“What are we going to do tonight?” Jenny asked the girls. She was up to twenty girls now. Only six of them were pregnant. She took this as a victory. It was the only victory she had these days.
“No drinking, no drugs,” they chanted in unison.
“And?” she prompted. There was comfort in the familiar, in the routine.
“Do our homework, go to school tomorrow.”
Cyndy didn’t say this part, but she smiled. She was still recovering from the delivery of a healthy baby girl that had gone home with a loving family only two hours away. Cyndy was due back at school next week.
“Good job, girls. Remember—call me if you need to. Otherwise—” The sound of boots clomping down the hallway stopped her midsentence. She knew the sound of those boots.
Her stomach plummeted. No—no. What on God’s green earth was Billy Bolton doing here? He couldn’t be here! He couldn’t walk in here like he owned the place!
But that was as far as she got before Billy opened the door to her classroom—and shoved Seth in. Her son’s whole face was red and he had an ice pack taped to his hand.
“Seth! What—”
Billy cut her off with a wave of his hand. “Tell her,” he said, putting his hand on Seth’s shoulder.
Seth didn’t say a thing.
“What’s going on?” Jenny demanded.
“He’s the one who screwed up. He’s the one who’s got to face the music,” Billy said, meeting her gaze.
“Fine thing coming from you,” she muttered so quietly that only Billy and Seth could hear her.
Billy grunted, but he kept his hand on Seth’s shoulder. “Go on, kid.”
“I, uh...” Seth sniffed. Billy gave him a little shove without letting him go. “I took your car and went to Billy’s shop and punched him.”
She gaped at Seth, looking from his iced hand to Billy’s face. She could see where one side was redder than the other. “You did what? You told me you were going to be helping Don outside!”
Billy gave him that little shove again. “I told Don I’d be in here with you.” Billy cleared his throat. “I’m sorry I lied.”
The wash of emotions that swamped her was so strong it made her knees wobble. Her son—driving down the highway in her rust bucket of a car? Punching Billy in the face? “Are you all right? Are you hurt?”
Seth swiped at his dripping nose with his unbandaged hand, but he didn’t answer. Jenny got the feeling he was too afraid of crying in front of the girls—all of whom were paying rapt attention to the little soap opera playing out in front of them.
“Cass said she didn’t think it was broken,” Billy said. “She’s patched me and my dad up enough after fights—she knows what she’s talking about.”
Jenny’s mouth opened and shut. “Um, good? I guess?”
“Doesn’t hurt that much.” Seth tried to sound tough, but she could tell how upset he was.
Now, anyway. How upset had he been about the whole thing to take her car and drive the forty-five minutes into Billy’s shop to punch down the bigger man? She’d failed—again. She’d been so focused on distracting herself from Billy that she hadn’t noticed how much Seth had been bothered by suddenly losing Billy as a mentor—and a friend.
Billy stood there, hand on her son’s shoulder, giving her the look that probably scared every other person—including the girls in this room—but she recognized it as the mask he used to hide his nerves.
Aside from the slight swelling where Seth had hit him, he looked good. His beard had grown out a little and his hair was already getting long enough to brush the back of his shirt. But he was still wearing the heavy leathers he wore when he was working.
She didn’t want him here, didn’t want to face this particular mistake with such an audience.
“I’ll deal with you when I get home,” she told Seth, pulling him away from Billy’s grasp. “Thank you for bringing him back.”
Billy notched an eyebrow at her. “I’m not done,” he said, sounding serious. “I messed up, too. And I’ve got to pay the price.”
Then he did the weirdest thing. He pulled her chair around to the front of the desk and sat down, facing the TAPS girls.
“Hi, girls,” he said, trying to sound friendly but still sounding scary.
She was rooted to her spot. All she could do was watch and listen.
“Jenny’s a good teacher, isn’t she?” The girls all giggled—they called her Ms. Wawasuck—but they nodded. “I’ve learned a lot from her,” Billy went on. “I learned I have to face my mistakes.”
“Billy—” she said, but then stopped. She didn’t know what else to say.
“I know some of you are in here because you made a mistake. And some of you don’t want to make the same mistake.” Some of the girls were blushing, some were looking at the floor—but no one said a thing. “I want to tell you that I understand—I made the same mistake. I was seventeen when I got a girl pregnant.”
A low sound—like a gasp that everyone was trying to keep inside—went through the room. Even Seth tensed next to her. But Billy went on.
“I freaked out. Told the girl I didn’t want the baby, didn’t want to be a dad. I didn’t stand by her when she needed me. I bet some of you have had that happen, too.”
Cyndy, sitting in the back, nodded, tears dripping down her face. Jenny realized she was nodding, too.
“I went back and asked her to marry me, but she’d already had an abortion. I told myself that was her mistake—not mine. I blamed her for taking a part of me away—but I never took responsibility for what happened. I—” He paused, his voice breaking.
There was no denying what he was doing—everything she’d asked him to.
When he spoke again, he sounded more vulnerable than she’d ever heard him sound before. “I saw her again a few weeks ago, and she’s never made peace with what she did. And the truth is I’d never really faced what I’d done, either.” His voice softened. “The truth is we both made mistakes. It takes two people to get pregnant. You can try to put the blame on him, but you have to deal with your part of the situation, too.” He looked over his shoulder at Jenny, his eyes shining. “That’s what you did,” he said to her. “You accepted your part in it and raised a damn fine boy who’d put it all on the line to protect you. But I didn’t. And you were right—I’ve been ashamed of that ever since.”
She wouldn’t have thought it possible, but as she listened to him, Jenny’s heart broke all over again. This wasn’t him hiding from the past or trying to bury it under piles of money or guilt. This was him laying it all on the line.
He turned his attention back to the girls. “You may think that we’re a bunch of dumb boys—and maybe we all are—but we’re just as scared as you are. The only difference is that we can walk away. And some guys do. That’s what they have to live with. Make the choices you can live with. That means not having sex, or using condoms. That also means keeping the baby, or giving it up, or whatever. But whatever it is, you have to be able to get up every day of your life and look in the mirror and know you did the best you could.”
The silence was profound. No one moved until the younger girls began squirming.
Jenny took a deep breath, hoping she could keep it together. “Okay, that’s enough for today. I’ll see everyone tomorrow.”
She didn’t have to say it twice. The room cleared in a matter of moments.
“You, too, kid,” Billy said. When Seth didn’t start walking, he added, “I gave you my word, remember?”
“Okay.” Still holding his iced hand, Seth followed everyone else out.
It was just the two of them. Moving slowly, Billy stood and rolled the chair back under her desk. Then he came up to her.
Jenny wanted to back away from him, tell him that she’d feed him to the coyotes if he touched her—but she couldn’t. She couldn’t even move as he reached out for her, pulled her into the arms she’d missed so much, and kissed her.
She forgot what she wanted and what she didn’t want and whatever mistake had led her away from this man, because all she could think—all she could feel—was how the world had righted itself. God, she’d missed him. No matter how hard she tried, she’d never stop missing him.
He pulled away, but he didn’t go far. Instead, crushing her to his massive chest, he said, “I didn’t do right by you, Jenny—that was my mistake, the one I have to face every day when I look in the mirror. So I tried not looking in the mirror.” A sad smile tugged one corner of his lips up. “Didn’t work.”
“Oh?” She reached up and touched his lips.
“Tried to get lost again—in work, not in beer,” he added. “That didn’t work, either.”
His arms felt so good around her. How had she thought she could live without this? Without him?
“Me, too.” At this, his smile got a little less sad. “Even painted my living room.”
His arms tightened around her. “So I’ve been thinking that there’s only one way to get over you.” He let go of her, but before disappointment could sink her, he was on his knees in front of her, both of her hands in his. “If you’ll have me, I’ll do better—be better. For you and your son.”
“You—you mean it?”
He nodded. “I won’t make any promises about cussing—too set in my ways. He’s heard it all, anyway. But he’s a good kid. If he wants me as a dad, I’d be proud to have him as a son.” He swallowed, and she saw the fear in his eyes. “I’m not perfect. I work too much. I’m grumpy. My family’s a pain in the butt. But if you’ll have me as a husband, Jenny, I want you as my wife. I love you.”
All she could do was gasp in surprise. He’d broken her heart—but he was putting it back together, one word at a time.
“What if it doesn’t work?” she heard herself ask.
“I won’t regret trying, Jenny. I won’t ever regret not giving up on you.”
God, how she’d wanted to hear those words, wanted to believe them. How she wanted to say yes. But something held her back—the reason she’d walked away in the first place. “What if that woman comes back and wants more money?”
The blood drained out of his face—except where her son had hit him. The whole situation was unreal. “She won’t get anything else out of me. And if she talks to the press, then I’ll deal with that. I won’t hide anymore. I don’t need to. You taught me that.” He swallowed again. “Marry me. The family that I want is you and Seth. That’s all I need.”
“You promise?”
His smile sharpened, making him look hot and wicked and, more than anything, just like the man she loved. “You should know something about me, Jenny. I keep my promises, or I don’t make them. And I promise you that I’ll do better by you every day for the rest of our lives.”
She let out a breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding. “Yes,” she told him, and was immediately crushed in a gigantic bear hug.
Then the door opened and Seth stuck his head in. “Are you guys done yet?”
Billy grinned down at her. She’d never seen him look happier than he did right then.
“No,” he said, brushing his lips over hers. “We’re just getting started.”
* * * * *