The basic characteristics of perinatal experiences and their central focus are the problems of biological birth, physical pain and agony, aging, disease and decrepitude, and dying and death. Inevitably, the shattering encounter with these critical aspects of human existence and the deep realization of the frailty and impermanence of man as a biological creature is accompanied by an agonizing existentialist crisis. The individual comes to realize, through these experiences, that no matter what he does in his life, he cannot escape the inevitable: he will have to leave this world bereft of everything that he has accumulated and achieved and to which he has been emotionally attached. The similarity between birth and death—the startling realization that the beginning of life is the same as its end—is the major philosophical issue that accompanies the perinatal experiences. The other important consequence of the shocking emotional and physical encounter with the phenomenon of death is the opening up of areas of spiritual and religious experiences that appear to be an intrinsic part of the human personality and are independent of the individual’s cultural and religious background and programing. In my experience, everyone who has reached these levels develops convincing insights into the utmost relevance of the spiritual and religious dimensions in the universal scheme of things. Even hard-core materialists, positivistically oriented scientists, skeptics and cynics, and uncompromising atheists and antireligious crusaders such as the Marxist philosophers suddenly became interested in a spiritual search after they confronted these levels in themselves.
To prevent misunderstanding, it is necessary to emphasize that the encounter with death on the perinatal level takes the form of a profound firsthand experience of the terminal agony that is rather complex and has emotional, philosophical, and spiritual as well as distinctly physiological facets. The awareness of dying and death in this situation is not mediated by symbolic means alone. Specific eschatological content of the thought processes and visions of dying individuals, decaying cadavers, coffins, cemeteries, hearses, and funeral corteges occur as characteristic concomitants and illustrations of this death experience; its very basis, however, is the actual feeling of the ultimate biological crisis, which subjects frequently confuse with real dying. It is not uncommon that the individual involved in such an experience loses the critical insight that he is in a psychedelic session and becomes convinced that he is facing imminent death.
The indications of a serious crisis are not, however, of a purely subjective nature. The sequences of dying and being born (or reborn) are frequently extremely dramatic and have many biological manifestations apparent even to the outside observer. The subject may spend hours in agonizing pain, with facial contortions, gasping for breath and discharging enormous amounts of muscular tension in various tremors, twitching, violent shaking, and complex twisting movements. The color of the face may be dark purple or deathly pale, the pulse excessively accelerated and thready, and the respiration rate oscillating in a wide range; sweating can be profuse, and nausea with projectile vomiting is a frequent occurrence.
In a way that is not quite clear at the present stage of research, the above experiences seem to be related to the circumstances of the biological birth. LSD subjects frequently refer to them quite explicitly as reliving of their own birth trauma. Those who do not make this link and conceptualize their encounter with death and the death-rebirth experience in a purely philosophical and spiritual framework quite regularly show the cluster of physical symptoms described earlier that can best be interpreted as a derivative of the biological birth. They also assume postures and move in complex sequences that bear a striking similarity to those of a child during the various stages of delivery. In addition, these subjects frequently report visions of or identification with embryos, fetuses, and newborn children. Equally common are various authentic neonatal feelings as well as behavior, and visions of female genitals and breasts.
Because of these observations and other clinical evidence, I have labeled the above phenomena perinatal experiences. A causal nexus between the actual biological birth and the unconscious matrices for these experiences still remains to be established. It appears appropriate, however, to refer to this level of the unconscious as Rankian; with some modification, Otto Rank’s conceptual framework is useful for the understanding of the phenomena in question.*
Perinatal experiences are a manifestation of a deep level of the unconscious that is clearly beyond the reach of classical Freudian techniques. The phenomena belonging to this category have been neither described in psychoanalytic literature nor taken into consideration in the theoretical speculations of Freudian analysts. Moreover, classical Freudian analysis does not allow for explanation of such experiences and does not offer an adequate conceptual framework for their interpretation.
In psycholytic treatment utilizing LSD with psychiatric patients, these levels are usually reached after a greater number of sessions of a psychodynamic nature. In subjects without serious emotional problems, the perinatal phenomenology usually occurs earlier in the procedure. In psychedelic therapy, which uses high dosages of LSD and where the sessions are much more internalized, perinatal elements are frequently observed in the first or second session. This appears to be the case whether the subjects are normal volunteers, individuals dying of cancer, or psychiatric patients. For reasons that are, at the present time, not quite clear, alcoholics and drug addicts seem to have easier access to the perinatal realm of the unconscious than individuals with psychoneurotic problems, especially those with a considerable obsessive-compulsive component in their clinical symptomatology.
LSD-assisted psychotherapy is not the only situation that can facilitate the manifestation of perinatal experiences. Occasionally, this level of the unconscious can be activated by forces from within the organism or from without. The processes involved are as yet insufficiently understood by contemporary psychiatry. Clinicians can thus see perinatal elements in a variety of psychotic conditions, especially manic-depressive psychoses and schizophrenia. However, examples of perinatal experiences can also be found outside the psychopathological framework. Similar experiences have been observed and described by psycho-therapists of various orientations utilizing experiential techniques with normal and neurotic individuals.† Numerous additional examples can be found in anthropological and ethnographic literature. Since time immemorial, powerful procedures have existed in many ancient and so-called primitive cultures that appear to facilitate such experiences in individuals as well as groups. Here, these experiences were and are produced almost exclusively in a sacred context, either on special occasions, such as rites of passage and initiation rites, or as a matter of everyday practice in ecstatic religions. The techniques employed by these cultures cover a wide range of methods, from the use of psychoactive substances of plant and animal origin, trance dancing, fasting, sleep deprivation, shock, and physical torture, to elaborate spiritual practices such as those developed within the Hindu and Buddhist traditions.
Perinatal experiences represent a very important intersection between individual psychology and transpersonal psychology or, for that matter, between psychology and psychopathology, on one hand, and religion, on the other. If we think about them as related to the individual birth, they would seem to belong to the framework of individual psychology. Some other aspects, however, give them a very definite transpersonal flavor. The intensity of these experiences transcends anything usually considered to be the experiential limit of the individual. They are frequently accompanied by identification with other persons or with struggling and suffering mankind. Moreover, other types of clearly transpersonal experiences, such as evolutionary memories, elements of the collective unconscious, and certain Jungian archetypes, frequently form an integral part of the perinatal matrices. LSD sessions on this level usually have a rather complex character, combining very subjective experiences with clearly transpersonal elements.
It seems appropriate to mention in this connection a category of experiences that represents a transitional form between the Freudian psychodynamic level and the Rankian level. It is the reliving of traumatic memories from the life of the individual that are of a physical rather than a purely psychological nature. Typically, such memories involve a threat to survival or body integrity, such as serious operations or painful and dangerous injuries, severe diseases, particularly those connected with breathing difficulties (diphtheria, whooping cough, pneumonia), instances of near drowning, and episodes of cruel physical abuse (incarceration in a concentration camp, exposure to the brainwashing and interrogation techniques of the Nazis or Communists, and maltreatment in childhood). These memories are clearly individual in nature, yet, thematically, they are closely related to perinatal experiences. Occasionally, the reliving of physical traumas occurs simultaneously with perinatal phenomena as a more superficial facet of the birth agony. Observations from LSD psychotherapy seem to suggest that memories of somatic traumatization have a significant role in the psychogenesis of various emotional disorders, particularly depression and sadomasochism; this concept is as yet unrecognized and unacknowledged in present-day schools of dynamic psychotherapy.
Elements of the rich and complex content of LSD sessions reflecting this level of the unconscious seem to appear in four typical clusters, matrices, or experiential patterns. Searching for a simple, logical, and natural conceptulization of this fact, I was struck by the deep parallels between these patterns and the clinical stages of delivery. It proved to be a very useful principle for both theoretical considerations and the practice of LSD psychotherapy to relate the above four categories of phenomena to consecutive stages of the biological birth process and to the experiences of the child in the perinatal period. Therefore, for the sake of brevity, I usually refer to the four major experiential matrices of the Rankian level as Basic Perinatal Matrices (BPM I–IV). It must be re-emphasized that this should be considered at the present stage of knowledge only as a very useful model, not necessarily implying a causal nexus.
The Basic Perinatal Matrices are hypothetical dynamic governing systems that have a function on the Rankian level of the unconscious similar to that of the COEX systems on the Freudian psychodynamic level. They have a specific content of their own, namely, the perinatal phenomena. The latter have two important facets or components: biological and spiritual. The biological aspect of perinatal experiences consists of concrete and rather realistic experiences related to the individual stages of the biological delivery. Each stage of biological birth appears to have a specific spiritual counterpart: for the undisturbed intrauterine existence it is the experience of cosmic unity; the onset of the delivery is paralleled by feelings of universal engulfment; the first clinical stage of delivery, the contractions in a closed uterine system, corresponds with the experience of “no exit” or hell; the propulsion through the birth canal in the second clinical stage of the delivery has its spiritual analogue in the death-rebirth struggle; and the metaphysical equivalent of the termination of the birth process and of the events in the third clinical stage of the delivery is the experience of ego death and rebirth. In addition to this specific content, the basic perinatal matrices function also as organizing principles for the material from other levels of the unconscious, namely for the COEX systems, as well as for some types of transpersonal experiences that occasionally occur simultaneously with perinatal phenomena, such as the archetype of the Terrible Mother or the Great Mother, identification with other individuals or groups of people, animal identification, or phylogenetic experiences.‡
The individual perinatal matrices have fixed associations with certain typical categories of memories from the lives of subjects; they are also related to specific aspects of the activities in the Freudian erogenic zones, and to specific psychopathological syndromes and psychiatric disorders (see the synoptic paradigm on pp. 102–103). The deep parallel between the physiological activities in the consecutive stages of biological delivery and the pattern of activities in various erogenic zones, in particular that of the genital orgasm, seems to be of great theoretical significance. It makes it possible to shift the etiological emphasis in the psychogenesis of emotional disorders from sexuality to perinatal matrices, without denying or negating the validity of many basic Freudian principles. Even within such an extended framework, psychoanalytic observations and concepts remain useful for the understanding of occurrences on the psychodynamic level and their mutual interrelations.
In the text that follows we will discuss the biological and obstetric basis of the individual perinatal matrices, their experiential content, their function as organizing principles for other types of experiences, and their specific relation to physiological activities in the Freudian erogenic zones. The perinatal matrices will be discussed in the order in which the corresponding stages of biological birth follow each other during delivery.
This matrix is related to the original condition of the intrauterine existence, during which the child and mother form a symbiotic unity. Unless some noxious stimuli interfere, the conditions for the child are optimal, involving security, protection, appropriate milieu, and satisfaction of all needs. This is, of course, not always the case. There exists a broad continuum of transitions, from pregnancies where these optimal conditions are disturbed only occasionally and for a short time (for example, by mild intercurrent diseases, dietary trespasses, occasional use of cigarettes and alcohol, a temporary stay in a very noisy environment, gynecological examinations, sexual intercourse in the later months of pregnancy) to pregnancies where they are hardly ever met (for example, in cases of serious infections and endocrinal or metabolic diseases of the mother; severe toxicosis; chronic anxiety, tension, and emotional stress; work in an inappropriate milieu with excessive noise and vibrations; drug addiction and chronic intoxications; cruel treatment of the mother, with repeated concussions; attempts at artificial abortion by various means). Though these disturbances of pregnancy are usually considered in regard to the future development of the child only as a source of possible somatic damage, observations from LSD psychotherapy seem to suggest that the child might also experience these noxious influences on a primitive subjective level. If this is the case, we could then differentiate between the “good” and the “bad” womb along the lines hypothesized by psychoanalysts in the case of the “good” and the “bad” breast. The sum of undisturbed intrauterine experiences during pregnancy might, in regard to the future stability of the personality, play an important role comparable to that of positive nursing experiences.
Undisturbed intrauterine experiences are only exceptionally described in the early LSD sessions of an individual but are a frequent occurrence later on. Some subjects describe rather realistic complex recollections of the original embryonal situation. They experience themselves as extremely small, with a typical disproportion in size between head and body, and can feel the surrounding liquid and sometimes even the umbilical cord. These experiences are associated with a blissful, undifferentiated, oceanic state of consciousness. Frequently, the concrete biological elements are missing and the activation of this matrix manifests itself as an experience of cosmic unity. Its basic characteristics are transcendence of the subject-object dichotomy, exceptionally strong positive affect (peace, tranquillity, joy, serenity, and bliss), a special feeling of sacredness, transcendence of time and space, an experience of pure being, and a richness of insights of cosmic relevance. Subjects frequently talk about timelessness of the present moment and say that they are in touch with infinity. They refer to this experience as ineffable and emphasize the failure of linguistic symbols and the structure of our language to convey the nature of this event and its significance. Descriptions of cosmic unity are usually full of paradoxes violating the basic laws and the very essence of Aristotelian logic. An individual can, for example, talk about this experience as being contentless and yet all-containing; everything that he can possibly conceive of seems to be included. He refers to a complete loss of his ego and yet states that this consciousness has expanded to encompass the whole universe. He feels awed, humbled, and utterly insignificant but, at the same time, has the feeling of an enormous achievement and experiences himself in cosmic proportions, sometimes to the extent of feeling identified with God. He can perceive himself and the rest of the phenomenal world as existing and not existing at the same time; and the forms of material objects as being empty and emptiness as having a form. The subject in this state feels that he has access to direct insightful knowledge and wisdom about matters of fundamental and universal significance. Usually this does not involve concrete information about specific technical details that could be pragmatically utilized. Rather, it is a complex revelatory insight into the essence of being and existence.§ This insight is typically accompanied by feelings of certainty that such knowledge is ultimately more real and relevant than our concepts and perceptions regarding the world that we share in a usual state of consciousness.
The type of tension-free, melted ecstasy exemplified by the feeling of cosmic unity can be referred to as “oceanic ecstasy” (in contrast to “volcanic ecstasy,” to be described later in relation to BPM III). In a subject whose eyes are closed, it occurs as an independent complex experience. With the eyes open, the same individual has a sense of merging with the environment and feelings of unity with perceived objects. The world is seen as a place of indescribable radiance and beauty. The element of reasoning and the need for rational analysis is considerably reduced, and the universe becomes “a mystery to be experienced, not a riddle to be solved.” In this state, the subject finds it difficult to see any negative aspects in the world and in the very structure of the cosmic design; everything appears perfect, everything is as it should be.¶ At this point, the world appears to be a friendly place where a childlike, passive-dependent attitude can be assumed with full confidence and with feelings of complete security. For an individual in this state of mind, evil seems to be unimportant, ephemeral, or nonexistent; as we will see later, this selective perception of the universe is in sharp contrast with that typical for a subject experiencing the elements of BPM II.
The feelings of cosmic unity described by LSD subjects seem to be closely related to, if not identical with, the transcendental experiences characterized by Walter Pahnke’s mystical categories15 and those for which Abraham Maslow13 coined the term “peak experiences.” In psychedelic sessions, this phenomenon functions as an important gateway to a variety of transpersonal experiences that will be discussed in detail in the next chapter. In the further transpersonal unfolding of the experiential pattern of cosmic unity, the transcendence of time and space can assume a rather concretized form and be illustrated by a number of specific images. An individual may experience a sequence of visions that allows for interpretation in terms of regression in historical time. This involves a variety of embryonal sensations, ancestral memories, elements of the collective unconscious, and evolutionary experiences accompanied by phylogenetic flashbacks and Darwinian insights. A corresponding transcendence of the usual space limitations can be illustrated by identification with other persons and groups of persons and with animals, plants, and even inorganic matter. An important variation of this development is the subjective identification with the physical universe as we know it, with its galaxies, solar systems, and myriads of individual stars. Visions of various deities and of Jungian archetypes are another characteristic sequence in the experience of cosmic unity.
Disturbances of intrauterine life seem to have a specific phenomenology in LSD sessions. As in the case of undisturbed experiences, individuals occasionally report quite realistic recollections of their fetal existance. They can feel like an embryo in the womb, have specific embryonal sensations, and experience various degrees and forms of intrauterine distress. The type of interference can sometimes be identified, through the use of adult cues, as being due to the mechanical competition with a twin, a physical disease of the mother, her emotional upheaval—such as intense anxiety or aggression—an attempted abortion, or various other noxious stimuli. These episodes of distress usually alternate with the positive experiences described earlier.
Besides such realistic experiences, there are other manifestations of intrauterine discomfort. The vision of a star-filled sky, typical of ecstatic episodes, can suddenly become blurred with an ugly film. There appear visual disturbances similar to those on a television screen, accompanied by various unpleasant somatic symptoms. The most frequent of these are physical signs resembling an attack of influenza, such as feelings of weakness, headache, chills, trembling, and localized tremors of small muscles. Equally frequent are symptoms of an alimentary intoxication or “hangover,” namely, nausea, disgust, dyspepsia, increased peristaltic movements, and gas in the intestines. A typical concomitant of these episodes is a specific, unpleasant taste in the mouth which is usually described as having a certain biological quality (old bouillon, decomposed blood, ammonia), combined with an inorganic admixture (metallic taste, iodine, iron, or simply “poison”).
These somatic symptoms differ diametrically from those accompanying the birth experience. There are usually no objective signs of suffocation and no dramatic behavior manifestations, such as bizarre postures, twisting movements, violent shaking, or spastic contractions of large groups of muscles. The individual does not experience external pressures on the head and the body, or feelings of constriction and oppression. All symptoms are much more subtle, and they are experienced with clear consciousness, whereas in the birth sessions the subject is absorbed in the life-death struggle. During the episodes of experiencing intrauterine distress, the effect of LSD can occasionally be limited to this physical symptomatology, and perceptual changes might be completely absent. The individual might complain that the dose of LSD is too small or that the drug is ineffective. However, when the episode of distress is worked through and integrated, the nature of the session changes and an intense experience of cosmic unity ensues.
There exists some evidence that the visions of various demons and wrathful deities that appear in these sessions and seem to separate the subject from the blissful universe are also closely related to intrauterine disturbances and embryonic crises. Like the deities related to positive intrauterine experiences, they can take the form of demons known from different cultures or can be identified as archetypal figures. In addition to demonic encounters and episodes of physical distress, some individuals also experience various sequences that they label as reliving of memories from previous incarnations. The nature of the experiences from this category can be illustrated by an advanced session from a psycholytic series of a professional who participated in the LSD training program.
During a session in which he alternately experienced episodes of “good” and “bad” womb, he felt that he developed new insight into the understanding of demons from several cultures—in particular, India and Tibet. He suddenly saw a striking relationship between the state of mind of the Buddha sitting on the lotus in deep meditation and that of an embryo in a good womb. The demons surrounding the peaceful Buddha figure on many Indian and Tibetan religious paintings appeared to him to be representatives of various forms of disturbances of the intrauterine existence. The subject could distinguish among them the bloody, openly aggressive, and ferocious ones, symbolizing the dangers of biological birth; the others, more insidious and lurking, represented the noxious influences in the intrauterine life. On another level, he was simultaneously experiencing episodes that appeared to be past-incarnation memories. It seemed as if elements of bad karma entered his present life in the form of disturbances of his embryonal existence and as negative experiences during the period when he was nursed. He saw the experiences of the “bad womb” and “bad breast” as transformation points between the realm of the karmic law and the phenomenal world governed by natural laws as we know them.
Subjects experiencing in their LSD sessions episodes of intrauterine distress often describe perceptual and conceptual distortions that bear an unusual resemblance to the world of the schizophrenic. Those LSD subjects who have relatives or acquaintances actually suffering from schizophrenia or paranoid conditions can feel at this point fully identified with these persons and develop a deep psychological understanding of their problems. Numerous psychiatrists and psychologists undergoing the LSD training program also reported that they kept remembering or actually visualizing their psychotic patients and were able to tune in to their world and understand them. Observations from such sessions suggest that undisturbed intrauterine experiences are closely related to religious and mystical enlightenment. Conversely, the subjective concomitants of disturbances of the intrauterine life appear to be the source of schizophrenic experiences and paranoid conditions. The closeness between these two situations and the easy change from one to another might explain the sometimes precarious boundary between schizophrenia and spiritual enlightenment, as well as the spontaneous occurrences of religious and mystical experiences in some severely disturbed psychotics.
As far as the relationship to memory mechanisms is concerned, the positive aspects of BPM I seem to represent the basis for the recording of all later life situations in which the individual is relaxed, relatively free from needs, and not disturbed by any painful and unpleasant stimuli. Reliving of memories characterized by feelings of satisfaction, security, and other highly positive emotions occurs in LSD sessions in close connection with the ecstatic feelings of BPM I, either simultaneously or alternating with them. The positive COEX systems associated with this matrix involve happy periods from infancy and childhood, such as full satisfaction of anaclitical needs, carefree and joyful games and playing with peers, or harmonious episodes from family life. Memories from later life that appear in this context include particularly satisfactory love relationships, with intense emotional and sexual gratification. Similarly important are memories of encounters with natural beauty, exemplified by sunrises and sunsets, peaceful oceans and lakes, the colorful flora and fauna of coral reefs and other aspects of the undersea world, blue or star-filled skies, tropical islands, luscious and flourishing jungles, high mountains, romantic rivers, forest landscapes, and illuminated stalagmite caverns. Man-made creations of unusual aesthetic value also have a rather significant role in this context. Images of various beautiful paintings, sculptures, artifacts, and jewels, as well as churches, temples, castles, and palaces that the subject has seen in the past, emerge quite regularly in close connection with the ecstatic feeling related to BPM I. Particularly-significant seems to be the association of a special kind of music and dance with this perinatal matrix. The same is true about bathing and swimming in mountain streams, waterfalls, large clean rivers and lakes, or the ocean.
The associations with unpleasant aspects of BPM I represent the negative mirror image of the situation described. Memories belonging to this category involve distorted communication in the family of origin, childhood dysfunctions and diseases; highly industrialized cities and other unattractive scenery; polluted air, lakes, and rivers; and distasteful or distorted pieces of art.
In regard to the Freudian erogenic zones, the positive aspects of BPM I coincide, on one hand, with a biological and psychological condition in which there are no tensions in any of these zones and all the partial drives are satisfied. On the other hand, satisfaction of the needs in these zones (satiation of hunger, release of tension by urination, defecation, sexual orgasm, or delivery of a child) can result in a superficial and partial approximation to the tension-free ecstatic experience described above.
The following description of an LSD training session of a psychiatrist can be used as an illustration of a psychedelic experience governed by positive and negative aspects of BPM I.
In spite of a relatively high dose of LSD (300 micrograms), the latency period seemed to be excessively long. The first manifestations did not occur until more than an hour after ingestion of the drug, but even then, for at least another hour, they were negligible. I did not experience any major perceptual or emotional changes, only a complex of subtle physical symptoms resembling the onset of flu. They involved a feeling of general malaise, cold chills, a strange and unpleasant taste in my mouth, slight nausea, and intestinal discomfort. Waves of fine tremors and twitches were occurring in various muscles of my body, and my skin was covered with droplets of sweat.
About two hours after the administration of the drug, I became impatient; I could not believe that a high dose of LSD that in my previous sessions had produced dramatic changes—to the point that on occasions I was afraid that my sanity or even my life was at stake—could evoke such a minimal response. I decided to close my eyes and observe carefully what was happening. At this point the experience seemed to deepen, and I realized that what with my eyes open appeared to be an adult experience of a viral disease now changed into a realistic situation of a fetus suffering some strange toxic insults during its intrauterine existence. I was greatly reduced in size, and my head was considerably bigger than the rest of the body and extremities. I was suspended in a liquid milieu and some harmful chemicals were being channeled into my body through the umbilical area. Using some unknown receptors, I was detecting these influences as noxious and hostile to my organism. I could also perceive the offending quality of the intruding substances in my gustatory buds; the sensation seemed to combine the taste of iodine with that of decomposing blood or old bouillon.
While this was happening, I was aware that these toxic “attacks” had something to do with the condition and activity of the maternal organism. Occasionally, I could distinguish influences that appeared to be due to alimentary factors—ingestion of alcohol, inappropriate food, or smoking—and others that I perceived as chemical mediators of my mother’s emotions—anxieties, nervousness, anger, conflicting feelings about pregnancy, and even sexual arousal. The idea of astute consciousness existing in the fetus and the possibility of subjective awareness of all the nuances of its interaction with the mother were certainly contrary to my preconceptions based on my medical training. The reality and concrete nature of these experiences, as well as their very convincing quality, presented for a while a very serious conflict for the “scientist” in me. Then all of a sudden the resolution of this dilemma emerged; it became clear to me that it was more appropriate to consider the necessity of revising present scientific beliefs—something that has happened many times in the course of the history of mankind—than to question the relevance of my own experience.
When I was able to give up my analytical thinking and accept the experience for what it was, the nature of the session changed dramatically. The feelings of sickness and indigestion disappeared, and I was experiencing an ever-increasing state of ecstasy. This was accompanied by a clearing and brightening of my visual field. It was as if multiple layers of thick, dirty cobwebs were being magically torn and dissolved, or a poor-quality movie projection or television broadcast were being focused and rectified by an invisible cosmic technician. The scenery opened up, and an incredible amount of light and energy was enveloping me and streaming in subtle vibrations through my whole being. On one level, I was still a fetus experiencing the ultimate perfection and bliss of a good womb or a newborn fusing with a nourishing and life-giving breast. On another level, I became the entire universe; I was witnessing the spectacle of the macrocosm with countless pulsating and vibrating galaxies and was it at the same time. These radiant and breathtaking cosmic vistas were intermingled with experiences of the equally miraculous microcosm—from the dance of atoms and molecules to the origins of life and the biochemical world of individual cells. For the first time, I was experiencing the universe for what it really is—an unfathomable mystery, a divine play of energy. Everything in this universe appeared to be conscious. After having had to accept the possibility of fetal consciousness, I was confronted with an even more startling discovery: consciousness might actually pervade all existence. My scientific mind was heavily tested by this possibility until I realized that although many of these experiences were incompatible with our common sense, they were not necessarily out of the realm of science. These revelations were certainly not more baffling than the implications of Einstein’s theory of relativity, quantum mechanics, various astronomical concepts, and modern cosmogenetic theories. Pantheistic religions, Spinoza’s philosophy, the teachings of the Buddha, the Hindu concepts of Atman-Brahman, maya and lila—all these suddenly came alive and were illuminated with new meaning.
This incredibly rich and complex experience lasted for what seemed to be eternity. I was oscillating between the state of a distressed, sickened fetus and a blissful and serene intrauterine existence. At times, the noxious influences took the form of archetypal demons or malevolent creatures from the world of fairy tales. I was getting insights as to why the child’s psyche is so fascinated and captivated by various mythic stories and their characters. Some of these insights were, however, of a much broader relevance. The craving for the reinstitution of the state of total fulfillment that was once experienced in the womb appeared to be the ultimate motivating force of every human being. This principle seemed to underlie the inevitable course of the unfolding of fairy tales toward a happy ending, as well as the revolutionary’s dream of a future Utopia; the artist’s need for acceptance, acclamation, and ovation; or the ambitious race for possessions, status, and fame. It became clear to me that here was the answer to mankind’s most fundamental dilemma: this insatiable craving and need cannot be satisfied by any degree of achievement and success in the external world. The only answer is to reconnect with this place in one’s own mind, in one’s own unconscious. I suddenly understood the message of so many spiritual teachers that the only revolution that can work is the inner transformation of every human being.
During what seemed to be episodes of reliving of positive memories of fetal existence, I experienced feelings of basic identity and oneness with the universe; it was the Tao, the Beyond that is Within, the Tat tvam asi (Thou art That) of the Upanishads. I lost my sense of individuality; my ego dissolved, and I became all of existence. Sometimes this experience was intangible and contentless, sometimes it was accompanied by many beautiful visions—archetypal images of Paradise, the ultimate cornucopia, golden age, or virginal nature. I became fish swimming in crystal-clear waters, butterflies floating in mountain meadows, and seagulls gliding by the ocean. I was the ocean, animals, plants, the clouds—sometimes all these at the same time.
On one occasion, the good-womb experience seemed to open into time instead of space. To my utter astonishment, I relived my own conception and various stages of my embryological development. While I was experiencing all the complexities of the embryogenesis, with details that surpassed the best medical handbooks, I was flashing back to an even more remote past, visualizing some phylogenetic vestiges from the life of my animal ancestors. The scientist in me was struck by another riddle: can the genetic code, under certain circumstances, be translated into a conscious experience? I decided to ponder this problem later and surrendered to the enticing display of the mysteries of nature.
Nothing concrete happened later in the afternoon, and, in the evening hours, I spent most of this time feeling one with nature and the universe, bathed in golden light that was slowly decreasing in intensity. Only reluctantly was I giving up this experience and returning to my usual consciousness. I felt, however, that something of utmost relevance had happened to me on this session day and that I would never be the same. I reached a new feeling of harmony and self-acceptance, and a global understanding of existence that is difficult to define. For a long time I felt as though I was composed of pure energy and pure spiritual vibrations, totally unaware of my physical existence. Late in the evening, my consciousness gradually returned into what appeared to be a healed, wholesome, and perfectly functioning body.
The second perinatal matrix is related to the first clinical stage of delivery. The intrauterine existence that is under normal circumstances close to ideal has come to an end. The world of the fetus is disturbed, at first insidiously through chemical influences, later in a grossly mechanical way by periodic uterine contractions. This creates a situation of extreme emergency and vital threat, with various signs of intense physical discomfort. In this phase, the uterine contractions encroach on the fetus, but the cervix is closed and the way out is not yet open. The mother and the child are a source of pain for each other and are in a state of biological antagonism and conflict.
There exists a considerable variation in the duration of this stage (as well as in the duration of the entire process of the delivery). It can be surmised that this experience is more devastating in a pathological delivery with a prolonged course due to a narrow pelvis or pelvic obstructions, abnormal fetal position, ineffective uterine contractions, excessive size of the child, and other types of complications. It is, however, conceivable that the fear and confusion of an inexperienced mother or a distinctly negative or strongly ambivalent attitude of the mother toward the unborn child or toward the process of delivery itself can make this phase more difficult (for both mother and child). Such feelings could interfere with the physiological interplay between the uterine contractions and the opening of the cervix.||
Elements of BPM II may occur in LSD sessions in a purely biological form as realistic recollections of this particular stage of the birth process. More frequently, however, the activation of this matrix results in a rather characteristic spiritual experience of “no exit” or “hell.” The subject feels encaged in a claustrophobic world and experiences incredible physical and psychological tortures. This experience is characterized by a striking darkness of the visual field and by ominous colors. Typically, this situation is absolutely unbearable and, at the same time, appears to be endless and hopeless; no escape can be seen either in time or in space. Frequently, the subject feels that even suicide would not terminate it and bring relief.
The characteristic elements of this pattern can be experienced on several different levels; these levels can occur separately, simultaneously, or in an alternating fashion. The deepest levels are related to various concepts of hell, to situations of unbearable physical, psychological, and metaphysical suffering that will never end, as they have been depicted by various religions. In a more superficial version of the same experiential pattern, the subject is preoccupied with the situation in this world and perceives it with a very definite negative bias. He is selectively aware only of the ugly, evil, and hopeless aspects of existence. Our planet is perceived in this stage as an apocalyptic place full of terror, suffering, wars, epidemics, accidents, and natural catastrophes. The individual is unable to find or appreciate anything good in the universe, whether positive aspects of human nature, pleasant episodes in life, natural beauty, or the perfection of artistic creations. Typical for this experience is empathy and identification with the victimized, downtrodden, and oppressed. A subject can experience himself as thousands of soldiers who have died on the battlefields of the whole world from the beginning of time, as the tortured victims of the Spanish Inquisition, as prisoners of concentration camps, as patients dying of terminal diseases, as aging individuals who are decrepit and senile, as mothers and children dying during delivery, or as inmates maltreated in chronic wards of insane asylums. Another typical category of visions related to this perinatal matrix involves the dehumanized, grotesque, and bizarre world of automata, robots, and mechanical gadgets, the atmosphere of human monstrosities and anomalies in circus sideshows, or of a meaningless “honky-tonk” or “cardboard” world.
For a person experientially tuned in to elements of BPM II, human life seems bereft of any meaning. Existence appears not only nonsensical but monstrous and absurd, and the search for any meaning in life completely futile and, a priori, doomed to failure. People are seen as thrown into this world without any choice as to whether, where, when, and to whom they are to be born. The only certainty in life appears to be the fact that its duration is limited and that it will end. The fact of human mortality and the impermanence of all things is seen as Damocles’ sword hanging over us during every minute of our lives and annihilating any hope that anything has meaning.
A subject experiencing the encounter with death within the framework of BPM II frequently makes the link between the agony of birth and that of death, which further reinforces his nihilism. In such a situation, he feels as though he is dying in the present moment and becomes deeply involved in eschatological ideation. At the same time, he can feel that his present agony is identical with the suffering that he experienced during his biological birth. He can also see himself in the future at the very end of his life and find that these same feelings are involved in the terminal agony. We suffer when we are born, and we die in suffering; the agony of birth is identical with the agony of death. Whatever we attempt to do in between cannot change the fact that in death we are all equal and find ourselves in the same situation that we faced during birth. We entered this world helpless, naked, and without personal possessions, and so we will leave it.
This existentialist crisis is usually illustrated by a variety of visions depicting the meaninglessness of life and the absurdity of putting forth any effort to change this fact. Such visions can show the life and death of powerful kings and dictators, persons who have achieved extraordinary fame and reputation, or those who have accumulated unbelievable riches. The implicit or explicit message here is that in death such persons are not any different from ordinary people, simpletons, beggars, and panhandling monks. Subjects who have faced this profound existentialist crisis frequently comment that this experience has helped them to understand the deepest meaning of expressions such as memento mori, vanitas vanitatum, or “Thou art dust and to dust shalt thou return.”
For sophisticated individuals, this experience usually results in a fresh understanding and appreciation of existentialist philosophy and the works of such individuals as Martin Heidegger, Søren Kierkegaard, Albert Camus, and Jean Paul Sartre. Sartre and other existentialist philosophers and writers seem to be especially tuned in to this experiential complex, without being able to find the only possible solution, which is transcendence. LSD subjects often refer to Sartre’s play Huit Clos (No Exit), as a brilliant description of the feelings they experienced when they examined their lives and their interpersonal relationships under the influence of the “no exit” stencil of BPM II. Some also refer to Céline’s The Journey to the End of the Night as an excellent example of the selective focus on the negative aspects of human existence.
Agonizing feelings of separation, alienation, metaphysical loneliness, helplessness, hopelessness, inferiority, and guilt are standard components of BPM II. Whether the individual looks at his present situation and behavior or explores his past, the circumstances and events of his life seem to confirm that he is a worthless, useless, and bad human being. Guilt feelings are usually quite out of proportion to the events to which the individual attaches them. They appear to have a primary quality intrinsic to human nature and can reach the metaphysical dimension of the Biblical primal sin. Another important dimension of the “no exit” situation is the feeling of pervading insanity; subjects typically feel that they have lost all mental control and become permanently psychotic, or that they have gained the ultimate insight into the absurdity of the universe and will never be able to return to the merciful self-deception that is a necessary prerequisite for sanity.
The symbolic images that accompany the experiences of BPM II cover a rather broad cultural range. Most common are visions of “hells” as described and depicted by various religions; these can involve traditional Christian representations of hell, the underworld of the ancient Greeks, and comparable elements from the Hindu and Buddhist traditions. Particularly frequent are references to famous figures from Greek chthonic mythology: Sisyphus in his futile attempts to deliver a heavy boulder to the top of a mountain, Ixion fixed to a rolling wheel, Tantalus vexed by agonizing thirst and hunger with grapes and water seemingly within his reach, and Prometheus chained to a rock and tortured by an eagle who feeds on his liver. Greek tragedy, with its emphasis on an unrelenting and irreconcilable curse, on guilt transcending generations, and on inevitable fate seems to be closely related to this area and is an important source of symbolic illustrations. A common image from the same tradition is that of the Erinyes, symbolizing consuming guilt and qualms of conscience.
The Biblical themes occurring in this context involve the story of Adam and Eve’s expulsion from Paradise, Christ’s visions in the garden of Gethsemane, and, particularly, his ridicule and humiliation (ecce homo), his suffering while carrying the cross to Calvary, and his biological and psychological agony during the crucifixion itself (“Father, why hast thou forsaken me?”). The concept of the Dark Night of the Soul, as described in the writings of Saint John of the Cross, was also occasionally mentioned in this context. Another interesting source of symbolic images is the Buddha’s life, the significance of his Four Passing Sights,** and the emphasis on suffering as expressed in his Four Noble Truths.
Occasionally, situations and characters from world literature and specific creations of famous painters occur in LSD sessions within the framework of the second perinatal matrix. Most frequent of these are references to Dante’s descriptions of inferno in his Divine Comedy, scenes from Émile Zola’s books describing dark and repulsive aspects of human nature, and Fëdor Dostoevski’s novels, with their emotional suffering, atmosphere of insanity, and scenes of senseless brutality. Especially pertinent seem to be Edgar Allan Poe’s macabre stories of inhuman tortures and horror. The paintings appearing in this context include Hieronymus Bosch’s pictures of nightmarish and bizarre creatures, James Ensor’s gloomy world of skeletons and morbid masquerades, Francisco Goya’s images of the horrors of the war, the apocalyptic visions of Salvador Dali and other surrealists, and numerous famous representations of hell and the Last Judgment.
The individual trapped in the “no exit” situation clearly sees that human existence is meaningless, yet feels a desperate need to find meaning in life. This struggle often coincides with what is experienced as the attempts of the fetus to escape from the closed uterine system and save its life. The impossible task of finding meaning in life might appear in this context as a necessary condition for being born into the world and terminating the unbearable “no exit” situation.
An interesting variety of the second perinatal matrix seems to be related to the very onset and the initial stages of the delivery. This situation is experienced in LSD sessions as an increasing awareness of an imminent and vital danger or as cosmic engulfment. There is intense anxiety, but its source cannot be identified; the atmosphere of insidious threat may result in paranoid ideation. Not infrequently, the subject interprets these alarming feelings as evil influences coming from members of various secret organizations or inhabitants of other planets, as poisoning, noxious radiation, or toxic gases. Intensification of this experience typically results in the vision of a gigantic and irresistible whirlpool, a cosmic maelstrom sucking the subject and his world relentlessly to its center. A frequent experiential variation of this dangerous engulfment is that of being swallowed and incorporated by a terrifying monster, such as a giant dragon, python, octopus, whale, or spider. A less dramatic form of the same experience seems to be the theme of descent into the underworld and the encounter with various monstrous entities.
Typical physical symptoms associated with BPM II involve extreme pressures on the head and body, ringing in the ears (resembling the sensations experienced when diving in deep water), excruciating pains in various parts of the body, difficulties with breathing, massive cardiac distress, and hot flushes and chills.
As a memory matrix, BPM II represents the basis for the recording of all unpleasant life situations in which an overwhelming destructive force imposes itself on the passive and helpless subject. The most typical and frequent examples are situations endangering survival and body integrity. Thus, the recollection of sensations connected with various operations, such as appendectomy, tonsillectomy, setting of broken extremities, and difficult tooth extractions, or even the complex reliving of the circumstances of such procedures, occurs quite regularly in this context. The same is true for physical diseases, injuries and accidents, excessive muscular exertion and exhaustion, experiences of imprisonment and brutal methods of interrogation, and those involving prolonged, extreme hunger and thirst. It has already been mentioned above that diseases and situations involving suffocation seem to be of special significance from this point of view. In subjects who experienced a dramatic war situation in a passive role (siege, air raid, captivity), or were trapped in a claustrophobic situation (coal mine, avalanche, debris of collapsed houses, an underwater passage), the memories of such events also occur in LSD sessions in close association with elements of BPM II. On a somewhat more subtle level, this category also involves memories of a helpless person’s psychological frustrations, such as abandonment, emotional rejection or deprivation, threatening events, and constricting or oppressing situations in the nuclear family.
In regard to Freudian erogenic zones, this matrix seems to be related to a condition of unpleasant tension in all of them. On the oral level, it is hunger, thirst, and painful stimuli; on the anal level, retention of feces; and, on the urethral level, retention of urine. The corresponding phenomena on the genital level are sexual frustration and excessive tension, as well as pains experienced by the delivering mother in the first stage of labor. If we think of the whole surface of the skin as an erogenic area, we can also include physical pain and unpleasant sensations in different parts of the body.
The following training session of a young social scientist was dominated almost exclusively by elements of BPM II and can be used as an excellent example of the phenomenology of this matrix.
In this session the onset of the drug seemed to take a very long time. After a period of impatience that was covering anxiety, I began to experience a distinct feeling of malaise. The sickness enveloping me was at first very subtle. Mild feelings of nausea and tension were making themselves manifest. Soon the nausea and tension were intensified to a point where every cell seemed to be involved. It is difficult indeed to describe this experience: it was so all-encompassing. The slightly humorous description of every cell in my body being drilled by a dentist begins to convey the atmosphere of impending disaster, emergency, and excruciating pain that for me seemed to last for eternity. Although I saw no images, I began to think of Petronius, Seneca, Sartre, and other philosophers who deemed suicide the only meaningful death. I had the fantasy of lying in a bath of warm water and my life’s blood flowing out from my veins. In fact, I am quite convinced that had I the means at that time, I would have killed myself. I was totally submerged in a situation from which there would be no escape except through death. And like life, the absurdity of it all, the exhaustion of carrying my pain-filled body through days, years, decades, a lifetime, seemed insane to me. Why did I have to be involved in something so utterly futile and painful as living, only to meet my death in agony? This state persisted for hours. I thought I would never leave that place, yet even though there was an element of strangeness about this state of consciousness, I recognized it as something familiar. It was a state that I had experienced before in various forms; in fact, it seemed to be the underlying matrix which has influenced my world view and my mode of existence. To live it so intensely, if only for a few hours, in the form of an amplified hell from which there was no escape was an important lesson. I knew during the latter part of this experience that I no longer wanted to dwell on the suffering aspects of mankind, but did I have any choice in this matter? I felt that I would do anything to escape, but was there any way of escaping? I suddenly realized that on some level, I did not have any choice in this situation. I was being propelled through intimate, cellular suffering, and it was being done to me; I could not turn it on or off. I thought about karma here and started trying to puzzle out what in my past was responsible for leading me to such a monstrous place. But no amount of analysis yielded up any answers. I felt trapped in a maze from which there was no egress. I was stuck and that was my fate, to be someplace that was not the creation of living but being caught on the wheel of suffering. I loathed my fixation on suffering, but the more I could not accept my fate, the more difficult it became for me. It was as though I was a prisoner in a concentration camp and the harder I tried to get out the more I would be beaten, the more I struggled to free myself the tighter the bonds would become. And yet, I knew somewhere deep inside that I had to fight, that I had to escape, and that I would, but how? This unrelenting anguish lasted for hours and persisted even into the latter portion of the session. In a nearly normal state of consciousness, I still felt myself torn with anguish. I recognized more clearly the feelings that leak out of my unconscious to influence my daily life; they had all manifested themselves like familiar enemies. And I wondered when the battle would be done….
This matrix is related to the second clinical stage of delivery. The uterine contractions continue, but the cervix stands wide open, and the difficult and complicated process of propulsion through the birth canal gradually unfolds. For the fetus, this involves an enormous struggle for survival, with mechanical crushing pressures and frequently a high degree of suffocation. The system is no longer closed, however, and a perspective of termination of the unbearable situation has appeared. The efforts and interests of the mother and child coincide; their joint intense striving is aimed at ending this often painful condition. During the conclusion of this stage, the child can come into contact with various kinds of biological material, such as blood, mucus, urine, and feces.††
From the experiential point of view, this perinatal matrix is quite complex; it involves a variety of phenomena on different levels which can be arranged in a rather typical sequence. In LSD sessions, it is experienced either as the reliving of the elements of the actual biological situation or in a symbolic form of the death-rebirth struggle, or both. BPM III has four distinct experiential aspects—namely, titanic, sadomasochistic, sexual, and scatological. It is important to emphasize that, in spite of this phenomenological variety, the underlying theme of the experiences related to BPM III is the encounter with death. It takes, however, specific forms that are clearly distinguishable from those described under BPM II.
The most important characteristic of this pattern is the atmosphere of a titanic struggle, frequently attaining catastrophic proportions. The intensity of painful tension reaches a degree that appears to be far beyond what any human can bear. The individual experiences sequences of immense condensation of energy and its explosive release and describes feelings of powerful currents of energy streaming through his whole body. The visions typically accompanying these experiences involve scenes of natural disasters and the unleashing of elemental forces, such as exploding volcanoes, devastating earthquakes, raging hurricanes, cyclones and tornadoes, electric storms, gigantic comets and meteors, expanding novas, and various cosmic cataclysms. Equally frequent are images of similar events related to human activities, particularly to advanced technology—explosions of atomic bombs, thermonuclear reactions, giant power plants and hydroelectric stations, high voltage cables, electrical condensers and flash discharges, the launching of missiles or spaceships, firing of guns and rockets, massive air raids, and other dramatic aspects of war destruction. Some individuals describe complex catastrophic events and scenes of havoc, such as the destruction of Atlantis, the end of Pompeii or Herculeum, the annihilation of Sodom and Gomorrah, the Biblical Armageddon, or even an invasion from another planet, not dissimilar to H. G. Wells’s War of the Worlds. Less frequently, the images involve destruction by water rather than by the element of fire; here the individual experiences the enormous power of flooding rivers, stormy oceans, and tidal waves or waterfalls, and, of course, frequently, the atmosphere of the Biblical deluge.
One aspect of such experiences related to BPM III deserves special emphasis—namely, the fact that the suffering and tension involved are intensified far beyond the level which the subject used to consider humanly possible. When it reaches the absolute experiential limit, the situation ceases to have the quality of suffering and agony; the experience then changes into a wild, ecstatic rapture of cosmic proportions that can be referred to as “volcanic ecstasy.” In contrast to the peaceful and harmonious “oceanic ecstasy” typical of the first perinatal matrix, the volcanic type of ecstasy involves enormous explosive tension with many aggressive and destructive elements. Subjects usually alternate experientially between the anxiety and suffering of the victim or victims and the ability to identify with the fury of the elemental forces and to enjoy the destructive energy. In the state of “volcanic ecstasy,” various polar sensations and emotions melt into one undifferentiated complex that seems to contain the extremes of all possible dimensions of human experience. Pain and intense suffering cannot be distinguished from utmost pleasure, caustic heat from freezing cold, murderous aggression from passionate love, vital anxiety from religious rapture, and the agony of dying from the ecstasy of being born.
The sadomasochistic element is a prominent and constant feature of experiences related to the third perinatal matrix. The sequences of scenes accompanied by enormous discharges of destructive and self-destructive impulses and energies can be so powerful that subjects refer to them as “sadomasochistic orgies.” They involve tortures and cruelties of all kinds, bestial murders and mass executions, violent battles and revolutions, exterminating expeditions such as the crusades or the conquest of Mexico and Peru, mutilations and self-mutilations of religious fanatics as exemplified by various sects of flagellants or the Russian Skopzy,‡‡ bloody ritual sacrifice or self-sacrifice, the kamikaze phenomenon, various terrifying modes of bloody suicide, or the senseless slaughtering of animals. Individuals tend to identify with ruthless dictators, tyrants, and cruel military leaders responsible for the death of thousands or millions of people, such as Emperor Nero, Genghis Khan, Francisco Pizarro, Hernando Cortes, Hitler, or Stalin. Other personalities known for their sadistic perversions also occur occasionally in this context: Salome, Cesare Borgia, Vlad Tepes of Transylvania (“Count Dracula”),§§ Elizabeth Báthory,¶¶ as well as famous contemporary mass murderers. LSD subjects tuned in to BPM III feel that they not only can understand the motivations of such deviants but that they themselves harbor in their unconscious forces of the same nature and intensity and could, under certain circumstances, commit similar crimes. They can assume quite readily all the roles involved in complex sadomasochistic scenes, such as the group sacrifice of Christians in ancient Rome by immolation on crosses or by predatory beasts in the arena, the Aztec hecatombs in which tens of thousands of victims were ritually slaughtered in a single day, the burning of heretics in mass auto-da-fés of the Holy Inquisition, or the cool and premeditated atrocities of the Nazis. The power struggle in the royal courts and political circles of all ages, with its “cloak and dagger” atmosphere, is another frequent symbolism of this type.
If the two above aspects of BPM III, namely the titanic and the sadomasochistic, are experienced in a mitigated form, visions and experiences of various wild adventures result. The most typical of these are hunts for large and dangerous animals, fights with monstrous constrictor snakes, encounters of scuba divers with sharks, octopi, and other treacherous sea creatures, ancient gladiator combats, discoveries of new continents and battles of the conquistadors with the original inhabitants, outer-space explorations and science fiction-type adventures, as well as acrobatic flying, parachuting, hazardous car races, boxing, and other dangerous sports.
Another important aspect of the third perinatal matrix is excessive sexual excitement.|||| According to the descriptions of LSD subjects, the sensations involved resemble the first part of the sexual orgasm, characterized by a progressive increment of instinctual tension. Here, however, it is incomparably more intense and appears to be generalized to the entire organism, rather than limited to the genital area. Individuals sometimes spend hours in overwhelming sexual ecstasy, expressing their feelings in orgiastic movements. The accompanying images reflect endless varieties of wild orgies, with all the possible variations of sex. Subjects can identify with Oriental harem owners, with participants in phallic worship or in unbridled fertility rites, with male and female prostitutes and pimps, or with historical personalities and fictional characters who became famous as sexual symbols, such as Don Juan, Jacopo Casanova, Rasputin, Father Grandier, Mary Magdalene, Maria Theresa, and Poppaea. An individual can experience scenes from Soho, Pigalle, and other famous red-light and night-club districts of the world, participate in the most ingenious strip shows and group orgies, become part of Babylonian religious ceremonies involving indiscriminate promiscuous sex, or witness and partake of wild primitive rituals with sensual rhythmic dances and a strong sexual undertone.
A particularly common element occurring in these sessions is the atmosphere of colorful, dynamic, and lascivious carnivals, with the characteristic mixture of amusing, exhilarating, and joyful elements with the bizarre, grotesque, and macabre ones. The unleashing of the otherwise repressed sexual and aggressive impulses constitutes another similarity between LSD experiences of this type and the atmosphere of carnivals in Rio de Janeiro, Nice, and Trinidad or the Mardi Gras in New Orleans, to which the LSD subjects so frequently refer in this context.
The scatological aspect of BPM III seems to belong to the final stage of the death-rebirth struggle and often immediately precedes the experience of birth or rebirth. Its essential characteristic is an intimate encounter with various kinds of biological material, identified as mucus, sweat, products of putrefaction, menstrual blood, urine, and feces. In addition to visual and tactile elements, this experience also involves rather realistic olfactory and gustatory sensations. Subjects may have very authentic feelings of eating feces, drinking blood or urine, or sucking on putrefying wounds. Also quite frequent are fantasies or vivid experiences of cunnilingus performed under rather unhygienic conditions. Initially, the individual has a strong negative reaction toward the biological materials involved; he finds them disgusting and revolting. It is not exceptional, however, that this attitude later changes into passive acceptance or even strange primitive enjoyment.***
Sometimes the scatological elements appear in a symbolic pictorial form, such as tons of garbage emanating disgusting odors, piles of decomposing offal or decaying fish, putrefying human corpses and animal cadavers, neglected pigsties with large dunghills and stagnating urine, giant overflowing cesspools, and the bowels of urban sewer systems. Mythological symbolism observed in this context involves such images as Hercules cleaning the stables of King Augeas, the Harpies contaminating the food of the helpless, blind Phineus, and the Aztec goddess of childbirth and carnal lust, Tlacoltentl, or Devourer of Filth, who was believed to take away the sins of mankind.
One important experience related to the third perinatal matrix deserves mentioning in this connection. It is the encounter with consuming fire, which is perceived as having a purifying quality. The individual who, in the preceding experiences, has discovered all the ugly, disgusting, degrading, and horrifying aspects of his personality finds himself thrown into this fire or deliberately plunges into it and passes through it. The fire appears to destroy everything that is rotten and corrupt in the individual and prepares him for the renewing and rejuvenating experience of rebirth. Sophisticated subjects referred in this context to the medieval practices of exorcizing evil forces by the immolation of heretics and persons accused of witchcraft, to the self-sacrifice by fire of the Buddhist monks, and to the test by fire that was part of the sequence of initiation into the hermetic tradition. Such subjects reported that they achieved interesting insights into these phenomena, as well as a new understanding of the symbolism of certain pieces of art, such as the rejuvenating fire that maintained the eternal youth of the high priestess in Rider Haggard’s She and the immolation of Siegfried and Brünnhilde at the end of Richard Wagner’s Götterdämmerung that heralds the twilight of the old gods. A very appropriate symbol associated with the idea of the purifying fire seems to be that of the phoenix, the legendary bird who sets his nest on fire and finds his death in the flames; the heat of the fire facilitates the hatching of a new phoenix from an egg in the burning nest.
The religious symbolism of BPM III is typically related to religions that use and glorify bloody sacrifice as an important part of their ceremonies. Quite frequent are allusions to the terrible punishing God, Yahweh, of the Old Testament and to the stories about Abraham and Isaac, the Biblical deluge, the ten Egyptian scourges, and the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Similarly, a vision of Moses and the burning bush can appear in this context; the Ten Commandments seem to represent a specific safeguard against all the negative aspects and temptations of man that become so clearly manifested in BPM III. Elements from the New Testament particularly involve the symbolism of the Last Supper and the transcending aspects of the crucifixion and of Christ’s suffering, as well as the positive aspects of the Last Judgment. The concept of purgatory in different cultural variations belongs to this category as well. Particularly frequent are images from various Pre-Columbian cultures focusing on human sacrifice and self-sacrifice, such as is found in the ceremonies of the Aztec, Mayan, or Olmec religions. Ritual cannibalism also seems to be rooted in this experiential matrix. Sometimes subjects report elaborate scenes of worship of bloodthirsty deities resembling Kali, Moloch, Hecate, Astarte, Huitzilopochtli, or Lilith. The ambiguous symbol of the sphinx, which seems to represent the destructive female element as well as the transcendence of the animal aspect in man, deserves special notice here. Visions of religious ceremonies involving sensuality, sexual arousal, and wild rhythmic dances, from the bacchanalia of the ancient Greeks to aboriginal tribal rituals, are quite common symbolic illustrations of the rebirth struggle. Some individuals describe experiences that strongly resemble those preceding the Buddha’s enlightenment, particularly the effort of the “master magician of the world illusion,” Kama-Mara (Desire-Death), to discourage the Buddha from his spiritual search by the use of sexual temptation and the threat of death.
One observation that deserves attention is the relevance of BPM III for the understanding of phenomena occurring as part of the Satanic Mass and the Black Sabbath rituals. In this context, sex, usually in the form of group orgies, is combined with extreme sadomasochistic elements including animal or human sacrifice, ritual defloration, and psychological or physical torture. Frequently there is an emphasis on biological material, such as blood, menstrual discharge, miscarried fetuses, and intestines. The setting is usually morbid and macabre, and the general atmosphere is that of blasphemy, horror, and death. A peculiar mixture of sex, death, and scatology appears to be quite common, as exemplified by instances of sexual intercourse performed among the entrails of a disemboweled animal or in the cemetery in an open grave. The combination of perverted sex, sadomasochism, scatology, and an emphasis on death, with elements of blasphemy, inverted religious symbolism, and a quasi-religious atmosphere, is characteristic of BPM III. Subjects tuned in to this matrix frequently report experiences of participating in Walpurgis Night, in a Black Mass, or in satanic sexual practices. This usually results in insights into the psychology of the Inquisitors and witch-hunters. These experiences seem to suggest a far-reaching similarity between the state of mind of the actual practitioners of the black art and their fanatic persecutors. The behavior of both these groups betrays the influence of the third perinatal matrix.
In LSD sessions, elements typical of BPM III are frequently intermingled with images related to famous paintings or works of specific writers and philosophers. Particularly common are references to thematically related pictures by the fantastic realists and surrealists, to Leonardo da Vinci’s sketches of diabolic war machines and his bizarre human caricatures, and Peter Paul Rubens’ world of obese and sensuous mythological figures indulging in opulent feasts and bacchanalian orgies. Many of Vincent van Gogh’s paintings seem to contain mitigated elements of volcanic ecstasy, as exemplified by his canvases of high cypresses reaching toward the glowing sun, fields of undulant ripe corn, and an atmosphere full of dynamic vibrations. The Gothic spirit is especially relevant for the third perinatal matrix—both the courageous and challenging forms of its architecture, which seem to reflect intense spiritual striving, and El Greco’s tall and slender ascetic figures, which appear to be straining toward the sky. Also frequent are illusions to purgatorio, exemplified in Dante Alighieri’s Divine Comedy, to the esoteric symbolism in the second volume of Goethe’s Faust, to some of the tales of Edgar Allan Poe, and to the basic themes in Richard Wagner’s operas, particularly Tannhäuser, Parsifal, and the Nibelungenring. In this regard, the experience of volcanic ecstasy seems to be closely related to Friedrich Nietzsche’s concept of the Dionysian element in man. References to famous thrillers and gothic novels as well as to science-fiction literature are so numerous in this context that detailed treatment would transcend the framework of this discussion.
The experiences of BPM III are often accompanied by illuminating insights into human nature, society, and culture. They seem to throw a new light on the phenomena of violence, war, and revolution; the psychology of sex; and various aspects of the world’s religions and artistic movements. In this connection, a subject will typically scrutinize the value system that has previously dominated his life. He has to reconsider the sensibleness of complicated power schemes as compared to a simple and quiet existence; the relevance of love and interpersonal relationships versus professional ambitions aimed at status, fame, and possessions; and the emotional value of pursuing shallow and promiscuous sexual adventures instead of cultivating one meaningful love relationship. It is in the context of this perinatal matrix that the hierarchy of values appears to undergo the most profound transformation and crystallization.
A typical cluster of physical manifestations regularly accompanying BPM III seems to confirm the relationship of this matrix to the biological birth trauma. These physical manifestations include enormous pressure on the head and body; choking, suffocation, and strangulation; torturing pains in various parts of the organism; serious cardiac distress; alternating chills and hot flushes; profuse sweating; nausea and projectile vomiting; increased bowel movements; urge to urinate, accompanied by problems of sphincter control; and generalized muscular tension discharged in various tremors, twitches, shaking, jerks, and complex twisting movements.
As a memory matrix, BPM III can be associated with recollections of active attacks in wars and revolutions, hunting for wild animals, dramatic experiences in the military service, hazardous driving, parachuting or acrobatic diving, and wrestling and boxing with a strong enemy. Another typical group of memories that are relived in this context involves experiences in amusement parks and night clubs; wild parties, with abuse of alcohol and promiscuous sex; colorful carnivals; and other highly sensual adventures. Primal scenes from childhood, including sadistic interpretation of sexual intercourse and experiences of seduction by adults, as well as sexual molestation and rape, also seem to belong to this category. It was frequently observed that female subjects reliving their own birth usually re-experienced, on a more superficial level, the delivery of their children. Both experiences were usually relived simultaneously, so that these women often could not tell whether they were giving birth or being born themselves.
In regard to the Freudian erogenic zones, BPM III seems to be related to those activities that lead to sudden relief and relaxation after a prolonged period of tension. On the oral level, it is the act of chewing and swallowing of food (but also termination of gastric discomfort by vomiting); on the anal and urethral level, it is the process of defecation and urination after prolonged retention. On the genital level, we can find striking parallels between this matrix and the first stage of sexual orgasm, as well as the process of delivering a child. Statoacoustic eroticism—such as intense rocking and jolting of children, gymnastics, and acrobatics—also seems to be related to BPM III.
At least a certain portion of aggression in all the erogenic zones seems to be derived from BPM III. Oral aggression with cramps of the chewing muscles can be traced back to the frustration the child experiences in the birth canal, where its jaws are locked together by external pressure. Shortcut connections can be demonstrated to exist between the elements of this matrix and anal, urethral, and phallic aggression. Reflex urination or even defecation by both mother and child during delivery seems to suggest a deep involvement of these functions. A combination of libidinal feelings and painful physical sensations with extreme aggression in this phase seems to be the basic root for later masochistic and sadistic tendencies.
Although the phenomenology of BPM III is too ramified and complex to be manifested in its entirety in any single LSD session, the following account of the training session of a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist has enough of the essential characteristics of this perinatal matrix to be used as a good example in this context.
The first thing I remember from this session was feeling a very important relationship with Joan (the co-therapist)—loving her in some strong and unfamiliar way. It then developed that a good part of the love that I was feeling for her was a sense of oneness with her and anticipation that some very large and terrifying thing was in store for me in this session in relation to this identification with Joan. It quickly became apparent that what this large and terrifying thing was was the birth experience and that Stan and Joan were my parents. Not that I thought they were my biological parents—I knew who they were—but that I thought they were my new parents taking me on this second birth experience and that Joan was giving birth to me. But the identity with her made it the case that I was giving birth to her as well and that we were, in fact, giving birth to each other.
I had a powerful sense that I was in touch with one of the most basic cosmic processes, but there was some strange problem about my being a man who could never give biological birth, that somehow I was breaking the cycle. Then that vanished and I experienced some ancient feminine archetype in myself, that of the delivering mother. The role of mother was somehow clearer to me than the role of baby for a long time. I felt filled with my baby who was both myself and Joan, and totally frustratingly unable to give birth, to open myself and let go. I was a mother without a vagina, a mother without the birth canal, a mother with no way to give birth to the life pounding inside of me. I struggled and struggled to find a way to let go, to let it out, to give birth. I never succeeded.
The experience of being born was very, very confused. I never really clearly saw the birth canal or the process of birth or the relief of birth. I only knew that I was being pushed and crushed and wildly confused. The clearest part of my role as baby was being immersed in what seemed to me like filth and slime that was all over me and in my mouth choking me. I tried and tried to spit it out, to get rid of it and finally managed to clear my mouth and throat with a huge scream, and I began to breathe. That was one of the major moments of release in the session. Another aspect of the birth experience was the confusion resulting from the fact that the genitals and thighs of the woman were the place of sex and love and also the place where this nightmare of birth and filth had happened.
There were many images of the torturer and the tortured as the same person, very much as the mother and the baby were the same person. At one point, I experienced the horrors of Buchenwald, and I saw Stan as a Nazi. I had no hatred for him, only a profound sense that he, the Nazi, and I, the Jew, were the same person, and that I was as much the torturer and the murderer as I was the victim; I could feel myself as Nazi as well as Jew.
At one point I felt dangerous and warned Joan to be careful of me. I felt my teeth becoming dangerous, poisonous fangs, and I knew I was turning into a vampire. I found myself aloft in a dark night on great bat wings with my ominous fangs bared and my claws venomous and extended. I felt I was one of a group of witches, a coven of witches, riding the night air … death riding the night air filled with stars but no moon, dangerous evil filled with the power of the witch. Something ended that; I think it was the change in the music. The scene passed and I fell into an ecstatic, floating, shimmering radiance.
For a long time then the next section as I recall it was tremendously erotic. I went through a whole series of sexual orgies and fantasies in which I played all roles and in which Joan and Stan were sometimes involved and sometimes not. It became very clear to me that there was no difference between sex and the process of birth and that the slippery movements of sex were identical with the slippery movements of birth. I learned easily that every time the woman squeezed me I had to simply give way and slide wherever she pushed me. If I did not struggle and did not fight, the squeezing turned out to be intensely pleasurable. Sometimes I wondered if there would be an end and no exit and if I would suffocate, but each time I was pushed and my body was contorted out of shape, I let go and slid easily into wherever I was being sent. My body was covered with the same slime as it was earlier in the session, but it no longer was a bit disgusting. It was the divine lubricant which made it so easy to give way and be pushed and guided. Over and over again I had the experience that “this is all there is to it” and “it is so incredibly simple”—that all the years of struggle, of pain, of trying to understand, of trying to think it out were all absurd and that all the time it had been right here in front of me; that it was so very simple. You simply let go and life squeezes you and pushes you and gentles you and guides you through its journey. Amazing, fantastic, what an extraordinary joke that I had been so fooled by the complexities of life! Over and over again I had this experience and laughed with intense pleasure.
This matrix is related to the third clinical stage of delivery. The agonizing experiences culminate, the propulsion through the birth canal is coming to an end, and, finally, the ultimate intensification of tension and suffering is followed by a sudden relief and relaxation. The period of impeded and usually insufficient supply of oxygen is terminated as well. The child takes its first deep breath and its respiratory pathways open and unfold. The umbilical cord is cut and the blood that previously circulated in the umbilical vessels is redirected into the pulmonary area. The physical separation from the mother has been completed, and the child starts its existence as an anatomically independent individual. After full physiological balance is re-established, the new situation is incomparably better than the two preceding stages, but it is in several important aspects worse than the original undisturbed primal union with the mother. The biological needs of the child are not being satisfied on a continuous basis, nor is it automatically protected from extremes of temperature, disturbing noises, changing intensity of light, and unpleasant tactile sensations. To what extent the experiences in the postnatal period (BPM IV) approximate the prenatal experiences (BPM I) depends to a great degree on the quality of mothering.
Like the other matrices, BPM IV has a biological and a spiritual facet. Its activation in LSD sessions can result in a concrete, realistic reliving of the circumstances of the biological birth. This can sometimes involve surprising and quite specific details that can on occasion be verified by independent questioning of witnesses. Most frequent are references to the odors of the anaesthetics used, sounds of surgical instruments or other noises, type of illumination in the room or operation setting, and, particularly, certain aspects of the birth (breech position, umbilical cord twisted around the neck, use of forceps, resuscitation maneuvers).
The manifestation of BPM IV on a symbolic and spiritual level constitutes the death-rebirth experience; it represents the termination and resolution of the death-rebirth struggle. Suffering and agony culminate in an experience of total annihilation on all levels—physical, emotional, intellectual, ethical, and transcendental. The individual experiences final biological destruction, emotional defeat, intellectual debacle, and utmost moral humiliation. This is usually illustrated by a rapid sequence of images of events from his past as well as from his present life situation. He feels that he is an absolute failure in life from any imaginable point of view; his entire world seems to be collapsing, and he is losing all previously meaningful reference points. This experience is usually referred to as ego death.
After the subject has experienced the very depth of total annihilation and “hit the cosmic bottom,” he is struck by visions of blinding white or golden light and has the feelings of enormous decompression and expansion of space. The general atmosphere is that of liberation, redemption, salvation, love, and forgiveness. The individual feels cleansed and purged, as if he has disposed of an incredible amount of “garbage,” guilt, aggression, and anxiety. He experiences overwhelming love for his fellow men, appreciation of warm human relationships, solidarity, and friendship. Such feelings are accompanied by humility and a tendency to engage in service and charitable activities. Irrational and exaggerated ambition, craving for money, status, prestige, or power appear in this state to be absurd and childish desires; it is difficult to believe that these values were once considered important and were so assiduously pursued.
It should be obvious from this description that there are certain overlapping elements between BPM IV and BPM I. As a matter of fact, the experience of biological birth and spiritual rebirth is often followed by feelings of cosmic unity. In this context transcendental elements merge together with the “good womb” and “good breast” experiences and pleasant childhood memories into one single complex. The individual’s appreciation of natural beauty is greatly enhanced, and a simple and uncomplicated way of life in close contact with nature appears to be the most desirable mode of existence. The depth and wisdom in systems of thought that advocate this orientation toward life—whether they be Rousseau’s philosophy or the teachings of Taoism and Zen Buddhism—seem obvious and unquestionable.
In this state, all the sensory pathways are wide open and there is an increased sensitivity and enjoyment of the perceptual nuances discovered in the external world. The perception of the environment has a certain primary quality; every sensory stimulus, be it visual, acoustic, olfactory, gustatory, or tactile, appears to be completely fresh and new, and, at the same time, unusually exciting and stimulating. Subjects talk about really seeing the world for the first time in their lives, about discovering entirely new ways of listening to music, and finding endless pleasure in smells and tastes.
The individual tuned in to this experiential realm usually discovers within himself genuinely positive values, such as a sense of justice, appreciation of beauty, feelings of love, self-respect, and respect for others. These values, as well as motivations to pursue them and act in accordance with them, seem to be, on this level, an intrinsic part of the human personality. They cannot be interpreted in psychoanalytic terms as reaction formations to opposite tendencies or as sublimation of primitive instinctual drives. The individual experiences them without any conflict, as a natural, logical, and integral part of a higher universal order. It is interesting in this connection to point to the striking parallels with Abraham Maslow’s concept of metavalues and metamotivations, derived from observations of persons who had spontaneous “peak experiences” in their everyday life.14
In an individual who has completed the death-rebirth sequence and stabilized under the influence of BPM IV, the feelings of joy and relief are accompanied by deep emotional and physical relaxation, serenity, and tranquillity. Occasionally, it can be observed that the feelings of liberation and personal triumph are accentuated and exaggerated to the point of becoming a caricature. The behavior of a person in this state has a driven and manic quality; he cannot sit or lie quietly, runs around advertising loudly the overwhelming beauty and significance of his experience, wants to arrange a big party to celebrate this event, and makes grandiose plans for changing the world. This situation indicates that the experience of rebirth has not been fully completed. Such an individual is already experientially tuned in to BPM IV but is still under the influence of unresolved elements of BPM III, particularly anxiety and aggression. After these residual negative underlying feelings are worked through and integrated, the experience of rebirth appears in a pure form.
The positive atmosphere of BPM IV can also be suddenly interrupted by a specific complex of unpleasant symptoms. It involves piercing and penetrating pains in the umbilical area, which usually radiate and are projected to the urinary bladder, penis, and testicles, or the uterus. They are accompanied by breathing difficulties, feelings of agony and emergency, sensations of dramatic shifts within the body, and intense fear of death and of castration. This fear can be associated with the reliving of memories of events that involved threat of castration or were interpreted as such. Most common of them is the procedure of circumcision; in uncircumcised persons, other surgical interventions on the penis (such as an operation for fimosis) or in its proximity (such as reposition of a scrotal or inguinal hernia, and painful inflammations of the foreskin). Female subjects can relive in this connection sensations associated with dilation of the cervix and curettage, artificial abortions complicated by infections, severe cystitis, and postpartum and other gynecological inflammations. This episode, usually of short duration, was identified by some subjects as reliving of the crisis connected with the cutting of the umbilical cord. It can be distinguished from similar experiences related to the previous stage (BPM III) by a complete absence of feelings of external pressure and by the fact that the pains are localized in the pelvic area. Observations from LSD sessions indicate that this experience represents a deep source of castration fears.
The religious and mythological symbolism of the fourth perinatal matrix is rich and multiform and, like the other matrices, can draw on different cultural traditions. The experience of ego death is frequently associated with images of various terrifying and destructive deities mentioned earlier. A subject can experience himself as being sacrificed to the goddess Kali; while suffering the terminal agony, he has to face her horrible image, listen to the chilling rattle of the skulls on her necklace, and kiss and lick her bloody vagina. He can also identify with a baby thrown by his mother into the devouring flames glowing inside a gigantic statue of Moloch and can share with many other infants the death in this immolation ritual. The final destruction has on several occasions been experienced as coming from a powerful crushing step of Shiva the Destroyer performing his awe-inspiring dance in the burning-ground. Another frequent symbol of the ego death is the experience of the victim sacrificed to the Aztec sun god Huitzilopochtli; here the individual feels that his body is being opened by an obsidian knife and his living heart torn out of his body by the high priest. The death-rebirth sequence is often symbolized by identification with specific deities, such as the Pre-Columbian god Quetzalcoatl appearing in the form of a plumed serpent, or the Egyptian god Osiris, killed and dismembered by his evil brother Set, and reassembled by his wife and sister Isis. Occasionally, other deities symbolizing death and resurrection—among them Dionysus, Orpheus, Persephone, and Adonis—appear in a similar context.
Probably the most common symbolic framework for this experience is Christ’s death on the cross and his resurrection, the mystery of Good Friday, and the unveiling of the Holy Grail. These are typically associated with intuitive insights into the fundamental significance and relevance of this symbolism as the deepest core of the Christian faith. As a result of such experiences, even those subjects who were previously strongly opposed to Christianity genuinely appreciate the value of this spiritual message. The perinatal roots of Christianity are clearly revealed by its simultaneous emphasis on agony and death (Christ on the cross), the perils of the newborn child (Herod’s killing of the children), and on maternal care and protection (the Virgin Mary with little Jesus).
An individual who has overcome all the enormous hardships and vicissitudes of the birth agony and is enjoying the experience of rebirth usually has triumphant and heroic feelings, typically accompanied by images of superhuman achievements or of a final victory over various mythological monsters: Hercules as a baby vanquishing the gigantic snakes that attacked him or as an adult accomplishing difficult labors, Saint George slaying the dragon, Theseus defeating the Minotaurs, Mithra killing the bull in the sacrificial cave, or Perseus outwitting and slaughtering Medusa. Other terrifying creatures emerging in this context resemble the Sphinx, Hydra, Chimaera, Echidna, Typhon, and similar representatives of the mythological bestiary. The experience of rebirth also involves the element of victory of the forces of good and light over those of evil and darkness. This aspect can be illustrated by images such as those of the Vedic god Indra’s decimating with his thunderbolt hosts of demons of darkness, the Nordic god Thor’s smashing dangerous giants with his magic hammer, or the victory of the armies of Ahura Mazda over those of Ahriman as described in the ancient Persian Zend Avesta.
The liberating aspect of rebirth and the affirmation of positive forces in the universe are frequently expressed in visions of radiant, blinding light that has a supernatural quality and seems to come from a divine source. Occasionally, translucent heavenly blue haze, beautiful rainbow spectrums, or displays of subtle and intricate patterns resembling peacock feathers can occur in lieu of clear light. Very characteristic of this stage are nonfigurative images of God perceived as pure spiritual energy, as a transcendental or cosmic sun. A special type of this experience appears to be the Atman-Brahman union as described in sacred Hindu texts. Here the individual feels that he is experiencing the innermost divine core of his being. His individual self (Atman) is losing its seemingly separate identity and is reuniting with what is perceived as its divine source, the Universal Self (Brahman). This results in feelings of immediate contact or identity with the Beyond Within, with God (Tat tvam asi or “Thou art That” of the Upanishads). Also quite common are personified images of God, exemplified by the traditional Christian representation of God as a benevolent wise old man, sitting on a richly decorated throne and surrounded by cherubim and seraphim in radiant splendor. Some subjects experience at this point union with the archetypal Great Mother or a more specific version thereof, such as the Divine Isis of the ancient Egyptians. Another representation of this same theme is the symbolism of entering Valhalla or being admitted to the feast of the Greek gods on Mount Olympus and enjoying the taste of nectar and ambrosia.
Secular symbolism related to BPM IV involves the overthrow of a tyrant or despotic ruler, the defeat of a totalitarian political regime, the end of a long and exhausting war, survival in natural catastrophes, or the termination of a dangerous and critical situation. Very typical for this perinatal matrix are visions of gigantic halls with richly decorated columns, huge statues of white marble, and crystal chandeliers.
The symbolism involving images related to nature deserves a special notice. Before the discussion of the elements occurring in the context of BPM IV, it seems appropriate to make a few general comments. There exist quite characteristic and fixed associations between individual perinatal matrices and cosmobiological cycles, seasons of the year, and certain aspects of natural phenomena. Thus, images related to BPM II typically involve barren winter landscapes; arid and inhospitable deserts; the moon’s surface and other settings hostile to life; black and dangerous-looking caverns; treacherous swamps; the beginning of tempests and ocean storms, with increasing atmospheric tension and darkening of the sky; and the eclipsed and setting sun. BPM III is associated with images showing the raging of elemental forces in nature, such as volcanic eruptions, hurricanes, electric and ocean storms, earthquakes and cosmic catastrophes, as well as dangerous jungles and the undersea world teeming with predators. Symbolism characteristic of BPM IV selectively depicts situations following periods of elemental outbursts and crises, such as spring landscapes with melting snow or ice breaking on rivers;††† luscious meadows and idyllic pastures in springtime, with shepherds playing flutes; trees covered with fresh buds and blossoms; the quiet and peaceful atmosphere after a tempest, with beautiful rainbows in the skies; crystalline sunrises after cold nights; and deep oceans calmed after wild storms. Particularly characteristic and appropriate symbols for BPM IV seem to be high, snow-capped mountain peaks touching the blue sky, with refreshingly cold air and streaming sunlight; the spiritual achievement of rebirth is frequently represented as the successful ascent of a steep, high peak. Also the innocent world of newborn animals, birds hatching from eggs, and parents feeding their young appear frequently in this context. To complete the series of parallels between perinatal matrices and phenomena of nature, it has to be added that images typical of BPM I selectively depict scenes in which natural beauty is combined with safety, fertility, and generosity.
Physical manifestations typical of BPM IV are prolonged withholding of breath, suffocation, and increasing muscular tension, followed by sudden inspiration, relief, relaxation, and feelings of perfect physiological well-being.
In regard to memory, BPM IV represents the matrix for the recording of situations characterized by escape from danger. In this context, subjects can relive memories from periods immediately following wars and revolutions, with particular emphasis on joyful celebrations, as well as survival in air raids, accidents, operations, serious diseases, or situations of near drowning. Another typical group of recollections involves various difficult life situations which the subject resolved by his own active effort and skill. All marked successes of the entire life can occur in connection with this matrix as if in a rapid flashback.
As far as the Freudian erogenic zones are concerned, this matrix corresponds on all developmental levels with the condition of satisfaction following activity that discharges or reduces tension. On the oral level, it is satisfaction of thirst and hunger (or termination of severe nausea by vomiting) or the pleasure accompanying sucking or following oral destruction of an object; on the anal level, it is the satisfaction following defecation, and, on the urethral level, the relief evoked by emptying the urinary bladder. The corresponding phenomenon on the genital level is the relaxation immediately following sexual orgasm; in females, it is also the pleasure associated with the delivery of children.
The transition from BPM III to BPM IV and the phenomenology of the fourth perinatal matrix can be well illustrated by the following excerpt from a training LSD session of a clergyman.
The music began to sound distorted and it was moving very rapidly. The crescendos were like sharp thrusts of a spear upward. At this point I started to experience considerable confusion. I was still aware of my identity and that I was lying on the couch in the treatment room. Waves of heat began to pass over me and I was vaguely aware of perspiring. The trembling was still going on and I began to feel a little bit of nausea at this point. Then quite suddenly my wild symphony took over. It was as if I were first at the top of a roller coaster gradually being drawn over the precipice, losing control, and being quite unable to arrest the downward plunge that I could see was ahead of me. One analogy I thought of was that this was like swallowing a keg of dynamite with the fuse already lit. The fuse was inaccessible, the dynamite was going to explode, and there was nothing I could do about it. The last thing I can remember hearing before my roller coaster began going down was music that sounded as though it came from a million earphones. My head was enormous at this time, and I had a thousand ears, each one with a different headset on, each earphone bringing in a different music. This was the greatest confusion I have ever felt in my life. I was aware of being on the couch; I was dying right there and there was nothing I could do about it. Every time I would try to stop it, I became panicky and terror-ridden. The only thing to do was to go toward it. The words “trust and obey,” “trust and obey,” “trust and obey” came through to me and in what seemed like a flash, I was no longer lying on the couch and did not have my present identity. Several scenes began to take place; it seemed as though they happened all at once, but let me string them out to try to make some sense of them.
The first scene was plunging down into a swamp filled with hideous creatures. These creatures were moving toward me, but they were unable to reach me. All of a sudden the swamp was transformed into a canal in Venice just under the Bridge of Sighs. My family, my wife, and my children were standing on the bridge looking down at me in this swamp. There was no expression on their faces; they were simply standing there looking at me.
The best way of describing this roller coaster and this entrance into the loss of control would be to compare it to walking on a slippery, very slippery surface. There would be surfaces all over the place and finally all of them would become slippery and there would be nothing left to hold on to. One was slipping, slipping and going further and further down into oblivion. The scene that finally completed my death was a very horrible scene in a square of a medieval town. The square was surrounded by Gothic cathedral façades and from the statue niches in these façades and from the gargoyle downspouts in the eaves animals, persons, animal-human combinations, devils, spirits—all the figures that one observes in the paintings of Hieronymus Bosch—came down from the cathedrals into the square and moved in on me. While the animals, the humans, the demons pressed in upon me in the square before these Gothic cathedrals, I began to experience intense agony and pain, panic, terror, and horror. There was a line of pressure between the temples of my head, and I was dying. I was absolutely certain of this—I was dying, and I died. My death was completed when the pressures overwhelmed me, and I was expelled into another world.
It turned out that this outer world was to be a continuation of deaths at a very different level, however. Now the panic, the terror were all gone; all that was left was the anguish and the pain as I participated in the death of all men. I began to experience the passion of our Lord Jesus Christ. I was Christ, but I was also everyone as Christ and all men died as we made our way in the dirgelike procession toward Golgotha. At this time in my experience there was no longer any confusion; the visions were perfectly clear. The pain was intense, and the sorrow was just, just agonizing. It was at this point that a blood tear from the face of God began to flow. I did not see the face of God, but his tear began to flow, and it began to flow out over the world as God himself participated in the death of all men and in the suffering of all men. The sorrow of this moment is still so intense that it is difficult for me to speak of it. We moved toward Golgotha, and there in agony greater than any I have ever experienced, I was crucified with Christ and all men on the cross. I was Christ, and I was crucified, and I died.
When all men died on the cross, there began the most heavenly music I have ever heard in my entire life: it was incredibly beautiful. It was the voice of angels singing, and we began slowly to rise. This was again almost like birth; the death on the cross happened, and there was a swishing sound as the wind rushed from the cross into another world. The gradual rising of all men began to take place. These were great processions in enormous cathedrals—candles and light and gold and incense, all moving up. I had no sense of my personal existence at this time. I was in all the processions, and all the processions were in me; I was every man and every man began to rise. The awe and splendor of this rising was almost beyond description. We were rising toward light, higher and higher, through majestic white marble pillars. We left behind the blues, the greens, the reds, and the purples, the gold of the cathedrals, and the royal garbs of some of the people. We rose into whiteness; the columns we were rising between were white and pure. The music was soaring, everyone was singing, and then there occurred a vision.
This vision has an entirely different feeling about it from anything else I experienced in the whole LSD session. It still feels like a vision—as if a vision were actually given to me—it is so real. The resurrection garment of our Lord touched me. Yet you have to understand: it did not touch me; it touched all men and yet in touching all men it touched me. When it touched, several things happened at once, as they did many times during this experience. We all became very small—as small as a cell, as small as an atom. We all became very humble and bowed down. I was filled with peace and feelings of joy and love; I loved God completely. While this was happening, the touch of the garment was like a high voltage wire. Everything exploded, and it exploded us into the highest place there is—the place of absolute light. It was silent; there was no music; it was pure light. It was like being at the very center of the energy source. It was like being in God—not just in God’s presence, but in God and participating in God.
This did not last long (although time means nothing during this experience), and we began the descent. It was not a descent into a world that had ever been known before; it was a descent into a world of very, very great beauty. During the singing of the choirs, during the Sanctus, the Glorias, and the Hosannas occasionally an oracle’s voice could be heard: “Want nothing, want nothing.” I can still hear that voice. It was followed by another voice saying: “Seek nothing, seek nothing.”
During this central part of the session many other visions occurred, and I would like to share them with you. One major vision that I encountered was looking down through the earth to the foundations of the universe. I went down into the depths and discovered the secret that God is praised from the depths as well as from the heights. Also in the depths of the universe the light can be seen. In the depths of the universe are many prison cells; as I went through these cells, the cell doors opened, and the prisoners came forth praising God.
Another powerful vision in this session was that of a figure walking in a wide, beautiful river in a deep, broad valley. Easter lilies were growing up through the river’s surface and the river was flowing quietly and gently. The valley was surrounded by very high mountains with many, many watersheds coming down into the valley floor. Into this scene comes the voice: “The river of life flows toward the mouth of God.” I wanted very much to be in the river and cannot yet tell whether I was walking in the river or whether I was the river myself. The river moved and as it moved toward the mouth of God, hoards of persons and animals—all of creation—came down the watersheds and poured into the main stream of the river of life.
When my symphony began to come to an end, I felt myself rousing and being located back in the session room. I was still filled with awe and humility and peace and blessedness and joy. I distinctly had the sensation of having been with God in the energy center of the universe. I still have the feeling with me very strongly that all men are one and the river of life does flow into God and that there are no distinctions between people—friends or enemies, black or white, male or female—that we all are one.
For didactic reasons the basic perinatal matrices have been described here in the order of the corresponding phases of delivery during actual childbirth. It is necessary to emphasize, however, that in LSD therapy or in individual LSD sessions this natural chronological order is never maintained. Perinatal matrices occur in various patterns and combinations of sequences that show great interindividual and intraindividual variability. The polyform and multilevel configurations unfolding in this process are contingent on a number of variables, the most obvious of them being the personality of the subject and specific aspects of his past history, the type of clinical symptomatology involved or the lack thereof, the circumstances of his present life situation, the personality of the therapist or sitter, and the set and setting. In psycholytic therapy of severely disturbed psychiatric patients—especially psychoneurotics—it can take a long time and a great number of sessions to work through all the layers of traumatic experiences from their individual life history. When the psychodynamic level has been transcended and perinatal elements appear in the sessions, these patients usually first confront the “no exit” situation (BPM II). With an increasing number of sessions, the phenomena related to the death-rebirth struggle (BPM III) come to the foreground. Occasionally, brief episodes of rebirth (BPM IV) and of cosmic unity (BPM I) occur in this context. Finally, when the ego death and rebirth is experienced in a pure and final form, the pathway is opened to elements of the first perinatal matrix and to various clearly transpersonal dynamic structures. Following this, the phenomena related to the biological birth (BPM II, BPM III, and BPM IV) usually disappear from the sessions and do not recur when the LSD procedure is continued. All subsequent sessions consist almost exclusively of transpersonal experiences and have a definite religious and mystical emphasis.
In emotionally less disturbed individuals and “normal” subjects, positive ecstatic experiences related to BPM IV and BPM I can appear in the early sessions of the series, especially with the use of higher dosages. In these cases, the first hours of the sessions are usually dominated by BPM II and BPM III, and the remaining two matrices (BPM IV and BPM I) occur in the termination period. In psychedelic therapy the perinatal levels are frequently reached in the first sessions with normal subjects, with patients facing death from incurable diseases, and with most categories of psychiatric patients. It seems that the use of higher dosages, special preparation and therapeutic techniques, eyeshades, and stereophonic music can expedite and facilitate the occurrence of experiences of rebirth and cosmic unity.
The concept of the basic perinatal matrices is very useful for understanding the dynamics of LSD sessions involving the death-rebirth phenomena and of the corresponding possession intervals. The governing function of these matrices is comparable to the role of the COEX systems on the psychodynamic level. The specific clinical implications of this concept will be discussed in detail in a separate book focusing primarily on practical aspects of LSD psychotherapy. In this context they will be only briefly outlined.
Activation of a particular perinatal matrix influences the way the subject experiences the persons present in his LSD session as well as his immediate physical environment; his perception is determined by the specific content of the matrix involved. The events that take place during the termination period of a session are of crucial importance for its outcome and for the nature of the postsession interval. If the subject is under the strong influence of one of the perinatal matrices at the time when the pharmacological action of the drug is wearing off, he can experience the influence of this matrix in a mitigated form for days, weeks, or months after the actual session has ended. These consequences are quite distinct and characteristic for each of the four perinatal matrices.
When the termination period of an LSD session is governed by BPM II and the subject stabilizes under its influence, the postsession interval is characterized by deep depression. In this situation, an individual is vexed by various highly unpleasant feelings; anxiety, guilt, inferiority, and shame seem to dominate his thinking about the past. His present life appears to be unbearable and fraught with problems that have no solution; and the future looks utterly hopeless. Life is devoid of any meaning, and there is an absolute inability to enjoy anything. The world is perceived as threatening, ominous, and without color. The subject feels that everything is closing in on him. Suicidal craving is not uncommon in this situation; it usually has the form of a wish to fall asleep or be unconscious, forget everything, and never wake up again. Persons in this state of mind have fantasies about taking an overdose of sleeping pills or narcotics, drinking themselves to death, inhaling illuminating gas, drowning in deep water, or walking into snow and freezing (suicide I). Typical physical symptoms accompanying this condition are headaches; oppression of the chest; breathing difficulties; various cardiac complaints; ringing in the ears; constipation; loss of appetite; and lack of interest in sex. Quite common are feelings of exhaustion and fatigue, drowsiness and somnolence, and a tendency to spend the entire day in bed in a darkened room.
Stabilization of an LSD session under the hegemony of BPM III results in feelings of intense aggressive tension associated frequently with strong but vague apprehension and anticipation of a catastrophe. Subjects in this state frequently liken themselves to “time bombs” ready to explode any minute. They oscillate between destructive and self-destructive impulses and are afraid of hurting other people or themselves. Typical is a high degree of irritability and a strong tendency to provoke violent conflicts. The world is perceived as a dangerous and unpredictable place, where one has to be constantly on guard and prepared to fight and struggle for survival. Painful awareness of one’s real or imagined handicaps and limitations is combined with exaggerated ambitions and efforts to prove oneself. In contrast to the inhibited and tearless depression related to BPM II, the manifestations here resemble an agitated depression accompanied by emotional incontinence and psychomotor excitement. Suicidal thoughts and tendencies are quite frequent and follow a pattern distinctly different from that described for BPM II. Individuals in this state contemplate bloody and violent suicides, such as throwing oneself under a train, jumping from a window or cliff, harakiri, or shooting oneself (suicide II). Typical physical symptoms associated with this syndrome involve intense muscular tension, frequently resulting in tremors, twitches, and jerks; headaches; pains in various other parts of the body; nausea with occasional vomiting; intensification of intestinal activity and diarrhea; frequent urination or disturbances thereof; and profuse sweating. A characteristic manifestation in the sexual area is excessive augmentation of the libidinal drive, for which even repeated orgasms do not bring satisfactory relief. In male subjects, this intensification of sexual tension is sometimes associated with impotence and premature ejaculation; in females, with premenstrual emotional turbulence, dysmenorrhea, and painful genital cramps during intercourse (vaginismus).
Subjects whose LSD session terminates under the influence of BPM IV present a very different picture. The most remarkable aspect of this state is the often dramatic alleviation or even disappearance of previous psychopathological symptoms and a decrease of emotional problems of all kinds. Individuals feel that they have left the past behind and that they are capable of starting an entirely new chapter of their lives. Exhilarating feelings of freedom from anxiety, depression, and guilt are associated with deep physical relaxation and a sense of perfect functioning of all physiological processes. Life appears simple and exciting, and the individual has the feeling of unusual sensory richness and intense joy.
As far as BPM I is concerned, the individual can stabilize under the influence of its positive or negative aspects. In the former case, the postsession interval resembles the one described for BPM IV. All the feelings involved are, however, much deeper and are experienced in a religious or mystical framework. Subjects see new dimensions in the universe, have strong feelings of being an integral part of creation, and tend to regard ordinary things in everyday life—such as meals, walks in nature, playing with children, or sexual intercourse—as sacred. The experience of cosmic unity has an unusual therapeutic potential and can have lasting beneficial consequences for the individual. If the subject remains after an LSD session under the influence of the negative aspects of BPM I, he experiences various forms and degrees of emotional and physical distress associated with conceptual confusion. These difficulties are typically interpreted in a metaphysical framework, in occult, mystical, or religious terms. The above unpleasant condition is attributed to adverse forces of destiny, “bad karma,” malefic astrological or cosmobiological influences, or various evil spiritual entities. In extreme cases, this condition can reach psychotic proportions. After the individual works through and integrates the experience, he assumes a tentative and metaphorical approach to his previous interpretations.
* The Viennese psychiatrist Otto Rank, a renegade from the mainstream of orthodox psychoanalysis, emphasized in his book The Trauma of Birth (1927) the paramount significance of perinatal experiences.16
† These techniques include bioenergetics and other approaches based on the Reichian tradition, Gestalt therapy, encounter groups, marathon sessions, and Paul Bindrim’s nude marathon.
‡ The definition and detailed description of transpersonal experiences will be given in the following chapter.
§ Several sophisticated subjects referred in this context to the Upanishads and the famous quotation, “Knowing That, the knowledge of which gives knowledge of everything.”
¶ This attitude toward the universe does not have to result in inactivity and passive acceptance of the status quo. It is compatible with a creative life style, striving for self-actualization, and various reformatory tendencies. This can be illustrated by a quotation from one of Baba Ram Dass’s lectures: “The world is absolutely perfect, including your dissatisfaction with it and your efforts to change it.” This statement in the lecture was related to the Hindu tradition and not to Ram Dass’s drug experiences.
|| It is interesting to mention in this connection that many of my female subjects who relived in their LSD sessions the delivery of their children developed insights into how their negative feelings and attitudes interfered with the process of delivery.
** The so-called Four Passing Sights precipitated the Buddha’s decision to leave his family and his luxurious life in the palace, and stimulated his search for enlightenment. During his walks into the environs of the city, he saw successively four scenes that made an indelible impression on his mind: the first of them was an old man, decrepit, with broken teeth, gray hair, and a crooked and bent body; the second one was a person lying by the road, racked with disease; on the third occasion, he saw a corpse; and finally, during his fourth walk, he encountered a monk with a shaven head and clad in an ocher robe. It is certainly interesting to notice that it is the brutal encounter with the phenomena of the decrepitude of old age, disease, and death (BPM II) which seems to be instrumental in changing the emphasis of the LSD subjects from their worldly ambitions to a spiritual search.
†† In deliveries conducted outside the medical setting and without the use of enema and catheterization, the involvement of feces and urine is quite common. Also, in many of the deliveries in the early decades of this century, the Latin saying inter faeces et urinas nascimur (we are born among feces and urine) reflected a clinical reality rather than a philosophical metaphor.
‡‡ Skopzy (Russian word meaning literally “rams”) was a Russian religious sect, the members of which mutilated themselves, in particular by self-castration.
§§ Vlad Tepes, or the Voivode Dracula, was a minor ruler who, in the fifteenth century, governed the small province of Walachia. His nickname, tepes, means literally “the impaler”; it refers to his habit of impaling executed victims on the ends of pointed sticks. According to some sources, he was responsible for the execution of over a hundred thousand victims. He was used by the Irish writer Bram Stoker as an inspiration for his novel Dracula.
¶¶ Elizabeth Báthory was a sixteenth-century Hungarian countess who tortured young girls and then murdered them so that she could bathe in their blood. She was also known for her excessive use of an ingenious torturing gadget, the iron maiden.
|||| It is an interesting theoretical problem why excessive sexual tension and excitement is an important and standard component of the birth experience. Observations from LSD sessions as well as several other areas seem to indicate that this association has a physiological basis. That suffocation and ischemia result in intense sexual stimulation has been observed in criminals executed by hanging (frequent occurrence of erection and even ejaculation in males dying on the gallows) and also in persons who attempted suicide by hanging and were rescued. The intimate link between physical suffering and sexual excitement is also well known from psychopathology. In sadomasochism, inflicting or experiencing pain is a necessary prerequisite for sexual satisfaction. Observations from extreme war situations, where captives and prisoners were exposed to inhuman tortures, seem to suggest that the ability to transcend excessive suffering into pleasure and even ecstasy is intrinsic to human nature.
*** These experiences seem to be closely related to some unusual sexual perversions, such as coprophilia (fascination by feces and other materials usually considered revolting), coprophagia (eating feces in or outside of a sexual framework), and urolagnia (drinking of urine). The observations from LSD sessions add a new dimension to the understanding of these abnormalities. The deepest motivational force for these deviations appears to be the association between the contact with such biological materials and the termination of the agonizing experience of birth.
††† The explosive release of emotional and physical repressive and restricting forces (liberation from the “character armor”) is often symbolically expressed as cracking icebergs or melting masses of snow and the free flow of water released from them.