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Eventually, her tears dried and she was left sitting on the floor with the skin of her face tight and her eyes sore.
Jenna glanced down at the mountainous shelf of her breasts, at the double roll of fat around her middle, at the thickness of her thighs. She suppressed a fresh sob. She was disgusting. How could Ryker even find her attractive? He deserved so much better than her. With the way he looked, and even the way he acted, he could have some slim, beauty-pageant girl instead of the big, fat, lumpy person she was. She didn’t understand why he seemed to want to be around her so badly.
I won’t eat, she swore to herself. I’ll just stop eating, and not let anything except water pass my lips—she backpedalled—or coffee, anyway, and then I’ll be thin.
Then she’d be worthy of the attention of someone as sweet and sexy as Ryker Russo.
But no, she realized, her heart sinking. Even if she was thin, she’d still be ugly. The red, raised, twisted scar Garrett had gifted her with would still exist. She would still be a woman living on borrowed time with a madman on her heels.
Despite all of her emotions, it was past lunchtime now, and she was hungry.
Fuck it.
What was the point in worrying about her weight anyway, considering everything else she was going through? She’d never have a guy like Ryker. Hell, she’d be lucky to make it through the next few weeks, never mind worry about a future.
Jenna sniffed, wiped her face, and clambered to her feet. She went to the telephone on the desk, dialed reception, and asked for the number to the pizza place on Fore Street which Ryker had recommended. The guy on reception said he’d put her through, so she waited, listening to the ring of the phone until someone picked up.
“Gianni’s,” a bright, female voice chirped.
“Hi, can I place an order, please?”
“Collect or deliver?”
“Deliver. I’m at the Sunshine Motor Lodge in town. Room twelve.”
There was a pause as the girl on the other end typed in her address, then she said, “Sure. What can I get you?”
“I don’t have a menu, but I’d like a meat feast, double cheese, on thin pan, and then a side of chicken wings, and some dips.”
“No problem. Can I get you any drinks or deserts?”
Jenna hated herself even as she said it, “Sure. A bottle of pop, and a tub of ice cream. Chocolate, if you have it.”
“Sure do, Ma’am. Is that everything?”
“Yeah, thanks. I’ll pay cash on delivery.”
“Your order will be with you in about twenty minutes.”
Jenna hung up and went to sit on the bed and wait. Just the thought of the warm, gooey cheese, and the stodgy pizza base was enough to get her mouth watering. This was her comfort—like being wrapped in a fat soaked, carbohydrate infested hug that would never let her down. Even though she’d only just sworn to herself that she’d get thin, she had nothing else in her life. Nothing else gave her pleasure the way food did. But she was punishing herself as well as trying to make herself feel better. She knew the pizza and ice cream weren’t good for her, but she couldn’t help herself.
Anyway, before the accident, she’d been on every diet around. She jumped on each new fad that emerged and stayed with it for a couple of weeks, and lost a few pounds. Then the bad habits would start creeping in and soon enough that particular diet would be forgotten, and the pounds she’d lost would pile back on, together with a few more for good measure. The truth was, she just loved good food and wine—hell, it didn’t even need to be that great! Eating meals was one thing she could structure her day around and look forward to. Without them, her life would be even more miserable than it already was.
But you might have Ryker here, a little voice piped up in her head.
No, she wouldn’t. She couldn’t keep blaming everything on her weight. Her life was way more complicated than a few extra pounds.
A knock on the door sounded and she hopped from the bed, eager to get her delivery. The guy standing in front of the door handed her a warm pizza box, the tang of pepperoni and warm dough seeping through the cardboard to meet her. She handed him some notes, as he passed her over a bag containing the sides and dessert.
“Thanks. Keep the change.”
She gently closed the door and carried the items over to the desk like sacred possessions. Opening the pizza box, she inhaled the scent of fried food and felt like she was home. The chicken wings were just right; enough crunch to the skin without being overly greasy, and the pizza dough was light, with pepperoni, ham, sausage, and meatballs on top. She used the dips to dunk the crusts into, relishing every mouthful.
When all that was left was a greasy smear on the bottom of the cardboard box, she poured herself a soda and took the ice cream tub from the bag. She had a couple of teaspoons with the coffee and kettle the motel supplied, so she took them to the bathroom sink and scrubbed them to make sure they were clean. Then she carried the spoons and tub to the bed and settled her laptop in front of her.
The ice cream was just how she liked it, melted around the edges of the tub so she started there and worked her way inward.
Ryker was right. Gianni’s did great food.
She pushed away the painful surge the thought of Ryker had generated. She needed to forget she’d ever met him. That was the only way she’d get through this. It was going to be hard getting her car back and having to see him again then, but perhaps she could ask if the other guy—Sam—could handle it?
Jenna imagined how hurt Ryker would be if she didn’t even want to see him long enough to say goodbye, and knew she’d never be able to make such a request.
With a stomach full of food and a carb overdose, combined with the early start and all the emotion of the day, Jenna found she struggled to keep her eyes open. She pushed everything littering the bed to the floor, and curled up on her side, pulling the blankets over her body.
Within two minutes, she was asleep.
––––––––
SHE WAS BACK OUTSIDE of the bar again.
A couple of guys were lit by a yellow glow flooding from the bar doorway, their faces obscured by the cloud of smoke from their cigarettes. Help! She wanted to call to them. Help me! But when she opened her mouth no sound came out.
Instead, she found herself unwillingly turning to face the vehicle in which she had almost died. It was as if she was on a revolving platform and it swiveled around to position her in front of the car door. Her hand reached out and opened the door.
No, stop it. Don’t get in there!
But she didn’t seem to have any control over her body. She slid into the seat, settling herself behind the wheel.
You can’t drive! You’ve been drinking!
No, no I haven’t. But she was confused. Have I? She couldn’t taste alcohol, but she might have had a glass of wine or two. Was that enough to take her over the limit?
Whether she had or not, she found the key in the ignition and turned it, the car rumbling to life. Garrett is going to be furious when he finds out I’ve taken his car. Yet she was incapable of doing anything else.
She put the car into gear and started to drive out of the parking lot. She craned her neck, staring helplessly at the two men standing outside of the bar. I know them, she thought. I know who they are now. Yet she couldn’t remember their names or the reason why she knew them.
She took the same road into town where she’d been in the accident, helpless to do anything other than follow the same route.
I don’t want to be here. It’s going to happen again.
Movement came from behind her. Someone leaned over the backseat and spoke against the back of her head. “You know you’re about to die, right?”
Garrett!
Jenna froze, her fingers tight around the steering wheel, her knuckles white. Her heart pounded and her breath came in short gasps.
No, she wanted to say. I don’t die. I don’t!
A second figure leaned forward, over the back of the passenger seat, his forearms locked around the headrest, his fingers casually linked together. She recognized the pattern of tattoos covering his skin, the thick silver ring on his finger.
“The fat bitch deserves to die,” Ryker said, humor in his tone. “She’s so fucking dumb.”
No, that isn’t you talking, Ryker. That was Garrett’s voice. The things he used to say.
“Yeah,” laughed Garrett. “Stupidest fat bitch I’ve ever met.”
The headlights of the car illuminated the dark road. The trees either side appeared to create a tunnel through which she sped.
“Faster, little bitch,” Garrett spat in her ear. “You might as well end it. No one is ever going to love you anyway.”
That’s not true.
But even as she thought the words, her foot pressed harder on the gas and the car sped up. From the back seat, the two men laughed as if they were in on the world’s biggest joke. The road tore by, faster and faster, and the bend approached. She desperately wanted to lift her foot off the gas and slam on the brake, but she was frozen in position.
Garrett leaned forward again and the laughter died off. He spoke low and menacing in her ear.
“I’m coming to find you, bitch. You won’t escape me this time.”
––––––––
SHE JOLTED UPRIGHT to the sound of her cell phone ringing. Her face felt wet and tight, a sob building in her chest, even as she exhaled the cry. She pressed the balls of her hands into her eyes, trying to anchor herself in the real world and allow the nightmare to fade.
The ringing phone was insistent.
Jenna took another breath and reached out for her cell. The thought it might be Ryker calling flashed through her head, but the dream was still too present in her mind, and the idea sent a shiver racing through her.
But when the screen flashed in the late evening gloom, it was Detective Nick Harlem’s name that was showing.
A deepening sense of dread settled in her gut.
She answered the call, “Hello.”
“Jenna, hi, it’s Nick.”
“Hi, Nick. Don’t take this badly, but I can’t say it’s good to hear from you.”
“No offence taken. I can’t say I’m too happy about calling you either.”
“So, what’s going on?”
“I don’t want you to panic, Jenna, but I felt you had a right to know.”
She clenched her fist. “Just tell me.”
“Garrett didn’t turn up to his parole meeting today.”
The news didn’t surprise her. She’d never once imagined Garrett sticking to any rules they’d dished out to him upon leaving jail. As soon as he’d found his freedom, he’d have started his search for her. Garrett was single minded, and he wouldn’t give a shit if someone told him to be somewhere at a particular time.
“Jenna? You still there?”
She shook herself from her thoughts. “Yeah, I’m here.”
“Listen to me. It’s only a parole meeting. He could have gotten drunk and fallen asleep and missed it. It’s nothing to panic about. I just wanted to be upfront with you.”
She spoke, but her voice sounded distant. “Thanks Nick. I appreciate that.”
“Okay.” He hesitated. “Well, stay safe, okay? And call me if you need anything.”
“Thanks, Nick. Bye.”
She hung up and put her head back in her hands. She’d never been more sure of anything in her life.
Garrett was coming to find her.