“I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness—it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.”
—Brené Brown | @brenebrown
Author of Daring Greatly and Rising Strong
Another reason we think Oola Women are amazing is that, more often than not, you’re the “first responders” to life’s ups and downs. While us guys want to “rub some dirt on it,” you bandage the scrapes, kiss the boo-boo’s, calm the fears, counsel the reckless, and become the fixer.
You go into instant action mode whenever a loved one is in trouble. And while it may not be on your schedule, it’s in your DNA. You don’t overthink it. You just do it.
You deal with the chaos.
But have you ever thought about putting a positive spin on these chaotic moments? Have you ever said, “Yeah, reality bites, but I can still be grateful about other things in my life that are working. I can still be positive even in the face of pandemonium.” Gratitude not only helps us stay balanced during life’s crazier moments, it actually brings about the support, opportunity, and abundance that keeps us balanced.
Having a grateful heart—and staying in a state of grateful anticipation—is very Oola.
• • • •
SEEKING OOLA
GRATITUDE HEALED MY BROKEN HEART
by Jacque Book
“You’re not going anywhere, young lady,” warned the mild-mannered doctor at my local urgent-care clinic. Though I’d suffered from rheumatoid arthritis for years, I thought the chest pains I’d been experiencing all night were just another flare-up.
Weren’t they?
Little did I know at the time that I’d just suffered a rare but increasingly seen condition called Takotsubo cardiomyopathy: broken heart syndrome.
Of course, the previous few weeks had been stressful to say the least. With more than one family crisis, tons of last-minute orders of my custom jewelry to finish, and the normal stress of the holidays, my blood pressure was up and it had gotten harder and harder to catch my breath. I was constantly worried about everything. There seemed to be no relief in sight. So it was little wonder that I was suddenly gripped by an attack that’s brought on solely by severe stress and whose sufferers are 90 percent women.
It wasn’t a heart attack exactly. Instead, the overwhelming stress hormones in my body shocked my heart and caused half of it to stop beating.
As the first of the emergency responders began to arrive and crowd into the little urgent-care exam room to hook me up to monitors and begin their cardiac protocol, my husband Sam was jostled farther and farther away from me—a look of worry, love, and sadness on his face. Later, in the emergency room, I watched my heart on the ultrasound monitor. I could see that the upper half of my heart was eerily still while the bottom portion pumped madly to compensate for the lack of blood pressure to my arteries.
It’s not what I thought would happen to me now, I reflected.
After several hours of tests and a pantheon of medical terms that would have made a brain surgeon panic, my new cardiologist returned to give me his prognosis: I’d live a normal life by taking beta blockers every day, but a portion of my heart muscle was likely damaged permanently.
In profound shock, but ever proactive, I considered what I could do. Then I remembered a chance visitor I’d had six months earlier at my jewelry design studio—an energy healer who told me I was more powerful than I knew.
“You can manifest everything you want—well-being, success, money, family tranquility,” she had said, “if you just visualize it being so.”
She admired the artistry, love—and, yes, the gratitude—that I brought to my jewelry designs, calling my studio a “happy place” . . . a peaceful, beautiful environment created by my gratitude.
While the conversation had struck me as odd at the time, it now got me thinking, If gratitude and visualization could help me create beautiful jewelry, could it also help heal my damaged heart?
Slowly, I began to think of things to be grateful for.
I thanked the nurses who drifted in and out of my room, calling them by name, to their surprise. I appreciated the visitors who kept up a steady stream of conversation in the background—even though I was tired and just wanted to rest. I slept on and off over the next two days and, upon awakening, spent the first few moments in grateful reflection about those things I could appreciate in my world: the trees outside, the machines in my hospital room, even the elderly patient next door who seemed to wake up grumpy and stay that way.
Several times a day, I also visualized a healing golden light entering my body and restoring my broken heart and my broken spirit.
I immediately noticed how much more positive I was about my future. The stress that had nearly brought me to death’s door didn’t seem so important anymore. I vowed to no longer be a victim, to talk openly about things, listen to my gut, speak my truths, and be authentic in all ways. I even reassessed who I spent my time with and how I lived my life.
We’re not guaranteed tomorrows, I thought to myself, so I resolve to live life to the fullest today.
When I finally went home, I continued my visualization practice in the one place I knew I’d remember to do it every day: the shower.
Every morning, as I stepped under the steaming cascade of water, I’d close my eyes, breathe deeply, and envision healing light from above entering the top of my head and flowing downward—clearing any pain, removing any harm, and healing what needed to be healed . . . leaving only that which was for my best and highest good. Eventually, I added a second ritual: to breathe in light from the universe and take in love from my guardian angels, filling myself so much that I could no longer contain it all—then radiating that light back out to the world to heal others in need.
After six months of this practice, my cardiologist called me back for my first echocardiogram since being hospitalized. As we viewed the ultrasound images together, it was clear that one area of my heart still hadn’t recovered. It was frozen.
“Even if that part never heals,” he said, “you’ll still have a full life.”
But I could tell he was convinced it would never work well again. What more could I do?
And then it hit me. Be grateful.
I vowed to continue my “gratitude practice” and find the good in everything I did. Every morning, I’d spend my first ten minutes finding several things to appreciate. I even challenged myself never to list the same thing twice. If I started my day with gratitude, it gave me the proper perspective to go through my day gracefully. If life hurled something at me, I’d see myself as a stately tree, bending and swaying—instead of breaking—whenever adversity appeared.
“I’m grounded,” I’d say, knowing I could handle anything.
Over the next few months, I found myself happier and more positive than I’d ever been in my life. I was especially grateful for my husband of twenty-four years who had supported me through the dark times and loved me more with each passing day. Not only that, but my energy was boundless. Where before I’d need several naps a week, now I’d work a ten-hour day, go to dinner and a concert, then still have energy when we returned home at eleven o’clock.
I gave up all my “stories” and let go of my cynical opinions—instead going through life as an observer without judging anyone. I started a new job and met exciting, fascinating people. Life was never dull.
Then, one year later, I returned to my cardiologist’s office for my annual echocardiogram. To my surprise, my doctor walked in with a smile on his face.
My heart was healed! Every part of it was working perfectly.
“A year ago, I didn’t think it was possible for the damage to heal. In fact, I’ve never seen this type of recovery before,” he said. “But I compared today’s test results with your test last year, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I’ve looked at it from ten different angles and your heart is completely healed.”
So what has my “gratitude practice” taught me? It taught me that happiness is not something you find or that other people give you. Instead, it’s something you choose on your own. And making small changes like being grateful? That creates a shift in your outlook. You can wake up every day and live your life, or wake up every day and let life happen to you. Whether you drive the bus or ride the bus, it’s always your choice. I chose gratitude, and it healed my broken heart.
• • • •
Jacque learned that being in a state of gratitude is something you practice over time. It’s a habit. But how will you know when you’ve achieved true mastery? How will you know that you can be grateful no matter what shows up?
Here’s how: when something bad—and totally unexpected—hits you and you think, There’s no way anyone could be grateful about this.
Or could you?
LIVING OOLA
ONE PHONE CALL FROM MY KNEES
by Denette Jacob
As the wind turned crisp and the colors in the landscape began to change, I could feel the outside air trying to find refuge inside the comfort of our aging farmhouse. Late summer is always a magical time on our farm, and I remember one of those days with complete clarity.
Our family was huddled around the table enjoying our traditional Sunday “pizza night”—a time full of smiles, pepperoni, and one-liners. As I watched this simple family moment, I leaned over to my husband and said, “How can our life get any better than this? We are truly blessed.”
We have four healthy children, I thought. We’re financially stable. And we’re finally pursuing our dream of restoring this old farmhouse into a family home—something we’ve talked about since we got married twenty years ago.
As with many dinner tables in late summer, the conversation turned to football. When you’re from a very small town in the middle-of-nowhere America, the Friday-night lights of high school football pit surrounding communities against one another—but pull local families together.
It’s not just a game, it’s a way of life. And this was my son Jared’s year to shine.
The coach and the community reminisced about his impressive rookie season the previous year, and anticipated seeing him run more yards and score more touchdowns in the upcoming season. Jared bought into all the hype because, well, he is Jared. He was confident, tall, strong, and full of energy. Not only did he have the words to inspire his teammates, he had the skills to back up those words.
But four days after that family pizza night—four days after I’d declared to my husband that our life was perfect—I got the call.
We’re all just one phone call from our knees, I thought, as I hung up the phone. This was the call that did it.
As the doctor explained, “Your son’s tests came back, and that back pain he’s been experiencing is due to a rare form of bone cancer.”
That phone call changed our family forever.
Suddenly, Jared wasn’t on a football field fighting for extra yardage—he was in a sterile hospital room fighting for his life. Football pads and cleats were traded for tubes, needles, and a room full of intimidating machines.
Through it all, Jared possessed an amazing spirit. He did everything in his power to make sure that those of us around him kept a smile on our faces and a skip in our steps. To give you a glimpse into Jared’s heart, when a curious four-year-old at a public pool asked him about the scars on his hip, Jared replied, “shark attack,” then grinned as the kid’s expression changed from freaked to impressed.
Jared’s resilience and determination was inspiring. Even though he was told he’d never walk normally without some form of assistance, the year after his surgery Jared went on to win the dance-off contest at a high school dance.
Cancer may be in him, but he would not let it define him, I thought.
But after two years of countless rounds of chemotherapy, extensive surgeries, and multiple alternative therapies, Jared’s body was exhausted, even though his smile endured.
On the afternoon of December 8, 2010, as we stared at the same sterile and confining walls of Jared’s hospital room, my body felt the fatigue of emotions that had been running through it for months. I always did my very best to stay strong for Jared and shed my tears in private, but this particular day was different.
I couldn’t contain the overload of emotions. Nothing could hold them back.
In a random moment, I cried uncontrollably. I moved to the bathroom to hide my outburst. And as I looked in the mirror—I can still remember the smell of bleach—Jared asked his dad, “Why is she crying?”
“Mom, come out here,” he said.
Tapping the bed with his hand, he invited me, with his irresistible smile, to sit beside him. As he wrapped his frail arm around me and drew my head to his shoulder, he asked me to not to cry and promised that—no matter what happened—he would be okay. Unable to speak, I simply nodded.
“You’re the best parents ever,” he told his dad. He was so grateful for all we were doing for him. It was a moment of genuine gratitude—and a moment of peace—that will forever fill my soul.
As the day wore on, Jared’s condition worsened.
I remember the feeling of comfort as we held hands, my rosary intertwined in Jared’s weakening grip. His dad held his other hand and we prayed—asking for an enormous miracle to flow into the hospital room and call Jared to sit up with a huge smile on his face—hoping he would jump out of bed and get on with the life he always dreamed about.
Why shouldn’t this happen? I thought.
Throughout his life, Jared had always figured out a way to be on top of his game, a way to win no matter the obstacle or the opponent.
Then it happened.
Jared took one more earthly breath—then pure stillness and peace came over him. It felt as though his dad and I were walking hand-in-hand with him, through the gates of heaven, until he sensed God’s love and let go.
As he had just told us, Jared was okay. He was pain-free, full of happiness and living in the arms of Jesus.
His dad and I are blessed to have been there when he received the highest trophy given to mankind: eternal love, peace, and gratitude.
In the days that followed, as I tried to comprehend what had happened, I would find myself sitting on the floor of Jared’s room, going through his things in an attempt to feel closer to him. It was in one of these moments that I discovered Jared’s greatest gift to us: a handwritten letter. On the second page, about halfway down, Jared wrote:
I’m grateful that God chose me for cancer and not my mom or dad. I’m grateful that God chose me for cancer and not my sister or brothers. I’m grateful that God chose me for cancer and not my cousins, aunts, or uncles. I’m grateful that God chose me for cancer and not my friends.
The last sentence read:
I am grateful that God chose me for cancer so I could teach others how to be strong—JJ Strong.
Now, as I look back at my life as a mother, I’m filled with blessings and grace. I can honestly say that my body and my spirit are filled with happiness, my smile is now genuine, and my heart is content. If, in order to spare me the deep heartache and pain, God had given me the choice of either not being Jared’s mom or of having Jared for just nineteen short years, my answer would never change.
I chose Jared, and I’m forever grateful that God chose me to be his mother. I would live through all of it again for the memories created, the lessons learned, and the chance to truly know the meaning of pure gratitude.
• • • •
This poignant story from the OolaSeeker’s sister Denette confirms what we’ve learned about the power of gratitude in women’s lives. As we travel around in the OolaBus—meeting people and hearing about their goals and dreams—we’re reminded that people who are living Oola “get it” about gratitude.
They’re high on life, wearing sincere smiles, having found gratitude in all things.
They constantly remind us that being grateful for what you already have helps you feel more abundant—while worrying about what you don’t have keeps you in a mind set of disappointment and lack.
Focusing on what’s good, what’s plentiful, or what’s improving in your world helps keep you in a state to receive even more of what’s good, plentiful, and improving. It’s like you’re saying, This is all cool. What else is out there for me today? It keeps you in a state of anticipation.
To get your mind right, focus on what’s going right. Living Oola doesn’t necessarily require money, time, connections, education, or special circumstances.
• If you’ve got a loving family who “gets you,” be grateful.
• If you’ve got friends and mentors who inspire you to follow your dreams, that’s even more Oola.
• Waking up every morning in a place that’s serene, inviting, or energizing—with birds singing outside or the excitement of the city calling to you—hey, lots of people only dream about that.
• Then there are your unique talents, or your kids who remind you to play full-out and love unconditionally.
• And don’t forget you’ve got opportunities to start a business, move to a different city, start a charity, go back to school—or anything else you want to do.
These are all things to be grateful for. Of course, one thing that most of us can be grateful for is our health and vitality—enabling us to enjoy activities that we simply couldn’t enjoy if we were unwell, depressed, or mentally depleted.
So how can you live more fully by inviting more gratitude into your life? Here are three things you can do today:
PRACTICE GRATITUDE EVERY DAY. While some days are meant to be celebrated, others simply have to be endured. But in all days—regardless of what happens—be grateful in all things.
To help you stay in a state of gratitude, we recommend that you start writing in a Gratitude Journal. It’s not something other people will read—it’s just for you. We’ve been keeping ours for years.
Every evening, as you end your day, jot down those things you’re grateful for—whether it’s something you have now or something new that showed up for you that day. It may even be something that felt bad in the moment but that’s wrapped in a lesson and may be leading to your OolaLife.
While your “gratitude list” may include the same stuff for a while, in time, this will change as new things enter your life and your dreams come true—only to be replaced with new dreams and goals for the future.
EMBRACE THESE TWO LAWS. In life, you don’t get what you want, you get what you expect—not in an entitled way, but in a “this is happening” sort of way. Your expectations actually become a powerful force that attracts the opportunities, resources, and people necessary for you to achieve your goals and add new elements to your OolaLife.
There’s even a universal law that says if you set goals and ask for things in a state of grateful anticipation—then believe they’ll show up—you’ll actually receive what you ask for. It’s called the Law of Attraction and gratitude boosts the law’s effect.
However, the Law of Attraction is not a genie in a bottle that you simply rub in order to get what you want in life. You can’t just dream about what you want, then expect it to appear. Along with practicing the Law of Attraction, you also have to practice our other favorite law: the Law of Action.
Every day, wake up with a clear vision of the life of your dreams, and then take small action steps that will get you there. When you take conscious action toward achieving your goals, you’re sending a powerful signal that you actually expect that life to show up. The Law of Attraction works, but only when you follow the Law of Action, too.
MAINTAIN A STATE OF GRATEFUL ANTICIPATION. Once you get into the practice of being grateful, you’ll discover that opportunities to be grateful exist every day. But here’s the key: these opportunities will only be found if you proactively seek out things to be grateful for.
What kinds of things are we talking about?
Watch for big things, like a phone call that up-levels your career, or randomly discovering your dream house before it goes on the market. Look for little things, like finding a parking space near the entrance, or getting a refund check in the mail. You’ll soon see that opportunities are hidden in every encounter, and that “unexpected” new relationships, happy coincidences, little conveniences and other forms of good routinely show up to make your life easier or more enjoyable—all of which you can be grateful for the moment they happen.
When you meet each new day with the expectation that something amazing is going to happen for you, it keeps you in a state of grateful anticipation—dreaming of what you will have, while also feeling gratitude in the present for what you do have.