from
First Constitutional Congress of
the Cloudships of the Outer System
April 2, 3013 (e-standard)
a transcript
C. Tolstoy: Mr. Chairman . . . I don’t know what to say. I came here today expecting to witness another gathering of idiots and knaves. I’m afraid I don’t have such a high opinion of the lot of you as old Tacitus. I have seen a lot of history myself, and the one lesson that it has taught me is the futility of what we do. I have moved farther out the Road than most of you, and believe me, it wasn’t to explore. If you want to know the truth, and even if you don’t, it was to get away from the lot of you. And not just you—everybody. But I have to say I have never seen a more arrogant, gullible bunch than you are. Honorable Cloudships? We’re all floating coffins in space. Now some of you may know that I and my family tend the graveyard, so I know whereof I speak. We stay out of your way, and you stay out of mine—until the time comes when your business becomes my business. But I have a feeling that the times are changing, and you and I are going to be bumping into one another more often. Now, I’m not talking about dying. All of you think you won’t, and all of you will. No, I have another meaning. I do believe that it is time for me and my boys to come in out of the sticks for a while. I have listened to what has been said, and I’ll tell you. I think the time has passed for doing a damn thing, and the fate is upon you. That’s right, you heard me! Old Tolstoy and his sons are joining up. You want a navy, Lebedev? Well, here are your first recruits. We’re on our way right now. I sure as hell hope you’re ready for the thirteen of us.
C. Lebedev: I would be . . . will be honored.
C. Mencken: Now, just a minute. Nobody said anything about starting up the navy just yet—or ever. Are you done, Cloudship Tolstoy?
C. Tolstoy: I’m through with whatever I had to say.
C. Mencken: All right then, who is—
C. Markham: Lebedev, I’m with you. Tell me where to report.
C. Kafka: And me, too, Lebedev. I hope I don’t regret this, but here I am.
C. Bernhardt: Do you need entertainers?
C. Lebedev: I don’t know . . . I hadn’t given the matter—
C. Mencken: Now that is really enough. This is not a goddamn rally or recruitment center. I am afraid that if anyone else volunteers for the navy, I am going to have to erase you from these proceedings and you won’t be allowed to vote on whether we have a navy or not! Now where the friggin’ heck did I put that gavel? All right. The resolution, ladies and gentlemen, the resolution. And we’re only talking about the preamble at that. Now, I’ve quite lost the order . . . who is next . . . Cloudship Lao Tse? No, it is Cloudship Lorca. Yes—
Chamber Sergeant: Mr. Chairman!
C. Mencken: Yes? What is it, Sergeant Mann?
Chamber Sergeant: A messenger, sir. An emergency messenger has just reported in to the foyer secretary. It seems she came in person because the merci was jammed.
C. Mencken: Came in person? It isn’t a ship?
Chamber Sergeant: No, Mr. Chairman. It is a Major Antinomian, sir. She hails from Jupiter. Claims it is a matter of the greatest urgency for the entire Council.
C. Mencken: Jupiter? What? Urgency . . . very well. What a taxing day this is turning out to be, and we haven’t even passed any taxes yet. Nobody think that was funny? Ah hell, show her in, Sergeant.
Major Antinomian: Major Clarabelle Antinomian of the First Army of Europa, sir.
C. Mencken: Welcome to this chamber, Major. What can we do for you today?
Major Antinomian: I have an urgent message from General Changer on Europa, sir. For delivery to the entire Council of Cloudships.
C. Mencken: Well, here we are. Deliver it.
Major Antinomian: Half the army is taken prisoner, sir. One million soldiers.
C. Mencken: What’s that you say?
Major Antinomian: Half the army is taken, and Ganymede as fallen!