17.

14 June 1985

Dearest Biddy,

I really don’t know how to begin to say sorry to you for everything that has happened. Firstly, you must know that it was never my intention to cause you any kind of harm or pain or distress. The fact that you have suffered such hurt and humiliation because of my actions breaks my heart. I only ever wanted to help you. I truly wanted to be your friend. You must believe that, not just for my sake, but for your own. I like you for who you are, Biddy. And if I like you, if I wanted to be your friend, others will too.

Secondly, as I have told you before, you are absolutely not a weirdo. You are unique and special. You are a talented artist, and a caring person. The people who taunt and bully you are weak and shallow and cruel. For some reason they feel threatened by you, or are jealous of you. They see you as an easy target because you do not fit their profile of ‘normality’, and also because you have absolutely no desire to be one of them. But you are worth a hundred of them, Biddy – a thousand even.

And so what if you are different to them? Being different is not a bad thing. I am different, too, Biddy. I am gay. I share my life with another woman, a woman called Samantha, who I love very much indeed. She is wise and strong and funny and kind – and she is very feisty too! Being with her gives me the courage to be who I really am. You would like her, Biddy, and I can tell you, she would make mincemeat of Ms Flemming and her cronies!

Contrary to what a lot of people still think in this day and age, being gay does not make me a bad person. I am not evil, I am not immoral, and I am certainly not a weirdo either.

Samantha knows all about you, Biddy. She was very worried when we became friends, because she thought there was a chance that one or other of us might get hurt. But then she realised how important our friendship was to me, and every day when I got home from work she would ask me how you were. I am telling you all of this because I want you to understand why I was drawn to you. It was absolutely not in any way because I had malicious intent, or liked you in a way that I shouldn’t have, despite what many people are saying. It was partly because I saw in you a sadness that disturbed me, and when I discovered the extent to which being bullied has affected your life, I really wanted to try and help you. I also felt a connection with you, Biddy, because we both grew up without our mothers, and as I have already told you, I know how difficult that is. Perhaps it was wrong, naive and unprofessional of me, but you know what – I liked your company, Biddy Weir. You are a girl of few words, yet I know there is a whole lot more to you than even you can see. I also know there will be a path that will lead you to a happy life, I’m just sorry that I can’t be around anymore to help you find it. But another friend will come along, Biddy, I promise, and when they do, please don’t be afraid to let them in.

Biddy, I should tell you that Sam and I are going on a very long trip. We’ve always talked about travelling and when I decided to leave the school (which was the best thing to do for all concerned) we realised this was the perfect time to go. Our plan is to work our way across Australia and then maybe go to New Zealand and the Far East. Who knows where we’ll go, and what we’ll do, but we’re very excited. It will be a grand adventure.

But I won’t forget you, Biddy, and I look forward to the day when we can meet up again. Perhaps you will be a famous artist by then. You certainly have the talent and there is no reason why you will not succeed if you decide that you want to. Always keep that in your heart.

Well, Biddy, it’s time for me to go and do some more packing. I’m sorry again for what has happened, but I don’t regret our friendship, and I hope you don’t either. I know things are horrible for you at the moment, but time will pass and I know you will get through it. And please, Biddy, if things do become too difficult, and Alison and her gang decide to pull another of their vile stunts – you must go to Mr Duncan and tell him what has happened. He will listen, I promise, and he will help. He is a good man and a fair man – but he cannot help if he doesn’t know what is going on. My hope is that those girls will now back off – but if they don’t, you MUST tell Mr Duncan, or another teacher, or your father.

Take care of yourself, Biddy, and be strong. As Christopher Robin said to Winnie the Pooh, ‘Promise me you’ll always remember: you’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.’ My Auntie Celia used to recite that to me. It brought me enormous comfort and for a while it became my mantra. I hope it helps you too!

With much affection, your friend,

Penny.