skin that kept it healthy. Once he was done, one of the hair people gave me my Zoey look. Then I was off to Ms. Khris in wardrobe. I loved Ms. Khris for her understanding and vision. We’d spend time discussing the episodes and the looks that worked for Zoey and me for the week of shoots.
As required by law, a parent or guardian had to be on set with us at all times, except for short periods of time when they could sign out for about ninety minutes. I was expected to act adultlike yet be treated like a child. Sometimes it was difficult to have so many people around all the time telling me what to do.
As Zoey matured, so did I. Playing the role of Zoey didn’t require me to become someone completely different from myself. We were both strong-willed girls who were comfortable with their place in life. However, Zoey didn’t have my real-life challenges that stemmed from the burden of so much responsibility, homesickness, and the ongoing chaos in my family. The struggles were expanding beyond just that of my parents. Bryan was trying to find his place in the world, and Britney was showing signs of a debilitating exhaustion. Bryan had difficulty holding a job, and Britney was changing right in front of my eyes. Britney had behaviors that would emerge for weeks at a time followed by periods of normalcy. Momma and Daddy would reiterate she was fine and just Britney being Britney. But the nurturing and loving mother figure I cherished—the sweet and adoring sister I admired—was changing into someone I didn’t recognize. I had to hold it all together while my family desperately tried to help Britney. I was still too young to comprehend many of the issues that affected my family. We were all experiencing profound transitions in our respective lives.
I was very confused by everything and felt the only thing I could do was focus on my work and be the best professional possible. I felt the pressure of being the lead character in a TV show, managing far from home, and remaining unrelentingly professional. I was hard on myself, ensuring my weight remained low and not making any changes to my appearance. None of that seemed outrageous to me since I was portraying a character who needed to appear unchanged. But while Zoey was preserved on-screen, I was changing in real time. I went from tween to teen and went through all the changes that came with it. At times it was difficult to be the fun-loving Zoey when I was having a difficult day. I experienced the mood swings and body fluctuations that all teen girls have. I often struggled on shoot days when I was bloated from my impending period. I’d work with Ms. Khris to pick out outfits that wouldn’t show the difference from one scene to the next. I believed that I appeared five pounds heavier just days before my period and remarkably lost the weight within hours of my flow starting. Ms. Khris and the wardrobe staff were kind, and I appreciated their support. Mr. Michael ended up being so much more than my makeup artist. He was like a guardian angel. My teenage skin was prone to breakouts, and he taught me the importance of good skin care. He used hot towels scented with mint and eucalyptus to cleanse my face and help me relax after a long day. He made me feel good about myself by validating how I felt. Mr. Michael was talented and worked his magic making me look fresh-faced and zit-free. But most importantly, he recognized when I was having a tough time. He would move at half speed to slow down my morning to allow me the time I needed to get my head right. Mr. Michael would take the blame if that caused a delay in the schedule.
For the span of the series, Momma and I lived in various apartments around the LA area. We moved from Santa Monica to a place in Marina del Rey and ultimately to Valencia, to be close to the show’s new location. We considered moving in with my sister in Malibu, hoping to create a more cohesive family environment and support Britney, who was having a difficult time. As much as we wanted to all be together, it became increasingly obvious that something was out of whack in Britney’s world. At first, I just assumed it was the fallout from her divorce and the media obsession with her. But my normally sweet and free-spirited sister continued to morph into someone else—who was disturbed and paranoid at times. Sometimes she would lash out for no apparent reason or ignore me. Invariably, Britney would feel bad and later apologize. As far as I could tell, she lacked any kind of structure or schedule to her chaotic life. Momma sensed Britney needed help, but she kept insisting she was fine.
Momma was torn between providing a safe place for me and staying close to Britney during this tumultuous period. Ultimately, we made the only sensible choice, moved into an apartment near the set, and gave our apartment a homey feel. Momma tended to my sister as much as she could. I got another dog from someone on our set. Dogs gave me unconditional love and attention that provided comfort and a reminder of home. Ally was a Yorkie poo and was by far the worst-behaved dog I ever had. She was a terror, running away and creating havoc. With my hectic schedule, I didn’t have the time to give Ally the training and attention she needed. Eventually I had to give her away, too.
The typical mother–teen daughter challenges plagued Momma and me. We would lash out at each other, and I pushed her buttons when I was particularly frustrated. It all came to a head one day when she was emotionally strained and she snapped. She was angry and yelling at me, but when that didn’t yield the desired effect, she started hitting me with a large beaded purse that had, among other things, a camera inside. She repeatedly swung the bag and landed several blows on my shoulders before she stopped. I left the apartment and ran to the shopping center next door to where we lived. I used a pay phone to call my brother. “Bryan, Momma’s going crazy. She wouldn’t let me call you or Britney.”
I showed up to the set the next day to shoot the Halloween episode where I would dress up like Marilyn Monroe. While applying my makeup, Mr. Michael noticed some scratches on my neck and shoulder area. He looked at me with concern in his eyes. He asked, “What happened here, Jamie Lynn?” I shook my head and started to cry. We didn’t speak, but he gave me the time I needed to deal with my emotions. Eventually, I forced all my feelings down and went to work, just like I was expected to.
I was missing home more than ever. My friends and my boyfriend, Casper, were back home in Louisiana having experiences I felt like I was missing out on. And I especially missed Casper. I met him a year and a half earlier at a church youth group event. Who could say no to a cute boy in a Dodge truck with a hog in the back? Yes, an actual large pig. At the time, he was different from the boys I knew, and he came from a rival school. He was simply an attractive boy, and I was infatuated with him. I adored having him all to myself. We started innocently with texting and talking. That’s all it was for a while. Momma never let me out late or knowingly let me spend time alone with any boy. But teens always find a way. From the very beginning, Casper was slick. He coaxed me a little at a time into feeling comfortable with the physical part of our relationship. I had limited knowledge of sex and all that came with it, including birth control. I thought the rhythm method was a band from the seventies. I just let him take care of it. Sometimes he’d pick me up in town and drive until we could park to be alone. Other times we went to his house when he knew no one else would be there. Sneaking around made it more exciting. Our feelings for each other intensified.
With the distance came the idealization of him and our relationship. Our honeymoon phase was spent apart, and I was free to relive our time together and dream of more romantic days ahead. I was falling in love for the first time and didn’t know how to manage being almost nineteen hundred miles apart. Sometimes I was pouty and resentful. Life was demanding for me, but less so for Momma. Bryan had relocated to California with his wife and daughter, and Britney was already a momma with her own boys, who were just one year apart. Momma had all of her kids and grandchildren in California, with plenty of time to enjoy them. She even had Daddy around when she needed him. At this point, Daddy and I weren’t speaking at all. I didn’t want him anywhere near us, and the times Momma would allow him in the apartment felt like a betrayal. If I was home, I locked myself in my room whenever he came over. She knew how I felt, and as a result, my resentment grew. As the dynamics between my teenage self and Momma changed, it became difficult to maintain our genial relationship. Momma walked a delicate line trying to please everyone. She failed to realize that no one can be all things to all people. Someone always gets sacrificed. Momma would take off whenever there was a supposed crisis in Malibu.
Even when things were going wrong, Momma always wanted everyone to think everything was right as rain. Appearances were paramount—not just the professional ones you showed up for. She was a great pretender, but no matter how convincing she thought she was, everyone saw through the cracks, especially me. A traitorous and powerful resentment brewed inside of me.
After long hours of shooting and school, I was expected to take care of my chores at home. My teenage brain hated her for this. She wasn’t working. How come I had to take care of everything when I was the one who had a full-time job? Plagued by exhaustion, I ignored my responsibilities and refused to pick up after myself or clean. There were dirty clothes all over the floor, and even the clean ones were rarely in drawers. Occasionally, I neglected to walk my dog Ally and she made a mess inside. My room became a pigsty. I was a stressed-out teen who spent ten to twelve hours a day on set. Most days I regarded my work as a hard-earned gift. But at times I became more incensed and antagonistic. For the most part I was professional on the set, except for a handful of times when I was curt or distracted. Regardless, I always came to the set prepared. I would show up on time and know my lines. I stored up my angst for after working hours. Fortunately, I wasn’t the only moody teenager on set.
Aside from the teenage angst, we had shoots that were challenging on their own merits. On one shoot, we were in the roasting California sun known for shriveling grapes into raisins. The temperature went way into the hundreds, and we were shooting on a blacktop parking lot. There were tents and portable air conditioners set up, but it didn’t help the crew and extras running around. People started to faint, and ammonia rags were kept on set to revive people. But even on those bad days, we all shared an immense sense of pride simply by being a part of the show.
I spent the better part of my early teens on Zoey, and my contract was coming to an end. After four seasons, Zoey had matured to a point where ending the show felt right to me, and at that point, I honestly felt like I had outgrown her. Nickelodeon and I never had a discussion about continuing Zoey in any form. I was ready to move on to new projects that offered me a chance to mature as an actor. Nickelodeon agreed. Zoey 101 provided me an invaluable education on what I needed to be good at to make a show work as well as all the factors that go into a successful show. It still astounds me how all the elements have to come together—production, crew, hair and makeup, and filming, under such strict time constraints. Everyone had to work in synchronicity.
As performers, receiving accolades and awards for our work was not only validating, but it almost guaranteed we would find new jobs. As we shot the final episodes of Zoey 101, everyone was full of mixed emotions. We had spent years of our lives together, and we were proud of the work that made Zoey 101 one of Nickelodeon’s most highly rated shows. With the many awards and the show’s notoriety, we all believed we would be able to find new opportunities. The excitement was palpable. But there was a sadness attached to the end of the show, that even we as teenagers understood. The continuity of the work had provided stability and income to everyone; the camaraderie made the days pleasurable. The show’s success had executives champing at the bit. Not just one network, but other studios, production companies, and music labels reached out to me. But I didn’t want to just jump into anything. I was thoughtful about what would come next.
Throughout the Zoey experience, I had met with music producers and other production executives, but never felt like they were interested in my professional aspirations. They recognized I was a bankable commodity as long as I was willing to be shaped and molded to their liking. Executives weren’t interested in me; they were interested in the brand of Jamie Lynn Spears. They wanted to make me into something they could manipulate and sell. The past several years had locked me into playing the same character. Acting was my passion. For the first time in my career, I was going to have the freedom to choose a role or project that spoke to me on a deeper level. The prospect of employing my free will felt liberating. My plan included a move to movies and music, while others from the cast planned to continue in television. Victoria Justice was going to be the star of her own show, Victorious. Everyone else associated with Zoey 101 also planned to move on to new projects in the industry.
Fans fell in love with Zoey, and now, over ten years later, fervent interest in Zoey still exists. Besides my contemporaries, who often rave to me about Zoey 101, there are legions of new Zoey 101 fans who discover the reruns on Nickelodeon or online. I love that multiple generations of families have enjoyed the series. Oddly enough, my older daughter, Maddie, has very little interest in seeing me on-screen, and my younger daughter, Ivey, is too young to watch it. Whether in person or on social media, I am constantly asked about a Zoey 101 reunion or a reboot of the show. Zoey connected with fans in such a powerful way that it’s as if they have to know how she turns out as an adult. I am actively working to bring Zoey back to the screen.
The show also gave me the opportunity to sing its theme song, “Follow Me,” which was cowritten by my sister. I recently produced and recorded a modern version of the song. In an effort to assuage the fans, I asked many of my original castmates to shoot a video for the song’s reboot. It was tricky because we did a one-day shoot complicated by the protocols of COVID-19. The shooting schedule for that day was insane, with temperature checks and sanitation requirements. Once we all got back into a room together, the years apart vanished. We arrived as adults but performing brought us back to 2004. The release of the song and video spurred new rumors about a Zoey 101 reunion show. I am excited at the prospect of working on another Zoey 101 project, whether that be a long-format movie or series. The cast is eager to reunite and bring the characters into the present. We have been in talks to reinvent the series. Producers and writers have shared some concepts that sound intriguing. Hopefully, a modern-day version will go into production soon.