CHESTER TREATS
HIS THICK BLOOD WITH
SARSAPARILLA TEA.

I am watching an episode of Gunsmoke with my dad. It is the one where Chester complains of too-thick blood and then everyone has to go out looking for Doc Adams because he’s gone missing. Later in the episode, Chester gets stabbed by a horse thief and has to shoot him. The Marshal finds him just after and says, What happened, Chester, did you get shot? No, no, I just got stabbed a little bit is all, Mr. Dillon, he drawls.

I like Festus better than Chester, I say to my dad, in front of the TV.

Yeah, Festus grows on you, I guess, my dad says.

But even by then it is already in reruns, and the reruns have restarted and we are back to Chester already. There’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that Chester is the way better sidekick for Marshal Dillon. He is just way better. Better looking, better actor, better accent, better character type. Festus is kind of filthy looking, and a little bit creepy, and seems to squint too much. His accent is all wrong in a way that makes people with drawls sound dumb as shit. Obviously, Chester is better. I don’t know why I am so contrary.

My father never explains his preference for Chester. But I fix it in my head it is because Chester walks with a limp. But when Chester is on Gunsmoke that is way before my dad walks with a limp, because it is way before he has the stroke that makes him walk with a limp. So why would he care one way or the other about a limp? When Chester is on Gunsmoke my dad is still tall and big and healthy, in boots and jeans with a crease, and he runs and plays basketball and fishes every weekend on the lake in the bass-pro boat, and drives a big truck for a living and drives a smaller truck for fun, and he has a girlfriend who works on the switchboard, and she calls the house sometimes to see if he is there and when my mom answers, that doesn’t go well.

After the stroke, a lot changes.