The Power of WOW

Well, you’ve reached the last teaching week of the semester. You’ve worked on your individual and social sensuality, and bringing your sexy back. Now it’s time to take your new sense of feminine confidence and move ahead to the joys and power of sexual WOW, which includes the art of seduction.

LECTURE: Sexual sensuality. In the previous unit, we made a very real distinction between teasing and flirting. Now we explore seduction, which is an invitation to your lover, whether subtle or overt, to join you in a completely sensual experience designed to thrill and excite all your senses and culminate in making love.

PROFESSOR’S NOTES

When it comes to the art of seduction, anticipation, excitement, and tension are your keys to turning your man on. Your goal is to create a strong feeling of delicious conflict in him, a conflict which can only be resolved by having you.

Now is the time when all your earlier explorations and discoveries come together to create an authentic, confident sexual being. I hope the work you’ve been doing has boosted your feminine confidence to an all-time high and you’re ready to approach the sexual side of your life with added enthusiasm and assurance.

CLASS ASSIGNMENT: The art of seduction. Successful seduction is a combination of desire, attitude, and emotion. Trust that the poise that comes from being authentically you will take you far when it comes to moving past flirting and directly into seducing. Think of it as simply taking those S.E.L.L. techniques you’ve been practicing every day and pushing them in the direction of enticement. Now you will S.E.T. the mood with your smile, eye talk, and touch.

PROFESSOR’S NOTES

A successful seduction occurs when you are able to lure, by any means you see fit, your partner away from whatever unimportant thing he is doing and into your arms. Every relationship—old or new—needs a good seduction every now and again, and the boost it will give your relationship will last for weeks.

Let your mood dictate your actions. Feeling soft and romantic? Seduce him with candlelight and butterfly kisses. Aggressive and in charge? Push him against the wall and take what is yours, girl! The fun and art of seduction is letting all your sexy personalities and moods join in the fun!

SMILE: Smile, but add a twist. Practice your telltale smile that immediately signals to him that you’re in the mood. Bottom-lip bite, quick lip lick, whatever it is, save your smile with a twist for when it matters most.

EYE TALK: Look him straight in the eye and tell him everything you are planning to do to his body and what you want him to do to yours. Punctuate it with a twisted smile and watch the smoke start to rise.

TOUCH: Laying on of hands is a huge part of the art of seduction. Gentle arm and thigh brushes and hand caresses are definitely called for with a lover you are familiar with. For a new partner, first touches should be subtle and almost accidental. Being playful with a casual, nonsexual touch during the conversation—to make a point, or when he has just made an interesting remark—creates tension and a physical connection. Occasionally touching your own lips or hair, and even running your fingers along the rim or stem of your wineglass, are highly suggestive moves. And more importantly, it sends the message that you’re interested in more than small talk.

Make a list of all the qualities, including physical and personality traits, that you think make you seductive. Include those you think are negative. Compare your strengths and weaknesses. Which can be improved on? Which are irrelevant in the big picture and can be tossed? Put together your sensy/sexy tool bag (candles, lingerie, lubricants, toys). Identify a second signature song that turns you on in a sexually suggestive way.

NOTE-TAKING : In your journal, write about your feelings and attitudes about sex and seduction. In your sexual past, how often have you been the seducer versus the seduced? Whose role do you think it is to initiate sex? What has kept you from being more sexually demanding?

Has there been a time in the past when you have seduced a lover? How did you feel about yourself? About him? Did you enjoy being in that role? Did it feel natural, or foreign? Do you feel at this point you’ve raised your feminine confidence levels to the point of being more aggressive about claiming what you want in the bedroom?

LECTURE: Sex should be fun. “Laughter and orgasm are great bedfellows,” says actor John Callahan, and I concur. When and why did sex become so dang serious? In our quest to boink like porn stars, we’ve lost one of the great pleasures of intimate sex—fun! Technique, appearance, and the age-old search for multiple orgasms have made sex so goal-oriented and pressure-packed that instead of being the freaks we envision, we’ve simply freaked ourselves out. Pressure to be the sexual bomb has us faking orgasms and becoming novelty acts instead of authentically sexual, sensual beings.

I REALIZED THAT…

“By becoming more aggressive and playful, I found the young girl buried deep inside—the flirty, playful girl that I used to know.”

Marie ’07

Fun sex leads to adventurous sex. Share your fantasies; take risks; be creative and shake things up a bit. Fun sex is about learning new tricks and experimenting, and meeting failed experiments (okay, maybe that whole duct tape and lollipop thing wasn’t such a great idea) with giggles and kisses, not embarrassment and scorn.

Playful sex also strengthens your intimate ties. Taking away the pressure of performance allows you to feel safer and more secure in your relationship, and this allows you to open up and communicate how you feel and what you want in bed. As time marches on, great intimacy will ultimately trump great sex. And great intimacy is built upon a foundation of loving delight and joy and laughter, not “Ooh, ooh, baby, let me tap that again.”

CLASS ASSIGNMENT: Loosen up and start having fun again with sex. Be playful. Great sex should include laughter and joy and not be so serious that you’re afraid of making mistakes or not pleasing your lover.

PROFESSOR’S NOTES

Foreplay gives you a new sense of discovery each time you make love. Finding ways to wake up each of your Fan Five prior to actual intercourse increases intimacy as well as pleasure.

With this in mind, begin to prepare for a red-hot night during next week’s laboratory. This will be a sexy evening designed to showcase the sensual new you and should entice all your senses. It doesn’t matter if you have company or not. A red-hot night can be just as sexy for one as it is for two.

HERE ARE A FEW IDEAS TO THINK ABOUT:

▶ Start with a warm bath or shower drawn in a room treated with candles, fresh rose petals, and scented oils. Don’t simply bathe—luxuriate.

▶ Treat yourself to a little decadent dining with a menu featuring favorite finger foods, presented and served in a visually pleasing manner.

▶ After dinner, indulge your senses in good music, wine, and some good loving. If you will be celebrating solo, prepare something new that turns you on.

NOTE-TAKING: In your journal, explore your history of fun sex. Is sex something that has always been sacred and serious for you? How much of a role does laughter and bliss play in your sex life? What about foreplay?

LECTURE: Kissing. Kissing is so important. It’s the way we begin our journey into sexuality and it is how we will end our sex lives. It is the most intimate of sex acts, but unfortunately, it is the first thing that gets pushed aside when we discover orgasms and sex becomes more goal-oriented than intimate. Remember, the time will come when your body will lose its ability to be fully sexual, but your lips, those lovely, luscious, sexy lips, will never let you down. Keep kissing. Do it often and do it well. Even now, in your prime sexual years, kissing helps you maintain a playful intimacy and is always the one thing you can say yes to even when your body, exhausted by child-rearing, work, or premenstrual bloating, isn’t up for anything more.

PROFESSOR’S NOTES

Did you know that, after the genitals, the lips are the most sensitive part of your body? They are stuffed with nerve endings and can give and receive hours of pleasure. So what’s keeping you from puckering up? What are you waiting for? Commence to kissing!

Check out Seal It with a Kiss: Tips, Tricks, and Techniques for Delivering the Knockout Kiss, by Violet Blue.

Great kissers know that it’s not about the lips or the technique as much as it is about the source of the kiss. An amazing kiss comes from the heart and soul. Your mouth is merely the conduit that delivers the message of your mood, emotions, and intent. An effective kiss really is like a dance—be it a tango, or waltz, or cha-cha-cha—and by moving with the music in your head you are guaranteed to make your lover’s head spin!

CLASS ASSIGNMENT: Just as you sign your Jill Hancock to close a deal, your kiss is your lover’s signature, the imprint you leave on his lips and his memory. Even if your kisser hasn’t been getting the workout it deserves, worry not. You can be up to speed in no time. Just keep in mind the following:

To rediscover or improve your ability to lip-lock with maximum effect, you need to practice hard and often. Start slowly and explore. Hold your own kissing clinic. Announce to your partner that you are in the mood for some serious necking, and take control. Experiment to determine your kissing style. Are you primarily a begin-light-and-end-strong kind of kisser? A lip-bite, tongue-flick kind of girl? A slow, seductive explorer? Or do you simply respond to someone else’s kiss? Knowing your basic style allows you to try out pressure and touch and add to your repertoire so you can mix it up. Another great exercise to add to your clinic: Use his mouth and your tongue to instruct him how you like to be kissed elsewhere on your body. This can be quite fun and educational for both of you!

NOTE-TAKING: In your journal, write about your kissing history. Is it something you like, love, don’t do? How big a role does kissing play in your romantic life? Why or why not? Rate yourself as a kisser. How did it feel to take control of your kissing situation?

LECTURE: Seduce yourself. When it comes to sex, too many of us get caught up and bogged down by the expectation that we are supposed to be some sort of irresistible seductress. That it is our job to pump ourselves up just to turn him on. Not!

We think that our lovers want to come home to find us wrapped in cellophane, wearing stripper shoes, and swinging from the ceiling fan, all the while purring like a porn star. Not even close. Sure, that might be a fantasy of his, but when it comes right down to it, your mate wants four basic things when it comes to lovemaking:

1. Genuine passion and energy. (There’s that word again!)

2. Your obvious desire to be there with him.

3. That you are confident and comfortable with your body and yourself.

4. To please you.

With this in mind, you can see that walking into the room seduced and turned on is paramount to being a great lover. If you are turned on, he will be too, and it won’t matter what you have on or whether your stretch marks are showing.

PROFESSOR’S NOTES

Just as it’s hard for some women to graciously accept a compliment, many women don’t know how to receive pleasure. They can give and give, but accepting, even when giftwrapped in toe-tingling love, is difficult for them. You say you want to be an awesome lover? Remember that one of a man’s greatest turn-ons is his ability to please his partner. So if you want to be super hot, know when it’s time to just sit back and enjoy.

DAILY FIELD TRIP: On your 20- to 60-minute walk today, spend your time thinking of thoughts that get your engine running. Let the visuals around you and your signature sexy song fuel your walking fantasies.

CLASS ASSIGNMENT: Dressing for sexual success. This begins the moment you wake up. Wear your sexiest lingerie beneath your most flattering outfit, and the scent that says “sexy me” with every breath. Feeling good about how you look goes a long way toward self-seduction.

Spend some time putting together what to wear when you want to turn up your social flirting to a teasing and sexual level. (Now is the time to think “less is more.”) What you wear is up to you, but make sure it’s something comfortable and beautiful. Silk or cotton, risqué or demure, it doesn’t matter. Whatever turns you on will turn him on. Remember, you’re not putting on a costume, but rather a look that represents your signature sexy. Feeling positive and confident about yourself determines how you will give and receive pleasure. Your perceived flaws and performance anxieties will evaporate as your partner responds to a sensually confident you.

Dressing for sexual success demands that everything about you be touchable. Your hair, your skin, and your attire should be inviting to be caressed. Don’t forget your mani/ pedi, and in the spirit of celebration, paint your nails and lips a flirty, bold new color.

NOTE-TAKING: In your journal, jot down some things that turn you on—or, as I call them, sexy self-starters. Include the small and the large, and be as detailed as possible. Include things about him that float your boat as well. Turn the page and write about how you feel when you are turned on. Do you feel powerful? Adored? Confident? Now think of ways to incorporate your list and that feminine confidence into not only your sex life, but your everyday life as well.

LECTURE: Sensual entertaining. There are nights when something special and sensually delicious is called for in the romance department. A red-hot night is an amazing way to celebrate Valentine’s Day or a birthday or anniversary, but what makes a night like this really hot is when it comes out of the blue for no reason other than to make your lover, or yourself, feel special.

That said, make your RHN more of a celebration about you and your newfound sensuality and sexuality than a quest to “turn your partner out.” No need to put that kind of performance anxiety on yourself. Great sex is not about conquest and showmanship. It’s about sharing the innermost feminine side of you with whomever you choose.

PROFESSOR’S NOTES

If you are currently without a lover or your relationship has not reached this level, don’t think this assignment is not for you. Treat yourself to a sensual evening of self-discovery. Solo sensuality can be a very powerful and telling thing. Knowing yourself sexually is just as important, if not more so, than knowing him. And at the risk of repeating myself, celebrating the lover in you is as worthy and necessary as celebrating the one next to you.

CLASS ASSIGNMENT: Prepare for your red-hot night by doing the RHN Sensuality Questionnaire in the next section. After all, how can you plan for a seductive showcase of your Fantabulous Five if you don’t know his sensory preferences?

1. To thine own self be true. At the core of a truly sensual woman is her confidence in her true self. The evening you create should be driven first by your own comfort and enjoyment. Remember the SU number one rule for seduction: Seduce yourself. He is a mere afterthought. I’m not suggesting that you don’t incorporate his needs and desires into the evening, but trust me, the pleasure quotient goes up considerably when you enter the room ready to be ravished.

3. Anticipation is everything. It heightens your sexual energy and keeps him intrigued. Stay one step ahead. Maintain mystery and you’ll surely maintain your lover’s interest and gratitude.

4. Be flexible. Anticipation will bring your evening alive. Expectations will kill it. Remember, one of the joys of living and loving a sensual life is living in the moment and reveling in life as it comes. Plan your evening and then see where it takes you.

5. Drown yourself in pleasure. Not libations or food. You will negate all your hard work and pleasure if you allow yourself or your lover to drink or eat too much.

NOTE-TAKING : In your journal, take a minute to write down your thoughts and anticipations about hosting a red-hot night. What is it that you hope to achieve? What will ultimately make the night a success for you? Afterward, explore how you felt about the evening and your role as the seductress. If you will treat yourself to a sexy and sensual solo evening, write about how you feel about getting in touch with the lover in you sans a partner. What are the main emotions driving your thoughts? If they are mostly negative, explore those feelings and then make a list of all the positive reasons why this is important.

On your red-hot night, give yourself to five star lover treatment. Get up in the morning and put on your sexiest drawers and most flattering outfit. Get your hair done and make sure your makeup is flawless. Feel good about the lover in you all day. That evening, pull out all your treats from your sensual trick bag—the candles, champagne, rose petal bath—and let the one person you tell the least, know that you love her the most. Make special plans for yourself, complete with a gift (jewelry is always a good idea), just as you would the great love of your life. Because after all, aren’t you? If not, you should be.

RED-HOT NIGHT SENSUALITY QUESTIONNAIRE