Scarlet was at the store and Luna was taking a nap, since she’d been a little fussy all afternoon. Mason was finally getting more comfortable having the baby with no one else around, but he was certainly feeling more confident with Luna asleep. Carroll was planning on coming back tonight after several days of misery on her sister’s couch, so soon neither he nor Scarlet would have to watch Luna every second of the day.
That was good. He had a company to run and Scarlet was headed to San Francisco soon to open her latest gallery. Neither of them had really had the chance to adapt their lives to the addition of a baby. If Scarlet could’ve gotten pregnant or they were going through the adoption process, they would’ve had months to plan and prepare before a child arrived. Luna was simply there one day. Carroll had been convenient to slip into their lives, but adjustments still needed to be made.
Especially once he was on his own without Scarlet.
She knew exactly what to do when it came to handling babies, while he was completely clueless. He wasn’t entirely sure how she got so comfortable around them, but he admired her for it. A lot of it just seemed like a mother’s instinct.
Mason was about to consider a nap of his own when he heard a sudden, angry wail coming from Luna’s nursery. He didn’t know much, but he was pretty certain that something was wrong. It didn’t sound like her usual cry for food or a change of diaper. He opened the door to the nursery and found that she had gone from fussy to a complete meltdown.
She was standing in the crib, gripping the bars with her tiny fists. Her face was bright red with both tears and a stream of snot running down her face. He picked her up and held her close, her cheek brushing across his. He nearly flinched from the contact because her skin was burning up with fever.
Mason tried not to panic. Babies got sick. That was just what happened. But he didn’t know exactly what to do. At the same time, he didn’t want to call for help either. If he was going to raise Luna, he needed to be able to figure this out on his own.
He carried her over to the changing table and opened the drawers until he found one filled with creams, medicines and something that looked like a weird flashlight. Picking it up, he realized it was actually an in-ear thermometer. He tested it on himself, then carefully pressed it to Luna’s ear.
After a few seconds, it beeped and the screen read 100.9 degrees. It was higher than his, but he wasn’t sure how high was too high for her age. He carried her into the kitchen to look up the pediatrician’s phone number where they’d posted it on the refrigerator for Carroll. He was fishing his phone out of his pocket while holding a squirming and still screaming Luna when Scarlet came in through the garage with her hands full of grocery bags.
Her dark brown eyes widened as she took in the scene in the kitchen. “What’s wrong?” she asked and placed the groceries on the ground.
He’d never been so happy to see Scarlet in his life. He didn’t want to call for help, but if she was here, he could at least watch and learn. “She woke up from her nap with a fever and a runny nose. I was about to call the pediatrician to see if we need to take her in or not.”
“Did you take her temperature?”
“Yes,” Mason said, thankful he’d at least gotten the first step right. “Yes, it’s just under 101.”
“That’s good. Any higher can be dangerous. Did you give her some baby Motrin?”
He shook his head. “Not yet. Is that what you give babies for fever?”
Scarlet nodded. “It’s in the guest bathroom cabinet. I’ll go get it. That should help bring down her fever, and if we can’t get her to the doctor until tomorrow, she’ll at least be more comfortable.”
“How do we get her to swallow a pill?” Mason asked, trailing behind her.
“It’s a liquid.” She pulled the box from the bathroom and showed him the bottle with the dropper. “She won’t take pills until she’s quite a bit older.”
Mason felt both stupid and relieved at the same time. He remembered trying to get the family cat to take a pill once and it had been a nightmare. He couldn’t imagine doing that to an infant. He had so much to learn; it was more intimidating than college. No matter how this new family had come about, Mason wanted to do a good job. He didn’t want Luna to cry for her nanny when she was hurt or sick. He wanted her to want him, like she would her real daddy. That meant knowing how to handle these kinds of situations, and he was starting from the very bottom.
He held Luna as Scarlet filled the dropper and squirted it into Luna’s open mouth. The sudden arrival startled her out of crying for a moment as she swallowed the medicine. Her bottom lip pouted out—he imagined the flavor wasn’t so great—and then she began to cry again.
“What now?”
“I think we make her a cool bottle of electrolyte water so she doesn’t get dehydrated and I’ll call the doctor.”
“Okay.” Mason rocked Luna back and forth on the balls of his feet while Scarlet disappeared into the kitchen to make the call he’d tried to make earlier. By the time she’d gotten off the phone, Luna had calmed down a little, so he carried her into the living room and sat down in a recliner. He rocked back and forth, petting her back and trying to soothe her as much as he could. Eventually, her cries faded to a fussy sort of whining that was much easier to take.
He didn’t like this at all. Mason was the CEO of his own company. He was used to being able to handle any situation. He snapped his fingers and a dozen people ran out of the room to make things happen. There was nothing he could do to fix this. They could give her medicine and make her comfortable, but an illness usually had to run its course. He didn’t like seeing Luna miserable, and this was just a fever. He couldn’t imagine her being seriously ill or hospitalized.
Scarlet came into the room with a bottle. “The nurse said that the fever is low enough not to bring her in tonight. At this point, they can’t be sure if it’s just a cold or if Carroll gave her the flu. They said to keep an eye on things and bring her in tomorrow morning. If she develops any other flu symptoms, they can give her the medication for that.”
Mason was relieved they didn’t think it was serious, but their response still left him with questions. “So what can we do for now? She’s pretty miserable.”
“Give her this for a start,” she said, handing over the bottle of water. “If she’ll drink it. The medicine should kick in pretty soon and her fever will go down. We can give her a cool bath. Hold her a lot. Basically, just love on her and keep her from getting overheated.”
Mason offered the bottle to Luna and she took it, sniffling sadly as she suckled on it. “How do you know all this stuff?” he asked her when Luna appeared to be settled for the moment. “You were an only child. You weren’t raised around any other kids, were you?”
“No. But when we found out we were getting Evan, I read a lot so I’d be prepared on day one. I was so worried I was going to screw something up and they’d take him away.”
Mason’s jaw tightened. Her worst fears had been realized through no fault of her own and he hated that, but it was another scenario he had no control over. Child-rearing was far more stressful than business any day. “I don’t know how I’m going to manage this on my own.”
Scarlet sat back on the couch and looked at him. “You’re doing just fine.”
“Because you came home just in time.”
“No,” she insisted with a shake of her head. “You checked her temperature and you were about to call the doctor. They would’ve told you what to do even if you weren’t sure. You could’ve handled this. You’re going to be a great father. I always thought you would be.”
He wasn’t so sure of that, but he knew she was destined to be a great mother. Part of him wanted her to be that mother to Luna, but he wouldn’t force that on her. If she wanted her own children, she deserved that.
“I remember you sitting in that same chair holding Evan not long after he came to us,” she continued. “I was so enamored with him I’d hardly put him down for a week, but I was desperate for a shower. You took him while I washed my hair, and when I came downstairs, the two of you were just like this.”
Mason remembered that day. He’d been terrified by the idea of holding such a small baby, but he’d done just fine. At least for fifteen minutes or so. Evan slept most of the time, so it hadn’t been as much of a challenge as today had been. “You had the magic touch with Evan. The minute you picked him up, he’d stop crying.”
“It’s not magic,” Scarlet said. “It’s love and trust. The baby bonds with you and you with it. When they know that you’ll do whatever it takes to keep them safe and happy, that’s where they want to be. Eventually, Evan would’ve been just as contented with you as he was with me. And the same goes for Luna. You’re going to be her whole world and she’ll love you more than anyone else on the planet, and you’ll feel the same way. When you run across a speed bump, you’ll figure it out. That’s just parenting. You can’t expect to know everything, but you adapt and the baby learns to trust in you.”
Mason looked down at Luna, who had let the bottle slip from her lips as she fell asleep, then back up at Scarlet. “I never wanted to do this without you. Whenever I imagined a family, it had you in it.”
“Life doesn’t always turn out the way you plan,” Scarlet said with a sad, distant look in her eye. “You two will be just fine.”
Mason watched as she turned and walked back into the kitchen to deal with the groceries and end the conversation. He hoped she was right.
* * *
Things had begun to return to normal after a day or two. The new normal, anyway. Carroll was back, Luna was on medication and was feeling better. They were starting to settle into a groove. At least it felt that way.
Scarlet was feeling anything but settled. She felt like the world was tipping on its axis and the scariest part of it all was that she liked it. It was far too easy to return to the life she had with Mason, especially adding the piece of her life she always felt was missing. Having Luna made almost everything fall into place for her. That was what made it frightening. This couldn’t possibly be her happily-ever-after, could it? Could the Fates really give her everything she wanted and let her be happy? She just couldn’t believe it. There had to be a catch.
She was pretty sure that catch was Mason. She just wasn’t sure if he felt the same way about how things were going between them. They hadn’t really talked about the night they’d spent together. Both of them had artfully dodged the situation, and with Luna getting sick, it was easy to do it. She wasn’t sure where they stood long-term. What she did know was that she wasn’t going back into this relationship again just because he was scared to care for Luna alone. That was a recipe for disaster.
He’d walked away from their marriage once because he didn’t feel like he could give his best to her. Before she could trust her heart in his hands a second time, she had to know that he was in it for the long haul, no matter what challenges came their way. Those things were inevitable, but they were easier to tackle with someone else than alone. At the same time, she didn’t want him coming back just because he was afraid to face those scary things without her help.
When she came home from her office that evening, she found the house quieter than it had been since everyone else moved in. She’d stayed late getting things ready for the grand opening but was still surprised by the stillness.
“Hello?” she called as she stepped through the foyer.
“Hello,” Mason’s voice answered back.
She followed the sound through the sliding glass doors to the deck. Mason was sitting out there with his laptop and a half-empty bottle of beer. “Where’s Luna and Carroll?”
“Luna is down for the night and Carroll is reading in her room, so I came out here to work. You stayed pretty late at the office tonight.”
She nodded. She did most of her work at home, but she did have an office she went into occasionally to handle the business side of her art. Today, it was going over all the plans April had put together, overseeing the shipment of works up to the new gallery, finalizing the catering arrangements and approving the hiring of the employees who would be manning the new location.
“Gallery openings are exciting and wonderful and stressful all at once.”
He nodded. She’d watched him go through the same anxiety every time he opened a new surf shop. “Well, grab a glass of wine and join me out here. It’s a beautiful night.”
That was an excellent suggestion. As a couple before children came into the picture, they’d spent more evenings than she could count out on this deck talking. Over a bottle of wine, they’d catch up on their busy work lives, reconnect emotionally and enjoy the soothing rush of the waves at their back door. She didn’t realize how much she’d missed those moments with him until she joined him on the porch with a full glass of merlot.
This was where they’d always had their important talks. Something about the sea and the safety of their deck retreat made it easier to share their feelings. Maybe by the time she’d gotten halfway through this wine, she’d have the nerve to bring up their brief encounter the other night. On an empty stomach, the first two sips were strong, warming her blood and loosening her tongue.
“I’m glad we have this moment together to talk. I feel like things have been so hectic lately.”
She nodded, deciding to let him say what was on his mind first. It might make whatever she wanted to discuss moot. “It’s been a whirlwind since you and Luna arrived.”
“Scarlet, things have really been…nice…since I came back. Being here feels just like before. Sitting on this deck with you, it’s like the last year and a half never even happened. I probably shouldn’t say this, but I hate my new house.”
“Why?” She hadn’t been there, of course, but she had no doubt it was superluxurious. Mason strived for the best in all things. Building in Malibu had been their dream, but his place in the Hills was hardly a shack.
“Because it’s not home.” He looked around their backyard, which included the Pacific Ocean, and reached out to take her hand. When he leaned in, the spicy scent of his cologne mingled with the sea air and tickled at her nose. “This feels like home.”
Scarlet couldn’t pull away although she knew she should. She liked the feel of her hand in his. The warmth of his skin enveloped her, and he was right, it did feel like home. It hadn’t until he came back. The big house had seemed hollow when she was alone and she’d spent many nights walking around wondering how she could ever fill it.
At the same time, she couldn’t shake the worry about his timing. Without Luna, he wouldn’t be here saying these things to her. This was still the man who left her, and she had to keep reminding herself of that, especially when he leaned in close and smiled at her this way.
“When I realized Jay was leaving Luna to me, it was like the whole world was collapsing around me. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I know moving in on your life and pretending like our breakup never happened wasn’t ideal, especially for you, but I don’t regret it. Being here, raising Luna together, has shown me a lot about the life we never got to have.”
She knew what he meant. Even as they avoided the consequences of the physical relationship, she understood how easily it had happened. Slipping back into their life was so easy. So comfortable. She had to fight not to let herself get carried away by the fantasy they created when it was everything she had ever wanted in her life.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t give this to you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t keep Evan home where he belonged. All you wanted was to have a family with me, and no matter what I seemed to do, I just made it worse.”
“None of it was your fault.”
“It feels like my fault. But even if all of that was out of my control, leaving you was my fault. I hurt you and I’m sorry for that.”
“Thank you,” she said, accepting the apology he offered. “I’m sorry for disappearing on you the other night.”
“I didn’t blame you,” Mason said as his thumb brushed over the back of her hand. “We didn’t plan that, and I don’t think either of us were ready to deal with what it meant, if anything, to ourselves and to each other.”
“I think we both needed some comfort and a release after everything that has happened.”
He nodded. “It was more than that for me, though. That, more than anything else, really made me feel like I’d come home. This place, this life, making love to you again…it was amazing, Scarlet. And I can’t stop thinking about it. Thinking about you.”
Scarlet held her breath as she anticipated what he would say next. This whole conversation had been unexpected for her. They’d tried to keep their focus on Luna and the situation, but this was treading into unexpected territory.
“I don’t know what to do, honestly. I still feel like letting you start a new life is the best thing for you. But if I’m being totally selfish, I want you back. Not just in my bed, but in my life. I want you in Luna’s life. She deserves a mother like you would be. When I see you two together, I know that’s the way Rachel and Jay wanted it to be.”
The words he was saying sounded nice, but Scarlet still wasn’t hearing what she wanted. Yes, he liked being back, but was he more interested in the life they’d make for Luna than just being with her again? He hadn’t said that he still loved her. That he wanted to be with her no matter what. That he wanted to call off the divorce proceedings. Just that Luna needed her for a mother.
Things were going well enough now, but it wouldn’t always be such smooth sailing. Would he turn and run again if something bad happened, like before? Would their fragile peace be destroyed by the finality of Jay’s death? His brother’s health was deteriorating day by day and their stability could change with a single phone call.
“What do you want, Scarlet?”
The question startled her out of her thoughts. It was a question she wasn’t used to answering. Mason was bad about making decisions without consulting her. He always insisted he was acting in her best interests, but sometimes people didn’t want what was best for them. They just wanted what they wanted. Now that he was asking, she was afraid to throw caution to the wind and be completely honest with him, or with herself.
“I don’t know,” she said. “These last few weeks have been a taste of the life I’ve always dreamed of. But I’m afraid it won’t last.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean Luna seems to be the linchpin that’s holding our relationship together at the moment. But when Evan was pulled from our lives, things fell apart. What if something happens to her? What if someone in Rachel’s family takes you to court for custody and you lose? Or she gets sick. Or in a car accident. I feel like what we have would go into a tailspin without her. That scares me.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because you can’t deal with failure, Mason. At the slightest sign that something won’t work out for you, you bail. I can’t have you bailing on this marriage twice.”
Mason frowned at her. “No, I don’t.”
“When grad school got too hard, you dropped out. When your first big project at your dad’s company went south, you decided to quit.”
“I did both those things so I could focus on starting my own company. Considering how successful the store chain has become, that was the right choice, don’t you agree?”
“And did you leave me to focus on starting your own company? No. You did it because you couldn’t stand to live each day with me as a reminder that you’d failed at making me a mother. Maybe leaving so I could start over was how you legitimized the decision in your own mind, but with you, I know you’re always going to pull away when things get too difficult. Your father programmed you to succeed at all costs. It’s not good or bad, it’s just the way you are.”
Mason let go of her hand and sat back in his seat for a moment to take in everything she said. After a bit, he sighed and nodded. “I guess I do. I’ve never thought about it that way. I’m sorry you feel like you can’t rely on me.”
Scarlet shook her head. “Enough apologies for tonight. I just need you to know that I need someone who will stand and fight for this. For us. No one ever said marriage was easy, and raising a family is even harder. You and I have chemistry, there’s no doubt of it. But passion alone isn’t enough for me. Staying together is a choice you have to wake up and make every day.”
Passion faded; she knew that. And if it did, she was in a very precarious position with Mason and Luna. Unless he allowed her to legally adopt the baby after Jay died, she had no rights to Luna. Just like with Evan, she wouldn’t have a leg to stand on in court if they separated again and battled for custody. Losing another child would destroy her and she wasn’t sure she could recover from it a second time while also coping with her marriage finally ending. She was already enamored with her niece. But losing her daughter, if she let it go that far, would be devastating.
“Before I can let myself even consider a future with you and Luna in it, I need to know that I’ll be able to count on you, especially when things get hard.”
Mason listened patiently to everything she had to say. When she was finished, he reached over and cupped her face in his hand. She couldn’t resist closing her eyes, leaning into the warmth of his touch and drawing the scent of his skin into her lungs. He was her weakness, and she knew it. All he had to do was say the right words and she’d believe him because she was desperate to believe.
When she opened her eyes again, he was watching her with a serious expression lining his face. “I’m not going to run this time, Scarlet.”
He leaned in and followed his promise with a kiss. Scarlet didn’t resist. This was what she wanted, even if she was afraid to want it again. She knew this kiss would lead them upstairs and, eventually, would lead her heart down a path of no return. But even then, she kissed him back with all her heart and soul and could only hope for the best.