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Gabi – Eleven Years Earlier
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I STARTED THE WALK home from school alone.
Cole had chores he needed to do for his foster-dad right after school, but he said it wouldn’t take long and he’d meet me at my place. I worried about him. He seemed distant lately, but I didn’t know why. The idea that he might be starting to go off me had been working its way into my soul, and I couldn’t seem to stop thinking about it.
Lost in thought, I didn’t look up in time to avoid someone stepping out in front of me. I gave a strange squeak of shock, and the next thing I knew, strong hands grabbed my shoulders, yanking me to one side. The hands shoved me down a side alley, away from the main road. My head spun, adrenaline spurting through my veins. A man was standing directly in front of me, and though I tried to dart away, he pushed me back again.
“Now, now, little girl. You stay right where you are.”
I know that voice, I thought with alarm. I suddenly realized who had attacked me.
“Ryan, what the hell?”
He gave me a sly smile. “Hello, Gabi. You and I need to have a chat.”
“No, we don’t. My dad is expecting me home.”
I tried to move again, but Ryan pushed me up against the wall and then put his hands against the brick on either side of my head, boxing me in. I felt dwarfed by him, and wished I was taller, so I could at least appear intimidating. I’d never hated my small, curvy frame any more than I did right at that moment.
I froze, pinning myself against the brick wall behind me, as though hoping I could push myself through it and disappear. My heart beat so hard it felt as though it filled my whole body, blood pounding in my ears, the pulse thrumming in my fingertips. I glanced around frantically, my eyes darting from side to side, praying for someone to come along and ask Ryan what he was doing, but the street remained deserted.
He leaned in closer, his head tilted to one side so he brushed his nose up my neck and jaw, to exhale in my ear. I held my breath, just wishing he would go away. Tears filled my eyes, but I didn’t want him to see them, knowing they would only give him another reason to taunt me.
“Mmm, sweet,” he rasped against my skin. “I can understand what our little Cole sees in you.”
“Please, I need to go,” I managed to say. “My dad is waiting for me.”
But he ignored me. “I can see what Cole sees in you, but what do you see in him? You know you could have one of us older guys, if you wanted?”
“Really, I’m fine as I am. Thank you.”
Thank you! Where the hell did ‘thank you’ come from? I should be telling him to get fucked, not thanking him. And yet, I guessed part of me hoped if I just played nicely, he’d let me go without anything bad happening.
I tried to duck under his arm, but he stepped in quickly, reducing the space between my body and his, so one more inch of movement and he’d be pressed right up against me.
“He’s just a boy, you know. Me and the rest of the guys, we’re real men. I assume Cole has fucked you already?”
My cheeks burned and I quickly glanced away.
He laughed. “That’s right. You’re not a sweet little virgin anymore, are you? None of the girls your age are these days. You’re all just a bunch of sluts, spreading your legs for the first guy who comes along. If you’d waited awhile, you could have had me do the dirty with you instead. I’d have loved to have popped your cherry.”
The tears I’d been fighting won the battle and spilled down my cheeks. I didn’t know what Ryan was going to do. Surely he wouldn’t try and assault me out here, in the middle of the street. Statistics about how you were more likely to be assaulted by someone you knew rather than a stranger ran through my head. What else was it they said? You should always put up a fight. A woman who screams and makes a nuisance of herself is more likely to be released than someone who does nothing. Cowards like Ryan only ever went for an easy target.
I wasn’t going to be an easy target.
I sucked in a breath and lifted my booted foot as high as I could manage. With all of my strength, I stamped down, making contact with the bridge of his foot. At the same time, I shrieked, “Fire! Help! There’s a fire!”
Ryan automatically ducked down to grab hold of his injured foot, looking at me with utter fury in his eyes. “What the fuck, you crazy bitch!”
But he’d moved away, and that was all that mattered. I ran, my arms pumping wildly, my only thought to put distance between me and Ryan. I didn’t think he would chase after me—he would know he’d be seen eventually and I was pretty sure he’d decide I wasn’t worth the trouble it would cause. Either that or he figured he would catch up with me later. I wondered if he knew who my dad was. Surely he wouldn’t try to pull this kind of shit if he did. Or perhaps he’d thought he was being seductive and sexy, and I’d taken it all the wrong way.
I wheeled around the corner, barely staying on my feet, feeling as though they were flying out behind me. My tears blurred my vision, and as I collided with a strong, solid body, I let out a shriek of shock.
“Gabi! Hey, Gabi! What’s wrong?”
I realized Cole had hold of me and I crumpled in his arms, crying in fear.
“I was just heading over to your house to meet you,” he said. “What’s happened?”
With heartbreaking sorrow, I realized I couldn’t tell him. If I did, I’d ruin the one thing he had going for him, the one thing in his life he loved. He’d never forgive Ryan for upsetting me in such a way. In fact, he’d probably head right over there and punch the guy in the face. I didn’t think for one moment that Ryan didn’t deserve to be punched, but I didn’t want Cole to be the one to do it. He was in enough trouble for getting into fights with his foster brother.
I untangled myself from his arms. “Nothing, Cole. Just leave me alone, okay.”
Putting my head down, I kept going for my house.
“Hey, Gabi, wait up!”
His feet pounded the sidewalk behind me, and his hand wrapped around my arm as he pulled me back.
“I said leave me alone!” I shrieked at him.
It was too much. I knew it even as the words left my mouth, but it was too late to take them back. He dropped his hold on my arm and his mouth fell open, his blue eyes full of confusion and pain. He didn’t know why I’d reacted to him in such a way, and I couldn’t tell him.
“I’m sorry, Cole,” I said, shaking my head and turning to run-walk toward my house. I just wanted to get into my bedroom and shut the door and not open it for a week.
Though I knew I couldn’t have Cole follow me, for fear of breaking down on him again and telling him exactly what had happened, I wanted nothing more than to be pulled into his arms so I could sob against his chest. I was still shaking from my encounter with Ryan, and I wondered how I would ever be able to face the guy again. From now on, if Cole ever invited me to band practice, I would need to have some seriously good excuses on hand.
I reached my house and fumbled with my keys, managing to unlock the door, despite my hands shaking. Dad was at work, and even though I was used to taking care of myself, right at that moment I wished he was home more than anything.
But I shook the thought from my head. It was better I was on my own. Just like Cole, my dad would know something was wrong right away, and then he’d be full of questions, and would get the truth out of me eventually. One thing my dad was good at was asking questions.
Despite it barely being evening yet, I took myself to bed, and climbed, fully clothed, beneath the covers. I ran the events leading up to what had happened over in my head. Had I done or said something to make Ryan think I was interested in him? I’d always done my best to be friendly toward him and the other guys, because I’d wanted them to like me. I’d thought Cole would like me even more if his friends had approved of me, and, because they were older, I knew they’d have more influence over him. How stupid of me. Had I taken things too far? Had what happened been my fault? Cole would be devastated if he thought I’d been flirting with Ryan.
Heavy despair clutched my heart and dragged it into the pit of my stomach. What if Ryan said something to Cole? What if Ryan told him I’d been flirting with him? I wouldn’t put it past him to do something so low.
Fresh tears sprang from my eyes and I buried my head beneath the cover, not knowing which way to turn, and I cried myself to sleep.