Welcome to Sensual You! While you will continue to discover and revel in your sensuous world, this class is designed to help you begin to rediscover (or perhaps discover for the first time) the sensual enchantress within you that time, life, and other people’s opinions have effectively buried. We begin by teaching you how to START and STOP your way to a new sensual you.

LECTURE: Individual sensuality. Most of us, in our heart of hearts, simply want to be noticed in this world. Some of us put a lot more effort into it than others, but for the most part, people want to be recognized. Generally, for women, this starts as a desperate need during puberty and carries on well into our adult years. Think about it: How much time, effort, and money have you put into hairstyles, cosmetics, and fashion trends in order to stand out in the crowd, only to find that everyone in the crowd looks basically the same? (Think of the overstyled celebrity award shows where individuality has been erased from glamour.) Or only to find that you still don’t feel comfortable with your appearance? Kind of defeats the purpose, don’t you think? Or have you done the opposite and created a personal style and persona that forces people to notice you, but for all the wrong reasons? Either way, you’re playing a role and dressing in a costume.

PROFESSOR’S NOTES

Your Fan Five will give you clues to your individual tastes that set you apart from others. The fact is, a woman’s sensuality truly takes root in her individuality. A woman comfortable in her uniqueness is a confident woman, and a confident woman is a sexy woman!

One of the most amazing benefits of living through your Fan Five is that you can’t help but begin to understand yourself better. Your special sensory preferences become clues to who you are at your truest level. And it’s from this true you that you begin to build a personal pizzazz that is neither a put-on nor a duplicate of anyone else’s.

The power of true you: Now we’re talking WOW!

SENSUAL YOU RULE #1: STOP trying to change yourself to fit an image and START changing your self-image.

Trying to force yourself into someone else’s idea of who you are and what you should look like is setting yourself up for a heapin’ helpin’ of frustration and rejection. But changing the way you look at yourself obliges others to do the same—on your terms.

SHOEBOX WISDOM

Beauty is how you feel inside and it reflects in your eyes. It’s not something physical.

—SOPHIA LOREN

DAILY FIELD TRIP: Today you will take your 20- to 60-minute walk with thoughtful emphasis on you. While you continue to enjoy this as a sensory experience, I want you to turn your thoughts inward, concentrating on your walking thought for the week.

TODAY’S WALKING THOUGHT: I am. Short and sweet and powerful, this is an important affirmation. It will help you integrate the idea that your value is in your very existence and that you are perfect as is.

CLASS ASSIGNMENT: Creative visualization. See yourself as you already are. Escape to your sanctuary for at least 10 minutes. Get in a comfortable position, whether sitting or lying down, where you won’t be disturbed. Relax your body completely. Breathe deeply and slowly from your belly, release all tension, and let it flow from your body.

PROFESSOR’S NOTES

Creative visualization is the technique of using your mind and imagination to create the life you want. Many of you have been using it for years to manifest your negative thoughts without realizing it. How many times have you thought that you were unattractive or unlovable?

CV creates positive energy, which, like negative energy, will become reality. Also, by ending the exercise with the mantra, This, or something better, you are leaving room for something better than you ever imagined.

Check out the book Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain for more information.

When you feel deeply relaxed, start to imagine the woman you want to be. If you want to be more confident in your body or sexually liberated or socially charming, imagine yourself in such a situation and see everything happening just as you want it to. If you want a good partner in your life, create that positive interaction in your visualization. You can imagine what you and other people are wearing, saying and doing, plus any details that make it more real to you. Have fun with this. It should be a thoroughly enjoyable experience, like a child daydreaming about what she wants for her birthday.

Now, keeping this image still in your mind, make positive, affirmative statements to yourself (aloud or silently, your preference). “I now have a sexy, loving relationship with myself.” “I am a sexually evolved woman.” “I love the confident, sexy woman I am.” “I am in a happy and healthy relationship.”

And as personal growth guru Shakti Gawain encourages, always end your visualization with the following: “This, or something better, now manifests for me in totally harmonious ways, for the good of all concerned.”

NOTE-TAKING : Jot down in your journal how you feel about what you are manifesting.

EXERCISE: Continue with three sets of 10 kegels, three times a day. Repeat your walking thought as you kegel.

THE LEXIS TRAP EXAM

Have common words and their definitions ensnared you in boundaries set by someone else? Is your sensuality and feminine confidence caught up in the trap of connotation? Take a minute to jot down the first word or phrase that comes to mind for each of the words below. As with last week’s vocabulary test, don’t overthink this. Just write down the first word that pops into your head. Feel free to add any other words that restrict you from living life on your own terms.

It’s true: Words have power. But you have control.

Go further and write a line or two more fully defining your personal thoughts about each word. Then look up the actual definition. How do your thoughts differ from the definitions? Do you find that most of these words hold a negative meaning for you? If so, where do you think those feelings came from? Explore this in your journal.

Now give each of these words a positive connotation based on your personal moral code and sense of integrity.

Lesson 2

LECTURE: See yourself through others. She may be someone you have an innocent girl crush on, or someone you refer to as the “biatch” on days when you are feeling less than charitable. Or she might just be a stranger you notice in passing and can’t keep your eyes off. Whoever they may be, begin to pay attention to the attributes of WOW in other women that capture your attention and awe. It’s important to understand that the attributes you admire (and maybe envy) and are drawn to in other women are most often the same hidden assets that you possess but have yet to acknowledge and let surface. So look, listen, and learn from the women around you.

PROFESSOR’S NOTES

Funny how you will readily overlook the perceived flaws of those you love as unimportant, and concentrate on their other wonderful qualities, while you refuse to do the same for yourself.

Maybe not so funny, huh?

SENSUAL YOU RULE #2: STOP concentrating on what you don’t have or don’t like about yourself, and START embracing what you do.

Like every woman, you have at least one (if not two or three) physical features that you, for the life of you, don’t see as special. It could be your eyes, your legs, your shoulders, your hands and feet. Whatever it is, enhance your assets and stop worrying about the rest.

DAILY FIELD TRIP: Continue with your daily 20-to 60-minute walks. Add a word to your walking thought today that most expresses the woman you are but haven’t shown to the world. (I am … fearless. I am … seductive. I am … beautiful.) Walk with that mantra in your mind and on your lips.

TODAY’S WALKING THOUGHT: I am …

CLASS ASSIGNMENT: Today’s assignment is to begin to listen to, accept, and learn from the compliments you receive. So many of us are too modest or insecure to even accept compliments, let alone see them and use them for the useful and empowering nuggets of inspiration they are. How many times have you brushed off a kind comment or made some self-deprecating remark in response to a compliment? Stop downplaying the wonderfulness of you! Give yourself permission to bask in the warmth of your own sunshine and be open enough to allow others to do the same.

PROFESSOR’S NOTES

How often do you compliment others? Are you generous in your recognition of the specialness of others? If not, maybe that’s why you can’t see the specialness in yourself.

A woman with WOW knows how to graciously take compliments for what they are, gifts from the universe, and use them to fuel her confidence—not her ego. If enough people tell you your legs are great or you have amazing eyes, you have a pretty good idea what about you is most special. People will also clue you in as to what colors look good on you or what styles really flatter your body. Once you are clear about your best features, own them and showcase them with pride.

NOTE-TAKING: In your journal, make a list of all the compliments people give you. Think about how you’ve felt when you’ve heard these things about yourself. Did you believe them, or question people’s motives? Now add some of your own to the list of other people’s compliments. Make a list of the things you admire about yourself.

EXERCISE: Continue with three sets of 10 kegels, three times a day. Repeat your walking thought as you kegel.

Lesson 3

LECTURE: Define yourself through your own eyes. Take time to truly admire yourself with loving eyes. Most of us don’t really look at ourselves and our bodies, and when we do, it’s usually only to critique them. That’s why we don’t learn to love and find beauty in them as they are. Spend some time with the lady in the looking glass. You’ll be amazed at how fabulous she really is if you take the time to truly see her.

I REALIZED THAT…

“I came in with this attitude that, yeah, it’s easy to feel beautiful and sexy when you already look that way. Now I know that it’s easier to feel those things if you believe them about yourself. I’ve finally stopped comparing myself to other women.”

Lucy ’08

Why is this important? Because when you are comfortable and confident with who you are—mind, body, and soul—you no longer seek validation from others and instead validate yourself on your own terms and by your own standards. When this happens, nobody can shake your confidence to the point of paralysis. And once your realize that only you can let someone else steal your joy, the chances that you will allow them to do so will be reduced dramatically.

SENSUAL YOU RULE #3: STOP giving other people the power to validate you. START validating yourself.

Other people’s opinions will always matter, but they should never be your guiding principle, more important than your own opinion.

DAILY FIELD TRIP: On your 20- to 60-minute walk today, add a second word to yesterday’s walking thought. (I am … fearless and sexy.) Step lively, girl!

TODAY’S WALKING THOUGHT: I am … ( ) and ( ).

CLASS ASSIGNMENT: Mirror, Mirror. You’ll need a full-length mirror and your journal. Arrange for 15–20 minutes of private time in your sensual sanctuary or bathroom. Look in the mirror and write down the first thoughts or words that come to mind when you look at your face. Make a list of three things you dislike about your face, and three you love. Now look at your naked body in the mirror and repeat the exercise, focusing on what you like and dislike about your entire body. Identify your one or two best features. Now turn the page and give yourself a heartfelt compliment.

NOTE-TAKING: In your journal, write about how difficult it is (or is not) to witness yourself naked. Is it uncomfortable to see yourself sans clothing? Why or why not? Next, write down and finish this thought: If my body looked exactly how I’ve always dreamed, my life would change in these ways …

Now ponder this: What’s easier? For you to be naked physically, or emotionally? To bare your butt or to bare your feelings? Why?

EXERCISE: Continue with three sets of 10 kegels, three times a day. Repeat your walking thought as you kegel.

Lesson 4

LECTURE: Charisma. It’s the backbone of the WOW factor. Every woman has her own distinctive brand of star quality, and you don’t have to be famous to flaunt and use it to your best advantage. Charisma is not what you are—your image or physical stature—but who you are, rooted in your personality. It’s your own “secret sauce” that helps you connect emotionally, intellectually, and even spiritually to others.

SHOEBOX WISDOM

Check out your Fantabulous Five and see what clues your sensory preferences provide to help isolate your personal variety of killer charm.

Your personality charisma may be flashy or flamboyant. Maybe it’s quiet and intoxicating, or warm and witty. It’s probably a combination of two or more qualities, with one the most prominent and the most powerful display of your unique brand of WOW. Once you identify yours and comfortably claim it, it can never be taken away, nor will it sag or drag or disappear with age. It becomes the anchor of your sensual persona.

SENSUAL YOU RULE #4: STOP minimizing your successes and accomplishments and START acknowledging that you are a walking wonder.

DAILY FIELD TRIP: Today, on your 20- to 60-minute walk, wear those sexy panties that you’ve been saving for a special occasion and get out and strut your stuff.

TODAY’S WALKING THOUGHT: I am … ( ) and ( ).

CLASS ASSIGNMENT: Have you ever wondered why Michelle Obama, Sandra Bullock, and Jennifer Lopez are all considered beautiful and sexy even though they are so completely different? It’s because they each understand their own personality strength—smart, funny, sexy—and work it to its maximum effect.

Study the following charisma types (on page 55) and select the group you think is most closely aligned with your personality. You may be a mix of charismas—we all are—but don’t project the charisma you want to be, chose the dominant charisma you are. This way, just as with your best features, you’re always leading with your strengths.

NOTE-TAKING: In your journal, consider some women you know who would share your type of charisma. How do they reveal their personality? What mannerisms, style of dress, tone, and so on, do they project? Now reflect on your charismatic style. Is there another style you feel naturally applies? Is there a charisma you secretly covet? Why? Do you currently recognize some of those charismatic traits in yourself?

How do you reveal your distinct charisma? Do you hide your true personality type under another? If so, why? If not, what can you do to further emphasize your charisma? Does your appearance match your personality?

EXERCISE: Continue with three sets of 10 kegels, three times a day. Repeat your walking thought while kegeling.

THE WOW FACTOR: YOUR CHARISMATIC STYLE

COOL CHARISMA:

Nicole Kidman, Salma Hayek, Halle Berry

Mystery is what makes a woman with Cool Charisma so appealing. She’s classy and self-contained, and part of her allure is that you never quite know what she’s thinking. Cool but never cold, she is ultratempting because her demeanor implies that there is much more to know and uncover.

SHOEBOX WISDOM

[Charisma is] about a sparkle in people that money can’t buy. It’s an invisible energy with visible effects.

—MARIANNE WILLIAMSON

CUTE CHARISMA:

Katie Couric, Jennifer Hudson,
Reese Witherspoon

A woman with Cute Charisma is friendly and optimistic. She makes people feel comfortable around her and her appeal lies in the fact that she’s approachable and inclusive. She may appear vulnerable and in need of protection, but this cutie is completely capable of taking care of herself.

SEXY CHARISMA:

Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez, Tina Turner

Sex appeal and passion ooze from every pore of a woman with Sexy Charisma. Her sexuality permeates everything she does and yet she’s no bimbo. Her soft, sensuous exterior belies her inner toughness, which makes her enormously enticing.

SMART CHARISMA:

Michelle Obama, Lisa Ling, Diane Sawyer

For a woman with Smart Charisma, her shining intelligence is her greatest appeal. And while she won’t dumb it down for anyone, she’s no intellectual snob. She has the unassuming ability to make you consider things in an entirely different light, which is her charming way of getting what she wants.

PROFESSOR’S NOTES

Remember that most personalities are a mix of charismas. While one is usually the most dominant, they are not mutually exclusive. A woman with sexy charisma can certainly be smart, and usually is. Cute can be powerful, humorous, mysterious as well. Bottom line: whatever the mix, it’s all sexy as hell!

AMUSING CHARISMA:

Ellen DeGeneres, Whoopi Goldberg, Sandra Bullock

A woman with Amusing Charisma will attract you with her sharp wit and humorous take on life, all the while making you laugh and feel at ease. There’s nothing clownlike about this kind of charisma. It’s clever and disarming and draws you in like a magnet.

POWER CHARISMA:

Madonna, Oprah Winfrey, Hillary Clinton

A woman with Power Charisma has the audacity to go for her goals and yet remain deeply feminine. She is independent and fearless. Standing next to her, you might feel a little intimidated by her energy and intensity, but you’re also fascinated.

Lesson 5

LECTURE: Sensual signatures. It’s time to begin to cultivate your distinct sensual persona. A woman’s sensuality truly takes root in her individuality. It’s the little, very personal things that make you feel sensually exceptional and become the lingering clues to your inimitable personality. And because you aren’t trying to be like everyone else, you will eventually find comfort and confidence in simply being yourself. So start acquiring the five signatures that every woman with WOW should have and make them part of your daily existence. These are not items found on the “What’s hot” or trend lists of the season, but rather carefully considered finds that define you. Know that, initially, these signatures will serve as physical prompts to remind you who you are, but in time, they will become the things that you are known for.

PROFESSOR’S NOTES

I once interviewed the famed fashion stylist Lloyd Boston, who told me that women worry too much about looking fabulous all the time. “Understand that you don’t have to look amazing every day. Save amazing looks for when it matters.”

Well said!

Another great tip from the Style Guy: “Look at celebrities in reverse. Take notice of their worst fashion moments, determine why it doesn’t work, and apply those lessons to yourself.”

Check out Lloyd’s book The Style Checklist: The Ultimate Wardrobe Essentials for You.

SENSUAL YOU RULE #5: STOP thinking you want to be sexy and instead START realizing that you are the new sexy.

Sexy is not a body type or a fashion style. Sexy is an attitude that starts in your head. Where it ends is what makes your body (and your lover) smile.

DAILY FIELD TRIP: Today, walk with the intention of strutting your stuff proudly.

TODAY’S WALKING THOUGHT: I am … the new sexy.

CLASS ASSIGNMENT: Shopping list. Begin to identify your individual signatures and make a shopping list. Let’s be clear. These are not elements of yourself that you put away in your closet and pull out for special occasions. These are the signatures that you build your brand of sensual WOW around, the features that make you stand out in the crowd and mark you as a woman who knows and likes herself. You’re not trying to dress up and play at being a sensual woman—you are owning your unique sensuality and therefore simply being irresistibly you.

1. SIGNATURE SCENT. Express your scentuality. Choosing the scent you like enough to be your signature fragrance can be difficult because there are so many to choose from. If you haven’t got it figured out yet, visit your nearest Sephora store. They have a simple touch-screen program to help you identify your signature scent based on your individual personality and style.

2. SIGNATURE SYMBOL. Identify your trademark icon, something that connects you to your sensual self and is a reminder of the ultimate woman you are striving to become. Identify a particular shape, word, or symbol you’ve always been drawn to and claim it as your own. Whatever your icon, recognize the positive emotions it evokes in you, define its importance to you, and let those feelings influence your behavior and the way you see yourself.

3. SIGNATURE STYLE. Sophisticated or bohemian, tailored or feminine, from your lipstick to your signature cocktail, develop a personal style and dress to express and impress yourself. Make sure that a large percentage of your clothing tastefully showcases your best assets. Identify your “uniform”—your go-to pieces you can put on without a lot of thought—for days when you are feeling less than stellar. Your uniform basics should have a flattering fit, be easy to wear, and be amenable to bumping up a fashion notch by adding a few signature accessories. Above all, they should make you feel stylish and attractive.

4. SIGNATURE SEXIES. What’s under your skirt? Is what’s under there in sync with what’s going on in your head and your attitude about yourself? Whatever your style preference, just make sure your signature sexies are your brand of sexy and make you feel I’ve-got-a-secret terrific no matter what is covering them up. Your bra and panties should be clean and in good repair, matching or coordinated by color, supportive and well fitting. On a practical level, great-fitting undergarments also make you look better in your clothes. To get uplifted and lose the panty lines, start by going to a local lingerie store or department store that does professional fittings. Once you know the size, style, and brand that works for you, look online for deals and steals.

5. SIGNATURE SONG. What’s your femme fight song? The one that makes you stand taller, smile broader, reminds you of the amazing female you are and brings out the sexy in you? Listen to it while you’re driving, walking, or exercising. Use it to pump yourself up before a big date or event. Use your theme song to inspire your attitude and lift your spirits when your confidence levels sag.

PROFESSOR’S NOTES

Some signature songs to consider:
Just Fine (Mary J. Blige)
I’m Every Woman (Whitney Houston)
Golden (Jill Scott)
Whatever Lola Wants (Sarah Vaughan)
The Art of Seduction (Maxi Priest)
Feeling Good (Nina Simone)
Girl From Ipanema (Astrid Gilberto)
Sexy Back (Justin Timberlake)
Smooth (Santana with Rob Thomas)
Fergalicious (Fergie)
I’m Beautiful (Bette Midler)
Just the Way You Are (Bruno Mars)
Miss Independent (Kelly Clarkson)
All the Woman (Tina Turner)
New Attitude (Patti LaBelle)
Single (Natasha Bedingfield)
You Gotta Be (Des’ree)
Firework (Katy Perry)

NOTE-TAKING: In your journal, take a minute to identify what signatures you already own or recognize as your own. Write down what they mean to you and what they express about you. What did you learn this week about your individual sense of sensuality? Is the signature style you currently have showcasing the authentic you?

EXERCISE: Continue with three sets of 10 kegels, three times a day.

Extra Credit

TIPS TO GET STARTED ON YOUR SIGNATURE STYLE

1. KNOW YOUR BODY AS IT IS, NOT AS YOU WISH IT WERE. Not as you imagine it being, and not how you intend it to be in the future. Understand your best attributes (those great eyes or sexy shoulders or slamming legs)—those are the features you’re going to dress to highlight. Just as important, know your body type and perceived imperfections. Every woman’s got them, whether it’s cellulite, jiggly arms, a minuscule bust, or saddlebag thighs. I say perceived because if your body met the current beauty standards, you’d look like a naked 12-year-old boy, and what’s so damn perfect about that? We’re women. We’re supposed to be voluptuous and pillowy or toned and muscled and lean or (fill in your body type). Healthy and happy is the new beauty standard!

2. NEXT, FIND SOME QUIET TIME AND SIT DOWN WITH A STACK OF FASHION MAGAZINES AND STORE CATALOGUES. Unless your signature style leans toward the fashionista, avoid Vogue and all the high-fashion tomes—the more you can look at real women in real clothes, the better. Tear out all the outfits that catch your eye. You’ll find there is a certain look or combination of looks that continually appeals to you. Now define that style for yourself in your own words. Is your preferred look regal and tailored? Maybe funky but elegant. Feminine and sweet? Earthy and bohemian? Are you drawn to bold color or muted tones? Do you like classic looks or trendy pieces? Discover the look you like and then head out to the stores and begin pulling together similar looks in styles that flatter and highlight your positives and camouflage your negatives.

3. FIND ACCESSORIES THAT ARE DISTINCTIVE AND SAY YOU. This includes jewelry, shoes, and lipstick. And don’t be afraid to wear them in ways other than intended. Wear a necklace as a belt (or vice versa), or attach a funky pin to your handbag or shoes to create a one-of-a-kind look. Let the designer in you come out to play. Accessories are a cost-effective way to turn your basic uniform into an artistic expression of self. And be willing to extend this individualism to your social style. Why be just another woman sitting at a bar sipping a pink cocktail? Scour the bartender books and find a drink that becomes your distinctive version of “the usual.”

4. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD OWN AT LEAST ONE PAIR OF CFM³ SHOES. Nothing can make you and your legs look sexier than a great pair of heels. For decades, high heels have been recognized as the ultimate in sexy footwear. And with good reason: the height of the heel alters the wearer’s center of balance, creating a walk that makes the hips sway and the bottom protrude; the style of the shoe makes legs appear longer and leaner; that same shape also arches the foot sexily. High heels make the wearer look taller and slimmer, creating an air of confidence and sophistication which is, in itself, sexy. And here’s the cherry on top: Italian urologist Dr. Maria Cerruto, of the University of Verona, has concluded that walking in higher heels—and they don’t have to be stilettos—gives a workout to the pelvic floor muscles, the pleasure muscles that are linked to orgasm. If you can’t maneuver in stilettos, find a great, sexy pair of kitten heels in which to walk that golden gait. And remember, if heels aren’t for you, let the cut and style of your shoe scream “I’m sexy” for you.

PROFESSOR’S NOTES

Most major department stores have complimentary personal shopping services. You can learn a lot about fit and fabric from them. Use one of these services, or a sales associate or a friend, to help you pull together your signature style. And even if you can only afford to buy one piece, make it a uniform staple and then get on with the fun of building high/ low wardrobe around it.

Lingerie Online

Figleaves.com

Myla.com

Freshpair.com

Barenecessities.com

SHOEBOX WISDOM

“Look to the heel … The sex is in the heel.”

—LOLA FROM KINKY BOOTS

Give yourself a grade based on the amount of work you did this week and how well you applied the lessons learned.

SY 103 CLASS GRADE: