The dining area was busy tonight. Some of the more inebriated guests for the bachelor party seemed to be really interested in the girls. Sasha and Mags had vanished into the sea of eligible rich bachelors as soon as we entered the dining hall, but Val stayed close. She seemed to hover in my shadow like a duckling, seeking the safety of my gaze. This wasn’t natural for her. If anything, Valentine was usually the ringleader of shenanigans. To see her so timid was concerning… but I know that she had a migraine earlier. If the session with Ronny was rougher than she expected, maybe she was suffering more than she let on.
She was sitting on the opposite side of a small round table, a glass of deep red wine in front of her and she nibbled on a piece of a cookie. Her eyes stared beyond the crowd to where the ocean was visible. The pale grey rumbling against a deep blackish-blue backdrop speckled with colorful blinking stars.
“Hey,” I dipped my head low enough for my words to carry through to her ears, “I was walking around earlier during your nap. There is a nice terrace that steps down onto the beach. Maybe it’s quieter over there.”
Her brown eyes met mine for a second, flecks of gold floating amongst the ocean of deep amber. She shoved the rest of her cookie into her mouth and nodded sweetly.
I grinned and stood up, leading her toward the quiet terraced area. A dark, isolated corner of the resort that held little attention from the partygoers. Far too distant from the music and merrymaking… but perfect for a bit of a private chat.
“Would you like me to stay with you or did you want to be alone?”
Val turned to me, her eyes communicating a subtle panic. She glances at a pair of lounge chairs packed closely together in the far corner of the terrace, then back to me, “please stay.”
A hint of desperation seemed to cling to her words as she walked to sit in the closer chair. Her thin skirt that reached her knees blew lightly in the wind against her steps. I watched the outline of her hips as it glowed within her skirt. She sank to the chair, curling her legs behind her and patting the other seat with a soft smile.
I joined her, sitting in the furthest chair from the entrance to the terrace. It was peaceful out here. Quiet.
Before us, waves crashed lightly on the shore in tiny ringlets that pulled at the sand. The moonlight cast a gentle glow below the deck. The soft, lulling sound of distant birds and the faint sound of music from the party rang through the night.
Valentine closed her eyes, pulling a deep breath in through her nose and holding it in her chest for a few seconds before exhaling through her mouth. Her perfect body leaned back against the lounger, and she closed her eyes, absorbing the numerous sensational stimulus.
This silence felt new.
Content.
It felt as though nothing must be said.
Nothing needed to be said.
I soon allowed myself to relax, but I kept my eyes open. I stared directly above us at the stars. They were never this bright in Atlanta. The last time I saw a sky full of stars like this, I was deep in the Blue Ridge Mountains, camping with Conor.
Valentine’s gentle, soothing breaths called to me. She looked peaceful. I allowed my eyes to fixate on her features highlighted by the moonlight. Her beautiful pink lips pursed lightly as she breathed in the salty air.
“I’d love to live somewhere far away from Atlanta.” She muttered, whispering as though the very air would wisk her deepest darkest secrets from within her.
I smiled, my eyes finally settling upon hers. They were slightly open, staring back at me with the same intensity.
“Yeah?” I ask, shifting to lie on my side.
She closed her eyes again and nodded once.
I felt my cheeks warm, despite the beautifully cool night breeze.
“Val…”
Her eyelids fluttered open and she again looked to me.
“If you didn’t ever have to do anything for Lorenzo, ever… what would your dream be?”
Her features shifted and her brown eyes joined the constellations above us. Deepening in their richness. She pulled her knees to her chest and thought for a few brief seconds.
“I’ve always wanted to open a school to teach pole dancing,” she giggled, shaking her head, “it was my dream. I mean, I enjoy what I do. I like the rush it gives me. But I adore the art of pole dancing.” A contented smile fell over her soft features, and she placed a hand against her face.
That suited her. She had the personality, and the talent.
“Why didn’t you seek out a normal private investigator?” I laid my head across my arm as I stared at her.
She shrugged, “I thought Lorenzo would solve it faster… I guess hindsight is 20/20” She muttered. Sadness eclipsed the once calm expression and her eyes dropped from the starlight to the ocean,“I regretted the choice to work with Lorenzo as soon as I signed the papers. Always felt like he played me, and this gnawing thought in the back of my head is that he has no fucking clue… and that he just keeps sending me to do his bidding without recompense.”
I understood that part more than she probably realized.
The thought of hopelessness. Being trapped like a bird in a cage. Lorenzo didn’t care about us. He didn’t want us to be okay. He only wanted us to work. For me that meant driving around his most precious cargo and cleaning up his fucking messes. I was a lucky man when the day didn’t end up in murder… but now those days were few and far between.
The blood on my hands was fresh, ripe, and though I was able to put a solid wall up between my professional day life and my professional night life.
This week that wall has been crumbling slowly.
Chipping away.
I only wondered if Lorenzo would come smashing through it with his big fucking nose, or even something equally as grotesque and annoying.
“Is there a difference between pole dancing as an art and pole dancing as a stripper?”
She beamed at me, “Absolutely!” her soft tone felt brighter, “Pole dancing doesn’t have to just be sexy.
It can be beautiful.
It can be thrilling.
When I strip, I spin a few times around the pole and shake my ass. Men want to see me crawl across the floor, begging them for their money.” Val pauses to push herself to sit up, “But when I really dance… when I feel the music and let my body lead me” Her eyes lock onto the moon, drinking in the pale blue light, “I feel so free.” She finished in almost a whisper.
Valentine was stunning. A cloud of apprehension grew upon my shoulders as I stared at her up and down.
I wanted to save her.
I wanted to pull her free of Lorenzo’s clutches.
I wanted to see the Valentine that felt this free.
I wanted to be able to encurage the version of this woman that didn’t have to put up with any shit that she didn’t enjoy.
While I was lost in thought, Val slipped from her chair to stand, leaning against the wooden railing between us and the sandy beach below.
The hair of her wig swept lightly in the air, casting ringlets of golden curls through the atmosphere behind her. The floral print of her sheer skirt followed suit.
She looked like a figment of my dreams.
“Cain,” she muttered, flattening her forearms against the banister and resting her cheek against the skin. I pulled myself to the end of my lounger, sitting closest to her at the end with my legs hanging off. A silent motion that told her I was listening. “The other day when you dropped me off at Emory…”
A flutter of nerves gathered in my chest, I nodded slowly, “I thought you were behaving differently,” I commented, following it up with a gentle tease: “Usually you slam the door in my face.”
Val glanced back at me for a moment, a grin pulling at the edges of her lips, “Well, can you blame me?” She giggled, then turned away from me again. The world in the absence of her gaze felt cold and empty.
I craved her eyes on me, but the realist within me stood steadfast in the belief that I had let her down in an unforgivable way. Any chance of… anything with her was lost.
She shook her head lightly and sighed, “I have been guarded against everyone other than the girls. I have a hard time believing that anyone is a genuine person at all.” She hummed, “I mean, Sasha has cried into my arms after shows before, and I’ve had to physically pull Mags off of a man who was nasty to her. I’ve seen them both when they were at their lower places. They’ve lifted me up when I was in my own… But you have always been equally as guarded as I have. In fact, I thought you were an asshole who hated me.”
Guilt began crushing down on me.
A weight lowered onto my head, pulling my eyes from her. I sighed, allowing it to slip out of my chest. It burned at the edges of my lungs as if to punish me, “No, you’re right, I was absolutely an asshole.”
“So was I,” Valentine turned to me, “but that day, you came for me. You picked me up in your work clothes. Your normal car. You took your break early for me and kept tabs.”
The resounding sound of her laugh echoed in my mind as she spoke, and it gave me the sensation of flying. I smiled bashfully at her words.
“Do you remember what you said to me?” She asked.
Reality pulled me back in at lightning speed, and suddenly I was searching through all of our conversations, mindlessly forgetting everything that I had ever said in my entire life.
This, probably accompanied by the dopey look on my face, triggered a giggle from Valentine. “You told me you would have come for me whether it was your job or not.” She turned around and leaned backwards against the banister.
“That made me feel…” Her words halted. Honey-brown eyes searching the distant skies for the correct thing to say.
My heart throbbed in my chest; I wanted her to finish speaking.
I wanted her to tell me what she felt.
I wanted to know that she too felt the electricity in the air.
“…human.” She simply concluded.
Was thatwhat I was expecting?
No, probably not, but I didn’t even really know what I expected to begin with.
Valentine bent down, unfastening the straps of her sandals and then removing them. She placed the shoes on her lounger and started toward the opening of the banister which carried her two small steps down to the sandy beach below.
The soft percussion of the pads of her feet against soft golden sand was beautiful music, and as she glanced over her shoulder to beckon me to join her, I felt her presence squeezing tight around my heart, pulling me from the lounger and down to her place in the sand.
My own shoes were placed beside hers as I joined.
Val smiled at me, “Would you do something for me?” She asked. A flash of the last time she had asked me to help her rushed to my mind. I could still practically feel the silicone in my palm as I pictured her face that night. She was exhausted, practically in pain from need. A need that I myself hadn’t created.
I pursed my lips tighter together as I felt my apprehension grow. Would it be wrong of me to hope that she wanted me to help her do that again?
But my silence didn’t entertain her. She stared up at me with a soft, beautiful patience.
Shaky breath escaped me as I spoke, “I think it depends on what you want me to do.” I admit earnestly.
“Would you hold me?” she asked simply.
“Hold you?”
Val closed her eyes and nodded, “This is the perfect night with the perfect temperature. I feel at peace. I just want to be held.”
I stood for a moment in contemplation, looking down at the woman who reached just below my shoulder height. Before I allowed myself to screw this up too, I closed the distance between us and draped an arm awkwardly around her shoulders.
She giggled and leaned into me, placing her head against my chest.
She was warm.
Her presence felt nice…
I could only hope that she couldn’t hear the absolute cannon fire in my chest as my heart thudded aggressively against my lungs. She then reached for my other arm, pulling it around herself.
“You’re a big lout. Have you never held a woman in your life?” she teased.
A pout pressed to my lips, and I adjusted my arms to hold her like I would have held a girlfriend, “I obviously have. Just not for a few months.” I stated.
She laughed.
That laugh sent electricity through my bones.
“Riiiight,” she shook her head, a nuzzle of her cheek across my skin, “as if any woman would want to be held by you.”
“That’s a bit pointed, coming from you.” I fired back, resting my chin on the top of her head, careful to avoid the wounded patch at the back. Mostly to conceal the blush that now covered my cheeks.
Valentine sank into my arms, a muffled giggle coming from the space between us.
Most people would dream of this experience. Holding a gorgeous woman on a beautiful beach. But a part of me remembered that this was a simple flash of fantasy that would most likely fade from our realities in an hour.
We would return to the suite, say our goodbyes, and then disappear behind the closed doors of our respective bedrooms.
And then, in the morning, as we returned to the hellhole of Metro-Atlanta, she would remember all of the things that pushed us apart to begin with.
Life would resume.
I would be stuck watching her as she forces herself to parade around with the men of the night to appease a beast that would never truly let her go.
“Your heartbeat has changed,” Val mutters, her head moving so that her chin rested on my sternum.I could feel her eyes staring up at me.
Her words summoned me back from the other world I had gone to and I looked down to meet her eyes.
“What’s wrong?” She asked in a whisper, “Is this, okay?”
Words raced around in my head, but all were finding an impasse at my vocal cords. Was this, okay? I bit down lightly on my tongue as I examined her honey-brown orbs.
She began to recoil from me, pulling herself slowly from my grasp. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my ribcage as she pushed away. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
I looked down, the cold night air eclipsing the warmth that had once glowed between us.
“No,” I muttered, “I just… I don’t know how I feel.” I admitted.
“About me?” She asked.
My eyes widened, my head shaking quickly, “No… No, I am fairly confident with how I feel about you. I just don’t quite understand how I feel about everything else.”
Valentine stood before me, the moonlight casting a glittering light through her eyes, lacing its fingers through her hair. Her mouth was poised, lips slightly parted. “Well… how do you feel about me?”
That familiar apprehension grew again inside of my chest, and I felt the burning desire to run in the back of my mind. I lifted a hand to my ear, tugging lightly at the lobe as I searched for the right words.
“I… I think you’re beautiful,” I said anxiously, “You’re hard-working and committed. You experience your emotions in all of the rawest, and genuine of ways.”
I thought I would stop there, but the words kept tumbling out.
An avalanche of admittance.
“When I am not around you, I long to be. When I hear your voice, no matter how annoyed or angry you are, I want to hear nothing else but your voice…
And your laugh!
Fuck me… your laugh makes me feel alive. I want to do the stupidest shit just in the hopes of making you laugh.”
I pulled my hand from my ear to pinch the bridge of my nose.
Her eyes widened slowly, head tipping to one side as she listened. “But… if you feel this way then… why do you resist my advances?”
My eyes drop to the water just meters from us, sighing once more. I was becoming keenly more aware of just how much I fucking sigh.
“Because when you ask me for things like that, a part of me knows that you only ask out of need. Not want. Not desire. You don’t desire my touch; you need a touch. And you couldn’t possibly want my touch. I know that no matter how much I make you laugh, or how much I make you smile… you still have that pain from what happened at the frat party. The way you called to me. You made direct eye contact, and I fucking let you down. I thought you were being a dick, and I let you fucking go into that room alone with him. I should have saved you…”
“Yes,” she said flatly, “You should have.”
I felt a blade of ice stab directly into my soul, a cold chill rushing over my skin. Absolutely covered in goosebumps as a wave of complete and utter shame. But she didn’t stop there, she stepped closer.
“You should have put the argument that we had that night, behind you. You should have burst through the door and picked me up off the floor before he held that knife to my throat and forced me to submit to him.”
Shame. Shame. Shame.
My skin began to flush, and a pressure built behind my eyes.
“You should have been there for me.”
She turned away from, now facing directly into the moonlight. It enveloped her, highlighting the signs of morose on her face. But there was something more there, something longing.
“But I have definitely been a bitch. I have been nasty and spiteful. Aggressive, and mean. Even before that night, I was nastier to you than you have ever been to me.” Her hand extended upwards, fingers pressing against her chin as her eyes dropped to the sand.
“We have both been horrible to one another, but we aren’t horrible. We are just hurt. We don’t trust each other… but you unlocked a level of trust with me the other day that has now completely changed how I see you.” Val turned her head, eyes lingering on mine. “When you say that I don’t want you… you have no fucking clue how wrong you are.”
Val stepped toward me slowly, her eyes welded to mine, a spark of electricity shooting into my pupils, electrifying my brain. The shard of ice that had sapped my energy and chilled my nerves vanished, replaced by the steady hum of her buzzing energy.
Something felt so wrong.
So unbelievably unreal.
This woman whom I had dreamed of in all of my nightmares and all of my daydreams, standing in front of me telling me that she had, what? Forgiven me? That she liked me?
Perhaps my confusion displayed plainly on my face, because Valentine’s face shifted to a kind glance, and she reached to place a hand on my bicep.
“What do you want?” I asked, my eyes moving to her hand on my arm.
Val’s brown eyes sparkle, “I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what I am allowed… but whatever the hell it is… I want it with you.”
Tidal waves.
Fireworks.
Meteor strikes.
Tsunamis.
Hurricanes.
Nothing that this fucking world threw at me would be able to tear me down from this high. I stared at Val with a soft, uncertain look in my eyes. She began to pull away again, just as she had before. Without thinking, my opposite hand grabbed hers, pressing it back against my skin. Her face flickered with a smile, and she stepped closer.
“What is it that you want, Cain?” She asked.
The question bounced around in the racing thoughts behind my eyes, and I really thought about it for a moment.
“I want you…”
I felt the words fall from my lips before I could even think. Before I even understood what I was saying. My hand squeezed hers against my bicep, but my breath hitched in my chest and my eyes wavered.
Her face fell as if she understood my reaction. “It is because of my job… isn’t it?” She asked.
I glanced at her, the taste of bile now entering my throat as I shook my head slightly. “It isn’t the job that you do… it’s the way that you have to put up with being treated. The way I would have to put up with you being treated.”
Val’s eyes brimmed with a soft line of tears, and she nodded slowly, eyes cast down to avoid mine. The sight of her hurting was enough to tear any man to pieces.
“What if this version of us stayed the way we are.” I mutter, hooking a finger under her chin to guide her eyes back to me. “What if Valentine and Cain are simply that. Valentine and Cain. Escort and her driver.”
She seemed confused by this, her head tilting to the side.
“Let’s try that again.” I held her in front of me, “When we get back tomorrow, I’m going to take you out for a date. But not as Cain. Not as this asshole who hurt you. The one who let you down. I’ll show you who I am behind all of this.”
The electricity in her eyes zapped me again, but this time my defenses were strong enough. I smiled and let go of her completely, watching as her hand dropped from my bicep. A smile burned at the edges of her lips, and she nodded quickly.
“That sounds nice.”
My heart leapt in my chest and my eyes softened, “Cool.”
She giggled, “Cool.”
We stood for a few minutes, staring at one another. Val then turned toward the water and stepped through the sand until the ocean water tickled her toes.
She stood there for a moment before turning to me, “Would you mind if I stayed out here alone for a while?” She asked.
My eyes fixed on her for the final time that night as I nodded slowly, “Do you have your phone on you?”
She nodded, pulling the slit in her skirt aside to show a pocket with her phone securely tucked away.
“If you need me, I’m a message away,” I said, allowing my eyes to savor her figure for a moment, then I left her there at the waterside and went to find Sasha and Mags.
It was an easy enough task. They sat beneath a thatched straw canopy sitting on the laps of some excited men who were just happy to have such gorgeous girls in their vicinity. When they saw me, their eyes lit up and they rushed from the group of men to stand in front of me.
“Soooooo?” Sasha sang, standing on her toes as she stared into my soul.
Mags grinned, biting down on her bottom lip.
I raised an eyebrow, “Soooo?”
The redhead’s eyes narrow and she crosses her arms, “So?! How did it go with Val?”
Confusion knitted a stitch between my brows, “Why would anything go with Val?” I asked.
Sasha stared into my eyes for a minute, searching my face for the smallest hint of what happened, “You know for a fact that she totally has the hots for you.”
“You’ve been trying to score her for months. Don’t think we don’t see the way you look at her. The way not even she sees.” Mags smirked, her brown eyes connecting with a soft blush that dusted my cheeks.
I crossed my arms, “She wanted to be alone for the rest of the night, so she is out there by the ocean.”
The red-headed woman before me frowns, her eyes widening, “You left a girl who is HORNY as FUCK for YOU alone by the water instead of taking her back to the bedroom and fucking her?” She emphasized, probably louder than she should have.
I tossed a hand over her mouth and growled, “Sasha, shut it.” I mumbled,
Mags laughed, “You’re the one making stupid decisions.”
I sighed and pulled both girls to a quieter area, “Listen, you better not tell anyone about this… but I’ve asked her on a date… a real date.”
Sasha’s eyes fill with the shine of glitter and confetti as she grinned widely, “Like… with Not-Cain?” she asked boisterously.
I chuckled, nodding softly.
Both girls exchanged glances, excitement rolling in their eyes, then they turned to face me as one.
“We swear to God, Cain. If you ever hurt her, we will absolutely kill your ass.” Mags said, crossing her arms in front of her, “She may be your girl, but she was our girl first, long before you came along.”
I laughed, nodding softly and raised my hands as a shield.
“I got it! I understand.”