“I want to serve the people.”
—Malala Yousafzai | @malala
Pakistani activist and youngest recipient
ever of the Nobel Peace Prize
Working on you is not only Oola, it’s vital. Much the same way a flight attendant instructs you to “put the oxygen mask on yourself first before helping others,” working on yourself first helps you become a more balanced and capable person—which in turn allows you to better serve others.
But while we’ve spent most of this book talking about you, encouraging you to work on your dreams and pursue your OolaLife, life isn’t always about you.
In fact, some of the greatest leaders we know—and many of the most successful women we have met—are also the most humble humans on the planet. They listen more than they speak, they’re quick to deflect praise, and they are first to accept the burden of responsibility when things don’t go right. It’s never about them being put on a pedestal. It’s about serving those around them and having a purpose that is tied to something greater than themselves.
By making themselves small, by being humble, they are able to create something really big.
Embracing humility, just as they do, will help you achieve the life of your dreams. Being modest and reserved makes any situation less about you and more about the people around you. But don’t confuse humility with weakness. Being respectful and kind, putting others first, being transparent, and responsibly owning the mistakes you made will give you a quiet confidence.
Instead of excusing, explaining, or posturing, you can spend your energy (and reputation) on collaborating, connecting, creating, and moving forward.
• • • •
SEEKING OOLA
STARTING OVER
by Kim Stoegbauer
The housing crash in 2008 was humbling for everyone, but especially for our family. My husband and I had been riding the appreciating market since we graduated from college in 1999. We bought our first house in 2000, and for the next several years, we were flying high in the luxury property business. He worked for a large national homebuilder as a sales manager/broker, while I worked as a real estate agent and co-owned two real estate offices.
On the side, we were fixing up and flipping homes left and right. We couldn’t buy enough homes or flip them fast enough. Things couldn’t have been better. We were young, more successful than we ever thought we would be, and at thirty-one we moved into our dream home—a beautiful, custom home in a neighborhood we coveted for years. We poured our hearts and money into this home, renovating and updating every detail before moving in our grow-ing family.
We were proud of what we created and thought it would never end.
Little did we know, the real estate market would come to screeching halt in 2008. We found ourselves drowning in mortgage payments on multiple homes with quickly decreasing values. We sold off what we could as quickly as possible, while continuing to work our respective real estate jobs, all while balancing family life.
Even back when the market was hot, I had always tried to put others’ needs first—my clients’, my husband’s, my children’s—but one incident became the tipping point for me.
One afternoon, I was at home with the kids—my three-year-old son and my one-year-old daughter. I needed to present an offer to a client over the phone, and since decent deals and contracts were now few and far between, I had no choice but to make the call with the kids playing nearby. I decided it would be best to “hide” in the garage, but several minutes into the call, my little ones tried to find me. I could hear them calling for me, so I grabbed the door handle to the garage and held it as tight as I could so they couldn’t open it. It scared them and I could hear them hysterically crying and calling for me on the other side of the door. Yet, I took a deep breath, kept my composure and finished the call.
With more bills than money, I needed this deal. My family needed this deal. What was probably a few minutes felt like an hour. When the call ended, I opened the door and fell to my knees, hugging and kissing my babies, begging for forgiveness.
At that honest moment of pure regret, I knew things had to change immediately—even if it meant less money, fewer things, and a smaller house. That was the last time I put work before my children.
I immediately called my business partner and said I was done. I couldn’t do it anymore and I didn’t care about the consequences or money. It was time to put my family first.
Deep down, I knew we’d be okay. The only thing that matters, I thought, is that we’re happy and healthy.
So with my amazing husband completely behind me, we simplified. We chose having less for being home more. It was scary, but instead of focusing on what we didn’t have, we were grateful for what we did have.
This time at home allowed not only more time with my kids, but time to reflect and really think about what I could do next. I actually enjoyed working hard and making money, but now I was looking for something that would allow me the flexibility to be home with the kids and also keep me productive.
Blogging was a relatively new thing in 2008, and I started following a few creative blogs and loved getting updates. It soon dawned on me that this was something I could do, even if only for fun. I have always been very creative and really into decorating, designing, and entertaining. I love photography and design and figured a blog would be a fun outlet to share anything creative that I was doing. In five minutes, I came up with a name for my blog, The TomKat Studio, based on the names of my two children, Tommy and Kate. Since my children had been the inspiration for my new start, it seemed only logical to name this new little adventure after them. An empty room in our house soon became my “studio.” I signed up for a free blog platform and started sharing.
I never thought my passion and creativity would ever become a career, and though I started the blog on a whim, maybe deep down I knew (or hoped) it might become something more. It’s crazy that what I felt was “starting over” has become a huge success. The TomKat Studio has been featured by Martha Stewart, HGTV, DIY Network and numerous national publications. I work with my amazing team on freelance projects for huge brands like Coca-Cola, Barbie, Pottery Barn Kids, and Hershey’s. I still blog regularly and have built a social media following of over 300,000 followers.
The best part? I get to do what I love every single day, while being home with my family. I seriously couldn’t be happier. And ironically, as the housing market recovered, we slowly started flipping houses again.
What I thought was the end of the road was simply a change in direction toward my passion and natural talents—a direction that gave my life better balance and more happiness . . . and now I can open the door when my kids come knocking.
• • • •
When Kim flipped one house too many, she could have flipped out. But instead, she realized this was simply where she was, not who she was as a businesswomen, wife, and mother. She was humble enough to walk away, quit chasing, and create a work life that was more in balance with her family’s needs. Ironically, she fell into an even more successful profession (and eventually impacted more people) while still honoring her family’s needs first.
Humility allows you to work through challenging seasons with grace and your head up, looking for the next opportunity.
LIVING OOLA
THE ISLAND LIFE
by Kimmy Brooke
The windows were open, with the trade winds offering a fresh cool breeze as I began to prepare dinner. I could see Diamond Head out the back window. In front of me, the sun was setting over the open ocean, saying farewell to the day in a way that only Hawaii could. That night, we were starting with a Caesar salad, his favorite. I picked out the romaine lettuce myself and chopped it just the way he liked it. I made the dressing from scratch. I could hear the waves crashing along the shore. The salt air filled my senses and fueled me. This was paradise. I was living the dream—and I couldn’t believe this was really my life.
“Is it ready yet?” said the familiar voice from behind me.
I quickly stood at attention and was reminded that this wasn’t my life at all. I was just an employee in someone else’s life. My husband and I had been hired by a family to tend to all their needs. They had homes in exotic places all over the world; Hawaii was just one of them. This was one of my favorites—20,000 square feet of perfection. My favorite part was the infinity pool. When the family was out of town, I would swim laps each evening at sunset to rinse away a hard day’s work.
At the age of thirty-five, my greatest accomplishment to date had been the birth of my daughter. Other than that, I didn’t have much to show for my life—or much else to speak of. Though I had a college degree and was licensed as a massage therapist, we struggled as a family to get ahead. Most days, it felt like we were always behind the eight ball. I was spending my days cleaning, polishing, and caring for the accomplishments of others. I served with humility, but in my heart I wanted more.
Though we were so grateful for the work, there was always a voice inside me screaming, You are made for greater things! This is NOT your calling. You can do so much more. Deep down, I knew that something bigger, something more powerful, something somewhere was waiting.
Just work hard, I told myself. Be of service. But push forward. Keep looking for it, and when the time is right, the opportunity will appear.
Even when life threw challenges at me—financial trouble, a divorce, a bitter season, a victim season, and even an angry season—I kept working hard and seeking that greatness within me. I knew I needed to be an example for my daughter and write a better ending to our family story.
One day, I saw a friend post details on a weekend workshop he had taken. I’d noticed that he was happier, more confident, and more secure, so it piqued my curiosity. I wanted to feel that way.
Sign me up! I said to myself.
I spent the weekend learning to look at my life through different goggles. I learned to work on me and my dreams. And more importantly, I learned how to map out a detailed plan for a better future.
I began to feel more powerful. I began to feel for the first time in ages a sense of excitement for the possibilities in life that awaited me. And once again, that voice—that loud, unknown voice—spoke to me and said, You are meant for greatness!
I not only listened that weekend, I followed through. I knew that I was made for more than living someone else’s dream life. It was time for me to go get my own.
I felt free and ready to take on the world. I realized that I am fully in control of my life. I get to choose how my life turns out. I get to choose how I feel. And most importantly, for the first time possibly ever, I believed in me!
I became an entrepreneur. I was willing to do what it took—serve in any way needed—to provide me and my daughter a better life . . . a life where we had choices versus chains. It wasn’t easy and involved many difficult challenges and choices. Though it hurt my heart, I was traveling constantly and had to put her in boarding school in ninth grade. In her eyes, I was shipping her off, but I saw it differently. In my eyes, I did what was necessary to provide a better life for my daughter and me.
But with the sacrifices came the rewards.
Eventually, I was able to bring her on trips with me and show her the world: Japan, Australia, Indonesia, Malaysia, Singapore, Canada, and all throughout the United States.
As a single mom, I was able to pay for her college education with cash versus student loans. And while our life was not like that of a “normal” family, the time we spent together was quality, focused, and the experiences through ups and downs have brought us closer than I ever thought possible.
But most importantly, I was able to show her that anyone can triumph through hard work, dedication, and deciding what you want. I taught her that if you humbly serve every opportunity that comes your way, good things will happen.
I also taught her the lifelong commitment of being of service to others. Today, we collaborate with fifty other women in my industry to support an eighteen-month learning program for women in Guatemala. It helps abused and uneducated women become micro-entrepreneurs—producing products that they can sell to help feed their families. Not only does it educate the women and lower the rate of spousal abuse for these families, but the women pass on this education to their own children—and others—through a requirement for them to give back and teach others when they graduate after eighteen months.
Over my lifetime, I’ve been grateful for every bump, bruise and scratch—as well as for all the opportunities where I’ve been able to serve—that have gotten me to where I am today. I’m nearly fifty now, and I just purchased my dream home. And as I prepare Caesar salad—with the Hawaiian landscape out the back window and the waves crashing on the lanai in front of me—I am living my dream . . .
not someone else’s.
• • • •
How about you? Are you humble . . . sincerely humble? Or are you falsely humble . . . saying and doing things to appear humble to others? Take a look at these tips to help you pursue true humility:
ATTACH YOURSELF TO A CAUSE GREATER THAN YOU. Some of the most famously successful people of our time are also the most quietly philanthropic. They’re not seeking praise. They just have a heart for helping others. When you’re focused on helping others, there’s really no room to be arrogant about your own accomplishments. That’s why we recommend attaching yourself to a cause greater than yourself. It keeps you humble.
ASSEMBLE YOUR “TRUTH CREW.” One way to always stay humble is to listen to people you trust. Look around your inner circle of friends and family. Who do you trust enough to tell you the truth? Whose assessments are you willing to listen to? Approach them separately about being part of your Truth Crew—calling you out when you go sideways or act out of arrogance and ego.
A side benefit of a truth crew is they can also shield you from censure by outsiders who barely know you—and who couldn’t possibly know enough about you to offer valid criticism. You’ve seen the type: negative women who meet a successful businesswoman and automatically assume she’s a bad mom. Or college girls who see an attractive young woman, star athlete, or top competitor and assume she’s high-maintenance. Your truth crew can be there for you, keeping it real when your critics have their claws out.
PRACTICE SELFLESSNESS: WHAT COULD YOU DO FOR NOTHING IN RETURN? In our unbalanced culture today, it seems that everyone is out to gain some advantage for themselves. But if you’re humble, you realize instead that the path to a better world is when we all put someone else’s needs first with no expectation of anything in return. We shine as a community when we come together (with our different skills and abilities) to lift up others.