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Cole - Eleven Years Earlier
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I APPROACHED THE GARAGE where The First and Last practiced, muffled rock music already thumping from behind the closed door. I frowned and broke into a jog.
They’d started without me.
I guessed Ryan was trying to make a point that I hadn’t been around much lately. I was only ten minutes late, but I hadn’t seen the guys as much as normal. Since the night I’d found Gabi wandering the streets in the rain, I’d done my best to spend time with her, ‘accidentally’ bumping into her in the mall, and sitting with her at lunch. She treated me with the kind of tolerance someone might have at finding a stray but cute dog suddenly following them around everywhere, but I was desperate for her to see me as something more.
I was still annoyed with myself for making a mess of things on that first night when I’d invited her to band practice. I didn’t know what I’d been thinking, strutting around like a god-damned peacock, trying to get Gabi’s attention by flirting with her friend. I’d totally misjudged her, thinking she’d be like other girls—just happy to be in my company. What an idiot I’d been. I felt especially bad as I was now the cause of her falling out with her friend, though I couldn’t help thinking Taylor wasn’t much of a friend if that was all it took to ruin their friendship. Maybe I didn’t understand the fairer sex at all.
Gabriella was constantly on my mind lately, her wide smile and big eyes always willing to jump into my head. I hoped I was wearing her down. Breaking down those defenses she’d built so high around her. I could still feel the imprint of her lips against my skin, how I’d caught a waft of her perfume—something sweet and citrus—as she’d leaned over and kissed me after I’d driven her home. I knew she was hiding something, but I didn’t know what. The thought her dad might be hurting her bothered me, though I’d never seen any unusual bruises on her, and she didn’t dress to hide her skin. It wouldn’t be unusual for a guy like him to be easy with his fists—a power thing—not that I was one to talk, though I’d never laid my hands on a woman. I wondered if that might have been the reason Gabi’s mom had taken off when she was small. Though I knew it wasn’t a good thing to have in common, I liked that Gabi understood how it felt to not be wanted. Selfish, I knew, but I’d always been a selfish son-of-a-bitch.
How could I be anything else when I’d never had anyone to care about other than myself?
But now, for some reason I couldn’t explain, I cared about Gabi. Our relationship was currently as innocent as a newborn baby, but she’d somehow woven herself into my heart. I took hope in the fact she’d kissed me on the cheek the other night. I needed to get her alone, take her on a real date, but nothing I came up with felt good enough for her. I didn’t have much money, and the thought of taking her to the movies or just to the diner for something to eat didn’t feel adequate. For some reason, getting Gabriella Weston to notice me felt like the most important thing in the world.
We were just kids and I was dreaming to think we might have something together—we barely knew each other—but I couldn’t help fantasizing about the future. I imagined I would have a place of my own, and we would spend some real time together, cooking meals and cuddling up on the couch to watch boxed sets of DVDs. I’d never had my own space before, where I could do whatever I wanted, and to have Gabi at my side made the fantasy perfect. In fact, I realized, if she wasn’t by my side, I feared the loneliness that had been at the center of my soul since I’d been a small child would only deepen.
Each day that passed brought me another day closer to my birthday.
I knew my foster parents wanted me out. I’d been fighting with Danny again, and they’d now separated us, so I was sleeping on the couch. I could tell they were counting down the days until they’d be rid of me, and I didn’t blame them. Life would be easier for them with me no longer around, but they were too good people to just throw me out or try to get me placed with another family when I was so close to being free from the system.
Though I was looking forward to being independent, the prospect gave me sleepless nights. I didn’t have many opportunities ahead of me. I hadn’t had much of an education, no job, no family to give me a helping hand. I was in this on my own. Sure, I had the band, but even I wasn’t dumb enough to think we were going to hit the big time. We weren’t exactly mainstream. The only thing I knew anything about in the world was how it felt to be an unwanted kid raised by the state. I didn’t think there was much I could do with that—it wasn’t as though anyone was going to stump up money for my college education any time soon.
Perhaps someone would take me on as an apprentice, though I had no idea what I could be an apprentice at. I wasn’t particularly good with cars, having never had a dad or older brothers to show me my way beneath the hood of a vehicle. My skills in a kitchen were limited to toast, and I knew nothing about plumbing or electrics.
Besides, I didn’t even know if an apprentice’s wage was enough to rent a room, never mind an entire apartment. But I did want to work, and I was willing to do anything. I wanted to get out of the system and start to build a life for myself, off my own back. I’d been floating around for so long, all I wanted was to create some roots and anchor myself for a while.
I bent down and hooked my fingers beneath the old style garage door and hauled it up to send it backward across runners overhead, revealing my bandmates, still jamming. My drum set sat empty and silent in the corner.
Ryan jerked his chin at me, and Mike gave me a half smile, but Adam just stared at the ground as he continued to pluck the strings of his bass. I forced a smile back and then wove between them to take my seat behind the drums. I picked up my sticks and was about to beat out a rift, when the song came to an end.
“Break time, guys,” Ryan called.
Shit.
I didn’t know if he’d done that as a deliberate slight, but already my back was up.
“You coming, Cole?” he said as he walked past.
A door on the back led out behind Ryan’s house, which the garage was attached to.
I hadn’t expected the invite. “Oh, yeah. Sure.”
I got to my feet, leaving my sticks beside my drum set, and followed them out. They sat in a patch of sunshine, rolling cigarettes from papers. I didn’t smoke—I tried it a few times, but I just didn’t like it. I wasn’t averse to a couple of drinks if they were being offered, but I would avoid the tobacco.
Except this time I noticed they were dropping more into the hand-rolled cigarettes than tobacco. I was used to smoking weed on the odd occasion, but this was something else.
“What you got there?” I asked.
“Just a little extra something to perk us up.” He held the lit cigarette and took a toke and then held it out to me. “Want some?”
I lifted a hand. “Nah, I’m good, thanks.”
“You don’t have to smoke it. You can snort some if you want.”
“Seriously, I’m fine.”
He shrugged and handed the cigarette over to Mike. “Suit yourself.”
I sat awkwardly with them while they passed the smoke around. Before long they were laughing together, making me feel like a total outsider. I’d never felt uncomfortable in their company before—well, maybe occasionally, but not like this. If I’d felt like I was on the outskirts of things when I’d walked into band practice, now I felt like I was practically on a whole other continent. Was this still some kind of punishment for having Gabi around? Or did they not even give a shit, and this was just something that was going to have been around anyway?
I got back to my feet and shoved my hands in my pockets. “So, are we going to jam, then?”
They’d been laughing with their heads together, but looked around as I spoke, as though they’d forgotten about my presence altogether.
“Yeah, sure, dude,” said Ryan. “Let’s jam.”
I tried not to let my relief show as we headed back into the garage. Everyone took their positions and I slid onto the stool behind my drum set. I was glad to be back on comfortable ground, and as soon as Ryan counted us in, we were all playing together just like usual. I tried to put the memory of whatever they’d been smoking out of my mind. It wasn’t my business. They were adults and could do whatever the hell they liked.
I felt sure I didn’t have anything to worry about.