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Gabi – Present Day
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WATCHING COLE’S BROAD back as he walked away, I tried not to let myself think about how he hadn’t argued with me when I’d said no man would want a woman with one leg. Why had I been expecting him to?
It was a stupid and insulting thing to say anyway—there was no reason why someone who’d become an amputee would suddenly become undesirable. I felt sick and guilty that I’d allowed my own insecurities taint other people. What I had meant to say was that Cole wouldn’t want me now I was missing my leg.
I didn’t know why I kept letting myself think there might be something more between us. Was it just because of how close we’d been in the past? I wished I could stop thinking of him like that. No matter how many times I reminded myself of how badly he’d hurt me, and of the fact I would never let him see my stump, or that he would even want to see my stump, my heart kept longing.
Movement came at the door of my doctor’s office and I glanced up.
“Ms. Weston,” said Dr. Merryweather, “do you want to come through?”
Using my crutches, I got up and followed him through to his office. He gestured for me to take a seat opposite him, which I did.
He crossed one leg over the other and leaned forward slightly, nodding at my crutches. “So, Gabi, how have things been since last week? Problems?”
I was almost tempted not to tell him about my fall, just in case he refused to fit my new leg because of it. Even if he couldn’t see any damage, he might decide it was better to leave it for another week or two. But I couldn’t risk not telling him. The idea of infection and a new amputation terrified me more than anything else. I also had the crutches with me. It wasn’t that I really needed them to walk, more that I hadn’t wanted to put any unnecessary pressure on my stump without having to resort back to the dreaded wheelchair. I hated that thing.
“It’s not been great,” I admitted. “I had a fall, and the prosthetic felt like it went one way, and my stump the other.”
He winced. “Doesn’t sound good.”
“I got some ice on it right away, and elevated it. I haven’t had any more pain since.”
“You shouldn’t have been wearing your prosthesis at all,” he chided me.
“I know, but it felt okay. If it hadn’t, I wouldn’t have worn it, I promise.”
“Okay. Well, let’s take a look.”
I sat with my remaining foot on the floor to steady myself, and removed my prosthesis. Dr. Merryweather edged closer, frowning slightly as he inspected my stump. My heart lodged in my throat, dreading what he was going to say. To distract myself, I glanced around his office, noting the posters on the walls advertising different prosthetics. In particular, my gaze landed on one which asked if I’d ever served in the United States Army. Just seeing the words made my heart thump, and I averted my eyes. I knew I was lucky my injury was funded from the government, when many others would have to use insurance, or even worse, lose their homes to pay, but I couldn’t stand to even see the poster.
Within a minute, I became aware of the weight of my residual limb pulling me down on one side. When I’d had two legs, I’d never given any thought to how much having two feet came into day to day comforts. Now I couldn’t get away from it.
Dr. Merryweather slid his chair away from me again.
“Looks like you were lucky,” he said. “I can’t see any signs of swelling, and there are no scrapes or grazes, so you got away with it this time.”
I breathed a sigh of relief.
“You must be careful, though, Gabi. You can’t risk having falls. It’s too dangerous for you. You must take care of yourself.”
I wondered what he would say if he knew exactly what I had been doing to cause the fall.
Something must have shown on my face because he frowned in concern. “You’ve still got support in place, haven’t you?”
I nodded.
“Your dad,” he continued. “Is that right?”
I nodded, though my stomach twisted with anxiety. “Yes.”
“Did he come with you today?”
I shook my head, glad I didn’t feel like I was lying this time. “No, a friend brought me.”
“That’s good. While I want you to be independent, it’s still important you remember to ask for help when you need it, understand?”
“Understood.”
“In that case, shall we try your new leg again, and make sure it’s still a good fit?”
I grinned. “That would be wonderful, thank you, Doctor.”
***
TWENTY MINUTES LATER, I walked out of the hospital with my new leg, feeling like I was walking on air. It was such a relief not to have the awful wetsuit-like material right up my thigh, especially in this heat. It had been almost unbearable. Only my desire not to end up back in a wheelchair had made me put up with it, but now my new, foam lined sleeve only came up just past my knee, and I felt so much more comfortable. I walked with a smile on my face for the first time in a long time, and carried the crutches rather than using them to walk. I still had a slightly awkward gait, but at that point I honestly didn’t care.
Back in the parking lot, I spotted Cole sitting behind the wheel of his car, tapping the fingers of both hands against the steering wheel to music I couldn’t yet hear. As I watched, he lifted his hands and air-drummed to the beat, and I laughed. Teenaged Cole obviously still lay beneath the surface of the hardened, tattooed skin he’d developed.
He turned his head slightly and caught sight of me laughing at him. He grinned in return and my traitorous little heart did a flip.
Cole jumped out of the car to meet me. “Hey, how did it go?” He took the crutches from my hands. “Doesn’t look like you need these anymore.”
“It went well. The new leg is so much better.”
He nodded, though there was no way he could understand. “That’s good.” He paused, “Since you’re mobile and everything, I wondered if you had plans for Thursday yet or not.”
“Thursday?”
“Yeah.” He lifted his eyebrows expectantly and then prompted. “July fourth?”
“Shit, really?” I’d completely lost track of the significance of the date. For me, recently, the only important dates were hospital ones.
“I take it that means you don’t have plans.”
“No, I hadn’t even thought about it.”
“I’d love to take you to the display at the beach.”
In our area it was illegal to let off backyard fireworks. With the weather so hot, and everything so dry, they were a fire hazard.
“I don’t know, Cole. I mean, my dad might want to do something with me.” I almost added, if he’s sober enough, but managed to hold my tongue.
“He can come, too,” Cole added.
“Seriously?”
“At least then you won’t have to worry about me trying to seduce you.” He gave me a wink and my cheeks flushed.
“Okay, but if I bring my dad, it’s definitely not a date.”
He held up his hands. “Just old friends catching up. Definitely not a date.”
But after he drove me home and I checked with my dad, he said would make some plans with some buddies, and that Cole and I should just go together.
Looked like it was going to be a date after all.