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“I asked Rosenkranz to join us, I hope you don’t mind,” Lord Goodwin announced as he entered Maria and Jonathan’s common room. Anna looked up from the chess board that she was preparing, to see Peter Goodwin who entered with a self-confident air around him.
Wulfric entered behind him, glancing briefly in her direction then focusing on Jonathan who was lounging in a chair in front of the fireplace. A fire was roaring in it; Maria insisted on having the fire lit in order for Cilla not to get cold. She was fussing over her all the time, afraid that Cilla would be sick again. Right now, she was with the child in an adjoining room, trying to get her to fall asleep again.
“I hope I’m not imposing, Your Majesty. Lord Goodwin assured me that I would be welcome,” Wulfric said in the humble tone of voice that Anna hated. He had no reason to speak like that, why couldn’t he see it himself?
“Of course not, Rosenkranz,” Jonathan said. “We wanted to invite you actually, but I haven’t seen you all day.”
“No, I’ve not been feeling well”, Wulfric said in a sheepish voice.
Wulfric sat down next to him with his back to Anna that was sitting at the chessboard along the wall. Maria had promised to play with her. Anna just hoped she would not be too long with Cilla. It felt unnerving having to move to the circle of chairs by the fire and having to converse with the men. Or having to talk to Wulfric more likely.
The men started talking about defense policies and trade and Anna only listened with half an ear. It was not that she did not find it interesting or would not have been able to join the conversation, it was merely, that she had been looking forward to an evening where she did not have to think that much. Where she could merely enjoy herself with her friends.
If she had known that Wulfric would be there, she would probably have retired early, or perhaps have found other company. Most evenings she had made sure that there was entertainment for everyone but tonight the king and queen had requested to retire early, and people would gather in smaller groups around Rosenlund. She could probably find some of the younger people in the music room.
There was a cry from the room where Princess Cilla slept. The suite was meant for a couple with a common room in the middle and two bedrooms, but since Maria and Jonathan shared a bedroom any way, they had insisted that Cilla had the other room. They wanted to keep her close.
Maria opened the door. She looked a bit disheveled and was clutching Cilla while rocking her.
“I’m sorry, Anna,” she said. “I don’t think I’ll be able to play with you tonight. She wakes up every time I try to leave.”
Anna could have pointed out that Maria could have had one of the two nannies they had brought put Cilla to sleep again, but she understood why it was important for Maria to put Cilla down herself and she did not argue.
“It’s fine,” she said and tried to smile genuinely. The thought of rocking a child in her arms, her own child, had suddenly made something tighten in her throat.
Maria smiled thankfully and closed the door again. Anna started putting the chess pieces back in the box.
“If you still want to play, Lady Harold, I’m sure that Lord Rosenkranz will play with you. You’re a good chess player, as far as I remember. Aren’t you, Rosenkranz?” Lord Goodwin said and patted Wulfric on the back.
“Eh,” was Wulfric’s response.
“There’s really no need, I was thinking of retiring early any way,” Anna said.
“No,” Wulfric said and got up, more eager now. “Of course, I’ll play with you. In fact, I think I promised you that we would play, didn’t I?”
He sat down opposite Anna. His knees touching hers under the table. Anna squirmed a little, but with his long legs it was impossible for her to find a position, where they were not touching each other.
“Did you? I don’t recall that,” Anna said as she placed the pieces, she had just removed, back on the board again.
“No, I did, when I was escorting you here, remember?” Wulfric said and placed his king and queen exactly in the middle of the square. Anna looked at his long fingers, remembering how they had been inside of her only hours before.
She could feel that she blushed but hoped that the room was not light enough for the others to notice. The only source of light was the fireplace and the light from the window. The sun had still not set, but the light had grown significantly paler.
“Well, you’re white so you’ll start,” Anna said and pointing at Wulfric’s pieces. She had meant the white color as a favor to Maria, since she was not as skilled a chess player as Anna, and Anna knew that Maria only played in order to humor her.
Wulfric moved the pawn in front of the king two spaces forward then looked at her intently. Anna looked up at him briefly, meeting his dark brown gaze for a moment. There was a question in his eyes. She quickly looked back at her pieces moving the pawn in front of her king as well. Their pawns stood facing each other now.
She should not have slept with him again, Anna thought as she watched Wulfric move one of his knights to threaten her pawn. Anna moved one of her own knights to protect the pawn. She could not blame him for being confused, she thought as she watched his blonde head bend over the board. He hesitated for just a moment, before he moved one of his bishops to threaten her knight.
“The two of you are very quiet,” Jonathan said in a mocking voice.
Anna sent him a fierce look.
“Shut up, we’re concentrating,” she said.
She already knew that she would have to focus a lot more to beat Wulfric than Maria. Both Jonathan and Peter Goodwin laughed. When she looked at Wulfric he was smiling slightly, but then just motioned towards the board.
“It’s your turn,” he said.
Anna nodded, remembering the move she had thought of and moved her other knight to threaten the pawn that Wulfric had moved to start the game. She fought to contain a self-satisfied smile. Wulfric did not even look at her, as he moved a pawn one square forward to protect the first pawn.
Jonathan and Peter Goodwin had lost interest in them and was talking again. About Lord Goodwin’s eldest daughter Henrietta. Jonathan was asking whether Peter would consider a betrothal to Lawrence Helmholdt. The young boy was Maria’s nephew and Jonathan’s ward and if Maria and Jonathan did not have a son, he was most like the one that would succeed Jonathan on the throne.
Normally Anna would argue that the two young people should have a say in this, but she was completely focused on the game and did not want to break her concentration. She moved her bishop three squares forward, then Wulfric quickly moved another pawn just one square forward as if he had anticipated the move.
Anna had her rook, and her king switch places. Wulfric did the same almost as if her move had made him think of it. Anna looked at him smolderingly. Wulfric returned her gaze with a slight smile. Why was he so difficult to understand? Just when she thought she knew who he was he would show her a side of him that she had not expected. She had thought winning him over would be easy. She could not say why but she had.
The next moves felt almost like a dance: Anna moved the pawn in front of her queen one square, Wulfric moved his knight in front of the queen, Anna moved her knight back to protect her king, Wulfric moved a pawn one square ahead threatening both her pawn and her bishop.
Anna took a deep breath trying to keep a level head. She had to win. She did not know why. But she had to. She could not let Wulfric win. He kept sitting there, smiling slightly, as if everything was fine, while she felt like she was boiling inside. She felt like throwing herself at him at the same time as she wanted to yell at him. The feelings were so confusing and perplexing.
Slowly Anna moved her pawn one square diagonally to the square where one of Wulfric’s pawns was and captured it with a satisfied smile. She could do this, she told herself. At least she could win a game of chess over him, no matter how confused he made her feel.
Wulfric did not even flinch as he moved another pawn to capture hers. Anna had anticipated this but felt unnerved as she saw the smile on his face widen a bit. Her bishop was threatened by his pawn, and she quickly moved it back. Wulfric moved his rook one square to the side, then Anna moved her other bishop to threaten his knight.
“Who’s winning?” Maria said as she sat down next to Jonathan, who immediately reached for her hand. Anna looked away and tried to focus on the game.
“We’re not to disturb them they’re concentrating,” Jonathan said with obvious amusement. Anna sent him a fierce look, that only made him chuckle. Even though he was not her brother by blood, he was still just as annoying as one.
“Oh,” Maria said as Wulfric moved his pawn to threaten Anna’s knight. Anna tried hard to focus on the game, not minding what Maria, Jonathan and Peter Goodwin was talking about. She quickly moved her bishop one square back to safety.
“Have you had any news from Eleanor?” she could hear Maria ask, as Wulfric moved his pawn in the right corner. Or left from his perspective she guessed. Anna moved her bishop one square back again as she heard Peter Goodwin answer:
“Not for a couple of weeks, but I’ll leave you in about ten days. I want to be there when the baby is born.”
Anna had heard before that Lady Goodwin was expecting again. Their sixth child as far as she was aware. Lady Goodwin was the same age as Maria, only four years older than Anna. Of course, Lady Goodwin had been married at fifteen, but still there seemed to be something unfair about the amount of children the Goodwin’s had acquired.
Lord Goodwin’s statement had made Wulfric turn to look at him. Anna was curious to know why. Wulfric had been able to focus throughout the entire game but seemed distracted now. Anna studied his profile. He would want an heir, she was sure. Perhaps it was the talk of children that had made him look up.
A cold shiver ran down her spine, as she realized that he could have forced her to marry him by impregnating her. For some reason all of the times that they had been together she had made it difficult for him not to spill himself inside of her.
A more devious man would probably have taken opportunity of that to put her in a situation where she would have had no choice but to marry him. But not Wulfric. Of course, not Wulfric. Even though she had forgotten, of course he remembered, even on the brink of climaxing, that she had asked him to be careful. And he had been. She had not thought about it before, but it really spoke volumes of how noble he was. How much she could trust him.
“It’s your turn, Lord Rosenkranz,” she said quietly and held eye contact for a moment when he turned to look at her. Then he looked at his pieces on the chest board.
“Right,” he said and looked stunned, and Anna felt just as stunned when she realized that she would have liked to call him Wulfric.
He moved his bishop one square back with an almost absentminded air about him. Anna quickly moved the pawn in front of her queen one square forward trying to get the swiftness and the intensity of the fight back in the game.
But they both seemed distracted by what Maria, Jonathan and Peter Goodwin was talking about as Wulfric moved the pawn that had started the game one square ahead to threaten Anna’s knight.
“Do you have a preference whether it’s a boy or a girl?” Maria asked Peter Goodwin as Anna moved her knight forward, out of danger.
“A girl,” Peter Goodwin answered immediately, and Anna could hear the smile in his voice. “Don’t get me wrong, I love both Henrietta and Celestina greatly, but none of them look like Eleanor!”
Wulfric looked once at Peter Goodwin, then moved his knight, capturing the one that Anna had just moved. Anna blinked for a moment trying to realize whether it had actually happened, then she moved her pawn to capture Wulfric’s knight.
“Henrietta looks so much like my mother that’s it’s almost uncanny...” Peter Goodwin went on. Wulfric moved his knight to the far-right side of the board. His right of course.
“She really does, doesn’t she?” Anna could hear Maria say as she quickly moved her queen three squares forward capturing one of Wulfric’s pawns. The intensity of the game had come back, and Anna smiled as Wulfric quickly moved his own queen to capture Anna’s. She hoped he thought it had been a mistake on her part. That she had moved without thinking.
“Same grey eyes, same light brown hair,” Peter Goodwin said to describe his daughter. Anna moved her bishop to capture Wulfric’s queen unable to hide her satisfied smile. She could see Wulfric’s lips perch and see how he suppressed a sigh with his whole body when he quickly moved one of his bishops forward.
“But Celestina, she’s blonde,” Maria said, and Anna could hear the smile in her voice. The Goodwin children had been her nieces and nephews. In a way they still were Anna guessed. She knew that Maria’s life had not been easy, but still right now she could not help but envy her. Maria seemed to have everything: the adoring husband, the cute daughter, a large extended family. And Anna was all alone.
She quickly moved her knight forward to suppress any thoughts of the kind.
“Yes, but Celestina looks just like me,” Peter Goodwin said with a smile. Wulfric moved his knight forward, capturing one of Anna’s bishops. He had been sitting, sucking on his lips, while he thought and Anna both wanted to kiss him and didn’t want to kiss him ever again.
“Poor girl,” Peter Goodwin went on and Anna almost thought that he was talking about her, until she remembered that they were talking about Celestina. Maria, Jonathan, and Peter Goodwin all laughed. Anna quickly moved her pawn to capture Wulfric’s knight.
“But the boys, at least August and Edmund, they both look like Eleanor with the green eyes and just her shade of blonde hair,” Maria went on.
Anna saw the image of her son as she had always imagined him: a small boy with black hair and blue eyes. Her eyes almost watered at the thought that he would never be real. She was happy when Wulfric moved his rook, capturing her pawn, threatening her bishop, and giving her something else to think about.
“Yes, but they are boys, Maria. Hence why I wish for a girl,” Peter Goodwin said, as Anna moved her bishop away from the rook, threatening Wulfric’s king. She almost sighed with relief as the game would soon be over and she would be able to leave the room.
Wulfric moved his king to safety, as Maria said:
“And I can imagine that Eleanor wishes for a boy for the same reason?”
Anna quickly moved her rook forward, threatening both Wulfric’s pawn and bishop now.
“Yes, it’s insane that we have five children and no girls that look like Eleanor and no boys that look like me,” she heard Peter Goodwin say as Wulfric swiftly moved his bishop out of harm’s way. Anna was glad it seemed that he had picked up on her wanting to end the game. Or was it simply something that she imagined?
Anna quickly moved her other rook to threaten Wulfric’s bishop, as Jonathan said:
“But your third son, the eldest, who does he look like then?”
Wulfric moved his bishop to safety again. His king was left in a corner now, guarded by only two pawns. Anna captured his bishop with one of her knights.
“Otto is the spitting image of Eleanor’s father,” Maria said before Peter Goodwin had time to answer. “Or as much as a child can look a sixty-year-old with a port nose and a barrel for a belly. Sorry, Peter, but your father-in-law is not the handsomest man in the country.”
“No, need to apologize, but the red hair and the brown eyes are all him. There can be no doubt about that,” Anna could hear how proud Peter Goodwin was of his son.
She had never thought about how her children might look like her parents. Or Valdemar’s for that matter. Wulfric captured her knight with his pawn, but by this time Anna did not even care anymore. She quickly moved one of her pawns one square forward contemplating, whether she could make up an excuse to get out of the game.
It had to be something that would not worry Wulfric or the others too much, she thought as she watched Wulfric move one of his pawn one square ahead. She moved her rook to the side to make sure that it would not be threatened if Wulfric moved the pawn closer.
Valdemar had looked just like his mother. She had had the same black hair and blue eyes. Anna had always assumed that his darker colors would dominate her honey-colored hair and she could not imagine anything other than her children having his blue eyes.
She absentmindedly moved her king one square to make a move, after Wulfric had moved his rook. Valdemar’s father had looked more like Jonathan. He had had light brown hair, although not the weird shade of it that Jonathan had and had pale brown eyes, almost like dried clay.
Anna had never thought that her children might look like him but hearing Peter Goodwin speak made images of a dozen different kids come to mind. Blonde and green eyes like her, brown hair and brown eyes like Valdemar’s father, light brown hair like Jonathan and Valdemar’s piercing blue eyes, golden hair and shy dark brown eyes like...
Anna shoved away from the chess board so fiercely that several of the pieces fell to the floor.
“Anna, what’s wrong?” Wulfric said. He was rising from the chair, and she realized that she was standing in the middle of the floor as well.
“Nothing’s wrong,” Anna said and looked at Maria for support. “I’m just not feeling well. I’ll retire now,” she said and ran out of the door, before giving anyone a chance to say anything.
She ran to her room, not caring who saw her on the way or what they might think. She quickly locked the door to the hallway, hurried through her common room, already breathing unevenly because of the sobs. She threw herself down on the bed, hiding her head in her pillow.
There was no way about it. She knew that now. She wanted a child. She needed a child of her own. But it could never be Valdemar’s child.