Days passed, then a week, then another. Colin’s parent made the trip over, and Helen and Grant made plans for a large dinner party at their home to celebrate the engagement.
The day of the party, I arrived early, and the arrangements Helen had made took my breath away. The garden had been converted to something out of a fairy tale with a long dinner table, beribboned chairs, and colorful flowers on the table and around the garden in strategically placed flowerpots.
“It’s so beautiful,” I exclaimed when she led me out to show me the decorations.
“I’m hoping it helps lift the gloom around here, even if only for one evening,” Helen said.
I went upstairs to join Amy. I’d brought some last-minute wardrobe change options for her, and she agonized over which dress to wear.
“Jason is on his way,” she told me when she noticed my faraway expression. “Are you sure this is okay?”
I chuckled. “I’m sure I can spend an evening in the same house without dissolving into tears.”
“I know you’re trying to be strong, but we live together. I know how much this affects you.”
The spontaneous tears, the late-night weeping…of course she hadn’t missed all that.
“We’re not talking about all that today,” I said with forced cheerfulness as I went to the window. The view of the lake from her room was like a painting in the late afternoon light. “I see why you decided to become a photographer, surrounded by views like these.”
She snorted at my attempt to change the subject, but she avoided talking about Jason for the rest of the afternoon. Soon, people started to arrive, and we went down to join the others.
Jason had arrived while we were upstairs, and I saw him as soon as I descended the stairs. He came into the hall holding two bottles of champagne for his father’s consideration, and as Grant studied them, Jason looked up and our eyes locked.
My stomach knotted and I tried to smile, but my face felt stiff. I kept walking, leaving Amy behind and going to the garden to join the other guests.
The party was lively. There was a band, and after the classical tunes while we were eating, they moved on to pop anthems after dinner. Most of the guests were people Colin worked with, Amy’s friends, and some family friends. Colin’s mother was bobbing her head to the music, and she smiled when she saw me looking.
“Daphne, right? Amy’s roommate.” She was a tall woman with a crisp accent, like Colin’s only just a little bit softer.
I nodded.
“She talks a lot about you. Why aren’t you dancing?”
I laughed and shook my head. “I don’t feel like much of a dancer today.”
“Did Amy tell you I’m a librarian? She says you love to read.”
We talked about books for a while then the music changed to a slow song.
“You really shouldn’t be talking to me while this song is playing.” She laughed and looked behind me. “Jason,” she said. I turned in the direction she was facing and saw him standing only a few feet away. “Come on,” Colin’s mother said. “This is a nice song, why don’t you take your girlfriend for a spin.”
I’m not his girlfriend. The words hovered on my tongue, and it hurt that they were true now. I couldn’t keep fooling myself. He had pushed me away and closed all the doors. I was holding on to a foolish hope that he would see reason.
If it never happened, where would that leave me?
Jason smiled, dazzling me and making my heart ache at the same time. “Why not?” he said softly, taking my hand. I followed him to the area of lawn that had been marked as the dance floor, and he pulled me close. The music was slow, and as we moved together, I kept my body away from his, resisting the urge to sink into his arms.
“You look lovely,” he whispered.
I exhaled. “Thank you.” I paused. “How’s your mother?”
He stiffened. “She’s okay.”
I closed my eyes, wanting nothing more than to rest my head on his chest, to breathe him in and allow myself to feel at home. I let out a shaky breath, and his hand tightened on my back.
Amy and Colin were dancing slowly, eyes closed.
“They look happy,” Jason said.
Suddenly, it was too much. I stopped moving and took a step back. “I need a moment,” I said, feeling close to tears. I left him and walked into the house, not sure where I was going. I wandered through the living room and kitchen and went out through the back door.
In the distance, the lake shimmered, inviting me. I hitched up the hem of my dress and cut across the lawn, heading for the water. There was a wooden deck that led directly into the lake, and a pebbled path cut through the grassy shore. I took off my shoes and walked a small distance along the water. I ached to leave everything behind, to just keep walking until my pain disappeared.
But that was wishful thinking. After a few minutes, I turned back toward the house, and as I drew close, I saw Jason’s tall figure walking toward me.
I stopped, waiting as he came right at me.
“You didn’t have to follow me,” I said. “I’m fine. I just needed a moment.”
“Away from me.”
I sighed. “Are you surprised?”
“No,” he said. “No, of course not.” I started to walk, and he held out a hand to stop me. “I want to talk to you,” he said. “I’d been hoping to get you alone at some point.”
I shook my head. “Almost everything you say these days hurts me. Maybe I’m done taking the punishment.”
He drew me close, and I had to crane my neck to look into his face. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” he said quietly.
“You didn’t hurt me, Jason. You broke my heart. You’re breaking my heart.”
“You think I don’t know that? This whole situation has been killing me too.”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “You pushed me out of your life like I was nothing.”
“You know that’s not true, Daphne. You are everything.”
“Is there a point to this conversation?” I said, my eyes wet. “You never thought about how I felt, how it felt for me knowing you were dealing with this alone. I thought we were a team, but when push came to shove, you decided you were better off alone.”
“I wanted you to be better off, without me.”
“I don’t want to be,” I cried. “How hard is that to understand? I only want to be with you.”
Silence followed my outburst. A cricket chirped. Jason reached into his jacket pocket and gave me a small envelope. “After that day at the facility, I went to get the test.”
He handed me the letter, and my fingers curled around it. At that moment, it felt like whatever was in the envelope was the source of all my pain. Without thinking, I crumpled the paper and tossed it in the lake.
“I told you I don’t care. I don’t care if you’re affected. I don’t care if one day you forget who I am. I will always know who you are. I don’t care if we adopt beautiful babies or go through a complicated in vitro fertilization process or whatever if we want to have children. I don’t care. I just want to be with you.”
His eyes were glistening as his arms tightened around me. My anger melted as I relaxed in his embrace, and he buried his face in my hair.
“I don’t deserve you,’ he whispered.
“You do,” I said heatedly. “You deserve everything. You deserve the world, and me, the very best parts of me.”
“All of you,” he said softly. “I want all of you.” He looked toward the lake, and I saw his lips curve in the moonlight. “I think there are strict rules about littering around this neighborhood,” he said, amused.
“I can’t believe you’re joking.” I sniffed. “I’m sorry I threw your test results away.”
“It’s okay.” He shrugged. “I already saw it.”
My heart stopped, and a wave of hope threatened to drown me. I closed my eyes. “Don’t tell me.”
“I’m not affected.”
I started to sob. “Oh my God!”
He wrapped his arms around my shaking body as I sobbed for a long time, relief and happiness making me forget my makeup, even the party.
“These past few weeks…” His voice shook. “I’ve been half a person without you.”
“You didn’t have to be,” I scolded. I was still angry, and even my happiness couldn’t drown out the weeks of pain. “You hurt me.”
“I’m sorry.” He kissed my forehead, and I sighed. “For what it’s worth, it felt like I was tearing myself to pieces every moment. Every time you cried, I died inside.”
“It was unnecessary. You made promises to me, Jason.”
“I know, but I thought I was doing the right thing for you.”
I took a step back and searched his face. “What if the test results had come back showing that you were affected? Would you be here right now, or would you still be pushing me away?”
“Daphne…”
“You can’t think you’re only good enough for me when you’re perfect,” I said. “That’s not how this works.”
“I know.” He exhaled. “I was losing my resolve anyway. It might have taken a while longer, but I was always this close to coming to lay myself at your feet.
“You wouldn’t have had to. I’d take you however you are. I’ve always been yours.”
A fish jumped in the lake, causing a shimmer in the water. From the house, the strains of a love song floated toward us. Jason took a deep breath and pulled something from his pocket.
“I’ve been carrying this around every day,” he said softly. “Like a charm…or a prayer.” He took my hand in his, and then as he looked at my face, he went down on one knee.
I hitched in a breath and my eyes filled with tears.
He put the ring at the tip of my finger, eyes still on my face. “May I?”
I nodded, and he slipped it on before standing and taking my lips with his.
From the house, there was a burst of fireworks, and as the sky filled with light, my heart followed suit, bursting with unmeasurable happiness.