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Gabi- Present Day
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FOR THE FIRST TIME since Iraq, my life was starting to make sense again. For a while, I’d believed happiness was out of my reach, but instead it filled me once more—giddy, ridiculous happiness. Cole and I spent every moment we could together, as though making up for the ten years we had lost. My confidence about my leg was growing, and though I still felt self-conscious, Cole’s constant desire for me made me start to no longer care what other people thought. The only person who was important to me was him, and if other people didn’t like my leg, they could look the other way.
My dad even appeared to be drinking less. I thought he felt bad about not being around the night of the fireworks. Cole had been unable to contact him all of that night, even though Cole had sat up with me, and called my father’s house every half hour. My dad confessed he’d been passed out on the couch from ten-thirty, and had barely even noticed the fireworks, never mind heard the phone ringing. He seemed to be getting better, though I didn’t know how long it would last. He’d gone through phases of getting a better control on his drinking before, only to relapse again at a later date, so I was taking each good day as it came.
With my better state of mind, I’d also taken to walking as much as I could. I knew I wouldn’t be running again until I was ready to be fitted for a blade, but I figured I could still work on my fitness. Plus, now Cole and I were spending so much time in bed, I’d started to care about my figure again. Just because I was missing a limb didn’t mean the rest of my body couldn’t be smoking hot. Not that Cole seemed to mind what my body looked like—he loved me just the way I was—but I wanted to feel like I was looking the best for him, and all those months of being immobile hadn’t been kind to my waistline.
I began walking each morning, or afternoon, when Cole was at work. I started with twenty minutes, and gradually built up to thirty, then forty-five, and then an hour. It wasn’t easy, but I felt good doing it. I’d also discovered a fantastic little coffee shop about halfway into my route, and so treated myself to a latte midway. Okay, I knew that part wasn’t so good for my waistline, but I figured I’d been getting a lot of exercise in bed lately, too.
That day, I ordered my coffee and then lurked at the end of the counter, waiting for my takeout to be made. My name was called, and I took my drink and headed back outside, planning to finish my route. I stepped out of the doorway, onto the street, and someone blocked my way.
He had less hair than when I’d known him ten years ago, and had put on a little weight, but otherwise I’d have recognized him anywhere. It was the attitude surrounding him—the cocky, smug, superior air that followed him like a cloud of fog. He also had a graze beside his left eye and his lip looked swollen. I didn’t know what he’d been up to recently, but it appeared someone else had taken a disliking to him.
Over the years, I’d played this moment in my head. I’d imagined exactly what I would say to him, about how he must have felt like such a big man, threatening a teenage girl. I’d imagined that when I ran into him again, we’d both be adults, able to have a heated, but mature conversation, and he’d see how I was now a grown woman—an Army Captain, no less—who wouldn’t be intimidated by some little weasel of a man. I’d put my point across concisely, with just enough edge and bite to make him feel pathetic, and then I’d turn on my heel and march away, leaving him shrinking into the sidewalk.
The reality of that imagined conversation was very different. Just from his smile, and the way his eyes ran up and down my body, I could tell thirty-year-old Ryan was no different from twenty-year-old Ryan. Nothing I said to him would make an ounce of difference. Whatever he’d been doing over the last ten years, I didn’t think it had affected his personality a single iota.
“Well, well, well. What do we have here? It’s the little prick tease Cole Devonport used to hang out with.” I could hear the sneer in his tone.
I tried to shrug him off. “I don’t have time for this.”
Glancing away from him slightly, perhaps hoping that if I didn’t engage him, he’d leave me alone, I moved to walk past him. He stepped into my way, blocking the sidewalk and forcing me to stop. I’d managed men like him plenty of times in the Army. Cocky young guys who didn’t think a woman belonged there, who would tell me I was only going to get myself and other people killed. I’d proven them wrong back then—perhaps I’d been a little cocky myself. I’d shown myself to be an equal by being fast, and strong, and smart. But that was before the incident where I’d lost my leg and a good man had died. Going through that had shaken my confidence to the core. I’d rebuilt myself after Cole had broken my heart in so many different ways, but I was still in pieces from the bombing. I’d quite literally left a piece of myself in Iraq.
Plus, there was that niggling worry in the back of my mind which said those men had been right. I had gotten a man killed by not acting quickly enough, and I had almost gotten myself killed, too. How could I believe anything else about myself when my worst fears had come true?
I forced myself to lift my eyes to his. “Get out of my way, Ryan.”
“No chance. We’re having a little catch up.”
“I don’t want to talk to you. Not now, not ever.”
I willed for someone else to walk down the street, or for a car to pull up beside us and ask what was going on, but everything remained quiet. Perhaps I should turn around and go back into the coffee shop, but I didn’t want him to think I was afraid of him. I was in this on my own.
“Now, that’s no way to treat an old friend.”
“Old friend? You were never a friend. Not to me, not to Cole either. If he hadn’t known you and your buddies, he might have gone on to live a whole different life.”
“Bullshit. He was old enough to make his own choices. We gave him an opportunity, that’s all, and he took it.” He studied my face for a second and one side of his upper lip lifted. “Don’t tell me you’re still hot for Cole? Does he know that?”
I hated my face for coloring at his suggestion. “That’s none of your business. But I cared about him back then, and you screwed his life up. What are you even doing back in Willowbrook, Ryan? Surely you had bigger and better things to do with your life than hang around here?”
“I heard Cole was out, and thought I’d see what the big guy was up to these days.”
Sudden anger spurted inside me. “You stay away from Cole!”
He laughed. “Aww, are you worried I’m going to lead your boyfriend astray?” His expression hardened. “Oh, but wait, he’s not even your boyfriend anymore, is he? He dumped you pretty hard, from what I heard. He’s also no longer a boy. He’s a man, and a fucking criminal at that, so I’m pretty sure he can make up his own mind about who he does and doesn’t want to hang out with. He seemed pretty pleased to see me the other night at the diner, shook my hand and everything. Perhaps he’s getting sick of washing up other people’s pots for a living, and is interested in something a little more profitable.”
“Just stay away from both me and Cole,” I said, trying to sound braver than I felt.
His nostrils flared. “Or what?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but a different voice came from behind me. “You okay, Miss?”
I turned to see an older man who’d also been in the coffee shop, standing behind me.
“Yes, she’s fine,” Ryan snapped.
“Actually, I was just leaving.” I turned to the man who’d come to my rescue. “Thank you.”
“No problem, Miss. You take care of yourself.”
I walked away, feeling Ryan watch me go.