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Anna watched Nicholas Lewinus like a hawk the next day, but he did not look in her direction or approach her again. It felt unbearable having to stay under the same roof as him and she wanted to simply banish him from her estate. She knew that she could not though since it would cause a scandal and only speed the whole process of ruining her reputation up.
“What’s going on with you today?” Maria asked as they were sitting on the floor in her chamber playing with Princess Cilla.
“Nothing,” Anna quickly said and handed the princess a doll made from cloth and stuffed with feathers.
“You’ve been so quiet and thoughtful. Is about your father?” Maria said with a gaze like she was trying to look right through Anna and figure out all her secrets. “Or is it about Lord Rosenkranz?” she added in a whisper. “Jonathan has noticed it too,” she then added in a normal voice.
Jonathan, who was sitting at his desk writing a letter looked up when she mentioned his name.
“What have I noticed?” he said and got back to writing his letter again.
“You mentioned that Anna was unusually quiet today,” his wife said as she moved the doll in front of Cilla’s face as if it was alive. The girl snatched it from her grasp.
“I guess it’s just overwhelming being a host,” Anna said.
“Indeed, it is,” Maria said with a smile. “If there is anything else, you know that you can also talk to us, right?”
It felt tempting to tell Maria everything. Anna felt that if she did not confide in someone, she would lose her mind. She looked at Jonathan. She was not sure how much of their conversation he was listening to. Despite their close relationship there were some things that she would not share with him. One of them was who she slept with.
“Jonathan?” Maria asked in an overly sweet voice and with a beamingly smile on her face.
“What do you want me to do?” Jonathan said with a smile and looked briefly up from his letter.
“Would you mind terribly if you finish your letter someplace else?” Maria said.
“Fine,” Jonathan said and got up. “I’ll finish it later.”
He kissed Maria on the head and ran his hand through Cilla’s hair before he left the room. The gestures were small, but Anna could feel her heart skip a beat at the sight of them. She wanted someone to do that. Someone to kiss her on the hair as he left the room and ran his hands through the hair of their child.
“So, what happened?” Maria said in a low voice.
“Lord Lewinus knows that I’ve slept with Wulfric,” she began with a sigh.
“So you have done it?!” Maria interrupted her with a dumbfounded expression that immediately turned into a wide grin. “You didn’t tell me that you’d slept with him,” she said and slapped Anna’s shoulder gently.
Cilla looked at her mother’s happy face with obvious glee.
“I told you yesterday that he’s in love with me,” Anna started.
“Yes, but you never mentioned anything about the two of you sleeping together,” Maria said. “How was it?”
Anna sighed and looked at Maria’s face for a moment, trying to determine whether she would be able to steer the conversation back on the right track without answering her question.
“It was great,” she then said, deciding that it was easier to say something than nothing at all, “But that’s beside the point...”
“That’s very much part of the point,” Maria said. “Did he satisfy you?”
“Yes, Maria, but listen to me...” Anna paused as Maria clapped her hands in delight. “Maria, listen to me,” she repeated, and Maria finally caught on to her urgent tone of voice and a more sober expression appeared on her face. “As I said, Lord Lewinus knows about it. I have no idea what he will do with the information, but I’m terrified of anyone finding out. How do you think Jonathan will react?”
Maria shrugged in a gesture that seemed more like she wanted to buy time and less because she actually was unsure about her husband’s reaction.
“He’d want you to marry Lord Rosenkranz. Or not want. More like force. He cares deeply for you, Anna. You’re like a sister to him and he would hate to see anything happen to you. I’m not sure he would mind terribly that you’d slept with someone outside of marriage, but he would mind if your reputation was ruined.”
Anna nodded slowly. It was the reaction that she would have expected from Jonathan.
“Why don’t you give Lord Rosenkranz a chance?”
Anna made a face but did not have time to say anything before Maria said:
“You are clearly attracted to him, he loves you, and he’s great in bed. His estate is right next to yours, and your children could not be anything but beautiful. Why are you resisting this?”
“Because I’m not in love with him,” Anna said in a high, angry voice that scared Princess Cilla who looked up at her, frightened. Anna got up from the floor and looked out the window while Maria comforted the child.
“I told you, I’m not going to marry someone that I’m not in love with. It would not be fair to him or to myself,” Anna said.
But in her mind was a clear image of Wulfric kissing her hair and then patting the hair of a little blonde boy sitting on the floor before he left the room. The image was so clear as if it were happening right before her eyes. Anna shook her head. If she could not give him what he wanted she should not encourage him at all.
Maria got up as well and came over to her by the window. She was still holding Cilla that seemed happy again.
“I’m sorry, Anna,” she said silently. “It’s just I want you to be as happy as I am.”
Anna smiled.
“I appreciate that. But I never will be.”
They were silent for a while, standing next to each other watching what was going on in the courtyard below them. Wulfric, Jonathan, and Lord Goodwin was standing below them talking and laughing.
“I won’t say that you should forget about Valdemar,” Maria then said quietly. “But you can’t simply stop living your life because he’s dead.”
“And you think that it would make me more alive to marry Wulfric?” Anna asked.
“Not necessarily, but I think that you might be missing out on something great if you don’t give it a chance. Or give someone else a chance. But right now, he seems like the most obvious option – and it would solve your problem with Lord Lewinus before it even became a problem,” Maria said and placed Cilla back on the floor. Before sitting down herself.
Anna nodded slowly as she watched how the three men in the courtyard all looked up. She followed their gazes to see who they were looking at. Lady Katarina was approaching them. Or Wulfric, it seemed, since he stepped away from the other two and walked towards her.
He was towering over her when they stood next to each other. Their heads were bent in conversation and then she could see Lady Katarina handing him something. Anna could not tell what it was, but it looked like a piece of white fabric like a handkerchief. Wulfric put it up his sleeve and then he kissed her hand.
Anna felt her breath catch. Perhaps Wulfric and Lady Katarina had a much better chance than she had expected.