He honks. I must look sad. I’m sitting on the curb with my head between my legs, my hair hanging off of my head, your hood on, all crying. What are you doing, dummy, get in. I get in. What are you doing crying? he asks. I just remembered you, I say. That I miss you. Well, yeah, stupid, he says. I say, but no, that it’s been ages since I felt this way. That “Palm Tree” killed me, I say, that the nineties kill me. He brushes back the hair off my face and in the same movement he kisses me, comes completely over me. I don’t get what’s happening, of course I reciprocate the kiss, I mean, I don’t reciprocate it so much as just be very there to receive it, so there. It’s really warm, his mouth is really warm on the inside. That’s good, and it’s soft. I can’t help but get a little dizzy when I close my eyes, it’s that I’m drunk, and that I miss you. We kiss very deeply, you know what that’s like, when you kiss when you love each other. That’s what I mean, those kisses that are everything, the ones where you can barely tell yourself apart from the other person, the ones where you get inside the other person, where you put the other person inside yourself, and your tongues come and go, getting so big and so alive while your eyes are shut, like wet vermin, slippery, searching. After a long while the kiss ends, we hold each other, I bury myself in his sheepskin, in the little bits of wool, and I wipe off the spit he left on me, we left on me. He holds me, tight, and I cry. And I know I won’t be able to stop crying at this point, something broke/let loose. All the times I didn’t cry in Esquel come up now, want to come out, turn into tears. Now I can’t stop crying, Juli asks me if I want to talk about it, I say no, I keep crying, and every once in a while I dive into his mouth. I cry and I kiss him, it’s the only thing I can do right now. I don’t want to talk, there’s nothing to say, it’s just a question of letting go. So kissing, crying, and hugging, hugging as rest, generating fluid, a lot of it. Crying and saliva. From all this crying the dizziness of drunkenness gradually starts to transform into tiredness, exhaustion: as I regain my calm, I begin to fall asleep. Something about the heating in the car, too, a kind of stupor. As I’m falling asleep I’m still able to perceive that Juli is talking to me, whispering sweet things, loving things, petting my face, I will always love you, baby, always, and I want to reciprocate, respond, answer, but I can’t, I’m numbed, by sadness, by kissing, just about gone. I know, because my body knows, that Juli has started the truck. I don’t know where we’re going, I let myself be taken, I’m gone.