STEP 1
Understand the power of “attitude.”
The first thing you need to do to turn your attitude into action is to tap into the power of your attitude. This key step is the foundation on which the other nine steps in this book are built. Attitude is everything.
As far back as I can remember, I’ve heard about the importance of a positive attitude. I heard it from my parents, teachers, coaches, and supervisors over the years. Not only did I hear it, I saw the powerful impact a positive attitude could have. I’ve seen it countless times in the lives of highly successful people. Some of these success stories make front-page headlines. Those that aren’t making the news are certainly making headlines in the lives of those around them. A positive attitude is the foundation of a successful life.
With such compelling evidence to support the theory that a positive attitude pays off, I have made it my lifework to personally embrace a super-fantastic attitude and help others understand that attitude is everything.
Some have questioned my assertion, telling me that attitude isn’t everything. That much more is involved in achieving success. Of course, it takes planning and hard work to reach your goals. I believe it is absolutely critical that whatever you do, you should do with all your might. Go for it! Work to the best of your ability.
But your ability may be much higher than you realize. It all comes back to attitude. Attitude is everything because it is involved in everything. It impacts our performance at work and our relationships. Attitude is the cornerstone upon which we build our lives.
If attitude is so important, we’d best understand its meaning. The American Heritage Dictionary defines attitude as a state of mind or feeling with regard to some matter. For me, attitude can be defined in one word: life. The attitude that you carry around makes an incredible difference in your life. It can be a powerful tool for positive action. Or it can be a poison that cripples your ability to fulfill your potential. Your attitude dictates whether you are living life or life is living you. Attitude determines whether you are on the way or in the way.
To develop an attitude that helps you live life to its fullest, as you were designed to do, you must first understand that the heart is the control center for your attitude. Your attitude is nothing but an outward reflection of what resides on the inside. To change your attitude, you must change your heart.
Ear-Gate, Eye-Gate, and Mouth-Gate
The most powerful computer in the world is the human computer. Our programming, then, comes through what we hear, see, and say. We can be programmed for success or failure based on how well we monitor what I call the ear-gate, eye-gate, and mouth-gate. What we see through our eye-gate goes directly into our hearts, frequently having a profound effect on our state of mind, sense of well-being, and, you guessed it—our attitude. Likewise, what we hear through our ear-gate has the power to lift us up or drag us down. Finally, the mouth-gate speaks to the heart-mouth connection. As the proverb says, “Out of the issues of your heart, your mouth speaks.” Our words have a tremendous impact on our attitude and the attitudes of those around us.
These concepts will be more fully developed throughout the book. You will see that regardless of what you have taken to heart throughout your life, it is possible to reprogram your attitude. It’s a powerful transformation that can bring you both personal and professional success.
Keith Harrell’s Reprogramming
Stories of my own reprogramming began early in life.
I spent most of my young adulthood chasing a dream to become a professional basketball player. In high school, I was an All-American and the Most Valuable Player of our state championship team. I accepted a scholarship to Seattle University, where I was the team captain for three of my four years. I averaged more than sixteen points per game in my senior year. In June of 1979, I expected to be drafted by a National Basketball Association team. It was a dream that I had shared with everyone I knew. My family, friends, teammates, and others who had followed my career had come to expect that it would happen, based on my success as a player in high school and college.
On the day of the NBA draft, I waited and waited and waited…but the phone did not ring. I was devastated. I had devoted myself to the sport and to my future as an NBA player. It was tough to give up on that dream. I felt cheated when it didn’t happen.
In the days and weeks that followed, the bitterness was revived every time someone commented on my failure to be drafted. It didn’t help when strangers would note my six-foot-six-inch height and say, “You must play pro basketball.” For a long time I fought the bitterness. Finally I decided to let go of the negative feelings. I found a way to embrace this major change and focus on being positive instead. I realized that to grow inwardly I had to move on with my life.
I developed a new attitude and a new response to questions about my height. Not long ago, a woman seated next to me at a luncheon asked if I played with the NBA.
“Yes, I do,” I replied. “I’m a first-round draft choice. I’m the most valuable player. I’m owner of the team, and we win the championship every year!”
“So you do play with the NBA?” she asked.
“Yes, I do. I play with my Natural-Born Abilities, and I’m slam-dunking every day!”
I did recover my positive attitude, but it took a focused effort to reframe my perspective, which is one of the key things I’m going to teach you in this book.
Failing to be drafted by the NBA was one of the greatest disappointments in my life. It affected my attitude adversely, throwing me off track for months. I’m sure you have dealt with similar circumstances in which an emotionally charged change in your life throws you off course. It happens to everyone, and often during such challenging times, we develop a negative attitude without being aware of the effect it has on our actions.
After my name was not called in the NBA draft, I felt disconnected from life. My self-confidence and self-esteem took a dive. Worse yet, I didn’t have a contingency plan. So after college graduation, it was Welcome to the real world, Keith. Whatcha gonna do now? I had been a high-profile athlete in my hometown. Many people had followed my career through high school and into college. It seemed that everywhere I went people wanted to know what I planned to do with my life. They shared my disappointment, and that further zapped my sense of self-worth. I’d been secure in my role as an athlete. Suddenly I didn’t know what I wanted to do.
I did decide that I had to get away from Seattle, where everyone seemed to know me and my disappointments. So I did what every warm-blooded African-American male does when he’s feeling down and out and needs to return to his roots.
I went to Alaska.
My Aunt Sue was working in Anchorage. She offered to get me a job with her boyfriend, a painter who had a contract at Elmendorf Air Force Base. Instead of going to the NBA rookie camp, I joined the painter’s union as an apprentice in Alaska. But a rookie is a rookie. I’d never painted with anything but my fingers in kindergarten. It showed. I was so bad they wouldn’t let me do any real painting. I just did the prepping. I was an apprentice paint-prepper and not a very good one at that. If I’d come to Alaska to build up my self-esteem and improve my attitude, it wasn’t working. I hadn’t really escaped all the questions about my future, either.
One day, I was slopping paint on myself and getting a little on a wall when an older guy in coveralls came up to me with a look of concern. “You don’t know me, but I know you. I followed your basketball career ever since you were in high school,” he said. He then asked me what I was doing in Alaska working as a painter.
“I’m trying to figure out what to do with my life.”
He gave me a sour look and pointed his paintbrush at me like a weapon. “I’m disappointed in you,” he scolded. “You were a fine basketball player and a good student from what I read. It looks to me like you’ve given up. Looks like you’re just sitting here taking the easy route.”
I needed a good shake, and this former fan obliged. He made me realize that it was time to bounce back, time to get on with life. The next day I went looking for that painter. Poor guy, he didn’t know what hit him. “Let me tell you something. If you’ve been watching me, keep on watching, because I haven’t given up on life. I’ve just been trying to figure out what game I’m going to play next!”
The guy did me a huge favor. He made me realize that I’d taken on an attitude of defeat, and it was dragging me down. I boarded the next plane out of Alaska and headed back to Seattle. On the way, I came up with a plan. It was a borrowed plan, but it beat painting icicles for the rest of my life.
A New Attitude and a New Plan
My father had been a professor of business and accounting for thirty-six years at Seattle Community College. He had always pushed me to major in business or accounting because he said it offered stable employment. My first goal upon returning home was to show my dad that I could make it in business. I was determined to get a job and stick with it as long as he had.
I’d been very secure in my future as a professional athlete, but I felt that I’d blown it. This time, I decided, I’m going to get a job and stick with it all the way. Never one to shy away from a challenge, I set my sights on the big daddy of big business: Big Blue—IBM, the Fortune 500 company that loved to brag it had never laid off anyone who deserved to have a job.
My cousin Kenny Lombard, who had also been a college basketball player, landed at IBM in Seattle after college. He’d been there three years, and he was doing very well. I went to him to ask about opportunities at Big Blue. “Do you think I have what it takes to get a job with IBM too?”
“Yes,” he said. “But it’s not going to be easy. You have to be ready to work for a company like IBM.”
IBM Boot Camp
Big Blue was not hiring at that point, but Kenny said I should start preparing immediately so I’d be ready when they did open the door for new hires. He told me to come to his house every Saturday morning and he would put me through some mock interviews to help get me whipped into IBM shape. He wasn’t kidding about the whipping part.
You might think that your cousin would take it easy on you. Not Kenny. He made me jump through some high hoops. The first time I went to his house, he sent me home before we’d even started because he felt I wasn’t dressed properly. I wore a suit, but it was sort of a disco suit. The shirt wasn’t right. My shoes were blue suede. “This is a business. You look like you’re ready to go out to a club,” Kenny said sternly. “Don’t come back until you’re dressed for a business interview.”
It was the first time I’d been thrown out of a relative’s house for inappropriate attire. I got the point, and I appreciated his honesty. I was Kenny’s “project.” He worked me hard in the days and weeks that followed. He taught me a lot about maintaining a proper business attitude. He made me work on my communication and language skills. He cut the “street” out of my vocabulary. “Keith, there is a difference in how you talk to an IBM customer and how you talk to your buddy who owns the gas station!”
Kenny also worked on my posture, presentation, and poise. My cousin, God bless him, was serious about getting me ready. He also taught me the history of IBM, its reputation as the premiere training ground for sales and management executives, and the corporation’s three basic beliefs. These were based on principles developed by its legendary founder, Thomas Watson, Sr., who believed in respect for the individual, customer service, and the pursuit of excellence.
Whenever I had a problem understanding an IBM concept, Kenny put it in terms I could more easily understand. He used analogies from basketball to make things clearer for me. During the mock interviews, he taught me to acknowledge my weaknesses and to focus on my strengths. Since I hadn’t majored in business or worked for a big company before, I was weak in background experience and knowledge. But I had been captain of a basketball team, and from that experience I understood teamwork, competition, and leadership.
Fit with a New Attitude
I have a natural tendency to become obsessive about things once I identify goals. Kenny got me focused. Other people began to think I had lost my mind.
My mother said, “Everybody knows IBM isn’t hiring. You’re wasting your time. Get a job!”
My friends gave me a hard time: “Let’s see, Kenny’s got you dressing up in a suit at the crack of dawn every Saturday morning so you can go over to his house and play IBM applicant? Get a grip, man!”
They didn’t bother me. By this time, I’d built up an unstoppable attitude. I was going to get hired by Big Blue because failure was not an option. I kept myself on track and focused on the possibilities for tomorrow, not the realities of the moment.
One day, Kenny brought in a friend who was an assistant to the regional manager for IBM. He interviewed me. He said he liked my confidence and my positive attitude. Then he did a little fine-tuning on my interviewing skills and told me he’d meet with me again in two weeks to see if I’d improved.
Adjust Your Attitude
and Change Your Life
I was becoming a fanatic about getting hired by IBM, just as I’d been about preparing myself for basketball. I was one of those guys who slept with his basketball. I tied my right hand behind my back so I’d learn to use my left. I was ready when the assistant to the regional manager from IBM came back. I was in the Big Blue Zone.
I caught and ran with everything he threw at me. My cousin had drilled me and drilled me, and I’d drilled myself some more. At the end of the second practice interview, the assistant pronounced me ready for prime time. He told me that IBM still was not hiring, but he offered to get me a “courtesy” interview within a week.
The interview was with Colby Sillers, an IBM manager in the sales division. He was an ex-Marine, though from his drill-sergeant demeanor you couldn’t tell that he’d ever left boot camp. “You didn’t take any business courses in college, Keith. What makes you feel like you qualify to come to work for IBM? What makes you qualified for a business like ours?”
I was prepared.
“Mr. Sillers, I spent four years in college. I graduated on time. I majored in community service. It taught me how to deal with all kinds of people and how to build and manage relationships. Today, you have to understand relationships, and I think I understand relationships better than anybody does. Now, the business thing—I have a great attitude. I can learn the business skills. I started on the senior varsity basketball team all four years in college, which proves I’m a hard worker. I was the team captain, which demonstrates my leadership abilities. I know about preparation and competition. I can handle anything IBM asks me to do.”
Every potential weakness Sillers cited in my background, I turned into a strength that I could bring to the company. What really won him over, though, was how I fielded one of the key questions asked in job interviews by IBM, which is a company of masterful salespeople, founded by a legendary salesman.
“Keith, how would you sell me this pencil?” he asked.
“Mr. Sillers, before I sell you anything, let me take the time to understand exactly what your needs are because I want to sell you what you need, not what I think you need. So let me ask you a few questions….”
I blew him away. The Marine surrendered. I took the hill.
That courtesy interview got me in the door. I sailed through a half-dozen more screenings, and the next thing I knew, there was someone on the phone one morning saying, “Congratulations. Your first day of work at IBM is October 17.”
My cousin Kenny had taught me a lot, but the most important lesson I learned was that attitude is everything. Thanks to my determined effort to build a more positive attitude, I had managed to get over my hurt and disappointment at not being drafted by the NBA. I’d put my positive attitude into action. Whether it was going to Alaska, meeting a person who questioned what I was doing with my life, Kenny’s coaching me, or getting hired by IBM, it all came down to attitude.
Our Attitudes Affect Everything We Do
The next time you are faced with a difficult challenge, focus on staying positive. Remember that your setbacks can be setups for even greater opportunities. Tap into the power of a positive attitude and stay in the game by playing with your NBA: Natural-Born Abilities.
Optimists (individuals with positive attitudes) are more successful than similarly talented people with pessimistic or negative attitudes, according to Martin Seligman, a noted psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania. His research also indicates that negative attitudes can be changed to positive attitudes. Each of us can decide to change our primary attitude. Most people get health or dental checkups once or twice a year to maintain wellness. We also take our cars in for regular checkups to make sure that they keep running properly. Yet, sadly, we aren’t nearly as careful about monitoring the attitudes that affect our mental health.
When was the last time you had an attitude tune-up? If you haven’t been getting what you want out of life, if people are not responding well to you, could it be that you need one?
Seligman’s study has shown that our attitudes—positive or negative—can affect whether we succeed or fail in reaching our goals. In his classic book, Learned Optimism, he offers empirical data showing that life insurance agents with optimistic attitudes sold more policies than did their pessimistic colleagues. Pessimists blamed failed sales attempts on themselves, which lowered their self-esteem and led to lower sales volumes. Optimists, rather than taking the rejections personally, had logical reasons to explain why prospects did not buy policies. Optimists not only sold 37 percent more than the pessimists did, they also remained on the job longer.
It is also true that those with positive attitudes generally enjoy better overall health. As positive thinking takes hold of your mind, your body responds accordingly. If you’re having trouble accepting this concept, I’d like to make you blush. We blush when we’re embarrassed, don’t we? Isn’t that physical reaction the result of a mere thought? We haven’t actually exerted ourselves to make blood rush to our faces, causing them to redden. It’s the thought that triggers this reaction. If we have this kind of physical reaction to a thought, is it such a leap of faith to believe that a positive thought could affect our bodies in a beneficial way?
Researchers have shown also that the simple act of smiling causes your brain to release a stream of chemicals that makes you feel good. The last few years have produced mounting research that positive thinking aids in the healing process. British researchers have gathered evidence showing a tie between negative emotions and illness.
Norman Cousins (editor of Saturday Review) was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis, a degenerative disease of connecting tissue, that threatened his life. When conventional treatments failed, he wrote himself an unusual prescription: laughter. He checked himself out of the hospital and into a hotel, where he immersed himself in classic slapstick movies, funny books, and recordings. His pain eased and his health returned as he purposely eliminated negative attitudes and reinforced what made him feel good. Thirty minutes of laughter brought him two hours of sleep without pain, which medications couldn’t deliver. In his 1979 book, Anatomy of an Illness, Cousins described his amazing, full recovery over a period of six months.
You may be familiar with the story of a West Virginia pediatrician, Hunter “Patch” Adams, who conducted his hospital rounds wearing a clown costume, rubber nose, and all. He was portrayed by Robin Williams in a movie, and his techniques have been copied worldwide. Dr. Adams says they are effective because “Joy is more important than any other drug.”
Dr. Raymond Moody, author of the best-selling book Life After Life, wrote a book about healing through humor, Laugh After Laugh. He told about following Ronald McDonald into children’s hospital wards and the amazing health boost seen in some young patients as their spirits were lifted by a visit from Ronald.
Endorphins are the body’s natural painkillers, and according to Dr. Warren Fry of the University of Chicago, laughter produces endorphin-like effects, relieving pain in our bodies. Some researchers have demonstrated that laughter raises levels of infection fighting T-cells, disease-fighting gamma-interferon proteins, and B-cells that produce antibodies. Since laughter increases your breathing, oxygen use, and heart rate, it temporarily stimulates your circulatory system, flows lymphatic fluids to diseased areas, and lowers blood pressure. The Bible says, “A merry heart does good like a medicine.”
The power of positive thinking has been documented scientifically in the real world of work and relationships. There are sound reasons for you to develop a process for maintaining a positive attitude. These are common-sense strategies that will help you develop your positive attitude. They work because as you eliminate stress and negative thinking, you’ll begin to enjoy a more positive feeling about yourself, which is the first step in helping you turn attitude into action.
Your Attitude Reflects You
Although everyone has an attitude, not everyone has the same type of attitude. Some individuals’ attitudes propel them along, helping them to deal with challenges, overcome obstacles, and accomplish their objectives. Others have attitudes that are anchors, slowing them down or stopping them altogether. Think about people you know who are often identified by their attitude:
He’s got a can-do attitude.
That George, he’s always on top of things.
I don’t know how Sarah does it; she can bring a smile to any situation.
The people described above are the sort of folks you like to be around, aren’t they? You want to have them on your team at work and as your friends at home.
Then there are those people known for their negative attitudes:
You know Ellen. If there’s not a problem, she can create one.
I know Hank is capable, but it’s just too much work to get him to do anything.
I had lunch with Fred. To hear him tell it, nothing good ever happens to him.
I’m sure you’ve met some of these individuals too. Because of their negative attitudes, they seem to carry dark clouds over their heads. We generally avoid interacting with them because of their negative approach to life.
Those with positive attitudes throw off the bed covers each morning, jump out of bed, throw open a window, take a deep breath, and say, “Good morning, God.” Those with negative attitudes drag themselves out of bed, stare out the window, and say, “Good God, morning.”
OK, it’s not always that clear-cut. Even rabid optimists have bad days. Even the gloomiest pessimists have a good thought now and then. Often our attitudes are affected by the circumstances we deal with day-to-day. What happens to us influences what goes on within us unless we master a process for taking control of our attitudes to maintain a positive approach to life even when negative events occur.
George Bernard Shaw said, “People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and, if they can’t find them, make them.”
If you look around, you can find dozens of examples of people whose attitudes don’t fit their apparent circumstances. One Sunday in church, I heard a beautiful soprano voice behind me. Her singing was so joyful that I had to see who it was. The voice belonged to a middle-aged lady sitting in a wheelchair. Her right arm was strapped to the chair. Her left hand rested on a little platform with a lever that controlled the chair. Someone had placed the hymnal in her lap so that she could read the verse and sing it. Evidently this woman had lost the use of all her limbs with the exception of the fingers of her left hand. Yet there was a smile on her face and, obviously, joy in her heart.
What happens to you does not have to live within you. Even bad circumstances can serve as stepping-stones to your goals. Every one of us endures hardships that can bring out the worst in us or inspire the best. It all comes down to which attitude you choose.
Attitudes at Work
Not long ago, I was having lunch in a restaurant staffed with a large contingent of twenty-something servers. The young man waiting on me was personable and took my order after a reasonable period of time, but I noticed that the young waitress serving a table close by was much more energetic and attentive. She had a bigger smile and a warmer disposition. What impressed me most was that when a party left one of her tables, she rushed over and cleared it. The other servers stood around talking while waiting for the harried buspeople to clean off the tables.
All of those employees were doing their jobs, but it seemed to me that this young woman was doing more. Her attitude was making a difference. Her customers appeared to be happier because they were seated more quickly. Her efficiency also benefited the restaurant’s hosts since they could move people into tables more quickly. This waitress was not only making a difference for those around her, she was also making a tangible difference for herself. Her willingness to pitch in and clear her own tables meant that she was able to serve more customers and get more tips during the shift.
This may seem like a small thing, but I have developed a finely tuned antenna for attitudes over the years. I’ve seen many examples in which a positive attitude makes an enormous difference in career success. As a professional speaker and trainer, much of my work is done for major corporations. Managers invite me to speak to their sales forces, their office staffs, or their management groups. As a result, I get regular readings on the state of corporate America and working conditions in general.
In the last several years, I’ve detected a change that is reflected in the tone of the invitations I receive. It used to be that a corporate contact would call and say something like this: “Keith, we’re going for a record year and I really want to keep my people pumped up. I’d like you to help us raise our attitudes another notch.”
Today, the invitation is more likely to sound like this: “Keith, we’ve got a lot of challenges due to the merging of different cultures. Our people are more worried about their futures than their work. Frankly, I have to do something. What can you do to help?”
The workplace has changed dramatically. These days, companies are either downsizing, rightsizing, merging, or being acquired. Even white-collar professionals who thought their lives were secure through retirement are now feeling vulnerable—and with good reason. The world of work has become unstable. Experienced people are losing their jobs under rapidly shifting circumstances. Those who hold onto their jobs are dogged by concern that they might be next.
These are circumstances that can lead to negative attitudes and self-defeating actions if you allow the circumstances to dictate your life. Go into any corporation today, and you’ll find people who are fearful of the future—and others who are excited by it. Their circumstances may well be the same. Each may be faced with unemployment, but some choose to see that as a dead end or defeat, while others choose to see it as an opportunity.
Consider the following situation involving Charley, who works in the computer industry. I’ll let him lay it out for you:
I got fired from a job for having a bad attitude. My boss told me that I was doing pretty good work, but my negative attitude made it tough on him and everybody else in my department. I had a few weeks to think about it while I was looking for a job. My attitude had not helped me at all. I had done the work I was supposed to, and I had done it as well as anybody else. But instead of being recognized for doing good work, I got fired for having a bad attitude. It was pretty obvious that I needed to change my attitude.
In my next job, I promised myself that whatever happened, I would stay positive and do my job. I wasn’t going to let my attitude get in the way of my job security and advancement. The second week I was there, they started downsizing. The only thing anybody talked about was who was going to be next. Maintaining a positive attitude was a little difficult. I sat down one night and wrote down these facts:
After that, my plan was obvious. I spent several evenings a week working on my programming skills. Every day, I went to work with a smile and did my job as well as I could. There was another round of downsizing. This time the president of the company lost his job too. The new president came in and made a speech about cutting expenses and moving the company to California. That led to more rumors and fears.
Before the move, I was offered a job with another company—with a 20 percent increase in pay. My evening studies paid off. The company I had worked for moved to California, but then they fired the new president. I don’t know what they’re going to do now, but I have a much better job.
This time, my attitude worked for me. With my old attitude, I would have been among the first to go, and I wouldn’t have had a clue what to do about it. With my new attitude, I was able to deal with all the challenges. Controlling my attitude helped me keep the job I had and helped me get a better one. I’m a believer.
Dealing with negative attitudes in the workplace is one of the biggest challenges facing businesses, managers, and employees. A person with a negative attitude has the same power to influence others as a person with a positive attitude. The difference appears in the results. Positive attitudes in the workplace help improve communications and teamwork. Positive attitudes keep up morale and help increase productivity. The opposite can be said for negative attitudes. They dismantle teamwork, increase stress, and cripple productivity.
The difference between winners and losers in the workplace is often attitude. The salesperson who sells more, the manager who inspires her people, the manufacturing supervisor who commands respect and loyalty—all are beneficiaries of their positive attitudes. Many of my clients today are hiring for attitude and training for skills.
Southwest Airlines was the country’s most acclaimed airline throughout the 1990s. Even after 9/11, when other airlines were struggling to stay alive, Southwest remained strong. What is it about Southwest’s business practices that makes the airline so successful? Could it be that attitude plays a role in that success?
Southwest recruiter José Colmenares told Fast Company magazine that he didn’t look for a fixed set of skills or experiences when hiring flight attendants. Instead, he searched for what the magazine described as “the perfect blend of energy, humor, team spirit, and self confidence to match Southwest’s famously offbeat and customer-obsessed culture.”
It’s not unusual for Southwest Airlines to receive more than thirty times as many applications for employment as there are job openings. Southwest’s recruiters must identify the “elite few” who can make it at Southwest. What do they look for? A positive attitude!
Attitudes at Home
As a child, I don’t remember wondering whether I would succeed or not. The only question was, what would I have to do to succeed? That’s one of the most valuable gifts my parents gave me. Their examples helped me develop my own positive attitude toward life.
Some people seem to have the idea that since they have to be nice when they’re out all day, they can be surly at home. A working mother comes home from her job and says she’s tired of smiling. A working father vents all the frustrations he has collected during the day. They might argue that if you can’t be yourself at home, where can you be?
I would argue this: If that’s how you really are, then you need to start working on your attitude. A positive attitude is perhaps more important at home than anywhere else. As spouses and parents, one of our most vital roles is to help those we love feel good about themselves. That means spending time with our families and making it positive.
Consider the story of a father asking his five-year-old son to help change the oil in the family truck. Imagine this father, head buried deep in the engine compartment, asking his kindergartener to hand him a wrench. And imagine the little guy searching through a toolbox, holding up a screwdriver, and asking, “Like this…?” Of course, the dad could complete the job more quickly and easily without his son’s involvement—but what an opportunity would be missed. That father and son got to know and understand each other by working together in everyday situations. The son learned life skills and attitudes from the example his father provided—skills and attitudes he would carry throughout his life.
If a father or mother carries around a negative attitude all day, it’s extremely likely that the children in the house will come to blame themselves or adopt the same bad attitude.
I’ll show you a little later how my mother’s positive attitude helped me retain my self-confidence even when I had a potentially traumatic experience in kindergarten. Her ability to communicate her positive attitude helped me build my own foundation of self-confidence and optimism. We have a choice. We can concentrate on problems, or we can focus on solutions. I believe in taking the positive approach.
Your spouse may not understand you. Your children may not listen to you. Your parents may disagree with you. Those are all challenging circumstances, but they can be more effectively dealt with if you have a positive attitude. You will find that when your attitude improves, so do your circumstances.
Attitude into Action
Improving your attitude doesn’t necessarily require making a 180-degree turn. Most of us are not 100 percent positive or negative all of the time. Even the most positive people have down time, and even the most negative people have a sunny day now and then. If you have trouble shaking the blues, though, you’re headed for trouble unless you develop a process for adjusting your attitude. You can build a strong and powerful body with exercise, but it takes commitment and hard work. You have the same power to build a positive attitude with mental exercises. This too takes commitment, hard work, and continuous effort. Are you ready to get started on your attitude? Let’s look at four things you must learn to do:
Attitude affects everything you do, both personally and professionally. Embrace your next attitude tune-up with a little checking and testing. Remember, your attitude reflects you. Resolving a problem will relieve your stress more quickly and effectively than just complaining about it. Even if you don’t actually reach a solution, moving toward a solution is still less stressful than trying to ignore it.
Attitude Tune-Up
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No matter what you do in life, if you have a positive attitude, you’ll always be 100 percent. According to our alphabet system, if you assign a numerical value to each letter (1–26), attitude will equal 100 percent.