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Anna was still thinking about what Maria and she had talked about in the garden, when she walked down one of the corridors to her room. It was another hot summers’ day and most of her guests were resting in the rooms, trying to endure the heat. Anna could not remember a sunnier summer than this.
She was so deep in her own thoughts, that she at first did not even find it odd, that someone called out her first name.
“Anna! Anna!”
She turned around to see, who it was, but there was no one there. Not many people called her Anna these days. Only Jonathan, Maria and Aunt Mathilda. And she was not going to be there until next week. Anna stopped in the hallway. It was a man’s voice, and it came from behind the door, that she was standing next to.
There were other women at court named Anna. Perhaps it was not even her, that the person was calling for. But then the cry came again, someone calling her name like they were in mortal danger.
“Anna! Anna!”
She pushed the door gently, to see whose room it was. She saw Wulfric lying on the bed. His head turning from side to side and his body twitching like he wanted to move it, to run away. It had to be a nightmare. Anna closed the door behind her and went over to his bed. She sat down on the side of it and gently stroke his arm.
“Wulfric, wake up, you’re dreaming,” she said in a soft voice.
He seemed to calm down but did not open his eyes.
“Are you okay?” Anna asked, still touching his arm.
He opened his eyes and looked at her. For a moment he smiled, then he sat right up in bed, looking startled.
“Anna what are you doing in here?” he said and looked down himself. He was only wearing a thin shirt and tights. His tunic and socks were neatly placed on a chair close to the bed, and his boots stood side by side, ready for him to put on. Anna supposed that it was a soldier thing. Valdemar had done the same.
“You were talking in your sleep,” Anna said and got up from the bed. “You were having a bad dream it seemed.”
Wulfric nodded his head and his blonde hair, that was a complete mess because of his sleep, bounced back and forth, making Anna want to run her hands through it. She clenched her hands into fists and stepped further back.
“I’m sorry about that,” he said and rubbed his face. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and reached for his socks first and put them on.
“You’re always sorry, but clearly it can’t be your fault, that you had a bad dream,” Anna said with a slight smile. He did not answer and did not even look at her.
“You were saying my name,” she said. She was curious to know what he had dreamt.
He nodded and still did not look at her.
“I keep having nightmares of the two robbers that we met,” he said and finally looked at her.
“That they are... raping me?” Anna said and could feel that her mouth went completely dry.
She tried to think of it as little as possible. It was only, when she had to ride through the woods, that the memory of it was sometimes brought back to her, and she would clench the reins tightly and urge her mount to go on. She never rode through the forest alone anymore. She would be escorted by at least three or four men.
Wulfric nodded and seemed to focus intensely on putting on his socks.
“In the dream I’m bound to a tree, and can’t do anything to help you,” he said.
Anna did not know how to respond to that. She could vividly imagine the feeling of being helpless while someone else was being hurt.
“Why did you call out my name?” she prodded again. He had not answered the first time.
“I did?” he said and looked at her with surprise.
Anna nodded.
“That’s why I entered.”
“I guess... I don’t know... Maybe it’s to let you know that you’re not alone, despite the horrible things, that are happening to you...” he could not look at her again.
Anna knew that he was talking about something else, and yet she felt that he was talking about her situation. Horrible things had happened to her. Her husband had been murdered. Her father had died just a couple of months ago, and she was alone. But when she was with him, she didn’t feel it. At least not as much. He really was her friend, she realized.
“I hope you stop having these dreams soon. Because of you the situation turned out completely different. I... I will be forever grateful that you were there,” she looked at his profile as she talked. He stiffened when she said the last part.
“Anyone would have done that,” he said and continued to put on his boots.
“Anyone might have tried, but I’m not sure, that anyone would have succeeded,” Anna said.
Wulfric looked at her with an almost pleading look on his face.
“Anna, please, I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” he said.
Anna nodded, turned around and took two steps towards the door, then turned around and walked back again, a bit closer to him this time.
“Actually, now that the two of us are alone, I’d like to talk to you about... what happened between us,” she said and forced herself to look at him. Her instinct was to look at her hands that was fidgeting with the fabric of her skirt.
Wulfric looked up but did not say anything. There was a look in his eyes, as if he expected to be struck.
“Things ended rather abruptly between us,” Anna began, but then did not know how to go on.
“You could say that,” Wulfric said and crossed his arms.
Anna looked at him astonished.
“Was that a joke?” she had to ask.
Wulfric looked at her and there was a gleam of humor in his brown eyes. Anna suddenly remembered the look of desire in them and felt, that the room had just grown hotter.
“I’m not known for my humor, but it’s there somewhere,” he said with a slight smile.
Anna had to smile as well. She looked at her feet, that were covered in shoes of the finest beige leather.
“I don’t know what happened,” she said as she looked up. “It all happened so fast, and it was so intense...”
“Is this about the duke?” Wulfric said and got up.
Even though it had probably not been his intention, there was something intimidating in him suddenly standing right in front of her. She barely reached his shoulder and she had to crane her neck to meet his eyes.
“This has got nothing to do with Valdemar,” Anna said a little offended.
She had to smile because she had not once compared him to Valdemar. Never once had she thought, that oh, Wulfric was different to Valdemar in that regard, or that he did this differently... It was astonishing really. Anna had to sit down on the bed.
“I’d always thought that I would be reminded of Valdemar, if I was ever with another man,” she said and looked at her hands.
Wulfric sat down on the bed next to her. He did not say anything, but simply let her take her time to find the right words. She liked that about him.
“I didn’t, when I was with you,” she said and turned to him with a smile.
Wulfric leaned down a little and Anna felt sure that he would kiss her; she was in his bedroom, they were sitting on his bed and her whole body was aching to be with him again. It would be so easy. But then he leaned back and got up.
“Then what happened?” he almost demanded.
Anna was about to explain herself. She was not sure what to say, but she knew that she had to try and clarify to him what had happened. But Wulfric spoke before she had a chance.
“One minute you were talking secret rendezvous’ and the next you asked me to leave and didn’t want to see me again. If it’s not about Valdemar, what is it about then?” he said.
He was starting to get angry; Anna could tell. But honestly, she did not know how he could be so blind.
“It’s about me of course,” Anna said and got up as well. “I thought I was going to be with Valdemar for the rest of my life. I never imagined that I’d sleep with another man. That I wanted to sleep with another man... And then you told that story. Of your daughter, and I just...”
She was going to cry now. Anna clenched her hands and her jaws and tried to compose herself while she looked at Wulfric.
“And you just what? You’re disgusted with me because I have a child out of wedlock?” Wulfric said.
“That’s not what I mean at all!” Anna said angrily and stopped trying to control her tears.
“Then what do you mean. You’re not saying anything!” Wulfric said and took a step towards her. She thought that he might reach out for, maybe even shake her, but he stopped with his fists clenched at his sides.
“I just...” Anna looked at him wildly while trying to find the right words. How could she explain? What could she say?
That it was all so new, and she did not know what she felt about him, except she was pretty sure that she did not love him although she cared about him? That it was so overwhelming being with someone who had been in love with you since you were a teenager and you had only just yourself started noticing that person? That she thought she might want a child and envied the woman that had had his child simply because she had been able to conceive? That she did not know how to live with the fact, that his daughter would always be a bastard, because of her and Wulfric’s feelings for her?
She could not tell him. She did not know how to tell him. In the end she just said:
“I don’t think we should sleep with each other again,” while she dried the tears from her eyes.
“No,” Wulfric said. “No, we probably shouldn’t.”
Anna should leave. She knew that she should leave, but she didn’t move. They were staring at each other and all she wanted was for him to take the two steps towards her and hold her. To comfort her and say that everything would be alright. But she could not ask that of him. Wulfric broke eye contact with her and looked out the window overlooking the moat and the fields and forest beyond it.
“It’s probably for the best any way,” he said with a sigh. “I’ve asked my mother to find me a bride, and she has already found several good candidates. I expect that I will propose to one of them soon.”
He didn’t turn around as he said this. Anna cleared her throat.
“I’m very pleased to hear that,” she said in a voice that she hoped sounded like she actually was, then she left his room.