Trying to fall asleep next to Laura and in Laura’s bed is not an easy task. I’ve fallen into a restless slumber off and on but, mostly, I’m just waiting for dawn to break through the curtains. It doesn’t help that Socks breathes way too heavily for a kitten his age and size—as though every single one of his exhales needs to show utter contentment.
I try not to toss and turn too much, and to keep to my side of the bed. Not only so I don’t disturb Laura, but even more so for my own peace of mind. It was a good idea in theory, one I applauded myself for because I didn’t feel like driving home with images of what could have been assaulting my brain throughout the journey again, and because it displayed a sensitivity toward Laura that she obviously still needs. But now, lying here next to her, it’s more stressful than I could have anticipated. I also wonder if she has slept at all. The last time Laura shared a bed with someone must have been with Tracy, this woman who is dead but still controls a big part of her life—mine as well.
I’ve been able to resist googling her, because I don’t know how it would make Laura feel if I told her that I did. Additionally, I guess I’m afraid of looking at the face of someone who will probably look as ordinary as the next person, someone whose face won’t bear any signs of the things she was capable of.
“Are you awake,” Laura whispers, startling me.
“Yes. Wide awake, in fact.”
“Can’t sleep, huh?” Her voice sounds sleep-drenched.
“Strange bed and all that.”
“It’s my bed and I can’t sleep either.”
“Well, that’s perfectly understandable, of course, what with the foxy lady you have lying next to you.”
“Tell me about it.” Laura snickers and every single smile or giggle or chuckle I get out of her, always feels like a small victory.
Laura obviously doesn’t believe in alarm clocks so I have no idea of the time. The room is totally dark and I can only hear Laura’s voice and, when I turn my head, make out her contour under the duvet.
“Do you want to spoon?” she asks, startling me again.
“Sure.” Instantly, my pulse picks up speed. “Outer spoon or inner spoon?”
“Inner,” she says. Perhaps because the room is bathed in darkness I can make out the inflections in her voice better, but it sounds a little hoarse—it sounds like she desperately wants something.
“Here I come,” I announce. I turn on my side and shuffle closer to Laura until my belly touches her backside. I slip one arm under my pillow and curve one over her middle, unsure what to do with my fingers, so I just let them dangle in the space in front of her belly. I leave a tiny gap between our bodies, but she surprises me by pushing herself against me. There’s no way I’m getting any more sleep now. “Is that okay?” I ask.
“Perfect.” She tilts her head back a bit, and some of her hair gets caught in my mouth and tickles my nose, but I don’t care. “Will you be able to go back to sleep?”
“No,” I say, truthfully, eliciting another giggle from Laura.
“Aren’t you exhausted from working on the ranch all day?” she asks, her body convulsing against mine a bit. “All those bulls that need taming and cows that need a-milkin’.”
“Hush now, girl,” I say in the dirtiest Texas accent I can muster.
“What do you do on the ranch exactly?” she asks.
“Just prance about in my coveralls with a blade of grass between my teeth, whistling and overseeing my land.”
“Is it ever possible to have a serious conversation about you?” Laura shifts against me—perhaps I’ve agitated her?—and, as a result, her ass presses hard into my belly.
“If you catch me at the right time.”
“Seriously, though, Tess. I’ve told you so much about me, and I’ve gotten to know your family, and the place where you’ve lived your whole life, yet, sometimes it feels as though I’ve only just scratched the surface of Tess Douglas.”
“I’m just not that interesting.” Compared to Laura’s, my life so far has been a breeze.
“I hope I’m not prying, but… there must be a reason why you never wanted to leave Nelson. I get that you’re close to your family, especially your sister, but isn’t falling in love supposed to be stronger than that?”
“What do you mean?” She has me thoroughly confused.
“Have you never fallen in love so hard that it made leaving Nelson a no-brainer?”
“I have. And I have left Nelson. I told you about that. But it didn’t work out.”
“Come on, Tess. Give me something to work with here. Everyone has a dark secret. What’s yours?”
“I’ve fallen in love; I’ve had my heart broken; and I’ve felt very lonely. That’s all I can tell you. What you see is what you get with me.”
“Okay.” She latches on to the arm I have draped over her. “Then I guess it’s official. I’ve never met anyone like you before. Someone who has it so together there’s nothing beneath the surface when I scratch.” She runs her fingernails over my skin.
“Is that your way of saying I’m boring?” I can’t keep a note of indignation out of my voice.
Laura turns on her back. My eyes have grown accustomed to the darkness enough for me to make out her features. “God no. Maybe I was just trying to erase a bit of my own darkness by digging up yours.” She’s still running her nails over my arm. “Or making sure you really weren’t too good to be true.” My arm now rests just underneath her breasts.
“What can I say? I’m a good girl.” Because she’s stroking me, I start skating my fingers over her side in return. My mouth is close to her temple, so I kiss her there.
“Right now, it doesn’t feel as though I’m lying in bed with a good girl.” Laura clamps her fingers around my arm and, at first, I think she wants me to stop but, instead, she angles her face toward me and kisses me full on the lips. My hand rides up a little, to the bottom of her breast, and I just let it rest there while we kiss.
“I want you,” she says, when we break from our kiss.
“Are you sure?” My hand scoots up a little higher.
“Yes,” Laura pants, turns fully on her side and presses herself hard against me.