| |
This night it was not the nightmares that kept Wulfric awake. It was Anna. He could have had her. He had kissed her, and it had tasted like heaven. His whole body had been aching for her and then he had to do the right thing and tell her that they could not sleep together.
It had been the right thing to do, he had to remind himself. He did not want her to want him only because she was drunk. But how he still wanted her. He had satisfied himself once already but still he could feel the lust burning in his body.
No, he had done the right thing. She would have regretted it when she had sobered up. He would hate to have enjoyed a splendid night with her, only to wake up and be able to tell that she regretted everything. It would break his heart. More than the fact he could have had her but had angered her by refusing.
She would see everything clearly in the morning. In fact, she would see everything more clearly now, if she was awake. The grey first light of the summer morning was already starting to sift through the curtains in front of the open window.
He could go to her right now. She would have sobered up by now. He could talk to her, and he would know that she found him reasonable and sensible and then he would finally be able to get a couple of hours sleep before they were leaving.
Yes, he could talk to her. There would be no harm in talking to her whatsoever. The hour was unconventional of course, he thought as he put on his pants, but so was the topic of their conversation. He might have to wake her up, and it might be weird that he was in her bedroom, but it would be best, if they got everything out in the open now. Before they had to go on. They had another two days of travel ahead of them.
Wulfric quietly opened the door to the hallway and tiptoed to Anna’s room. He prayed that the door was not locked. He could not knock without everyone hearing. He gently pressed the doorknob and found that her door was indeed unlocked. He almost sighed with relief as he tiptoed inside and silently closed the door behind him.
For a moment he simply stood in the darkness of the room listening to Anna’s light breathing from the bed. She had not shut the curtains of the canopy and he could vaguely make out her figure in the bed.
Okay, how to wake her? This had seemed like a good idea when he had been back in his own room but having to lean over her in bed and wake her up felt much too intimate now. He stepped a little on the spot, contemplating what to do. The floorboards creaked loudly beneath his feet, and he immediately stood still.
Anna’s breathing changed. It was not the regular breathing of someone sleeping but the more soundless and shallow breathing of someone being awake. And perhaps being a bit scared too. He should reveal himself, Wulfric thought, just as she said:
“Who’s there?”
He could see that she sat up in bed.
“It’s only me,” he said and approached the bed, but stopped several paces away. She was naked, he suddenly realized. She was clutching her blanket in front of her, but he could clearly see the curve of her naked back. God, he did not need to know, that Anna Harold slept naked.
“Lord Rosenkranz,” she said disoriented and ran a hand over her eyes. “What are you doing here? How did you even get in here?”
“The door was unlocked,” Wulfric said and motioned towards the door. That was true at least. What he was doing here, had suddenly become a lot more difficult to answer.
“I didn’t lock it?” Anna asked and yawned. “What time is it even?”
Without giving him time to answer any of her questions she asked again:
“What are you doing here?”
She seemed more awake now and moved back in bed to have her back against the headboard. Only her naked arm and shoulder were visible of her body now. But it was enough. The fire he had felt in his own room burned tenfold through his body at the sight of her now.
“I...” he began because really, he needed to find some way to explain why he was here. “I wanted to make sure, that you were okay. That things between us are okay,” he said and took a couple of steps closer to the bed.
“In the middle of the night?” Anna said irritably.
“I believe it’s early morning,” Wulfric said and motioned towards the window. “The sun will come up soon.”
“I don’t care whether it’s night or morning, it’s a highly inappropriate time for you to be in my room,” Anna said.
“Ah, so now you think that’s inappropriate for me to be in your room?” Wulfric said.
It was not elegant, but it was why he had come. He wanted to make sure, that she had simply wanted to sleep with him because she was drunk.
“Oh, that’s why you’re here,” Anna mumbled and hid her head in her hand. “I’m sorry about last night, I shouldn’t have...”
“Excellent,” Wulfric mumbled. It was what he had thought she would say. It was why he had come here. “There’s no need for you to say any more. I’ll leave you now. I just... I just needed to know,” the last came out a bit to choked and he turned for the door.
“I’m sorry,” he could hear Anna say behind him. “I’ve really made a mess of things, haven’t I?”
He turned to her bed again. He could not see her face clearly, but he could see, that she was looking at him.
“No,” he began. “I know what it’s like being drunk...”
He did not want to go into details about the things that he had done while drunk.
“It was probably a good thing that you stopped me...” Anna said, and her voice trailed off.
“Probably?” Wulfric inquired.
Surely, she couldn’t mean... It seemed impossible, that she should even say those words...
***
Anna was not sure when her anger over being awoken and the mortification of what she had done last night gave way to a new wave of desire. It might be, when the grey light from the window hit his bleached flax shirt a certain way and it seemed almost see-through.
She was acutely aware that she was naked underneath the thin blanket – and that all she wanted right now was for him to remove the blanket and start kissing her again. All over her body. There had been such a long pause where they had simply stared at each other, that Anna did not remember who had last spoken and what had been said.
“I...” she began, but then chickened out. “I think there is some water on the table over there, will you give me a glass?”
Her mouth was parched, and water would definitely help. She watched Lord Rosenkranz walk to the small table and pour her a glass of water, then he came to the bed side and handed it to her. Anna reached out for it and noticed how his gaze followed her naked arm from her wrist to the place that she clutched the blanket to her chest.
She thanked him and emptied the glass of water in a couple of large gulps. He was still standing right next to the bed. If only he would make the next move. She did not know how to go on from here. Last night she had been drunk and blunt, but the courage that the wine had given her was gone. The desire was not, however.
“You said that it was probably for the best, that we did not...” Wulfric said and looked intently at her.
Anna simply nodded while holding his gaze.
“What do you mean by probably?” he went on.
He wanted her to say it, she realized. He probably could not believe it unless she said it.
“It probably was for the best, wasn’t it? It would probably complicate matters too much if we slept together,” Anna said. She felt like she had not blinked in several minutes; she had stared at him so intently.
“Probably,” he said, and she could not be sure, whether he simply repeated the word or whether it was an answer.
He had to make the next move; Anna decided. He was standing in her bedroom in the middle of the night, she was naked, and she had not kicked him out. He had to know that she wanted to sleep with him. If he did not dare make a move, then... She could not be the one to throw herself at him. Not again.
“Anna, you can have no doubt that I...” he broke eye contact with her and looked at something else. Her shoulder it seemed. Then his gaze quickly moved to a spot outside of the bed. “That I desire you,” he was able to say when his gaze rested on the window behind her.
“I could,” she said.
“What?” he said and looked back at her.
“I could have doubts. You’re not that easy to read,” she explained.
“But you said last night that you knew about my feelings...” he began. There was a note of hurt in his voice.
“Right,” Anna said and now it was her turn to look away. Even though she had suspected it for years, it really had not been polite of her to just shove it in his face like that. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry.”
“No, it was probably a good thing,” he said. “It’s like you said. I didn’t really know you. Until we began this journey, we had hardly spoken. I feel I know you a bit better now...”
Anna nodded. They were straying a bit too far from the topic now for her taste. She bit her lip and wondered how she could turn the conversation around to the two of them sleeping together.
“Anna, can I kiss you?” Lord Rosenkranz then said.
Anna could both see and hear how nervous he was, and she could hear his sigh of relief when she smiled and nodded.