THE LIBERTINE

THOMAS SHADWELL

To the most Illustrious Prince William, Duke, Marquis, and Earl of Newcastle, etc.°

May it please your grace,

The favours have been so many and so great, which your grace’s unwearied bounty° has conferred upon me, that I cannot omit this opportunity of telling the world how much I have been obliged and by whom. My gratitude will not suffer me to smother the favours in silence, nor the pride they have raised me to, let me conceal the name of so excellent a patron. The honour of being favoured by the great Newcastle is equal with any real merit, I am sure infinitely above mine. Yet the encouragement I receive from your grace is the certain way to make the world believe I have some desert, or to create in me the most favourable thoughts of myself. My name may thus, when otherwise it would perish, live in after ages under the protection of your grace’s, which is famous abroad and will be eternized in this nation for your wit, beyond all poets; judgement and prudence, before all statesmen; courage and conduct, above all generals; constancy and loyalty, beyond all subjects; virtue and temperance, above all philosophers; for skill in weapons and horsemanship and all other arts befitting your quality,° excelling all noblemen; and, lastly, for those eminent services in defence of your king and country, with an interest and power much exceeding all, and with loyalty equalling any nobleman. And, indeed, the first was so great, that it might justly have made the greatest prince afraid of it, had it not been so strongly secured by the latter.	5 10 15 20
All these heroic qualities I admired and worshipped at a distance before I had the honour to wait upon your grace° at your house. For so vast was your bounty to me as to find me out in my obscurity and oblige me several years before you saw me at Welbeck,° where, when I arrived, I found a respect so extremely above the meanness of my condition, that I still received it with blushes, having had nothing to recommend me but the birth and education without the fortune of a gentleman, besides some writings of mine which your grace was pleased to like. Then was soon added to my former worship° and admiration, infinite love and infinite gratitude, and a pride of being favoured by one in whom I observed a majesty equal with greatest princes, yet affability exceeding ordinary gentlemen, a greatness that none e’er approached without awe or parted from without satisfaction.	25 30 35
Then, by the great honour I had to be daily admitted into your grace’s public and private conversation, I observed that admirable experience and judgement surmounting all the old, and that vigorousness of wit and smartness of expression exceeding all the young I ever knew; and not only in sharp and apt replies, the most excellent way of pursuing a discourse, but, which is much more difficult, by giving easy and unforced occasions, the most admirable way of beginning one; and all this adapted to men of all circumstances and conditions, your grace being able to discourse with every man in his own way, which, as it shows you to be a most accurate observer of all men’s tempers, so it shows your excellency in all their arts. But when I had the favour daily to be admitted to your grace’s more retired conversation, when I alone enjoyed the honour, I must declare I never spent my hours with that pleasure or improvement, nor shall I ever enough acknowledge that and the rest of the honours done me by your grace, as much above my condition as my merit.	40 45 50
And now, my lord, after all this, imagine not I intend this small present of a play, though favoured here by those I most wish it should be, as any return;° for all the services of my life cannot make a sufficient one. I only lay hold on this occasion to publish to the world your great favours and the grateful acknowledgments of	55
My most noble lord, your grace’s                         most obliged, humble, and obedient servant, Thomas Shadwell	60

THE CHARACTERS OF THE PLAY°

Don John, the libertine; a rash, fearless man, guilty of all vice

Don Octavio, Maria’s lover

[Maria’s Brother]

Jacomo, Don John’s man

Leonora, Don John’s mistress, abused by him, yet follows him for love

Maria, abused by Don John and following him for revenge

[Flora], maid to Maria

Don Francisco, father to Clara and Flavia

Six Women, all wives to Don John Hermit

Two gentlemen, intended for husbands to Clara and Flavia

Ghosts

Shepherds and shepherdesses

Old woman

Office and soldiers

Singers, servants, attendants

SCENE: SEVILLE

PREFACE

The story from which I took the hint of this play is famous all over Spain, Italy, and France.° It was first put into a Spanish play, as I have been told, the Spaniards having a tradition, which they believe, of such a vicious Spaniard as is represented in this play. From them the Italian comedians took it, and from them the French took it, and four several French plays were made upon the story.°	5
The character of the libertine and, consequently, those of his friends, are borrowed, but all the plot, till the latter end of the fourth act, is new. And all the rest is very much varied from anything which has been done upon the subject.°	10
I hope the readers will excuse the irregularities of the play° when they consider that the extravagance of the subject forced me to it. And I had rather try new ways to please than to write on in the same road, as too many do. I hope that the severest reader will not be offended at the representation of those vices on which they will see a dreadful punishment inflicted. And I have been told by a worthy gentleman that many years ago,° when first a play was made upon this story in Italy, he has seen it acted there by the name of Atheisto Fulminato in churches on Sundays as a part of devotion,° and some, not of the least judgement and piety here, have thought it rather an useful moral than an encouragement to vice.	15 20
I have no reason to complain of the success of this play° since it pleased those whom, of all the world, I would please most. Nor was the town° unkind to it, for which reason I must applaud my good fortune to have pleased with so little pains, there being no act in it which cost me above five days writing;° and the last two, the playhouse having great occasion for a play, were both written in four days, as several can testify. And this I dare declare, notwithstanding the foul, coarse, and ill-mannered censure passed upon them who write plays in three, four, or five weeks time, by a rough, hobbling rhymer in his postscript to another man’s play, which he spoiled and called Love and Revenge,° I having before publicly owned the writing two plays in so short a time. ° He ought not to have measured any man’s abilities who writes for the stage with his own, for some may write that in three weeks which he cannot in three years. But he is angry that any man should write sense so easily when he finds it so laborious a thing to write even fustian, that he is believed to have been three years drudging upon The Conquest of China.° But he ought not to be called a poet who cannot write ten times a better in three weeks.	25 30 35
I cannot here pass by his saucy epistle to this Conquest which, instead of expressions of just respect due to the birth and merit of his patron, is stuffed with railing against others. And, first, he begins with the vanity of his tribe. What tribe that really is, it is not hard to guess. But all the poets will bear me witness it is not theirs, who are sufficiently satisfied that he is no more a poet than servant to his majesty,° as he presumes to write himself, which I wonder he will do since protections are taken off. I know not what place he is sworn into in Extraordinary,° but I am sure there is no such thing as Poet in Extraordinary.	40 45
But I wonder, after all his railing, he will call these poets his brethren. If they were, methinks he might have more natural affection than to abuse his brethren. But he might have spared that title, for we can find no manner of relation betwixt him and them; for they are all gentlemen that will not own him° or keep him company. And that, perhaps, is the cause which makes him so angry with them, to tax them° in his ill-mannered epistle with impudence, which he, having a particular affection for his own vice, calls by the name of frailty. Impudence indeed is a very pretty frailty.	50 55
But, whatever the poets are guilty of, I wish he had as much of poetry in him as he has of that frailty, for the good of the Duke’s Theatre.° They might then have hopes of gaining as much by his good sense as they have lost by his fustian.	60
Thus much I thought fit to say in vindication of the poets, though I think he has not authority enough with men of sense to fix any calumny upon the tribe, as he calls it. For which reason, I shall never trouble myself to take notice of him hereafter, since all men of wit will think that he can do the poets no greater injury than pretending to be one. Nor had I said so much in answer to his coarse railing but to reprehend his arrogance and lead him to a little better knowledge of himself, nor does his base language in his postscript deserve a better return.	65 70

Prologue

Our author sent me hither for a scout, To spy what bloody critics were come out;° Those picaroons in wit, who infest this road,° And snap both friend and foe that come abroad.° This savage party crueller appears,	5
Than in the channel Ostend privateers.° You in this road, or sink or plunder all; Remorseless as a storm on us you fall. But, as a merchant, when by storms distressed, Flings out his bulky goods to save the rest	10
(Hoping a calm may come, he keeps the best), In this black tempest which o’er us impends, Near rocks and quick sands, and no ports of friends, Our poet gives this over to your rage, The most irregular play upon the stage,°	15
As wild and as extravagant as the age. Now, angry men, to all your spleens give vent; When all your fury has on this been spent, Elsewhere you with much worse shall be content. The poet has no hopes you’ll be appeased,	20
Who come on purpose but to be displeased. Such corrupt judges should excepted be, Who can condemn before they hear or see. Ne’er were such bloody critics yet in fashion; You damn by absolute predestination.°	25
But why so many to run one man down? It were a mighty triumph when y’ have done. Our scarcity of plays you should not blame,° When by foul poaching you destroy the game. Let him but have fair play, and he may then	30
Write himself into favour once again. If after this your anger you’ll reveal, To Caesar he must make his just appeal;° There mercy and judgement equally do meet, To pardon faults and to encourage wit.	35

1.1

[A street in Seville]°
Enter Don John, Don Lopez, Don Antonio, Jacomo, Don John’s
valet

DON JOHN Thus far without a bound we have enjoyed Our prosp’rous pleasures, which dull fools call sins; Laughed at old feeble judges and weak laws; And at the fond, fantastic thing called conscience,° Which serves for nothing but to make men cowards; An idle fear of future misery, And is yet worse than all that we can fear.	5
DON LOPEZ Conscience made up of dark and horrid thoughts, Raised from the fumes of a distempered spleen.
DON ANTONIO A senseless fear, would make us contradict The only certain guide, infallible nature;° And, at the call of melancholy fools, Who style all actions which they like not, sins, To silence all our natural appetites.	10
DON JOHN Yet those conscientious fools that would persuade us To I know not what, which they call piety, Have in reserve private, delicious sins, Great as the happy libertine enjoys, With which, in corners, wantonly they roll.°	15
DON LOPEZ Don John, thou art our oracle; thou hast Dispelled the fumes which once clouded our brains.	20
DON ANTONIO By thee, we have got loose from education, And the dull slavery of pupillage,° Recovered all the liberty of nature; Our own strong reason now can go alone, Without the feeble props of splenetic fools, Who contradict our common mother, nature.	25
DON JOHN Nature gave us our senses, which we please, Nor does our reason war against our sense. By nature’s order, sense should guide our reason, Since to the mind all objects sense conveys.° But fools for shadows lose substantial pleasures, For idle tales abandon true delight, And solid joys of days for empty dreams at night.	30
Away, thou foolish thing, thou cholic of the mind,° Thou worm by ill-digesting stomachs bred. In spite of thee, we’ll surfeit in delights, And never think ought can be ill that’s pleasant.	35
JACOMO A most excellent sermon and, no doubt, gentlemen, you have edified much by it.	40
DON JOHN Away, thou formal, phlegmatic coxcomb; thou° Hast neither courage nor yet wit enough To sin thus. Thou art my dull, conscientious pimp. And when I am wanton with my whore within, Thou, with thy beads and prayer-book, keep’st the door.°	45
JACOMO Sir, I find your worship is no more afraid to be damned than other fashionable gentlemen of the age. But, methinks, halters and axes° should terrify you. With reverence to your worships, I’ve seen civiller men hanged, and men of as pretty parts° too. There’s scarce a city in Spain but is too hot for you, you have committed such outrages wheresoe’er you come.	50
DON LOPEZ Come, for diversion, pray let’s hear your fool preach a little.
JACOMO For my part, I cannot but be troubled that I shall lose my honour by you, sir; for people will be apt to say, like master, like man.°	55
DON JOHN Your honour, rascal? A sow-gelder may better pretend to it.
JACOMO But I have another scruple, sir.
DON JOHN What’s that?	60
JACOMO I fear I shall be hanged in your company.
DON JOHN That’s an honour you will ne’er have courage to deserve.
JACOMO It is an honour I am not ambitious of.
DON LOPEZ Why does the fool talk of hanging? We scorn all laws.
JACOMO It seems so, or you would not have cut your elder brother’s throat, Don Lopez.	65
DON LOPEZ Why, you coxcomb, he kept a good estate from me, and I could not whore and revel sufficiently without it.
DON ANTONIO Look you, Jacomo, had he not reason?
JACOMO Yes, Antonio, so had you to get both your sisters with child. ‘Twas very civil, I take it.	70
DON ANTONIO Yes, you fool, they were lusty, young, handsome wenches and pleased my appetite. Besides, I saved the honour of the family by it, for if I had not, somebody else would.
JACOMO O horrid villainy! But you are both saints to my hopeful master.° I’ll turn° him loose to Beelzebub° himself; he shall outdo him at his own weapons.	75
DON JOHN I, you rascal?°
JACOMO O no, sir, you are as innocent. To cause your good old father to be killed was nothing.	80
DON JOHN It was something and a good thing too, sirrah. His whole design was to debar me of my pleasures. He kept his purse from me and could not be content with that, but still would preach his senseless morals to me, his old, dull, foolish stuff against my pleasure. I caused him to be sent I know not whither.° But he believed he was to go to heaven. I care not where he is since I am rid of him.	85
JACOMO Cutting his throat was a very good return for his begetting of you.
DON JOHN That was before he was aware on’t. ’Twas for his own sake; he ne’er thought of me in the business.	90
JACOMO [crosses himself] Heaven bless us!
DON JOHN You dog, I shall beat out your brains if you dare be so impudent as to pray in my company.
JACOMO Good sir, I have done, I have done—
DON LOPEZ Prithee let the insipid° fool go on.	95
DON ANTONIO Let’s hear the coxcomb number up your crimes, the patterns we intend to imitate.
JACOMO Sir, let me lay your horrid crimes before you. The unhappy minute may perhaps arrive, when the sense of ’em may make you penitent.	100
DON ANTONIO ’Twere better thou wert hanged.
DON LOPEZ Repent! Cowards and fools do that.
DON JOHN Your valiant, well-bred gentlemen never repent. But what should I repent of?
JACOMO After the murder of your father, the brave Don Pedro, Governor of Seville, for whom the town are still in grief, was in his own house barbarously killed by you.	105
DON JOHN Barbarously! You lie, you rascal: ‘twas finely done. I run him through the lungs as handsomely, and killed him as decently,° and as like a gentleman as could be. The jealous coxcomb° deserved death; he kept his sister from me. Her eyes would have killed me if I had not enjoyed her, which I could not do without killing him. Besides, I was alone and killed him hand to fist.	110
JACOMO I never knew you go to church but to take sanctuary for a murder, or to rob churches of their plate.	115
DON JOHN Heaven needs not be served in plate, but I had use on’t.
JACOMO How often have you scaled the walls of monasteries? Two nuns, I know, you ravished, and a third you dangerously wounded for her violent resistance.
DON JOHN The perverse jades were uncivil and deserved such usage.	120
JACOMO Some thirty murders, rapes innumerable, frequent sacrilege, parricide; in short, not one in all the catalogue of sins have ’scaped you.
DON JOHN My business is my pleasure: that end I will always compass without scrupling the means. There is no right or wrong but what conduces to or hinders pleasure. But, you tedious, insipid rascal, if I hear more of your morality, I will carbonado° you.	125
DON ANTONIO We live the life of sense, which no fantastic thing, called reason, shall control.
DON LOPEZ My reason tells me I must please my sense.	130
DON JOHN My appetites are all I’m sure I have from heaven, since they are natural; and them I always will obey.
JACOMO I doubt it not, sir; therefore, I desire to shake hands and part.
DON JOHN D’ye hear, dog? Talk once more of parting, and I will saw your windpipe. I could find in my heart to cut your rascal’s nose off and save the pox a labour.° [Reaches for his sword] I’ll do’t, sirrah.° [Lunges] Have at you!	135
JACOMO [kneeling] Good sir, be not so transported. I will live, sir, and will serve you in anything. I’ll fetch a wench or anything in the world, sir. (Aside) O, how I tremble at this tyrant’s rage.	140
DON ANTONIO Come, ’tis night. We lose time to our adventures.
DON LOPEZ I have bespoke music for our serenading.
DON JOHN Let’s on and live the noble life of sense.
To all the powers of love and mighty lust,
In spite of formal fops I will be just.°	145
What ways soe’er conduce to my delight,
My sense instructs me, I must think ’em right.
On, on, my soul, and make no stop in pleasure,
They’re dull, insipid fools that live by measure.
Exeunt all but Jacomo
JACOMO What will become of me? If I should leave him, he’s so revengeful, he would travel o’er all Spain to find me out and cut my throat. I cannot live long with him neither. I shall be hanged, or knocked o’ th’ head, or share some dreadful fate or other with him. ’Tis just between him and me, as between the devil and the witch° who repents her bargain and would be free from future ills, but, for the fear of present, durst not venture. °	150 155
Enter Leonora
Here comes Leonora, one of those multitudes of ladies he has sworn, lied to, and betrayed.
LEONORA Jacomo, where is Don John? I could not live to endure a longer absence from him. I have sighed and wept myself away. I move but have no life left in me. His coldness and his absence have given me fearful and killing apprehensions. Where is my dear?	160
JACOMO Your dear, madam? He’s yours no more.
LEONORA Heaven! What do I hear? Speak, is he dead?	165
JACOMO To you he is.
LEONORA Ah, me. Has he forgot his vows and oaths? Has he no conscience, faith, or honour left?
JACOMO Left, madam? He ne’er had any.
LEONORA It is impossible. You speak this out of malice sure.
JACOMO There’s no man knows him better than I do. I have a greater respect for you than for any he has betrayed and will undeceive you. He is the most perfidious wretch alive.	170
LEONORA Has he forgot the sacred contract, which was made privately betwixt us and confirmed before the altar during the time of holy mass?	175
JACOMO All times and places are alike to him.
LEONORA O how assiduous was he in his passion! How many thousand vows and sighs he breathed! What tears he wept, seeming to suffer all the cruel pangs which lovers e’er endured! How eloquent were all his words and actions!	180
JACOMO His person and his parts are excellent, but his base vices are beyond all measure. Why would you believe him?
LEONORA My own love bribed me to believe him. I saw the man I loved more than the world. Oft on his knees, with his eyes up to heaven, kissing my hand with such an amorous heat and with such ardour, breathing fervent vows of loyal love, and venting sad complaints of extreme sufferings. I, poor, easy soul, flattering myself to think he meant as I did, lost all my sex’s faculty, dissembling; and in a month must I be thus betrayed?	185
JACOMO Poor lady! I cannot but have bowels for you;° your sad narration makes me weep in sadness. But you are better used than others. I ne’er knew him constant a fortnight before.	190
LEONORA Then, then he promised he would marry me.
JACOMO If he were to live here one month longer, he would marry half the town, ugly and handsome, old and young. Nothing that’s female comes amiss to him.	195
LEONORA Does he not fear a thunderbolt from heaven?
JACOMO No, nor a devil from hell. He owns no deity but his voluptuous appetite, whose satisfaction he will compass by murders, rapes, treasons, or ought else. But pray let me ask you one civil question: did you not give him earnest° of your body, madam?	200
LEONORA Mock not my misery. O, that confounds me! Ah, I thought him true and loved him so, I could deny him nothing.
JACOMO Why, there ’tis. I fear you have, or else he would have married you. He has married six within this month and promised fifteen more, all whom he has enjoyed and left, and is this night gone on some new adventure, some rape or murder, some such petty thing.	205
LEONORA O monster of impiety! O false Don John! Wonder of cruelty! (She swoons)
JACOMO What a pox! Does she swoon at the news? Alas, poor soul, she has moved me now to pity, as she did to love. [Looks around] Ha! The place is private. If I should make use of a natural receipt° to refresh her and bring her to life again, ‘twould be a great pleasure to me and no trouble to her. [Looks around again] Hum! ’Tis very private, and I dare sin in private. [Leonora stirs] A deuce° take her! She revives and prevents me.	210 215
LEONORA Where is the cruel tyrant? Inhuman° monster? But I will strive to fortify myself. But O my misfortune! O my misery! Under what strange enchantments am I bound? Could he be yet a thousand times more impious, I could not choose but love his person still.	220
JACOMO Be not so passionate. If you could be discreet and love yourself, I’d put you in a way to ease your grief now and all your cares hereafter.
LEONORA If you can now ease an afflicted woman, who else must shortly rid herself of life, employ your charity. ‘Twas never placed yet on a wretch needed it more than I.	225
JACOMO If loyalty in a lover be a jewel, say no more. I can tell you where you may have it.
LEONORA Speak not of truth in man; it is impossible.
JACOMO Pardon me. I speak on my own knowledge.	230
LEONORA Is your master true then? And have you happily deceived me? Speak.
JACOMO As true as all the power of hell can make him.
LEONORA If he be false, let all the world be so.
JACOMO There’s another-guess man° than he, madam.	235
LEONORA Another! Who can that be? (Aside) No, no, there’s no truth found in the sex.
JACOMO He is a civil, virtuous, and discreet sober person.
LEONORA Can there be such a man? What does he mean?
JACOMO There is, madam, a man of goodly presence too. Something inclining to be fat, of a round, plump face, with quick and sparkling eyes, and mouth of cheerful overture. His nose, which is the only fault, is somewhat short,° but that’s no matter, his hair and eyebrows black, and so forth.	240
LEONORA [aside] How? He may perhaps be bribed by some other man, and what he said of his master may be false.	245
JACOMO [aside] How she surveys me! (Sings and struts about) Fa, la, la.
LEONORA Who is this you speak of?
JACOMO A man who, envy must confess, has excellent parts, but those are gifts, gifts—mere gifts—thanks be to heaven for them.	250
LEONORA But shall I never know his name?
JACOMO He’s one whom many ladies have honoured with their affection, but no more of that. They have met disdain and so forth. But he’ll be content to marry you. (Sings) Fa, la, la, la.
LEONORA Again, I ask you who he is.	255
JACOMO [aside] Lord, how inapprehensive she is! Can you not guess?
LEONORA No.
JACOMO [bows] Your humble servant, madam.
LEONORA [curtsies] Yours, sir.
JACOMO It is myself in person and, upon my honour, I will be true and constant to you.	260
LEONORA Insolent varlet! Am I fallen so low to be thy scorn?
JACOMO Scorn! As I am a Christian soul, I am in earnest.
LEONORA Audacious villain! Impudence itself!
JACOMO Ah, madam! Your servant, your true lover must endure a thousand such bobs from his mistress. I can bear, madam, I can.	265
LEONORA Because thy master has betrayed me, am I become so infamous?
JACOMO ’Tis something hard, madam, to preserve a good reputation in his company. I can scarce do’t myself.	270
LEONORA Am I so miserable to descend to his man?
JACOMO Descend, say you? Ha, ha, ha.
LEONORA Now I perceive all’s false which you have said of him. Farewell, you base, ungrateful fellow. [Begins to leave]
JACOMO [stops her] Hold, madam. Come in the morning, and I will place you in the next room where you shall overhear our discourse. You’ll soon discover the mistake and find who ’tis that loves you. Retire, madam; I hear somebody coming.	275
Exeunt
[Enter Don John]
DON JOHN Let me see, here lives a lady. I have seen Don Octavio haunting about this house and making private signs to her. I never saw her face, but am resolved to enjoy her because he likes her. Besides, she’s another woman.°	280
Enter [Don] Antonio
Antonio, welcome to our place of rendezvous. Well, what game! What adventure.
Enter [Don] Lopez
Come, dear Lopez.	285
DON ANTONIO I have had a rare adventure.
DON LOPEZ What, dear Antonio?
DON ANTONIO I saw at a villa not far off a grave, mighty, bearded fool drinking lemonade with his mistress. I misliked his face, plucked him by the whiskers, pulled all one side of his beard off, fought with him, run him through the thigh, carried away his mistress, served her in her kind,° and then let her go.	290
DON JOHN Gallantly performed, like a brave soldier in an enemy’s country. When they will not pay contribution, you fight for forage.
DON LOPEZ Pox on’t, I have been damnably unfortunate. I have neither beat man nor lain with woman tonight, but fallen in love most furiously. I dogged my new mistress to her lodging; she’s Don Bernardo’s sister and shall be my punk.	295
DON JOHN I could meet with no willing dame but was fain to commit a rape to pass away the time.	300
DON ANTONIO O, a rape is the joy of my heart. I love a rape, upon my clavis,° exceedingly.
DON JOHN But mine, my lads, was such a rape it ought to be registered, a noble and heroic rape.
DON LOPEZ Ah, dear Don John!	305
DON ANTONIO How was it?
DON JOHN ‘Twas in a church, boys.
DON ANTONIO Ah, gallant leader!
DON LOPEZ Renowned Don John!
DON ANTONIO Come, let’s retire; you have done enough for once.	310
DON JOHN Not yet, Antonio. I have an intrigue here.
Enter fiddlers [and a singer]
Here are my fiddlers. Rank yourselves close under this window and sing the song I prepared.
[The fiddlers accompany singer]

SONG

Thou joy of all hearts, and delight of all eyes Nature’s chief treasure, and beauty’s chief prize Look down, you’ll discover Here’s a faithful, young, vigorous lover. With a heart full as true As e’er languished for you; Here’s a faithful, young, vigorous lover.	315 320
The heart that was once a monarch in’s breast Is now your poor Captive, and can have no rest, ‘Twill never give over, But about your sweet bosom will hover. Dear Miss, let it in, By heaven, ’tis no sin; Here’s a faithful, young, vigorous, vigorous lover.	325
DON JOHN Now fiddlers, be gone.
[Exeunt fiddlers and singer.] Window opens.° Maria looks out and flings a paper down
MARIA Retire, my dear Octavio. Read that note. Adieu.	330
Exit Maria
DON JOHN Good, she takes me for Octavio. I warrant you, boys, I shall succeed in this adventure. Now my false light assist me. (Reads by a dark lantern)° ‘Go from this window. Within eight minutes, you shall be admitted to the garden door. You know the sign.’ Ha, the sign! Gad, she lies; I know not the sign.	335
DON ANTONIO What will you do? You know not the sign. Let’s away and be contented this night.
DON JOHN My friends, if you love me, retire. I’ll venture, though thunderbolts should fall upon my head.
DON LOPEZ Are you mad? As soon as she discovers the deceit, she’ll raise the house upon you, and you’ll be murdered.	340
DON JOHN She’ll not raise the house for her own sake, but, rather, grant me all I ask to keep her counsel.
DON ANTONIO ’Tis very dangerous. Be careful of yourself.
DON JOHN The more danger, the more delight. I hate the common road of pleasure. What, can I fear at such a time as this? The cowardly deer are valiant in their rutting time. I say, be gone.	345
DON ANTONIO We’ll not dispute your commands. Good luck to you.
Exeunt Don Antonio, Don Lopez
DON JOHN How shall I know this devilish sign?
Enter Octavio with fiddlers [and singer] and stands under Maria’s window
Ha! Whom have we here? Some serenading coxcomb. Now shall we have some damned song or other, a Cloris or a Phyllis° at least.
[The fiddlers accompany singer]

SONG

Cloris, when you disperse your influence, Your dazzling beams are quick and clear,° You so surprise and wound the sense, So bright a miracle y’ appear. Admiring mortals you astonish so, No other deity they know, But think that all divinity’s below.	355
One charming look from your illustrious face Were able to subdue mankind, So sweet, so powerful a grace Makes all men lovers but the blind. Nor can they freedom by resistance gain, For each embraces the soft chain, And never struggles with the pleasant pain.	360 365
OCTAVIO [to the singer and fiddlers] Be gone, be gone! The window opens.
[Exeunt singer and fiddlers]
DON JOHN ’Sdeath! This is Octavio. I must dispatch him, or he’ll spoil all; but I would fain hear the sign first.
MARIA [leaning out the window] What strange mistake is this? Sure he did not receive my note, and then I am ruined.	370
OCTAVIO She expects the sign. [Searches] Where’s my whistle? O here. (Whistles) DON JOHN I have found it; that must be the sign.
MARIA I dare not speak aloud. [To Octavio] Go to the garden door.	375
Don John rushes upon Octavio and snatches the whistle out of his hand
OCTAVIO ’Sdeath, what ruffian’s this?
DON JOHN One that will be sure to cut your throat.
OCTAVIO Make not a promise to yourself of what you can’t perform.
Octavio and Don John fight
DON JOHN I warrant you. [Lunges] Have at you!
MARIA O heaven! Octavio’s fighting. O my heart!	380
OCTAVIO O, I am slain!
[Octavio] falls
DON JOHN I knew I should be as good as my word. I think you have it, sir. Ha! He’s dying. Now for the lady. I’ll draw him further off, that his groans may not disturb our pleasure. Stay. By your leave, sir, I’ll change hat and cloak with you; it may help me in my design.	385
OCTAVIO O, barbarous villain!
[Octavio] dies
MARIA They have done fighting, and I hear no noise. O unfortunate woman! My dear Octavio killed!
FLORA Perhaps, madam, he has killed the other. I’ll down to the garden door. If he be well, he’ll come thither, as well to satisfy his appointment, as to take refuge. Your brother’s safe; he may come in securely.	390
Exit Flora to the door
MARIA Haste, haste! Fly, fly! O Octavio! I’ll follow her.
Maria follows
DON JOHN Now for the garden door. This whistle will do me excellent service. Now good luck.	395
Don John goes to the door and whistles
FLORA Octavio?
DON JOHN The same.
FLORA Heaven be praised. My lady thought you had been killed.
DON JOHN I am unhurt. Let’s quickly to her.	400
FLORA O, she’ll° be overjoyed to see you alive.
DON JOHN I’ll make her more overjoyed before I have done with her.
This is a rare adventure!
Enter Maria at the garden door
FLORA Here’s your jewel, madam. Speak softly.
MARIA O my dear Octavio! Have I got you within these arms?	405
DON JOHN Ay, my dear, unpierced by anything but your eyes.
MARIA Those will do you no hurt. But are you sure you are not wounded?
DON JOHN I am. Let me embrace my pretty dear. [Aside] And yet she may be a blackamoor° for ought I know.	410
MARIA We’ll retire to my chamber. Flora, go out and prepare us a collation.
DON JOHN O admirable adventure! Come, my delight.
Exeunt Don John, Maria, and Flora.
Enter Don Lopez, [Don] Antonio, Jacomo
JACOMO Where’s my pious master?
DON ANTONIO We left him hereabouts. I wonder what he has done in his adventure. I believe he has had some bustle.°	415
DON LOPEZ I thought I heard fighting hereabout.
JACOMO Gad forgive me! Fighting! Where, where?
DON ANTONIO O thou incorrigible coward!
DON LOPEZ [notices Octavio] See, here’s some of his handy work; here’s a man killed.	420
JACOMO Another murder. Heaven, what will become of me? I shall be hanged, yet dare not run away from him.
Enter an Officer with a guard, going the round°
OFFICER Stand! Who are there?
DON LOPEZ We do stand, rascal; we never use to run.	425
JACOMO [aside] Now shall I be taken and hanged for my master’s murder.
Offers to run°
DON ANTONIO Stand, you dog! Offer once more to run, and I’ll put bilbow° in your guts.
JACOMO Gad forgive me! What will become of me?	430
OFFICER What’s here? A man murdered? Yield, you are my prisoners.
JACOMO With all my heart. But, as I hope to be saved, we did not kill him, sir.
OFFICER These must be the murderers. Disarm ’em.
DON ANTONIO How now, rascal! Disarm us!	435
DON LOPEZ We are not used to part with our swords.
JACOMO I care not a farthing for my sword. [Offers sword to Antonio] ’Tis at your service.
DON ANTONIO Do you hear, rascal? Keep it and fight, or I’ll swear the murder against you.°	440
DON LOPEZ Offer to flinch, and I’ll run you through.
OFFICER Take their swords, or knock ’em down.
They fight. Jacomo offers to run; some of the guards stop him
JACOMO A pox on’t. I had as good fight and die, as be taken and be hanged.
Guards are beaten off
DON LOPEZ Are you gone, you dogs? I have pinked° some of you.	445
JACOMO Ah, rogues! Villains! I have met with you.
DON ANTONIO O brave Jacomo! You fought like an imprisoned rat.
The rogue had concealed courage and did not know it.
JACOMO O cowards! Rascals! A man can get no honour by fighting with such poltroons! But for all that, I will prudently withdraw; this place will suddenly be too hot for us.	450
DON LOPEZ Once in your life, you are in the right, Jacomo.
JACOMO O good sir, there is as much to be ascribed to conduct as to courage, I assure you.
Exeunt

[1.2]°

Maria’s chamber
Enter Don John and Maria

MARIA Speak softly, my dear. Should my brother hear us, we are ruined.
DON JOHN Though I can scarce contain my joy, I will. [Aside] O she’s a rare creature in the dark. Pray heaven she be so in the light.
Enter Flora with a candle; as soon as they discover Don John, they shriek out
MARIA O heaven! I am ruined and betrayed.	5
FLORA He has Octavio’s clothes on.
MARIA O he has murdered him. My brother shall revenge it.
DON JOHN I will cut his throat if he offers it.
MARIA AND FLORA Thieves! Murder! Murder! Thieves!
DON JOHN I will stop your shrill windpipes.	10
Enter Maria’s brother with his sword drawn
BROTHER ’Sdeath! A man in my sister’s chamber! Have at you, villain!
DON JOHN [drawing his sword] Come on, villain.
Don John kills the brother
FLORA Murder, murder!
MARIA O villain, thou hast killed my brother and dishonoured me.	15
Enter five or six servants with drawn swords
O your master’s murdered!
DON JOHN So many of you, ’tis no matter. Your heroes in plays beat five times as many.° Have at you, rogues.
Maria runs away shrieking, and Don John beats the servants off and stops Flora
Now give me the key of the garden, or I’ll murder thee.
FLORA Murder! Murder! [Throws down key] There, take it.	20
Flora runs away
DON JOHN So, thus far it is well; this was a brave adventure. ’Mongst all the joys which in the world are sought, None are so great as those by dangers bought.
Exit

2.1

[Don John’s lodging in Seville]°
Enter Jacomo

JACOMO What will this lewd master of mine do? This town of Seville will not much care for his company after his last night’s achievements. He must now either fly or hang for’t. Ha! Methinks my blood grows chill at the naming of that dreadful word, ‘hang’. What will become of me? I dare not leave him, and yet I fear that I shall perish with him. He’s certainly the first that ever set up a religion to the devil.	5
Enter Leonora
LEONORA I come to claim your promise. Is Don John within?
JACOMO No, madam, but I expect him every minute. You see, madam, what honour I have for you, for I venture my ears to do this.	10
LEONORA You oblige me extremely.° So great is the present pain of doubt that we desire to lose it, though in exchange of certainty that° must afflict us more.
JACOMO I hear him coming; withdraw quickly.	15
Leonora withdraws
Enter Don John
DON JOHN How now, sir, what wise thoughts have you in your noodle?
JACOMO Why, sir, I was considering how well I could endure to be hanged.
DON JOHN And why so, buffle?°	20
JACOMO Why, you will force me to wait upon you in all your fortunes, and you are making what haste you can to the gallows.
DON JOHN Again at your reproofs. You insipid rascal. I shall cut your ears off, dog.
JACOMO Good sir, I have done; yet I cannot but admire, since you are resolved to go to the devil, that you cannot be content with the common way of travelling but must ride post° to him.	25
DON JOHN Leave off your idle tales, found out by priests to keep the rabble in awe.
JACOMO O horrid wickedness! If I may be bold to ask, what noble exploits did your chivalry perform last night?	30
DON JOHN Why, sir, I committed a rape upon my father’s monument.
JACOMO O horror!
DON JOHN Do you start, you villain? Ha!
JACOMO I, sir? Who I, sir? Not I, sir.	35
DON JOHN D’ hear, rascal, let me not see a frown upon your face. If I do, I will cut your throat, you rogue.
JACOMO No, sir, no, sir, I warrant you. I am in a very good humour, I assure you. [Aside] Heaven deliver me!
DON JOHN Now listen and learn. I killed a lady’s lover and supplied his place, by stratagem enjoyed her. In came her foolish brother and surprised me, but perished by my hand, and I doubt not but I mauled three or four of his servants.	40
Jacomo starts
JACOMO (aside) O horrid fact!
DON JOHN Again, villain, are you frowning?	45
JACOMO No, sir, no, sir, don’t think so ill of me, sir. [Aside] Heaven send me from this wicked wretch! [To Don John] What will become of us, sir? We shall be apprehended.
DON JOHN Can you fear your rascally carcass when I venture mine? I observe always, those that have the most despicable persons, are most careful to preserve ’em.	50
JACOMO Sir, I beg your pardon; but I have an odd humour, makes me something unfit for your worship’s service.
DON JOHN What’s that, sirrah?
JACOMO ’Tis a very odd one; I am almost ashamed to tell it to you.	55
DON JOHN Out with it, fool.
JACOMO Why, sir, I cannot tell what is the reason, but I have a most unconquerable antipathy to hemp.° I could never endure a bellrope. Hanging is a kind of death I cannot abide; I am not able to endure it.	60
DON JOHN I have taken care to avoid that. My friends are gone to hire a vessel, and we’ll to sea together to seek a refuge and a new scene of pleasure.
JACOMO All three, sir?
DON JOHN Yes, sir.	65
JACOMO Three as civil, discreet, sober persons as a man would wish to drink with.
Enter Leonora
LEONORA I can hold no longer!°
DON JOHN ’Sdeath, you dog. How came she here?
JACOMO I don’t know, sir; she stole in—	70
LEONORA What witchcraft do I suffer under? That when I abhor his vices, I still love his person. Ah, Don John! Have I deserved that you should fly me? Are all your oaths and vows forgotten by you?
Jacomo sneaks away]
DON JOHN No, no. In these cases, I always remember my oaths and never forget to break them.	75
LEONORA O impiety! Did I, for this, yield up my honour to you? After you had sighed and languished many months and showed all signs of a sincere affection, I trusted in your truth and constancy; without the bond of marriage, yielded up a virgin’s treasure, all my innocence; believed your solemn contract when you invoked all the powers above to testify your vows.	80
DON JOHN They think much of us; why don’t they witness ’em for you? Pish, ’tis nothing but a way of speaking which young, amorous fellows have gotten.
LEONORA Did you not love me then? What injury had I e’er done you, that you should feign affection to betray me?	85
DON JOHN Yes, faith, I did love you and showed you as frequent and as hearty signs of it as I could, and, egad, y’are an ungrateful woman if you say the contrary.
LEONORA O heaven! Did you—and do not now? What crime have I committed that could make you break your vows and oaths and banish all your passion? Ah, with what tenderness have I received your feigned affection, and ne’er thought I lived but in your presence. My love was too fervent to be counterfeit.	90
DON JOHN That I know not, for since your sex are such dissemblers, they can hold out against and seem to hate the men they love. Why may they not seem to love the men they hate?	95
LEONORA O cruel man! Could I dissemble? Had I a thousand lives, I ventured all each time I saw your face. Nay, were I now discovered, I should instantly be sacrificed to my raging brother’s fury—and can I dissemble?	100
DON JOHN I do not know whether you do or no. You see I don’t; I am something free with you.
LEONORA And do you not love me then?
DON JOHN Faith, madam, I loved you as long as I could for the heart and blood of me, and there’s an end of it. What a devil would you have more?°	105
LEONORA O cruel man! How miserable have you made me!
DON JOHN Miserable! Use variety as I do, and you’ll not be miserable. Ah, there’s nothing so sweet to frail human flesh as variety.	110
LEONORA Inhuman creature! What have I been guilty of, that thou shouldst thus remove thy affections from me?
DON JOHN Guilty, no. But I have had enough of you, and I have done what I can for you, and there’s no more to be said.
LEONORA Tigers would have more pity than thou hast.	115
DON JOHN Unreasonable woman! Would you have a man love after enjoyment? I think the devil’s in you.
LEONORA Do you upbraid me with the rash effects of love which you caused in me? And do you hate me for what you ought to love me for? Were you not many months with vows and oaths betraying me to that weakness? Ungrateful monster!	120
DON JOHN Why the devil did you not yield before? You women always rook° in love; you’ll never play upon the square° with us.
LEONORA False man! I yielded but too soon. Unfortunate woman!
DON JOHN Your dissembling arts and jilting tricks, taught you by your mothers, and the phlegmatic coldness of your constitutions make you so long in yielding, that we love out almost all our love before you begin; and yet you would have our love last as long as yours. I got the start of you a long way and have reason to reach the goal before you.	125 130
LEONORA Did you not swear you would forever love me?
DON JOHN Why, there ’tis. Why did you put me to the trouble to swear it? If you women would be honest and follow the dictates of sense and nature, we should agree about the business presently and never be forsworn for the matter.	135
LEONORA Are oaths so slighted by you? Perfidious man!
DON JOHN Oaths? Snares to catch conceited women with. I would have sworn all the oaths under the sun. Why, I would have committed treason for you, and yet I knew I should be weary of you.
LEONORA I thought such love as mine might have deserved your constancy, false and ungrateful man!	140
DON JOHN Thus your own vanity, not we, betray you. Each woman thinks, though men are false to others, that she is so fine a person, none can be so to her. You should not take our words of course° in earnest.	145
LEONORA Thus devils do in hell, who cruelly upbraid whom they have tempted thither.
DON JOHN In short, my constitution will not let me love you longer. And, whatever some hypocrites pretend, all mankind obey their constitutions and cannot do otherwise.	150
LEONORA Heaven, sure, will punish this vile treachery.
DON JOHN Do you then leave it to heaven, and trouble yourself no farther about it.
LEONORA Ye sacred powers, who take care of injured innocence, assist me.	155
Enter Jacomo
JACOMO Sir, sir! Stand upon your guard.
DON JOHN How now! What’s the matter?
JACOMO Here’s a whole battalion of courageous women come to charge you.
Enter six Women°
DON JOHN Keep ’em out, you villain.	160
JACOMO I cannot; they overrun me.
DON JOHN What an inundation of strumpets is here?
LEONORA O heaven! I can stay no longer to be a witness of his falsehood.
Exit Leonora
FIRST WOMAN My dear, I desire a word in private with you.	165
DON JOHN ’Faith, my dear I am something busy, but I love thee dearly. (Aside) A pox on thee!
SECOND WOMAN Don John, a word. ’Tis time now we should declare our marriage; ’tis now above three weeks.
DON JOHN Ay, we will do it suddenly.	170
THIRD WOMAN Prithee honey, what business can these idle women have? Send them packing, that we may confer about our affairs.
FOURTH WOMAN Lord! How am I amazed at the confidence of some women! Who are these that will not let one converse with one’s own husband? [Takes Don John’s arm] By your leave, ladies.	175
JACOMO Now it works! Tease him, ladies, worry him soundly.
FIFTH WOMAN [to the Fourth Woman] Nay, by your leave, good madam. (Pulls Don John from the Fourth Woman) If you go to that°—
SIXTH WOMAN Ladies, by all your leaves. Sure none of you will have the confidence to pretend an interest in this gentleman?	180
DON JOHN [aside] I shall be torn in pieces.—Jacomo, stand by me.
FIRST WOMAN Lord, madam, what’s your meaning? None ought to claim a right to another woman’s husband, let me tell you that.
SECOND WOMAN You are in the right, madam. [To Don John] Therefore prithee dear, let’s withdraw and leave them. I do not like their company.	185
DON JOHN Ay, presently, my dear. [Aside] What an excellent thing is a woman before enjoyment and how insipid after it!
FOURTH WOMAN Come, prithee, put these women out of doubt and let them know our marriage.	190
DON JOHN Tomorrow we’ll declare and celebrate our nuptials.
SIXTH WOMAN Ladies, the short and long on’t is you are very uncivil to press upon this gentleman. [To Don John] Come, love, e’en tell ’em the truth of the story.	195
FOURTH WOMAN Uncivil, madam! Pardon me; one cannot be so in speaking to one’s own.
THIRD WOMAN That’s true. She little thinks who that is.
SIXTH WOMAN To their own! Ha, ha, ha, that’s true. [To Don John] Come, honey, keep ’em no longer in ignorance.	200
FOURTH WOMAN Come, ladies, I will undeceive you all. Think no further of this gentleman, I say, think no further of him.
FIRST WOMAN What can this mean?
DON JOHN Hold, for heaven’s sake! You know not what you do.
FOURTH WOMAN Yes, yes, I do. It shall all out! I’ll send ’em away with fleas in their ears.° Poor silly creatures!	205
DON JOHN [aside] Now will civil wars arise.
FOURTH WOMAN Trouble yourselves no longer about Don John. He is mine. He is mine, ladies.
ALL Yours!	210
DON JOHN [aside] Pox on’t. I must set a good face upon the business; I see murder will out.
SIXTH WOMAN Yours! That’s pleasant; he’s mine.
FIFTH WOMAN I have been too long patient. He is my husband.
FIRST WOMAN Yours? How can that be? I am sure I am his wife.	215
THIRD WOMAN Are you not ashamed, ladies, to claim my husband?
SECOND WOMAN Are you all mad? I am sure I am married to him.
ALL You!
DON JOHN Look you, ladies, a man’s but a man. Here’s my body; take’t among you as far as ’twill go. The devil can’t please you all.	220
JACOMO Pray, ladies, will you dispatch? For there are a matter of fifteen more that are ready to put in their claims and must be heard in their order.
DON JOHN How now, rogue? This is your fault, sirrah.	225
JACOMO My fault? Sir, no. The ladies shall see I am no traitor. Look you, ladies—
DON JOHN Peace, villain, or I will cut your throat. Well, ladies, know, then, I am married to one in this company; and tomorrow morning, if you will repair° to this place, I will declare my marriage, which now, for some secret reasons, I am obliged to conceal. [Aside] Now will each strumpet think ’tis her I mean.	230
FIRST WOMAN That’s well enough.
FOURTH WOMAN I knew he would own me at last.
THIRD WOMAN Now they will soon see their errors.	235
FIFTH WOMAN [to Don John] Now we’ll conceal it no longer, dearest.
DON JOHN No, no, I warrant you.
SIXTH WOMAN Lord, how blank these ladies will look.
SECOND WOMAN Poor ladies.
JACOMO Ladies, pray let me ask a question. Which of you is really married to him? ALL I, I, I.	240
DON JOHN ’Sdeath, you son of a baboon. Come, pox on’t, why should I dally any longer? Why should I conceal my good actions? In one word, I am married to every one of you and have above fourscore more, nor will I ever give over till I have as many wives and concubines as the Grand Signior.°	245
JACOMO A very modest, civil person, truly.
FOURTH WOMAN O horrid villain!
SIXTH WOMAN Perfidious monster!	250
Enter Don Lopez and [Don] Antonio
DON ANTONIO How now, Don John. [Sees the Women] Ha! You are a ravenous bird of prey indeed. Do you fly at no less than a whole covey of whores at once? You scorn a single strumpet for your quarry.
DON LOPEZ° What, in tears too? Fie, Don John, thou art the most ungentle knight alive. Use your ladies civilly, for shame.	255
DON JOHN Ay, before the victory, I grant you. But after it, they should wear chains and follow the conqueror’s chariot.
DON LOPEZ Alas, poor harlots!
DON JOHN Peace, peace, good words. These are certain animals called wives, and all of ’em are my wives. Do you call a man of honour’s wives harlots? Out on’t.	260
FIRST WOMAN Perfidious monster!
DON ANTONIO Excellent!
DON JOHN Come on, you are come very opportunely to help to celebrate my several and respective° weddings. Come, my dears. ‘Faith, we will have a ballad at our weddings. Where are my fiddlers?	265
SIXTH WOMAN O savage beast!
FOURTH WOMAN Inhuman villain! Revenge shall follow.
DON JOHN Pox on revenge. Call in my minstrels.	270

Enter fiddlers [and singer]

Come, sing my epithalamium.°

[The fiddlers accompany singer]

SONG

Since liberty nature for all has designed, A pox on the fool who to one is confined. All creatures besides, When they please, change their brides. All females they get when they can. Whilst they nothing but nature obey, How happy, how happy are they? But the silly, fond animal, man, Makes laws ’gainst himself, which his appetites sway; Poor fools, how unhappy are they?	275 280
CHORUS Since liberty nature for all has designed, A pox on the fool who to one is confined. At the first going down, a woman is good; But whene’er she comes up, I’ll n’er chew the cud,° But out she shall go, And I’ll serve ’em all so. When with one my stomach is cloyed,° Another shall soon be enjoyed. Then how happy, how happy are we? Let the coxcomb, when weary, drudge on, And foolishly stay when he would fain be gone.    Poor fool! How unhappy is he?	285 290
CHORUS At the first going down, etc. Let the rabble obey; I’ll live like a man, Who, by nature, is free to enjoy all he can. Wise nature does teach More truth than fools preach; They bind us, but she gives us ease. I’ll revel and love where I please. She, she’s my infallible guide. But were the bless’d freedom denied Of variety in the things we love best, Dull man were the slavishest beast.	295 300 305
CHORUS Let the rabble obey, etc.
DON JOHN Come, how do you like this? Let’s be merry, my brides.
FOURTH WOMAN O monstrous traitor! Do you mock our misery?
DON JOHN Good spouse, be not so passionate. ‘Faith, we’ll have a dance. [To the fiddlers] Strike up.	310
Dance°
DON LOPEZ Be comforted, good ladies; you have companions in your misfortunes.
DON ANTONIO He has been married in all the cities of Spain. What a breed of Don Johns shall we have!
DON JOHN Come, sweethearts, you must be civil to these gentlemen. They are my friends and men of honour.	315
SIXTH WOMAN Men of honour! They are devils if they be your friends.
DON JOHN I hate unreasonable, unconscionable fellows who, when they are weary of their wives, will still keep ’em from other men. Gentlemen, ye shall command mine.	320
FOURTH WOMAN Think’st thou I will outlive this affront?
DON JOHN I’ll trust you for that. There’s ne’er a Lucrece° nowadays; the sex has learnt more wit since. Let me see, Antonio, thou shalt have for thy present use, let me see, my sixth wife. ‘Faith, she’s a pretty, buxom wench and deserves hearty usage from thee.	325
SIXTH WOMAN Traitor, I’ll be revenged on all thy treachery.
DON ANTONIO A mettled girl. I like her well. She’ll endure a rape gallantly. I love resistance: it endears the pleasure.
DON JOHN And, Lopez, thou shalt have, let me see, ay, my fourth spouse. She’s a brave virago; and, gad, if I had not been something familiar with her already, I would venture my life for her.	330
FOURTH WOMAN Vile wretch! Think’st thou I will outlive this affront? Impious villain! Though thou hast no sense of virtue or honour left, thou shalt find I have.	335
DON JOHN Virtue and honour! There’s nothing good or ill but as it seems to each man’s natural appetite, if they will consent freely. [To Don Antonio and Don Lopez] You must ravish, friends. That’s all I know; you must ravish.
FIRST WOMAN Unheard-of villainy! Fly from this hellish place.	340
DON ANTONIO Ladies, you shall fly; but we must ravish first.
DON LOPEZ Yes, I assure you we must ravish.
FOURTH WOMAN No, monster: I’ll prevent you. (Stabs herself)
DON ANTONIO ’Sdeath, she’s as good as her word. The first time I e’er knew a woman so.	345
DON LOPEZ Pox on’t! She has prevented me; she’s dead.
DON JOHN Say you so? Well, go thy ways. Thou wert a girl of pretty parts, that’s the truth on’t; but I ne’er thought this had been in thee.
SECOND WOMAN These, sure, are devils in the shape of men.	350
DON JOHN Now see my providence.° If I had been married to none but her, I had been a widower.
FIRST WOMAN O horror! Horror! Fly! Fly!
SIXTH WOMAN No, I’ll be revenged first on this barbarous wretch.
DON JOHN Why, look you, here’s a wench of mettle for you. Go ravish quickly.	355
SIXTH WOMAN Let’s fly and call for help. Some in the street may help us.
The Women all run off, crying ‘Help! Murder! Murder!’
DON ANTONIO Let ’em go. They are confined; they can’t get out.
DON JOHN It shall ne’er be said that a woman went out of this house re infecta.° But after that, ‘twill be time for us to fly.	360
DON LOPEZ We have hired a vessel. The master is a brave rogue of my acquaintance; he has been a bandit.
DON ANTONIO A brave, honest, wicked fellow, as heart can wish. I have ravished, robbed, and murdered with him.	365
DON JOHN That’s well. Hey, where are my rogues? Hey!
Enter Servant and Jacomo
Here, sirrah, do you send my goods on board.
DON ANTONIO My man will direct you.
Exit Servant
DON JOHN Come, sirrah, do you remove this body to another room.
JACOMO O horrid fact!° What, another murder? What shall I do?	370
DON JOHN Leave your complaints, you dog. I’ll send you after her.
JACOMO O! I shall be hanged; I shall be hanged!
DON JOHN Take her up, rascal, or I’ll cut your throat.
JACOMO I will, sir. O mercy upon me! I shall be hanged.
DON JOHN Now, sirrah, do you run into the streets and force in the next woman you meet, or I’ll cut your windpipe; and let nobody out.	375
JACOMO What hellish fact will he now commit?
DON JOHN Take her up, you hen-hearted, compassionate rascal.
JACOMO Heaven! What will become of me? Oh-h!	380
Jacomo carries the Fourth Woman off
DON JOHN Now gentlemen, you shall see I’ll be civil to you; you shall not ravish alone. Indeed, I am loathe to meddle° with mine old acquaintance. But if my man can meet with a woman I have not lain withal, I’ll keep you company, let her be old or young, ugly or handsome, no matter.	385
DON LOPEZ ‘Faith, I will ever say you are a well-bred man.
DON ANTONIO A very civil person, a man of honour.
Enter Servant, forcing in an ugly old woman, who cries out
DON JOHN This unlucky rogue has made but a scurvy choice, but I’ll keep my word. Come bawd, you must be ravished, bawd.
OLD WOMAN O murder! Murder! Help! Help! I was never ravished in my life.	390
DON JOHN That I dare swear; but to show I am a very vigorous man, I’ll begin with you. [To Servant] But you rascal, jackal, I’ll make you cater better next time.
SERVANT Indeed sir, this was the first I met.	395
DON JOHN Come on, beldam,° thy face shall not protect thee.
OLD WOMAN O my honour! My honour! Help, help, my honour!
DON JOHN Come to our business.
Enter Jacomo
JACOMO O sir! Sir! Shift for yourself;° we shall all be hanged. The house is beset. O what shall we do?	400
DON JOHN Away, coward. Were the king of Spain’s army beleaguering us, it should not divert me from this exploit.
DON ANTONIO Nor me.
DON LOPEZ Nor me. Let’s on.
DON JOHN [to Jacomo] Keep the doors fast,° sirrah. Come on.	405
JACOMO O what will become of me! O heaven! Mercy on me! O! O!
Exeunt

[2.2]°

[Maria’s chamber]

Enter Maria and her Maid Flora, in man’s habit°

MARIA Thus I have abandoned all my fortune and laid by my sex, revenge, for thee.° Assist me now, you instruments of blood, for my dear brother’s, and for my much more dear Octavio’s, sake. Where are my bravos?°
FLORA They have beset° the villain’s house, and he shall ne’er come out alive.	5
MARIA O let ’em show no more remorse than hungry lions o’er their prey will. How miserable am I made by that inhuman monster! No savage beast wild deserts e’er brought forth, provoked by all its hunger and its natural rage, could yet have been so cruel. O my Octavio, whither art thou fled, from the most loving and most wretched creature of her sex? What ages of delight each hour with thee brought forth! How much, when I had thee, was all the world unenvied by me! Nay, I pitied all my sex, that could have nothing worth their care since all the treasure of mankind was mine. Methought I could look down on queens when he was with me. But now, compared to me, how happy is the wretched, whose sinews crack upon the merciless engine° of his torture! I live with greater torments than he dies.	10
FLORA Leave your complaints. Tears are no sacrifice for blood.	20
MARIA Now my just grief to just revenge give place. I am ashamed of these soft tears, till I’ve revenged thy horrid murder. O that I could make the villain linger out an age in torments! But I will revel in his blood. O I could suck the last drop that warms the monster’s heart, that might inspire me with such cruelty as vile man, with all his horrid arts of power, is yet a stranger to; then I might root out all his cursed race.	25
FLORA I’ll follow all your fortunes, my dear lady. Had I ten thousand lives, in this cause I’d venture one by one to my last stake.
MARIA Thou art my dear and faithful creature; let not thy fortunes thus be wracked° with mine. Be gone and leave thy most unhappy mistress, one that has miseries enow° to sink the sex.	30
FLORA I will not leave you till death takes me from you.
MARIA O that I had been some poor lost mountain girl, nursed up by goats, or suckled by wild beasts, exposed to all the rage of heats and killing colds, I ne’er could have been abandoned to such fury. More savage cruelty reigns in cities than ever yet in deserts among the most venomous serpents and remorseless ravenous beasts could once be found. So much has barbarous art debauched man’s innocent nature. °	35 40
FLORA Lay by your tears till your revenge be finished; then, then you may have leisure to complain.°
MARIA I will. ’Tis blood I now must spill, or lose my own in the attempt. But if I can have the fortune, with my own hand, to reach the dog’s vile heart, I then shall die contented, and in the other world I’ll torture him so, devils shall learn of me to use the damned.	45
FLORA Let’s to our sacred instruments of revenge.
MARIA Come on. So just a cause would turn the vilest ruffian to a saint.
Exeunt

[2.3]

Bravos watch at Don John’s house°

Enter Maria and Flora

MARIA Come, friends, let once a woman preach courage to you. Inspired by my just rage this arm shall teach you wonders. I’ll show you now what love with just revenge can do.
FIRST BRAVO We are so practised in the trade of death, we need no teaching.	5
MARIA There’s gold, good store. If you dispatch the dog, I’ll give you yet much more. If not, if all the wealth I have can buy your lives, I’ll have ’em instead of his.
FIRST BRAVO For half the sum, I’d kill a bishop at the altar.
Maria and Flora retire
Enter Don John, Don Antonio, Don Lopez, Jacomo
DON JOHN Now we have finished our design; let’s make a sally and raise the siege.	10
DON ANTONIO Jacomo, do you lead the van.°
DON LOPEZ Lead on, Jacomo, or we are sure to lose you. You are not good at bringing up the rear.
JACOMO Nay, good gentlemen, I know myself better than to take place of° men of quality, especially upon this occasion.	15
DON JOHN Sirrah, go on. [Drawing his sword] I’ll prick him forward. Remember, if you do not fight, I am behind you.
JACOMO O heaven! O Jacomo! What will become of thy dear person? Is this your courage to put me forward to what you dare not meet yourselves?	20
DON JOHN No words, rogue. On, on, I say!
JACOMO O I shall be murdered! Murdered! Oh-h.
DON JOHN On, on, you dog.
JACOMO Inhuman master! It must be so! Heaven have mercy on my better part.	25
Enter Maria [and Flora, armed]
MARIA [to the Bravos] Fall on, fall on.° That’s the villain! [Lunges at Don John] Have at you, dog.
DON JOHN Courage, Jacomo.
The Dons drive the Bravos offstage. Maria and Flora remain°
JACOMO Oh-h!	30
MARIA O cowardly villains! The traitor will escape their hands. O dogs! More feeble than the feeblest of our sex. [To Flora] Let’s after him and try our strength.
Enter Don John
He is returned. Fall on.
DON JOHN Ha! Must I encounter boys?
Don John kills Flora	35
FLORA O I am slain.
MARIA [lunging at Don John] At thy heart, base villain.
Don John disarms Maria
DON JOHN There, take your sword. I’ll not nip roguery in the bud.
Thou may’st live to be as wicked as myself.
MARIA Poor Flora! But, dog, I’ll be revenged on thee yet ere I die.	40
Exit Maria. Enter Don Lopez, Don Antonio, Jacomo
JACOMO What! No thanks? No reward?
DON JOHN What’s the matter, sirrah?
JACOMO What, no acknowledgement? You are but an ungrateful man, let me tell you that, to treat a man of my prowess thus.
DON JOHN What has your valour done?	45
JACOMO Nothing, nothing; saved your life only, that’s all. But men of valour are nothing nowadays. ’Tis an ungrateful age. I fought like a hero.
DON ANTONIO Called a stag at bay.°
DON LOPEZ You can fight, when there’s no way of escape, without it.	50
JACOMO [sees Flora’s body] O! What’s here! Another murder! Fly, fly, we shall be hanged.
DON JOHN Come on! Let’s now to sea to try our fortunes.
JACOMO Ay, make haste. I’ve laid horses° and will shift by land. Farewell, sir; a good voyage.	55
[Jacomo begins to leave]
DON JOHN I will murder you, if you refuse to go to sea.
JACOMO O good sir, consider, do but consider. I am so sea-sick always. That wicked element does not agree with me.
DON JOHN Dare you dispute! Go on, I say.
JACOMO O good sir, think, think a little. The merciless waves will never consider a man of parts. Besides, sir, I can swim no more than I can fly.	60
DON JOHN I’ll leave you dead upon the place, if you refuse.
JACOMO O sir, on my knees I beg you’ll let me stay. I am the last of all my family; my race will fail, if I should fail.	65
DON JOHN Damn your race.
DON ANTONIO Do not we venture with you?
JACOMO You have nothing but your lives to venture, but I have a whole family to save; I think upon posterity. Besides, gentlemen, I can look for no safety in such wicked company.	70
DON JOHN I’ll kill the villain. His fear will else betray us.
JACOMO O hold, hold! For heaven’s sake hold.
Ghost of Don John’s father rises°
GHOST Hold, hold!
JACOMO Ay, hold, hold. O heaven! Your father’s ghost! (Falls down and roars) A ghost! A ghost! Oh-h!	75
DON JOHN ’Sdeath! What’s here? My father alive!
GHOST No, no; inhuman murderer, I am dead.
DON JOHN That’s well. I was afraid the old gentleman had come for his estate again. If you would have that, ’tis too late: ’tis spent.
GHOST Monster, behold these wounds.	80
DON JOHN I do. They were well meant and well performed, I see.
DON ANTONIO This is strange! How I am amazed!
DON LOPEZ Unheard-of wonder!
GHOST Repent, repent of all thy villainies;
My clamorous blood to heaven for vengeance cries.	85
Heaven will pour out his judgements on you all;
Hell gapes for you; for you each fiend does call,
And hourly waits your unrepenting fall.
You with eternal horrors they’ll torment,
Except of all your crimes you suddenly repent.	90
Ghost sinks
JACOMO Oh-h! Heaven deliver me from these monsters.
DON JOHN Farewell; thou art a foolish ghost. Repent, quoth he. What could this mean? Our senses are all in a mist sure.
DON ANTONIO They are not; ‘twas a ghost.
DON LOPEZ I ne’er believed those foolish tales before.	95
DON JOHN Come, ’tis no matter. Let it be what it will; it must be natural.
DON ANTONIO And nature is unalterable in us too.
DON JOHN ’Tis true. The nature of a ghost cannot change ours.
DON LOPEZ It was a silly ghost, and I’ll no sooner take his word than a whore’s.	100
DON JOHN Thou art in the right. [To Jacomo] Come, fool. Fool, rise. The ghost is gone.
JACOMO O I die, I die! Pray let me die in quiet.
DON ANTONIO O if he be dying, take him up; we’ll give him burial in the sea. Come on.	105
JACOMO Hold, hold, gentlemen. Bury me not till I am dead, I beseech you.
DON JOHN If you be not, sirrah, I’ll run you through.
JACOMO Hold, hold, sir. I’ll go, I’ll go.	110
DON LOPEZ AND DON ANTONIO Let’s on.
DON JOHN Should all the bugbears cowards feign appear,° I would urge on without one thought of fear.°
DON ANTONIO And I.
DON LOPEZ And I.	115
Exeunt