4.1

[Lady Townley’s house]
The scene opens° with the fiddles playing a country dance.
Enter Dorimant, Lady Woodvill, Bellair and Harriet, Old
Bellair and Emilia, Medley and Lady Townley, as having just ended the dance.

OLD BELLAIR So, so so! A smart bout,° a very smart bout, adod!
LADY TOWNLEY How do you like Emilia’s dancing, brother?
OLD BELLAIR Not at all, not at all.
LADY TOWNLEY You speak not what you think, I am sure.
OLD BELLAIR No matter for that. Go, bid her dance no more. It don’t become her, it don’t become her. Tell her I say so. (Aside) Adod, I love her.	5
DORIMANT (to Lady Woodvill) All people mingle nowadays, madam; and in public places women of quality have the least respect showed ’em.	10
LADY WOODVILL I protest, you say the truth, Mr Courtage.
DORIMANT Forms and ceremonies, the only things that uphold quality and greatness, are now shamefully laid aside and neglected.
LADY WOODVILL Well, this is not the women’s age, let ’em think what they will. Lewdness is the business now; love was the business in my time.	15
DORIMANT The women indeed are little beholding to the young men of this age. They’re generally only dull admirers of themselves, and make their court to nothing but their periwigs and their cravats, and would be more concerned for the disordering of ’em, though on a good occasion, than a young maid would be for the tumbling° of her head or handkercher.°	20
LADY WOODVILL I protest, you hit ’em.
DORIMANT They are very assiduous to show themselves at court, well dressed to the women of quality; but their business is with the stale mistresses of the town, who are prepared to receive their lazy addresses by industrious old lovers who have cast ’em off and made ’em easy.	25
HARRIET He fits my mother’s humour so well, a little more and she’ll dance a kissing dance° with him anon.	30
MEDLEY Dutifully observed, madam. DORIMANT They pretend to be great critics in beauty. By their talk, you would think they liked no face and yet can dote on an ill one, if it belong to a laundress or a tailor’s daughter. They cry a woman’s past her prime at twenty, decayed at four-and-twenty, old and insufferable at thirty.	35
LADY WOODVILL Insufferable at thirty! That they are in the wrong, Mr Courtage, at five-and-thirty, there are living proofs enough to convince ’em.
DORIMANT Ay, madam. There’s Mrs Setlooks, Mrs Droplip, and my Lady Loud. Show me among all our opening buds, a face that promises so much beauty as the remains of theirs.	40
LADY WOODVILL The depraved appetite of this vicious age tastes° nothing but green fruit, and loathes it when ’tis kindly° ripened.	45
DORIMANT Else so many deserving women, madam, would not be so untimely neglected.
LADY WOODVILL I protest, Mr Courtage, a dozen such good men as you would be enough to atone for that wicked Dorimant and all the under-debauchees of the town.	50
Harriet, Emilia, Bellair, Medley, Lady Townley break out into a laughter
What’s the matter there?
MEDLEY A pleasant mistake, madam, that a lady has made occasions a little laughter.
OLD BELLAIR Come, come, you keep ’em idle! They are impatient till the fiddles play again.	55
DORIMANT You are not weary, madam?
LADY WOODVILL One dance more! I cannot refuse you, Mr Courtage.
They dance. After the dance, Old Bellair, singing and dancing, up to Emilia.
EMILIA You are very active, sir.
OLD BELLAIR Adod, sirrah. When I was a young fellow, I could ha’ capered up to my woman’s gorget.°	60
DORIMANT [to Lady Woodvill] You are willing to rest yourself, madam?
LADY TOWNLEY [to Lady Woodvill and Dorimant] We’ll walk into my chamber and sit down.
MEDLEY Leave us Mr Courtage. He’s a dancer, and the young ladies are not weary yet.	65
LADY WOODVILL We’ll send him out again.
HARRIET If you do not quickly, I know where to send for Mr Dorimant. LADY WOODVILL This girl’s head, Mr Courtage, is ever running on that wild fellow.	70
DORIMANT ’Tis well you have got her a good husband, madam. That will settle it.
Exeunt Lady Townley, Lady Woodvill, and Dorimant
OLD BELLAIR (to Emilia) Adod, sweetheart, be advised and do not throw thyself away on a young, idle fellow.
EMILIA I have no such intention, sir.	75
OLD BELLAIR Have a little patience! Thou shalt have the man I spake of. Adod, he loves thee and will make a good husband. But no words.
EMILIA But, sir—
OLD BELLAIR No answer. Out a pize! Peace, and think on’ t.	80
Enter Dorimant
DORIMANT Your company is desired within, sir.
OLD BELLAIR I go, I go! Good Mr Courtage, fare you well! (To Emilia) Go! I’ll see you no more.
EMILIA What have I done, sir?
OLD BELLAIR You are ugly, you are ugly! Is she not, Mr Courtage?	85
EMILIA Better words, or I shan’t abide you.
OLD BELLAIR Out a pize! Adod, what does she say? Hit her a pat for me there.
Exit Old Bellair
MEDLEY You have charms for the whole family.
DORIMANT You’ll spoil all with some unseasonable jest, Medley.	90
MEDLEY You see I confine my tongue and am content to be a bare° spectator, much contrary to my nature.
EMILIA Methinks, Mr Dorimant, my Lady Woodvill is a little fond of you.
DORIMANT Would her daughter were.	95
MEDLEY It may be you may find her so. Try her: you have an opportunity.
DORIMANT And I will not lose it. Bellair, here’s a lady has something to say to you.
BELLAIR I will wait upon her. Mr Medley, we have both business with you.	100
DORIMANT Get you altogether then. (To Harriet) That demure curtsey is not amiss in jest, but do not think in earnest it becomes you.
HARRIET Affectation is catching, I find; from your grave bow I got it.
DORIMANT Where had you all that scorn and coldness in your look?	105
HARRIET From nature, sir. Pardon my want of art. I have not learnt those softnesses and languishings which now in faces are so much in fashion.
DORIMANT You need ’em not. You have a sweetness of your own, if you would but calm your frowns and let it settle.	110
HARRIET My eyes are wild and wandering like my passions and cannot yet be tied to rules of charming.
DORIMANT Women indeed have commonly a method of managing those messengers of love. Now they will look as if they would kill, and anon they will look as if they were dying. They point and rebate° their glances, the better to invite us.	115
HARRIET I like this variety well enough, but hate the set face that always looks as if it would say, ‘Come love me’—a woman who at plays makes the doux yeux° to a whole audience and at home cannot forbear ’em to her monkey.°	120
DORIMANT Put on a gentle smile and let me see how well it will become you.
HARRIET I am sorry my face does not please you as it is, but I shall not be complaisant and change it.
DORIMANT Though you are obstinate, I know ’tis capable of improvement and shall do you justice, madam, if I chance to be at court when the critics of the circle° pass their judgement, for thither you must come.	125
HARRIET And expect to be taken in pieces, have all my features examined, every motion censured, and on the whole be condemned to be but pretty or a beauty of the lowest rate. What think you?	130
DORIMANT The women, nay, the very lovers who belong to the drawing room, will maliciously allow you more than that. They always grant what is apparent, that they may the better be believed when they name concealed faults they cannot easily be disproved in.	135
HARRIET Beauty runs as great a risk° exposed at court as wit does on the stage, where the ugly and the foolish all are free to censure.
DORIMANT (aside) I love her, and dare not let her know it. I fear she has an ascendant° o’er me and may revenge the wrongs I have done her sex. (To Harriet) Think of making a party,° madam. Love will engage.	140
HARRIET You make me start! I did not think to have heard of love from you.
DORIMANT I never knew what ’twas to have a settled ague° yet, but now and then have had irregular fits.	145
HARRIET Take heed. Sickness after long health is commonly more violent and dangerous. DORIMANT (aside) I have took the infection from her and feel the disease now spreading in me. (To her) Is the name of love so frightful that you dare not stand it?	150
HARRIET ’Twill do little execution out of your mouth on me, I am sure.
DORIMANT It has been fatal—
HARRIET To some easy women, but we are not all born to one destiny. I was informed you use to° laugh at love and not make it.	155
DORIMANT The time has been, but now I must speak—
HARRIET If it be on that idle subject, I will put on my serious look, turn my head carelessly from you, drop my lip, let my eyelids fall, and hang half o’er my eyes—thus, while you buzz a speech of an hour long in my ear, and I answer never a word! Why do you not begin?	160
DORIMANT That the company may take notice how passionately I make advances of love, and how disdainfully you receive ’em.
HARRIET When your love’s grown strong enough to make you bear being laughed at, I’ll give you leave to trouble me with it. Till when, pray forbear, sir.	165
Enter Sir Fopling and others in masks
DORIMANT What’s here? Masquerades?°
HARRIET I thought that foppery had been left off, and people might have been in private with a fiddle.
DORIMANT ’Tis endeavoured to be kept on foot still by some who find themselves the more acceptable the less they are known.	170
BELLAIR This must be Sir Fopling.
MEDLEY That extraordinary habit shows it.
BELLAIR What are the rest?
MEDLEY A company of French rascals whom he picked up in Paris and has brought over to be his dancing equipage on these occasions. Make him own himself: a fool is very troublesome when he presumes he is incognito.	175
SIR FOPLING (to Harriet) Do you know me?
HARRIET Ten to one but I guess at you.	180
SIR FOPLING Are you women as fond of a vizard as we men are?
HARRIET I am very fond of a vizard that covers a face I do not like, sir.
BELLAIR Here are no masks, you see, sir, but those which came with you. This was intended a private meeting, but because you look like a gentleman, if you will discover yourself and we know you to be such, you shall be welcome.	185
SIR FOPLING (pulling off his mask) Dear Bellair! MEDLEY Sir Fopling! How came you hither?
SIR FOPLING Faith, as I was coming late from Whitehall, after the king’s couchée,° one of my people told me he had heard fiddles at my Lady Townley’s and—	190
DORIMANT You need not say any more, sir.
SIR FOPLING Dorimant, let me kiss thee.
DORIMANT Hark you, Sir Fopling. (Whispers)
SIR FOPLING Enough, enough, Courtage. [Sees Harriet] A pretty kind of young woman that, Medley. I observed her in the Mall more éveillée than our English women commonly are. Prithee what is she?	195
MEDLEY The most noted coquette in town; beware of her.
SIR FOPLING Let her be what she will, I know how to take my measures. ° In Paris the mode is to flatter the prude, laugh at the fauxprude,° make serious love to the demi-prude,° and only rally with the coquette. Medley, what think you?	200
MEDLEY That, for all this smattering of the mathematics, you may be out in your judgement at tennis.	205
SIR FOPLING What a coq-à-l’âne° is this? I talk of women and thou answer’st tennis.
MEDLEY Mistakes will be for want of apprehension.
SIR FOPLING I am very glad of the acquaintance I have with this family.	210
MEDLEY My lady truly is a good woman.
SIR FOPLING Ah, Dorimant!—Courtage, I would say—would thou hadst spent the last winter in Paris with me. When thou wert there, La Corneus and Sallyes° were the only habitudes° we had. A comedian would have been a bonne fortune.° No stranger ever passed his time so well as I did some months before I came over. I was well received in a dozen families, where all the women of quality used to visit. I have intrigues to tell thee more pleasant than ever thou read’st in a novel.	215
HARRIET Write ’em, sir, and oblige us women. Our language wants such little stories.	220
SIR FOPLING Writing, madam,’s a mechanic° part of wit. A gentleman should never go beyond a song or a billet.
HARRIET Bussy was a gentleman.
SIR FOPLING Who? D’Ambois?	225
MEDLEY [aside] Was there ever such a brisk blockhead?
HARRIET Not D’Ambois, sir, but Rabutin.° He who writ the Loves of France. SIR FOPLING That may be, madam. Many gentlemen do things that are below ’em. Damn your authors, Courtage. Women are the prettiest things we can fool away our time with.	230
HARRIET I hope ye have wearied yourself tonight at court, sir, and will not think of fooling with anybody here.
SIR FOPLING I cannot complain of my fortune there, madam. Dorimant—	235
DORIMANT Again!
SIR FOPLING Courtage, a pox on’t! I have something to tell thee. When I had made my court within°, I came out and flung myself upon the mat under the state° i’ th’ outward room, i’ th’ midst of half a dozen beauties who were withdrawn to jeer° among themselves, as they called it.	240
DORIMANT Did you know ’em?
SIR FOPLING Not one of ’em, by heavens, not I! But they were all your friends.
DORIMANT How are you sure of that?	245
SIR FOPLING Why, we laughed at all the town, spared nobody but yourself. They found me a man for their purpose.
DORIMANT I know you are malicious to your power.°
SIR FOPLING And, faith, I had occasion to show it, for I never saw more gaping fools at a ball or on a birthday.°	250
DORIMANT You learned who the women were.
SIR FOPLING No matter! They frequent the drawing room.
DORIMANT And entertain themselves pleasantly at the expense of all the fops who come there.
SIR FOPLING That’s their business. Faith, I sifted ’em° and find they have a sort of wit among them. (Pinches a tallow candle) Ah, filthy!°	255
DORIMANT Look, he has been pinching the tallow candle.
SIR FOPLING How can you breathe in a room where there’s grease frying? Dorimant, thou art intimate with my lady: advise her for her own sake and the good company that comes hither to burn wax lights.	260
HARRIET What are these masquerades who stand so obsequiously at a distance?
SIR FOPLING A set of baladines, whom I picked out of the best in France and brought over, with a flûte douce or two. My servants; they shall entertain you.	265
HARRIET I had rather see you dance yourself, Sir Fopling.
SIR FOPLING And I had rather do it—all the company knows it—but, madam— MEDLEY Come, come! No excuses, Sir Fopling.	270
SIR FOPLING By heavens, Medley—
MEDLEY Like a woman, I find you must be struggled with before one brings you what you desire.
HARRIET (aside) Can he dance?
EMILIA And fence and sing too, if you believe him.	275
DORIMANT He has no more excellence in his heels than in his head. He went to Paris a plain, bashful English blockhead and is returned a fine, undertaking French fop.
MEDLEY I cannot prevail.
SIR FOPLING Do not think it want of complaisance, madam.	280
HARRIET You are too well bred to want that, Sir Fopling. I believe it want of power.
SIR FOPLING By heavens, and so it is. I have sat up so damned late and drunk so cursed hard since I came to this lewd town that I am fit for nothing but low dancing now—a courante, a bourrée, or a menuet°—but St André° tells me, if I will but be regular, in one month I shall rise again. (Endeavours at a caper) Pox on this debauchery!	285
EMILIA I have heard your dancing much commended.
SIR FOPLING It had the good fortune to please in Paris. I was judged to rise within an inch as high as the Basque° in an entry° I danced there.	290
HARRIET I am mightily taken with this fool. Let us sit. Here’s a seat, Sir Fopling.
SIR FOPLING At your feet, madam. I can be nowhere so much at ease. By your leave, gown.	295
HARRIET AND EMILIA Ah, you’ll spoil it!
SIR FOPLING No matter!° My clothes are my creatures. I make ’em to make my court to you ladies. [To the musicians] Hey! Qu’on commence!°
[Dorimant and Harriet, Bellair and Emilia, and Sir Fopling, by himself, dance]
To an English dancer, English motions. I was forced to entertain° this fellow, one of my set miscarrying. O horrid! Leave your damned manner of dancing and put on the French air. Have you not a° pattern before you? Pretty well! Imitation in time may bring him to something.	300
After the dance enter Old Bellair, Lady Woodvill, and Lady Townley
OLD BELLAIR Hey, adod! What have we here, a mumming?°	305
LADY WOODVILL Where’s my daughter? Harriet? DORIMANT Here, here, madam. I know not but under these disguises there may be dangerous sparks. I gave the young lady warning!
LADY WOODVILL Lord, I am so obliged to you, Mr Courtage.
HARRIET Lord, how you admire this man!	310
LADY WOODVILL What have you to except against him?
HARRIET He’s a fop.
LADY WOODVILL He’s not a Dorimant, a wild, extravagant fellow of the times.
HARRIET He’s a man made up of forms and commonplaces, sucked out of the remaining lees of the last age.	315
LADY WOODVILL He’s so good a man that, were you not engaged—
LADY TOWNLEY You’ll have but little night to sleep in.
LADY WOODVILL Lord, ’tis perfect day.°
DORIMANT (aside) The hour is almost come I appointed Bellinda; and I am not so foppishly in love here to forget. I am flesh and blood yet.	320
LADY TOWNLEY I am very sensible,° madam.
LADY WOODVILL Lord, madam!
HARRIET Look in what a struggle is my poor mother yonder!	325
BELLAIR She has much ado to bring out the compliment.
DORIMANT She strains hard for it.
HARRIET See, see! Her head tottering, her eyes staring, and her underlip trembling.
DORIMANT Now, now, she’s in the very convulsions of her civility. (Aside) ’Sdeath, I shall lose Bellinda. I must fright her hence. She’ll be an hour in this fit of good manners else. (To Lady Woodvill) Do you not know Sir Fopling, madam?	330
LADY WOODVILL I have seen that face. Oh heaven! ’Tis the same we met in the Mall. How came he here?	335
DORIMANT A fiddle in this town is a kind of fop-call. No sooner it strikes up, but the house is besieged with an army of masquerades straight.
LADY WOODVILL Lord, I tremble, Mr Courtage! For certain Dorimant is in the company.	340
DORIMANT I cannot confidently say he is not. You had best begone. I will wait upon you; your daughter is in the hands of Mr Bellair.
LADY WOODVILL I’ll see her before me. Harriet, come away.
[Exeunt Lady Woodvill and Harriet]
BELLAIR [calling to servants offstage] Lights, lights!
LADY TOWNLEY Light down there.	345
[Exeunt Bellair, Lady Townley, and Emilia]
OLD BELLAIR Adod, it needs not.
DORIMANT [to servants] Call my Lady Woodvill’s coach to the door quickly.
[Exit Dorimant. Medley begins to follow him]
OLD BELLAIR Stay, Mr Medley. Let the young fellows do that duty. We will drink a glass of wine together. ’Tis good after dancing! [Sees Sir Fopling] What mumming spark is that?	350
MEDLEY He is not to be comprehended in few words.
SIR FOPLING [to one of his servants] Hey, La Tour!
MEDLEY Whither away, Sir Fopling?
SIR FOPLING I have business with Courtage.	355
MEDLEY He’ll but put the ladies into their coach and come up again.
OLD BELLAIR In the meantime, I’ll call for a bottle.
Exit Old Bellair. Enter Bellair
MEDLEY Where’s Dorimant?
BELLAIR Stolen home. He has had business waiting for him there all this night, I believe, by an impatience I observed in him.	360
MEDLEY Very likely, ’tis but dissembling drunkenness, railing at his friends, and the kind soul will embrace the blessing and forget the tedious expectation.
SIR FOPLING I must speak with him before I sleep!
BELLAIR Emilia and I are resolved on that business.	365
MEDLEY Peace. Here’s your father.
[Enter] Old Bellair, and Butler with a bottle of wine
OLD BELLAIR The women are all gone to bed. [To Butler] Fill, boy! Mr Medley, begin a health.
MEDLEY (whispers) To Emilia!
OLD BELLAIR Out a pize! She’s a rogue, and I’ll not pledge you.	370
MEDLEY I know you well.°
OLD BELLAIR Adod, drink it then.
SIR FOPLING Let us have the new bachique.°
OLD BELLAIR Adod, that is a hard° word! What does it mean, sir?
MEDLEY A catch or drinking song.	375
OLD BELLAIR Let us have it then.
SIR FOPLING Fill the glasses round and draw up in a body. [To Musicians] Hey! Music!
Musicians sing°
The pleasures of love and the joys of good wine,° To perfect our happiness, wisely we join. We to beauty all day Give the sovereign sway, And her favourite nymphs devoutly obey. At the plays we are constantly making our court; And when they are ended, we follow the sport	380 385
To the Mall and the Park, Where we love till ’tis dark. Then sparkling champagne° Puts an end to their reign; It quickly recovers Poor languishing lovers, Makes us frolic and gay, and drowns all our sorrow. But, alas, we relapse again on the morrow. Let every man stand With his glass in his hand, And briskly discharge at the word of command. Here’s a health to all those Whom tonight we depose. Wine and beauty by turns great souls should inspire. Present all together; and now, boys, give fire! °	400
OLD BELLAIR Adod, a pretty business and very merry.
SIR FOPLING Hark you, Medley. Let you and I take the fiddles and go waken Dorimant.
MEDLEY We shall do him a courtesy, if it be as I guess. For after the fatigue of this night, he’ll quickly have his belly full and be glad of an occasion to cry, ‘Take away, Handy’!	405
BELLAIR I’ll go with you, and there we’ll consult about affairs, Medley.
OLD BELLAIR (looks on his watch) Adod, ’tis six o’clock!
SIR FOPLING Let’s away then.	410
OLD BELLAIR Mr Medley, my sister tells me you are an honest man. And, adod, I love you. Few words and hearty, that’s the way with old Harry, old Harry.
SIR FOPLING [to his servants] Light your flambeaux.° Hey!
OLD BELLAIR What does the man mean?	415
MEDLEY ’Tis day, Sir Fopling.
SIR FOPLING No matter! Our serenade will look the greater.
Exeunt

4.2

Dorimant’s lodging.° A table, a candle, a toilet, etc. Handy tying up linen.
Enter Dorimant in his gown and Bellinda

DORIMANT Why will you be gone so soon?
BELLINDA Why did you stay out so late?
DORIMANT Call a chair, Handy!
[Exit Handy]
What makes you tremble so?
BELLINDA I have a thousand fears about me. Have I not been seen, think you?	5
DORIMANT By nobody but myself and trusty Handy.
BELLINDA Where are all your people?
DORIMANT I have dispersed ’em on sleeveless errands.° What does that sigh mean?	10
BELLINDA Can you be so unkind to ask me? Well (sighs), were it to do again—
DORIMANT We should do it, should we not?
BELLINDA I think we should. The wickeder man you to make me love so well. Will you be discreet now?	15
DORIMANT I will.
BELLINDA You cannot.
DORIMANT Never doubt it.
BELLINDA I will not expect it.
DORIMANT You do me wrong.	20
BELLINDA You have no more power to keep the secret than I had not to trust you with it.
DORIMANT By all the joys I have had and those you keep in store—
BELLINDA—You’ll do for my sake what you never did before.°
DORIMANT By that truth thou hast spoken, a wife shall sooner betray herself to her husband.	25
BELLINDA Yet I had rather you should be false in this than in another thing you promised me.
DORIMANT What’s that?
BELLINDA That you would never see Loveit more but in public places: in the park, at court, and plays.	30
DORIMANT ’Tis not likely a man should be fond of seeing a damned old play when there is a new one acted.
BELLINDA I dare not trust your promise. DORIMANT You may.	35
BELLINDA This does not satisfy me. You shall swear you never will see her more.
DORIMANT I will: a thousand oaths. By all—
BELLINDA Hold! You shall not, now I think on ’t better.
DORIMANT I will swear.	40
BELLINDA I shall grow jealous of the oath and think I owe your truth to that, not to your love.
DORIMANT Then, by my love! No other oath I’ll swear.
Enter Handy
HANDY Here’s a chair.
BELLINDA Let me go.	45
DORIMANT I cannot.
BELLINDA Too willingly, I fear.
DORIMANT Too unkindly feared. When will you promise me again?
BELLINDA Not this fortnight.
DORIMANT You will be better than your word.	50
BELLINDA I think I shall. Will it not make you love me less?
Fiddles offstage
(Starting) Hark! What fiddles are these?
DORIMANT Look out, Handy.
Exit Handy and returns
HANDY Mr Medley, Mr Bellair, and Sir Fopling. They are coming up.
DORIMANT How got they in?	55
HANDY The door was open for the chair.
BELLINDA Lord, let me fly.
DORIMANT Here, here, down the back stairs. I’ll see you into your chair.
BELLINDA No, no! Stay and receive ’em. And be sure you keep your word and never see Loveit more. Let it be a proof of your kindness.	60
DORIMANT It shall. Handy, direct her. (Kissing her hand) Everlasting love go along with thee.
Exeunt Bellinda and Handy. Enter Bellair, Medley, and Sir Fopling Flutter
BELLAIR Not abed yet?
MEDLEY You have had an irregular fit,° Dorimant.	65
DORIMANT I have.
BELLAIR And is it off already?
DORIMANT Nature has done her part, gentlemen. When she falls kindly to work, great cures are effected in little time, you know.
SIR FOPLING We thought there was a wench in the case by the chair that waited. Prithee make us a confidence.°	70
DORIMANT Excuse me.
SIR FOPLING Le sage° Dorimant. Was she pretty?
DORIMANT So pretty she may come to keep her coach and pay parish duties° if the good humour of the age continue.	75
MEDLEY And be of the number of the ladies kept by public-spirited men for the good of the whole town.
SIR FOPLING Well said, Medley.
Sir Fopling dancing by himself
BELLAIR See Sir Fopling dancing.
DORIMANT You are practising and have a mind to recover, I see.	80
SIR FOPLING Prithee, Dorimant, why hast not thou a glass hung up here? A room is the dullest thing without one.
BELLAIR Here is company to entertain you.
SIR FOPLING But I mean in case of being alone. In a glass, a man may entertain himself—	85
DORIMANT The shadow of himself indeed.
SIR FOPLING—Correct the errors of his motions and his dress.
MEDLEY I find, Sir Fopling, in your solitude, you remember the saying of the wise man and study yourself. °
SIR FOPLING ’Tis the best diversion in our retirements. Dorimant, thou art a pretty fellow and wear’st thy clothes well, but I never saw thee have a handsome cravat. Were they made up like mine, they’d give another air to thy face. Prithee let me send my man to dress thee but one day. By heavens, an Englishman cannot tie a ribbon!	90 95
DORIMANT They are something clumsy-fisted.
SIR FOPLING I have brought over the prettiest fellow that ever spread a toilet. He served some time under Mérille,° the greatest genie° in the world for a valet de chambre.
DORIMANT What? He who formerly belonged to the Duke of Candale?°	100
SIR FOPLING The same, and got him his immortal reputation.
DORIMANT Y’ have a very fine brandenburgh° on, Sir Fopling.
SIR FOPLING It serves to wrap me up after the fatigue of a ball.
MEDLEY I see you often in it, with your periwig tied up.°	105
SIR FOPLING We should not always be in a set dress. ’Tis more en cavalier° to appear now and then in a déshabillé.°
MEDLEY Pray, how goes your business with Loveit?
SIR FOPLING You might have answered yourself in the Mall last night. Dorimant, did you not see the advances she made me? I have been endeavouring at a song.	110
DORIMANT Already? SIR FOPLING ’Tis my coup d’essai° in English. I would fain have thy opinion of it.
DORIMANT Let’s see it.	115
SIR FOPLING Hey, page! Give me my song. Bellair, here thou hast a pretty voice; sing it.
BELLAIR Sing it yourself, Sir Fopling.
SIR FOPLING Excuse me.
BELLAIR You learnt to sing in Paris.	120
SIR FOPLING I did of Lambert,° the greatest master in the world; but I have his own fault, a weak voice, and care not to sing out of a ruelle°.
DORIMANT [aside] A ruelle is a pretty cage for a singing fop indeed.
BELLAIR (reads the song)	125
How charming Phyllis is, how fair! Ah, that she were as willing To ease my wounded heart of care, And make her eyes less killing. I sigh! I sigh! I languish now,	130
And love will not let me rest; I drive about the park and bow Still as I meet my dearest. °
SIR FOPLING Sing it, sing it, man. It goes to a pretty new tune which I am confident was made by Baptiste.°	135
MEDLEY Sing it yourself, Sir Fopling; he does not know the tune.
SIR FOPLING I’ll venture.
Sir Fopling sings
DORIMANT Ay, marry! Now ’tis something. I shall not flatter you, Sir Fopling, there is not much thought in’t; but ’tis passionate and well turned.	140
MEDLEY After the French way.
SIR FOPLING That I aimed at. Does it not give you a lively image of the thing? Slap down goes the glass,° and thus we are at it.
DORIMANT It does indeed, I perceive, Sir Fopling. You’ll be the very head of the sparks, who are lucky in compositions of this nature.	145
Enter Sir Fopling’s Footman
SIR FOPLING La Tour,° is the bath ready?
FOOTMAN Yes, sir.
SIR FOPLING Adieu done, mes chers.°
Exit Sir Fopling [and his Footman]
MEDLEY When have you your revenge on Loveit, Dorimant?
DORIMANT I will but change my linen ° and about it.	150
MEDLEY The powerful considerations which hindered have been removed then?
DORIMANT Most luckily, this morning. You must along with me; my reputation lies at stake there.
MEDLEY I am engaged to Bellair.	155
DORIMANT What’s your business?
MEDLEY Ma-tri-money, an’t ° like you.
DORIMANT It does not, sir.
BELLAIR It may in time, Dorimant. What think you of Mrs Harriet?
DORIMANT What does she think of me?	160
BELLAIR I am confident she loves you.
DORIMANT How does it appear?
BELLAIR Why, she’s never well but when she’s talking of you, but then she finds all the faults in you she can. She laughs at all who commend you, but then she speaks ill of all who do not.	165
DORIMANT Women of her temper betray themselves by their over-cunning. I had once a growing love with a lady who would always quarrel with me when I came to see her; and yet was never quiet if I stayed a day from her.
BELLAIR My father is in love with Emilia.	170
DORIMANT That is a good warrant for your proceedings. Go on and prosper; I must to Loveit. Medley, I am sorry you cannot be a witness.
MEDLEY Make her meet Sir Fopling again in the same place, and use him ill before me.	175
DORIMANT That may be brought about, I think. I’ll be at your aunt’s anon and give you joy,° Mr Bellair.
BELLAIR You had not best think of Mrs Harriet too much. Without church security,° there’s no taking up there.°
DORIMANT I may fall into the snare too. But—	180
The wise will find a difference in our fate: You wed a woman, I a good estate.
Exeunt

4.3

[The Mall, near Mrs Loveit’s lodging]°
Enter the chair with Bellinda. The Chairmen set it down and open it. Bellinda starting

BELLINDA (surprised) Lord, where am I? In the Mall! [To the Chairmen] Whither have you brought me?
FIRST CHAIRMAN You gave us no directions, madam.
BELLINDA (aside) The fright I was in made me forget it.
FIRST CHAIRMAN We use to carry a lady from the squire’s hither.	5
BELLINDA (aside) This is Loveit! I am undone if she sees me. [To the Chairmen] Quickly carry me away.
FIRST CHAIRMAN Whither, an’t like, your honour?
BELLINDA Ask no questions.
Enter [Mrs] Loveit’s Footman
FOOTMAN Have you seen my lady, madam?	10
BELLINDA I am just come to wait upon her.
FOOTMAN She will be glad to see you, madam. She sent me to you this morning to desire your company, and I was told you went out by five o’clock.
BELLINDA (aside) More and more unlucky!	15
FOOTMAN Will you walk in, madam?
BELLINDA I’ll discharge my chair and follow. Tell your mistress I am here.
Exit Mrs Loveit’s Footman. Bellinda gives the Chairmen money
Take this; and if ever you should be examined, be sure you say you took me up in the Strand° over against the Exchange, as you will answer it to Mr Dorimant.	20
CHAIRMEN We will, an’t like your honour.
Exeunt Chairmen
BELLINDA Now, to come off, I must on.
In confidence and lies some hope is left; ’Twere hard to be found out in the first theft.	25
Exit

5.1

[Mrs Loveit’s lodging]
Enter Mrs Loveit and Pert

PERT Well, in my eyes Sir Fopling is no such despicable person.
MRS LOVEIT You are an excellent judge.
PERT He’s as handsome a man as Mr Dorimant, and as great a gallant.
MRS LOVEIT Intolerable! Is’t not enough I submit to his impertinences, but must I be plagued with yours too?	5
PERT Indeed, Madam—
MRS LOVEIT ’Tis false, mercenary malice.
Enter Mrs Loveit’s Footman
FOOTMAN Mrs Bellinda, madam.
MRS LOVEIT What of her? FOOTMAN She’s below.	10
MRS LOVEIT How came she?
FOOTMAN In a chair; ambling Harry brought her.
MRS LOVEIT He bring her! His chair stands near Dorimant’s door and always brings me from thence. Run and ask him where he took her up. Go.	15
[Exit Mrs Loveit’s Footman]
There is no truth in friendship neither. Women, as well as men, are all false, or all are so to me at least.
PERT You are jealous of her too?
MRS LOVEIT You had best tell her I am. ’Twill become the liberty you take of late. This fellow’s bringing of her—her going out by five o’clock—I know not what to think.	20
Enter Bellinda
Bellinda, you are grown an early riser, I hear.
BELLINDA Do you not wonder, my dear, what made me abroad so soon?
MRS LOVEIT You do not use to be so.	25
BELLINDA The country gentlewomen I told you of—Lord, they have the oddest diversions!—would never let me rest till I promised to go with them to the markets this morning to eat fruit and buy nosegays.°
MRS LOVEIT Are they so fond of a filthy nosegay?	30
BELLINDA They complain of the stinks of the town and are never well but when they have their noses in one. MRS LOVEIT There are essences and sweet waters.°
BELLINDA O they cry out upon perfumes they are unwholesome; one of ’em was falling into a fit with the smell of these narolii.°	35
MRS LOVEIT Methinks in complaisance you should have had a nosegay too.
BELLINDA Do you think, my dear, I could be so loathsome to trick myself up with carnations and stock-gillyflowers?° I begged their pardon and told them I never wore anything but orange flowers and tuberose.° That which made me willing to go was a strange desire I had to eat some fresh nectarines.	40
MRS LOVEIT And had you any?
BELLINDA The best I ever tasted.
MRS LOVEIT Whence came you now?	45
BELLINDA From their lodgings, where I crowded out° of a coach and took a chair to come and see you, my dear.
MRS LOVEIT Whither did you send for that chair?
BELLINDA ’Twas going by empty.
MRS LOVEIT Where do these country gentlewomen lodge, I pray?	50
BELLINDA In the Strand, over against the Exchange.
PERT That place is never without a nest of ’em. They are always as one goes by fleering in balconies or staring out of windows.
Enter Mrs Loveit’s Footman
MRS LOVEIT (to the Footman) Come hither. (Whispers)
BELLINDA (aside) This fellow by her order has been questioning the chairmen! I threatened ’em with the name of Dorimant. If they should have told truth, I am lost forever.	55
MRS LOVEIT In the Strand, said you?
FOOTMAN Yes, madam, over against the Exchange.
Exit Mrs Loveit’s Footman
MRS LOVEIT She’s innocent, and I am much to blame.	60
BELLINDA (aside) I am so frighted, my countenance will betray me.
MRS LOVEIT Bellinda, what makes you look so pale?
BELLINDA Want of my usual rest and jolting up and down so long in an odious hackney.
Footman returns
FOOTMAN Madam, Mr Dorimant.	65
MRS LOVEIT What makes him here?°
BELLINDA (aside) Then I am betrayed indeed. H’ has broke his word, and I love a man that does not care for me.
MRS LOVEIT Lord! You faint, Bellinda! BELLINDA I think I shall! Such an oppression° here on the sudden.	70
PERT She has eaten too much fruit, I warrant you.
MRS LOVEIT Not unlikely.
PERT ’Tis that lies heavy on her stomach.
MRS LOVEIT Have her into my chamber, give her some surfeit water,° and let her lie down a little.	75
PERT Come, madam. I was a strange° devourer of fruit when I was young, so ravenous.
Exeunt Bellinda and Pert, leading her off
MRS LOVEIT O that my love would be but calm awhile, that I might receive this man with all the scorn and indignation he deserves.
Enter Dorimant
DORIMANT Now for a touch of Sir Fopling to begin with. [Mimicking Sir Fopling] Hey, page! Give positive order that none of my people stir. Let the canaille° wait, as they should do. Since noise and nonsense have such powerful charms—	80
‘I that I may successful prove, Transform myself to what you love’.°	85
MRS LOVEIT If that would do, you need not change from what you are. You can be vain and loud enough.
DORIMANT But not with so good a grace as Sir Fopling: ‘Hey, Hampshire!’ O that sound! That sound becomes the mouth of a man of quality.	90
MRS LOVEIT Is there a thing so hateful as a senseless mimic?
DORIMANT He’s a great grievance indeed to all who, like yourself, madam, love to play the fool in quiet.
MRS LOVEIT A ridiculous animal, who has more of the ape than the ape has of the man in him.	95
DORIMANT I have as mean an opinion of a sheer mimic as yourself; yet, were he all ape, I should prefer him to the gay, the giddy, brisk-insipid,° noisy fool you dote on.
MRS LOVEIT Those noisy fools, however you despise ’em, have good qualities which weigh more—or ought, at least—with us women than all the pernicious wit you have to boast of.	100
DORIMANT That I may hereafter have a just value for their merit, pray do me the favour to name ’em.
MRS LOVEIT You’ll despise ’em as the dull effects of ignorance and vanity, yet I care not if I mention some. First, they really admire us, while you at best but flatter us well.	105
DORIMANT Take heed: fools can dissemble too.
MRS LOVEIT They may, but not so artificially as you. There is no fear they should deceive us. Then they are assiduous, sir; they are ever offering us their service, and always waiting on our will.	110
DORIMANT You owe that to their excessive idleness! They know not how to entertain themselves at home and find so little welcome abroad, they are fain to fly to you who countenance ’em, as a refuge against the solitude they would be otherwise condemned to.
MRS LOVEIT Their conversation too diverts us better.	115
DORIMANT Playing with your fan, smelling to your gloves, commending your hair, and taking notice how ’tis cut and shaded after the new way.
MRS LOVEIT Were it sillier than you can make it, you must allow ’tis pleasanter to laugh at others than to be laughed at ourselves, though never so wittily. Then, though they want skill to flatter us, they flatter themselves so well, they save us the labour! We need not take that care and pains to satisfy ’em of our love which we so often lose on you.	120
DORIMANT They commonly indeed believe too well of themselves, and always better of you than you deserve.	125
MRS LOVEIT You are in the right. They have an implicit faith° in us, which keeps ’em from prying narrowly into our secrets, and saves us the vexatious trouble of clearing doubts which your subtle and causeless jealousies every moment raise.	130
DORIMANT There is an inbred falsehood in women which inclines ’em still to them, whom they may most easily deceive.
MRS LOVEIT The man who loves above his quality, does not suffer more from the insolent impertinence of his mistress than the woman who loves above her understanding does from the arrogant presumptions of her friend.	135
DORIMANT You mistake the use of fools: they are designed for properties° and not for friends. You have an indifferent° stock of reputation left yet. Lose it all like a frank° gamester on the square;° ’twill then be time enough to turn rook° and cheat it up again on a good substantial bubble. °	140
MRS LOVEIT The old and the ill-favoured are only fit for properties indeed, but young and handsome fools have met with kinder fortunes.
DORIMANT They have, to the shame of your sex be it spoken. ’Twas this, the thought of this, made me by a timely jealousy endeavour to prevent the good fortune you are providing for Sir Fopling; but against a woman’s frailty, all our care is vain.	145
MRS LOVEIT Had I not with a dear experience bought the knowledge of your falsehood, you might have fooled me yet. This is not the first jealousy you have feigned to make a quarrel with me and get a week to throw away on some such unknown, inconsiderable slut, as you have been lately lurking with at plays.	150
DORIMANT Women, when they would break off with a man, never want th’ address to turn the fault on him.	155
MRS LOVEIT You take a pride of late in using of me ill, that the town may know the power you have over me, which now (as unreasonably as yourself) expects that I—do me all the injuries you can—must love you still.
DORIMANT I am so far from expecting that you should, I begin to think you never did love me.	160
MRS LOVEIT Would the memory of it were so wholly worn out in me that I did doubt it too! What made you come to disturb my growing quiet?
DORIMANT To give you joy of your growing infamy.	165
MRS LOVEIT Insupportable! Insulting devil! This from you, the only author of my shame! This from another had been but justice, but from you, ’tis a hellish and inhuman outrage. What have I done?
DORIMANT A thing that puts you below my scorn and makes my anger as ridiculous as you have made my love.	170
MRS LOVEIT I walked last night with Sir Fopling.
DORIMANT You did, madam, and you talked and laughed aloud, ‘Ha, ha, ha’. O that laugh—that laugh becomes the confidence of a woman of quality.	175
MRS LOVEIT You who have more pleasure in the ruin of a woman’s reputation than in the endearments of her love, reproach me not with yourself; and I defy you to name the man can lay a blemish on my fame.
DORIMANT To be seen publicly so transported with the vain follies of that notorious fop to me is an infamy below the sin of prostitution with another man.	180
MRS LOVEIT Rail on! I am satisfied in the justice of what I did: you had provoked me to ’t.
DORIMANT What I did was the effect of a passion whose extravagancies you have been willing to forgive.	185
MRS LOVEIT And what I did was the effect of a passion you may forgive if you think fit.
DORIMANT Are you so indifferent grown? MRS LOYEIT I am.	190
DORIMANT Nay, then ’tis time to part. I’ll send you back your letters you have so often asked for. I have two or three of ’em about me. [Produces letters]
MRS LOVEIT Give ’em me!
DORIMANT You snatch as if you thought I would not. There. [Hands over letters] And may the perjuries in ’em be mine if ere I see you more.	195
Dorimant offers to go. Mrs Loveit catches him
MRS LOVEIT Stay!
DORIMANT I will not.
MRS LOVEIT You shall.	200
DORIMANT What have you to say?
MRS LOVEIT I cannot speak it yet.
DORIMANT Something more in the commendation of the fool. Death! I want patience; let me go.
MRS LOVEIT I cannot. (Aside) I can sooner part with the limbs that hold him. [To Dorimant] I hate that nauseous fool, you know I do.	205
DORIMANT Was it the scandal you were fond of then?
MRS LOVEIT Y’ had raised my anger equal to my love, a thing you ne’er could do before; and in revenge, I did—I know not what I did. Would you would not think on’t anymore.	210
DORIMANT Should I be willing to forget it, I shall be daily minded of it. ’Twill be a commonplace for all the town to laugh at me; and Medley, when he is rhetorically drunk, will ever be declaiming on it in my ears.
MRS LOVEIT ’Twill be believed a jealous spite. Come forget it.	215
DORIMANT Let me consult my reputation; you are too careless of it. (Pauses) You shall meet Sir Fopling in the Mall again tonight.
MRS LOVEIT What mean you?
DORIMANT I have thought on it, and you must. ’Tis necessary to justify my love to the world. You can handle a coxcomb as he deserves when you are not out of humour, madam!	220
MRS LOVEIT Public satisfaction for the wrong I have done you? This is some new device to make me more ridiculous.
DORIMANT Hear me.
MRS LOVEIT I will not!	225
DORIMANT You will be persuaded.
MRS LOVEIT Never.
DORIMANT Are you so obstinate?
MRS LOVEIT Are you so base?
DORIMANT You will not satisfy my love?	230
MRS LOVEIT I would die to satisfy that; but I will not, to save you from a thousand racks, do a shameless thing to please your vanity.
DORIMANT Farewell, false woman.
MRS LOVEIT Do! Go!
DORIMANT You will call me back again.	235
MRS LOVEIT Exquisite fiend! I knew you came but to torment me.
Enter Bellinda and Pert
DORIMANT (surprised) Bellinda here!
BELLINDA (aside) He starts and looks pale! The sight of me has touched his guilty soul.
PERT ’Twas but a qualm, as I said, a little indigestion. The surfeit water did it, madam, mixed with a little mirabilis.°	240
DORIMANT (aside) I am confounded and cannot guess how she came hither!
MRS LOVEIT ’Tis your fortune, Bellinda, ever to be here when I am abused by this prodigy of ill nature.	245
BELLINDA I am amazed to find him here. How has he the face to come near you?
DORIMANT (aside) Here is fine work towards! I never was at such a loss before.
BELLINDA One who makes a public profession of breach of faith and ingratitude. I loathe the sight of him.	250
DORIMANT [aside] There is no remedy. I must submit to their tongues now and some other time bring myself off as well as I can.
BELLINDA Other men are wicked, but then they have some sense of shame. He is never well but when he triumphs—nay, glories—to a woman’s face in his villainies.	255
MRS LOVEIT You are in the right, Bellinda, but methinks your kindness for me makes you concern yourself too much with him.
BELLINDA It does indeed, my dear. His barbarous carriage to you yesterday made me hope you ne’er would see him more, and the very next day to find him here again provokes me strangely. But because I know you love him, I have done.	260
DORIMANT You have reproached me handsomely, and I deserve it for coming hither, but—
PERT You must expect it, sir! All women will hate you for my lady’s sake.	265
DORIMANT [aside] Nay, if she begins too, ’tis time to fly. I shall be scolded to death else! (Aside to Bellinda) I am to blame in some circumstances, I confess, but as to the main, I am not so guilty as you imagine. [Aloud] I shall seek a more convenient time to clear myself.	270
MRS LOVEIT Do it now! What impediments are here?
DORIMANT I want time, and you want temper.
MRS LOVEIT These are weak pretences.
DORIMANT You were never more mistaken in your life, and so farewell.	275
Dorimant flings off
MRS LOVEIT Call a footman, Pert, quickly! I will have him dogged.
PERT I wish you would not for my quiet and your own.
MRS LOVEIT I’ll find out the infamous cause of all our quarrels, pluck her mask off, and expose her bare-faced to the world.
BELLINDA (aside) Let me but escape this time, I’ll never venture more.	280
MRS LOVEIT Bellinda, you shall go with me.
BELLINDA I have such a heaviness° hangs on me with what I did this morning, I would fain go home and sleep, my dear.
MRS LOVEIT Death and eternal darkness! I shall never sleep again. Raging fevers seize the world and make mankind as restless all as I am.	285
Exit Mrs Loveit
BELLINDA I knew him false and helped to make him so. Was not her ruin enough to fright me from the danger? It should have been, but love can take no warning.	290
Exit

5.2

Lady Townley’s house
Enter Medley, Bellair, Lady Townley, Emilia, and Smirk

MEDLEY Bear up, Bellair, and do not let us see that repentance in thine we daily do in married faces.
LADY TOWNLEY This wedding will strangely surprise my brother when he knows it.
MEDLEY Your nephew ought to conceal it for a time, madam. Since marriage has lost its good name, prudent men seldom expose their own reputations till ’tis convenient to justify their wives.	5
OLD BELLAIR (offstage) Where are you all there? Out, adod, will nobody hear?
LADY TOWNLEY My brother! Quickly, Mr Smirk, into this closet.° You must not be seen yet.	10
Smirk goes into the closet. Enter Old Bellair and Lady Townley’s Page
OLD BELLAIR Desire Mr Fourbe to walk into the lower parlour; I will be with him presently. (To Bellair) Where have you been, sir, you could not wait on me today?
BELLAIR About a business.	15
OLD BELLAIR Are you so good at business? Adod, I have a business too you shall dispatch out of hand, sir. Send for a parson, sister; my Lady Woodvill and her daughter are coming.
LADY TOWNLEY What need you huddle up° things thus?
OLD BELLAIR Out a pize! Youth is apt to play the fool, and ’tis not good it should be in their power.	20
LADY TOWNLEY You need not fear your son.
OLD BELLAIR H’ has been idling this morning and, adod, I do not like him. (To Emilia) How dost thou do, sweetheart?
EMILIA You are very severe, sir. Married in such haste!	25
OLD BELLAIR Go to;° thou art a rogue, and I will talk with thee anon. Here’s my Lady Woodvill come.
Enter Lady Woodvill, Harriet, and Busy
Welcome, madam. Mr Fourbe’s below with the writings.°
LADY WOODVILL Let us down and make an end then.
OLD BELLAIR Sister, show the way. (To Bellair, who is talking to Harriet) Harry, your business lies not there yet! Excuse him till we have done, lady, and then, adod, he shall be for thee. Mr Medley, we must trouble you to be a witness.	30
MEDLEY I luckily came for that purpose, sir.
Exeunt Old Bellair, Medley, Bellair, Lady Townley, and Lady Woodvill
BUSY What will you do, madam?	35
HARRIET Be carried back and mewed up in the country again, run away here, anything, rather than be married to a man I do not care for! Dear Emilia, do thou advise me.
EMILIA Mr Bellair is engaged, you know. HARRIET I do, but know not what the fear of losing an estate may fright him to.	40
EMILIA In the desperate condition you are in, you should consult with some judicious man. What think you of Mr Dorimant?
HARRIET I do not think of him at all.
BUSY She thinks of nothing else, I am sure.	45
EMILIA How fond your mother was of Mr Courtage!
HARRIET Because I contrived the mistake to make a little mirth, you believe I like the man.
EMILIA Mr Bellair believes you love him.
HARRIET Men are seldom in the right when they guess at a woman’s mind. Would she whom he loves, loved him no better.	50
BUSY (aside) That’s e’en well enough, on all conscience.
EMILIA Mr Dorimant has a great deal of wit.
HARRIET And takes a great deal of pains to show it.
EMILIA He’s extremely well-fashioned.°	55
HARRIET Affectedly grave or ridiculously wild and apish.°
BUSY You defend him still against your mother.
HARRIET I would not were he justly rallied,° but I cannot hear anyone undeservedly railed at.
EMILIA Has your woman learnt the song you were so taken with?	60
HARRIET I was fond of a new thing; ’tis dull at second hearing.
EMILIA Mr Dorimant made it.
BUSY She knows it, madam, and has made me sing it at least a dozen times this morning.
HARRIET Thy tongue is as impertinent as thy fingers.	65
EMILIA You have provoked her.
BUSY ’Tis but singing the song, and I shall appease her.
EMILIA Prithee do.
HARRIET She has a voice will grate your ears worse than a cat-call,° and dresses so ill she’s scarce fit to trick up a yeoman’s daughter on a holiday.	70
Busy sings°
SONG
As Amoret with Phyllis sat One evening on the plain, And saw the charming Strephon wait	75
To tell the nymph his pain,
The threat’ning danger to remove She whispered in her ear, ‘Ah, Phyllis, if you would not love, This shepherd do not hear.	80
None ever had so strange an art His passion to convey Into a list’ning virgin’s heart And steal her soul away.
Fly, fly betimes, for fear you give Occasion for your fate.’ ‘In vain,’ said she, ‘in vain I strive, Alas, ’tis now too late!’	85
Enter Dorimant
DORIMANT ‘Music so softens and disarms the mind— HARRIET That not one arrow does resistance find’.°	90
DORIMANT Let us make use of the lucky minute then.
HARRIET (aside, turning from Dorimant) My love springs with my blood into my face. I dare not look upon him yet.
DORIMANT What have we here: the picture of celebrated Beauty° giving audience in public to a declared lover?	95
HARRIET Play the dying fop and make the piece complete, sir.
DORIMANT What think you if the hint were well improved? The whole mystery of making love pleasantly designed and wrought in a suit of hangings?°
HARRIET ’Twere needless to execute fools in effigy who suffer daily in their own persons.	100
DORIMANT (to Emilia aside) Mrs Bride, for such I know this happy day has made you—
EMILIA Defer the formal joy you are to give me, and mind your business with her. (Aloud) Here are dreadful preparations, Mr Dorimant: writings sealing and a parson sent for—	105
DORIMANT—to marry this lady.
BUSY Condemned she is, and what will become of her I know not, without you generously engage in a rescue.
DORIMANT In this sad condition, madam, I can do no less than offer you my service.	110
HARRIET The obligation is not great. You are the common sanctuary for all young women who run from their relations.
DORIMANT I have always my arms open to receive the distressed. But I will open my heart and receive you where none yet did ever enter. You have filled it with a secret, might I but let you know it.	115
HARRIET Do not speak it if you would have me believe it. Your tongue is so famed for falsehood, ’twill do the truth an injury. (Turns away her head)
DORIMANT Turn not away then, but look on me and guess it.	120
HARRIET Did you not tell me there was no credit to be given to faces?That women nowadays have their passions as much at will as they have their complexions, and put on joy and sadness, scorn and kindness, with the same ease they do their paint and patches? Are they the only counterfeits?	125
DORIMANT You wrong your own while you suspect my eyes. By all the hope I have in you, the inimitable colour in your cheeks is not more free from art than are the sighs I offer.
HARRIET In men who have been long hardened in sin, we have reason to mistrust the first signs of repentance.	130
DORIMANT The prospect of such a heaven will make me persevere and give you marks that are infallible.
HARRIET What are those?
DORIMANT I will renounce all the joys I have in friendship and in wine, sacrifice to you all the interest I have in other women—	135
HARRIET Hold! Though I wish you devout, I would not have you turn fanatic. Could you neglect these a while and make a journey into the country?
DORIMANT To be with you, I could live there and never send one thought to London.	140
HARRIET Whate’er you say, I know all beyond Hyde Park’s a desert to you, and that no gallantry can draw you farther.
DORIMANT That has been the utmost limit of my love. But now my passion knows no bounds, and there’s no measure to be taken of what I’ll do for you from anything I ever did before.	145
HARRIET When I hear you talk thus in Hampshire,° I shall begin to think there may be some little° truth enlarged upon.°
DORIMANT Is this all? Will you not promise me—
HARRIET I hate to promise! What we do then is expected from us and wants much of the welcome it finds when it surprises.	150
DORIMANT May I not hope?
HARRIET That depends on you, and not on me; and ’tis to no purpose to forbid it. (Turns to Busy)
BUSY Faith, madam, now I perceive the gentleman loves you too, e’en let him know your mind and torment yourselves no longer.	155
HARRIET Dost think I have no sense of modesty?
BUSY Think: if you lose this, you may never have another opportunity.
HARRIET May he hate me—a curse that frights me when I speak it—if ever I do a thing against the rules of decency and honour.	160
DORIMANT (to Emilia) I am beholding to you for your good intentions, madam. EMILIA I thought the concealing of our marriage from her might have done you better service.
DORIMANT Try her again.	165
EMILIA What have you resolved, madam? The time draws near.
HARRIET To be obstinate and protest against this marriage.
Enter Lady Townley in haste
LADY TOWNLEY (to Emilia) Quickly, quickly! Let Mr Smirk out of the closet.
Smirk comes out of the closet
HARRIET A parson! Had you laid him in here?	170
DORIMANT I knew nothing of him.
HARRIET Should it appear you did, your opinion of my easiness may cost you dear.
Enter Old Bellair, Bellair, Medley, and Lady Woodvill
OLD BELLAIR Out a pize! The canonical hour° is almost past. Sister, is the man of God come?	175
LADY TOWNLEY He waits your leisure.
OLD BELLAIR [to Smirk] By your favour, sir. Adod, a pretty, spruce fellow! What may we call him?
LADY TOWNLEY Mr Smirk, my Lady Bigot’s chaplain.
OLD BELLAIR A wise woman, adod she is. The man will serve for the flesh as well as the spirit. Please you, sir, to commission a young couple to go to bed together a God’s name? Harry?	180
BELLAIR Here, sir.
OLD BELLAIR Out a pize, without your mistress in your hand!
SMIRK Is this the gentleman?	185
OLD BELLAIR Yes, sir.
SMIRK Are you not mistaken, sir?
OLD BELLAIR Adod, I think not, sir.
SMIRK Sure you are, sir?
OLD BELLAIR You look as if you would forbid the banns, Mr Smirk. I hope you have no pretension to the lady!	190
SMIRK Wish him joy, sir. I have done him the good office today already.
OLD BELLAIR Out a pize, what do I hear?
LADY TOWNLEY Never storm, brother. The truth is out.	195
OLD BELLAIR How say you, sir? Is this your wedding day?
BELLAIR It is, sir.
OLD BELLAIR And, adod, it shall be mine too. (To Emilia) Give me thy hand, sweetheart. What dost thou mean? Give me thy hand, I say.	200
Emilia and Bellair kneel
LADY TOWNLEY Come, come, give her your blessing. This is the woman your son loved and is married to.
OLD BELLAIR Ha! Cheated! Cozened! And by your contrivance, sister!
LADY TOWNLEY What would you do with her? She’s a rogue and you can’t abide her.	205
MEDLEY Shall I hit her a pat for you, sir?
OLD BELLAIR Adod, you are all rogues, and I never will forgive you.
LADY TOWNLEY Whither? Whither away?
MEDLEY Let him go and cool awhile.	210
LADY WOODVILL (to Dorimant) Here’s a business broke out now, Mr Courtage. I am made a fine fool of.
DORIMANT You see the old gentleman knew nothing of it.
LADY WOODVILL I find he did not. I shall have some trick put upon me if I stay in this wicked town any longer. Harriet, dear child! Where art thou? I’ll into the country straight.	215
OLD BELLAIR Adod, madam, you shall hear me first—
Enter Mrs Loveit and Bellinda
MRS LOVEIT Hither my man dogged him!
BELLINDA Yonder he stands, my dear.
MRS LOVEIT I see him. (Aside) And with him the face that has undone me! O that I were but where I might throw out the anguish of my heart! Here it must rage within and break it.	220
LADY TOWNLEY Mrs Loveit! Are you afraid to come forward?
MRS LOVEIT I was amazed to see so much company here in a morning. The occasion sure is extraordinary.	225
DORIMANT (aside) Loveit and Bellinda! The devil owes me a shame today, and I think never will have done paying it.°
MRS LOVEIT Married! Dear Emilia, how am I transported with the news.
HARRIET (to Dorimant) I little thought
EMILIA was the woman Mr Bellair was in love with. I’ll chide her for not trusting me with the secret.	230
DORIMANT How do you like Mrs Loveit?
HARRIET She’s a famed mistress of yours, I hear.
DORIMANT She has been, on occasion.	235
OLD BELLAIR (to Lady Woodvill) Adod, madam, I cannot help it.
LADY WOODVILL You need make no more apologies, sir.
EMILIA (to Mrs Loveit) The old gentleman’s excusing himself to my Lady Woodvill. MRS LOVEIT Ha, ha, ha! I never heard of anything so pleasant.	240
HARRIET (to Dorimant) She’s extremely overjoyed at something.
DORIMANT At nothing. She is one of those hoiting ladies who gaily fling themselves about and force a laugh when their aching hearts are full of discontent and malice.
MRS LOVEIT O heaven! I was never so near killing myself with laughing. Mr Dorimant, are you a brideman?	245
LADY WOODVILL Mr Dorimant! Is this Mr Dorimant, madam?
MRS LOVEIT If you doubt it, your daughter can resolve you, I suppose.
LADY WOODVILL I am cheated too, basely cheated.	250
OLD BELLAIR Out a pize, what’s here? More knavery yet?
LADY WOODVILL Harriet, on my blessing, come away, I charge you.
HARRIET Dear mother, do but stay and hear me.
LADY WOODVILL I am betrayed and thou art undone, I fear.
HARRIET Do not fear it. I have not, nor never will do, anything against my duty. Believe me, dear mother, do.	255
DORIMANT (to Mrs Loveit) I had trusted you with this secret, but that I knew the violence of your nature would ruin my fortune, as now unluckily it has. I thank you, madam.
MRS LOVEIT She’s an heiress, I know, and very rich.	260
DORIMANT To satisfy you, I must give up my interest wholly to my love. Had you been a reasonable woman, I might have secured ’em both and been happy.
MRS LOVEIT You might have trusted me with anything of this kind, you know you might. Why did you go under a wrong name?	265
DORIMANT The story is too long to tell you now. Be satisfied: this is the business, this is the mask has kept me from you.
BELLINDA (aside) He’s tender of my honour, though he’s cruel to my love.
MRS LOVEIT Was it no idle mistress then?	270
DORIMANT Believe me, a wife to repair the ruins of my estate that needs it.
MRS LOVEIT The knowledge of this makes my grief hang lighter on my soul; but I shall never more be happy.
DORIMANT Bellinda!	275
BELLINDA Do not think of clearing yourself with me; it is impossible. Do all men break their words thus?
DORIMANT Th’ extravagant words they speak in love. ’Tis as unreasonable to expect we should perform all we promise then, as do all we threaten when we are angry.	280
When I see you next—
BELLINDA Take no notice of me, and I shall not hate you.
DORIMANT How came you to Mrs Loveit?
BELLINDA By a mistake the chairmen made for want of my giving them directions.	285
DORIMANT ’Twas a pleasant one. We must meet again.
BELLINDA Never.
DORIMANT Never?
BELLINDA When we do, may I be as infamous as you are false.
LADY TOWNLEY Men of Mr Dorimant’s character always suffer in the general opinion of the world.	290
MEDLEY You can make no judgement of a witty man from common fame, considering the prevailing faction,° madam.
OLD BELLAIR Adod, he’s in the right.
MEDLEY Besides, ’tis a common error among women to believe too well of them they know and too ill of them they don’t.	295
OLD BELLAIR Adod, he observes well.
LADY TOWNLEY Believe me, madam, you will find Mr Dorimant as civil a gentleman as you thought Mr Courtage.
HARRIET If you would but know him better—	300
LADY WOODVILL You have a mind to know him better? Come away! You shall never see him more.
HARRIET Dear mother, stay!
LADY WOODVILL I won’t be consenting to your ruin.
HARRIET Were my fortune in your power—	305
LADY WOODVILL Your person is.
HARRIET Could I be disobedient, I might take it out of yours and put it into his.
LADY WOODVILL ’Tis that you would be at: you would marry this Dorimant?	310
HARRIET I cannot deny it. I would and never will marry any other man.
LADY WOODVILL Is this the duty that you promised?
HARRIET But I will never marry him against your will.
LADY WOODVILL (aside) She knows the way to melt my heart. (To Harriet) Upon yourself light your undoing.	315
MEDLEY (to Old Bellair) Come, sir, you have not the heart any longer to refuse your blessing.
OLD BELLAIR Adod, I ha’ not. Rise and God bless you both. Make much of her, Harry; she deserves thy kindness. (To Emilia) Adod, sirrah, I did not think it had been in thee.	320
Enter Sir Fopling and his Page
SIR FOPLING ’Tis a damned windy day. Hey, page! Is my periwig right?
PAGE A little out of order, sir.
SIR FOPLING Pox o’ this apartment; it wants an antechamber° to adjust oneself in. (To Mrs Loveit) Madam, I came from your house, and your servants directed me hither.	325
MRS LOVEIT I will give order hereafter they shall direct you better.
SIR FOPLING The great satisfaction I had in the Mall last night has given me much disquiet since.	330
MRS LOVEIT ’Tis likely to give me more than I desire.
SIR FOPLING What the devil makes her so reserved? Am I guilty of an indiscretion, madam?
MRS LOVEIT You will be of a great one if you continue your mistake, sir.	335
SIR FOPLING Something puts you out of humour.
MRS LOVEIT The most foolish, inconsiderable thing that ever did.
SIR FOPLING Is it in my power?
MRS LOVEIT To hang or drown it. Do one of ’em and trouble me no more.	340
SIR FOPLING So fière?° Serviteur,° madam. Medley, where’s Dorimant?
MEDLEY Methinks the lady has not made you those advances today she did last night, Sir Fopling.
SIR FOPLING Prithee do not talk of her.	345
MEDLEY She would be a bonne fortune.
SIR FOPLING Not to me at present.
MEDLEY How so?
SIR FOPLING An intrigue now would be but a temptation to me to throw away that vigour on one, which I mean shall shortly make my court to the whole sex in a ballet.	350
MEDLEY Wisely considered, Sir Fopling.
SIR FOPLING No one woman is worth the loss of a cut° in a caper.
MEDLEY Not when ’tis so universally designed.	355
LADY WOODVILL Mr Dorimant, everyone has spoke so much in your behalf that I can no longer doubt but I was in the wrong.
MRS LOVEIT There’s nothing but falsehood and impertinence in this world! All men are villains or fools: take example from my misfortunes. Bellinda, if thou wouldst be happy, give thyself wholly up to goodness.	360
HARRIET (to Mrs Loveit) Mr Dorimant has been your God almighty long enough. ’Tis time to think of another.
MRS LOVEIT Jeered by her! I will lock myself up in my house and never see the world again.	365
HARRIET A nunnery is the more fashionable place for such a retreat and has been the fatal consequence of many a belle passion.
MRS LOVEIT Hold heart till I get home! Should I answer, ’twould make her triumph greater. (Is going out)
DORIMANT Your hand, Sir Fopling.	370
SIR FOPLING [to Mrs Loveit] Shall I wait upon you, madam?
MRS LOVEIT Legions of fools, as many devils take thee!
Exit Mrs Loveit
MEDLEY Dorimant, I pronounce thy reputation clear; and hence-forward, when I would know anything of woman, I will consult no other oracle.	375
SIR FOPLING Stark mad, by all that’s handsome! Dorimant, thou hast engaged me in a pretty business.
DORIMANT I have not leisure now to talk about it.
OLD BELLAIR Out a pize, what does this man of mode do here again?
LADY TOWNLEY He’ll be an excellent entertainment within, brother, and is luckily come to raise the mirth of the company.	380
LADY WOODVILL Madam, I take my leave of you.
LADY TOWNLEY What do you mean, madam?
LADY WOODVILL To go this afternoon part of my way to Hartley.°
OLD BELLAIR Adod, you shall stay and dine first. Come, we will all be good friends, and you shall give Mr Dorimant leave to wait upon you and your daughter in the country.	385
LADY WOODVILL If his occasions bring him that way, I have now so good an opinion of him, he shall be welcome.
HARRIET To a great rambling lone house that looks as it were not inhabited, the family’s so small. There you’ll find my mother, an old, lame aunt, and myself, sir, perched up on chairs at a distance in a large parlour, sitting moping like three or four melancholy birds in a spacious volary. Does not this stagger your resolution?	390
DORIMANT Not at all, madam. The first time I saw you, you left me with the pangs of love upon me; and this day my soul has quite given up her liberty.	395
HARRIET This is more dismal than the country! Emilia, pity me who am going to that sad place. Methinks I hear the hateful noise of rooks already: kaw, kaw, kaw. There’s music in the worst cry in London, ‘My dill and cucumbers to pickle’.	400
OLD BELLAIR Sister, knowing of this matter, I hope you have provided us some good cheer.
LADY TOWNLEY I have brother, and the fiddles too.
OLD BELLAIR Let ’em strike up then. The young lady shall have a dance before she departs.	405
Harriet, Dorimant, Bellair, Emilia, Lady Townley, and Old Bellair dance°
(After the dance) So now we’ll in and make this an arrant wedding day.
(To the pit) And if these honest gentlemen rejoice, Adod, the boy has made a happy choice.
Exeunt

The Epilogue
By Mr Dryden°

Most modern wits such monstrous fools have shown, They seemed not of heaven’s making, but their own. Those nauseous harlequins in farce may pass,° But there goes more to a substantial ass! Something of man must be exposed to view,	5
That, gallants, they may more resemble you. Sir Fopling is a fool so nicely writ, The ladies would mistake him for a wit, And when he sings, talks loud, and cocks, would cry: ° ‘I vow methinks he’s pretty company,	10
So brisk, so gay, so travelled, so refined!’ As he took pains to graft upon his kind. True fops help nature’s work and go to school To file and finish God A’mighty’s fool. Yet none Sir Fopling him, or him, can call;	15
He’s knight o’ th’ shire, and represents ye all.° From each he meets, he culls whate’er he can, Legion’s his name, a people in a man. His bulky folly gathers as it goes, And, rolling o’er you, like a snowball grows.	20
His various modes from various fathers follow: One taught the toss, and one the new French wallow.° His sword knot, this; his cravat, this designed,° And this, the yard-long snake he twirls behind.° From one the sacred periwig he gained,	25
Which wind ne’er blew, nor touch of hat profaned. Another’s diving bow he did adore, Which with a shog casts all the hair before,° Till he with full decorum brings it back, And rises with a water spaniel shake.	30
As for his songs, the ladies’ dear delight, Those sure he took from most of you who write. Yet every man is safe from what he feared, For no one fool is hunted from the herd.