…never knowed nobody what wasn’t a stranger firstest time I met ’em…
Monroe D. Underwood
The fog was lifting and the cigar smoke was gone.
Wallace said who was that mean-looking gorilla?
I shrugged.
I said just a guy who gave me a job in some burg called Stranger City.
Wallace said well he had a Cadillac about forty feet long.
He said with a goddam chauffeur yet.
I said Wallace where the hell is Stranger City?
Wallace gave me a look of disbelief.
He said Chance do you mean to sit there and tell me you never heard of Stranger City?
I said why hell yes I mean to sit here and tell you I never heard of Stranger City.
I said what’s so goddam unusual about never hearing of a place nobody ever heard of?
Wallace said why a long time ago Stranger City was real big news.
I said so was Halley’s comet.
Wallace said I got the whole Stranger City story out of some book.
Old Dad Underwood said what was the name of it?
Wallace folded his arms across his chest.
He glared at Old Dad Underwood.
He said the name of it was The Whole Stranger City Story.
Old Dad Underwood said how many crayons you use up?
I said tell me what happened in Stranger City for Christ’s sake.
Wallace said well there was a dozen bad guys blowed in and they was going to take over the town only this here stranger showed up and wiped ’em out.
Old Dad Underwood said what was he packing some kind of death-ray?
Wallace said he wasn’t packing nothing but a pair of six-guns.
Old Dad Underwood said what color?
Wallace said black.
Old Dad Underwood said you colored ’em wrong.
He said they is blue.
I said on with the story.
Wallace said well he kilt twelve guys with twelve shots.
Old Dad Underwood said didn’t nobody notice if he was riding a white horse?
Wallace said didn’t nobody notice much of anything.
He said he was a stranger.
He said that’s why they call it Stranger City.
He said you can figger that out can’t you?
Old Dad Underwood said what did they call it before they called it Stranger City?
Wallace said Lilacville.
He said they had a whole mess of them yellow flowers all over.
Old Dad Underwood said lilacs ain’t yellow.
Wallace said well they was yellow when I got through.
Old Dad Underwood said I like Lilacville better.
Wallace put his hands on his hips.
He said just how many drinks you had?
Old Dad Underwood said I never count drinks.
He said I work it with percentages.
He said like just now I am maybe sixty-two percent through give or take a few nightcaps.
Wallace said well maybe you would be sixty-two percent through if you was over at Spud’s place but in Wallace’s tavern you are one hunnert percent through and there ain’t gonna be no nightcaps.
I said good God will you finish the story?
Wallace said this here stranger got kilt in the shoot-out but he saved Stranger City and nobody never found out who he was.
Old Dad Underwood said Jesus Christ.
Wallace shook his head.
He said he didn’t have no beard.