“And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.”—Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Johnny
Rain battered the hotel window, pinging noisily against the glass. I blinked wearily, rolling to my stomach to avert my eyes as the heavy drapery slid open and muted light flooded the room.
“Rise and shine, rock star. You can’t sleep all day.”
I groaned aloud, then peeked over the corner of the duvet to glower at my man. “Too early.”
“It’s noon, baby. We have five hours to ourselves in London before you have to get to the stadium for your show tonight. What do you want to do first? It’s pouring, so we should probably stick to indoor activities. Charlie said he might be able to get us a VIP museum tour or—”
“Jack the Ripper tour?”
“No, I was thinking something more like the Tate or the British Museum. Have you ever seen the Rosetta Stone?” Sean asked, smoothing my sleep-mussed hair from my forehead.
“No. Should I care?”
“Yeah, you should. The Rosetta Stone is the key to deciphering ancient Egyptian scripts and—”
“Let me stop you right there. No, thanks.” I sighed around a yawn.
Sean snickered. “We’re getting cultured, remember? We take in the scenery by day and rock out by night. Let’s check out the Victoria and Albert Museum instead. I think they have the new Dior exhibit.”
“Who are you and why do I love you?”
“ ’Cause I ordered you a proper English breakfast and asked room service to wait till this afternoon to tackle our suite,” he replied, pressing kisses on my forehead and nose, then sealing his mouth over mine. “I love you. Jump in the shower. The kids are expecting us to call before they go to bed. Chop-chop.”
I clutched at the duvet, but Sean was faster. He folded it over, exposing my naked self to the cool air in our ginormous hotel suite. Suite. The biggest one in the poshest hotel in Mayfair, according to Charlie. I believed him. This place was insane.
A crystal chandelier hung over a coffee table in the adjoining room. The ornate ceilings were impossibly high, and the wall of French windows was adorned with fine silk drapery. The furniture looked like something out of a palace. Delicate but sturdy. My favorite piece was definitely the king-sized four-poster bed. It was actually the only room we’d spent much time in this past week.
Zero was officially on the final leg of a month-long European tour. We’d performed in front of sold-out crowds from Budapest to Berlin to Barcelona. But we began and ended in London. Tonight marked our last show before we returned home to begin the American leg of the tour. I couldn’t even begin to think about that. I was exhausted. As in, put a fork in me…done. Thank God, Sean was here.
Nine months ago, we’d agreed to do whatever was necessary to make this life work. It was unusual for sure. He had a life in LA that required his presence. His kids needed him, and he had business responsibilities too. He couldn’t drop everything to follow a rock band on tour for weeks on end. But he’d taken off five days to be with me on the first leg and a whole week to wrap up this final part, which meant more to me than having thousands of fans scream my name in any stadium anywhere in the world.
Last night, I’d stood onstage looking out at a sea of flashlights flickering from cell phones. There had to be fifty thousand of them. They looked like fireflies lighting an indigo sky. A laser show had just ended Jealousy’s killer set. Dec, Bobby J, Cade, and Gill were pumped up. They whooped excitedly, greeting us with overzealous high fives while Charlie issued new instructions.
A year ago, we would have hopped onstage immediately afterward, but that wasn’t how it worked in the big leagues. We waited for props and equipment changes like real rock stars and spent a good forty minutes alternately running through points on the set list and joking around with our friends.
Sean stuck close to me. He seemed alarmed by the size of the crowds and the press lying in wait. He didn’t say anything, though. He took it all in like a sentry keeping guard. And when it was time for Zero to go on, he kissed me softly.
I grinned. “Now you’re wearing my lipstick.”
“I wear it proudly. Break a leg, baby.”
The sound was deafening. I could barely hear myself think. I didn’t need to think, though. I could do this part with my eyes closed. Don’t worry…I didn’t.
Tegan tapped his drums, Ky joined in with a killer bassline, and I filled in the notes. Music poured through me. I swayed as my fingers tripped over the strings, chuckling with glee when Justin jumped through the air, bellowing into his mic, “Hello, London town!” I met my friends’ gazes and laughed, loving that I could tell they were as blown away by this as I was. It was a dream come true. We’d done it. We were on top. We had the world at our feet and limitless potential. It was daunting, yet so fucking magical.
Best of all, I got to share it with the man I loved. Sean stood to the side of the stage, just where I could see him. His broad smile and strong presence made anything seem possible. Like I could actually ride this roller coaster with my band and still have a life with the person I loved more than anything. I could live with him, drive the kids to school, practice with my band, and make dinner after work. Pinch me.
I’d sold my house last summer and moved into Sean’s place. True to his word, Charlie handled the “buzz” around our relationship with a simple statement, no photo attached, that kindly asked for privacy. We all knew complete privacy might not be an option, but we did our best to protect our families. Sean insisted on gating the driveway and installing a high-tech alarm system. He understood that being with me might put a spotlight on our lives, but he wasn’t about to roll out a red carpet for creeps. I was on board with that. I didn’t care where we lived as long as we were together.
“Hey, babe. Change of plans. The kids are calling now. Are you decent?”
I grabbed a robe from behind the bathroom door, tying it around my waist as I hurried into the hotel room. “I’m here.”
I sat beside Sean on the sofa and reached over to open the connection. Penny and Parker popped onto the screen a moment later, wearing matching goofy grins. My heart flipped in my chest. We did this every damn night, and it never got old.
Penny launched into a play-by-play of her day with her usual exuberance. School was boring, dance was awesome, and her friend Alex accidentally cut her bangs way too short. Parker chuckled at his sister’s description and jokingly offered to cut Penny’s hair. She rolled her eyes and pinched him. He retaliated, then raised his arms in surrender when she growled at him.
“All right, enough,” Sean scolded without heat. “What are you up to, Parker?”
“Nothing much. Except…I’m building a dragon.”
I snort-laughed. “Say what?”
“The science club is doing an exhibit next month. I’m on an awesome team. The guys want to build a fire-breathing dragon and make it look as realistic as possible. Can they come to our house next week to try it out?”
“Of course,” Sean replied quickly.
“We can’t wait to see it,” I added, lacing my fingers with his under the computer.
Parker had officially put his bumpy start to junior high behind him. He joined the science club and the math team, met a few new friends, and seemed to finally come out of his shell.
In a roundabout way, I liked to think learning to play guitar helped build his confidence.
I talked Parker into doing the talent show at his school last year. It wasn’t an easy sell, but I assured him I’d be in the audience and at his request, I’d invited the band. He’d agreed to do it as long as I was in the front row too. No problem. I could see his hands shake when he settled the guitar on his knee and strummed the first few chords of a Zero song. After a few wonky notes, he was on fire. I could have sworn I even heard him hum along.
At the end of the song, he grinned like a fool, then stepped up to the mic. “That’s a Zero song and they’re here tonight. Um…want to play one song with me, Johnny?”
The entire auditorium went bonkers. And me? I was slack-jawed.
In a twist, Parker had arranged a mini-concert with Justin, Tegan, and Ky as a surprise for Sean and me. They’d okayed the impromptu one-song-only Zero performance with the school’s principal. Sneaky bastards.
We played Zero’s biggest hit to date, “This is Love.” Justin on vocals, Ky on bass, Tegan on drums, and Parker and I on guitar. I didn’t think I’d ever been more proud in my entire life. Standing onstage with the kid who’d become a son to me, with friends who felt like brothers, playing a love song to the man who owned my heart…no, it didn’t get much better.
The teenage years might be a roller coaster ride, but it was a beautiful thing to see him grow and begin to thrive.
“How many more days?” Penny asked.
“Two,” I replied. “One more show and we’re coming home.”
Sean did a double take. “I thought it was four days.”
“No, I don’t need to see any sights. I want to go home.”
I snickered when the kids cheered noisily; then I leaned against my man’s side, soaking up the waves of contentment as the conversation turned to the pets and a new TV show they were into. It was harder to say good-bye than usual.
Sean ended the call and followed me into the grand marble bathroom. He leaned against the counter with his arms crossed, giving me an appreciative once-over when I dropped the robe.
“Like what you see?” I asked, wiggling my ass as I tested the water temperature.
“I do. You know, we don’t have to go anywhere. We can crawl back in bed and spend the day under the covers. It’s rainy and foggy and—”
“Yes. Let’s do that instead,” I agreed. “I love all this. It’s been a wild few weeks, and I’m really glad you’re here, but…damn, I miss the kids and Lullah and Tabby. I miss our bed.”
Sean chuckled. “You’re ready to go home?”
“Yeah, but you’re my home and you’re here. That’s all I really need.”
“I love you, baby.”
“I love you too.” I flashed a radiant grin at him, then ruined the moment by splashing water at him. “Get naked and get in here. This shower is huge!”
Sean grumbled in faux exasperation, shaking his head as he unbuttoned his damp shirt.
And me? My heart flipped and somersaulted. I was the luckiest guy in the world. That man was mine. He was my lover, my best friend, my champion, my protector. He was my family. We’d built a new life on our terms…with a whole new rule book entitled, “Starting from the Top.”
“This is Love” written by Justin Cuevas and Gray Robertson, performed by Zero, Justin Cuevas, Ky Baldwin, Tegan Monroe, Johnny Martin
You in the moonlight, under the lamplight
You with the city behind you and a million stars above
Everything changed and time began
The moment you smiled at me
And for the first time I wondered, is this love?
One night and I was hooked
We talked for hours
You came when I needed you, and you stayed
I can’t imagine a night without you now
And for the first time I wondered, is this love?
Measures of kindness slip into place and allow us moments of purity…
real affection, admiration, friendship
I don’t need words, I don’t need music,
I just need you
And for the first time I know, this is love