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“I stopped by your office today.” Elsie speaks around a mouth full of noodles. She sits cross-legged on the floor, hunched over the coffee table for what she calls an authentic Asiatic dining experience.
“What for?” Peter doesn’t hide the surprise in his voice. In the last year, Elsie has visited him at work exactly once. She’d insisted on a tour of his office when they first started dating. The sea of cubicles had disappointed her.
“I wanted to surprise you with lunch,” Elsie says with a grimace.
“I must have just missed you,” Peter says from where he sits at the dining room table. This disjointed eating arrangement has become their norm. Peter tries to convince her by adding, “I went out for lunch today.”
“You don’t eat lunch, Peter.” Elsie’s tone is flat, but the words still bite at his confidence.
“I had an appointment, okay?” Peter hates the way she dances around things. Elsie never just comes out and says what she wants. Instead, she interrogates him, tells him everything she knows, and tries to catch him in a lie. “Besides, if you know I don’t eat lunch, why would you show up like that?”
Elsie looks him up and down, then skirts his question with her own. “What kind of appointment? Your ratty mop proves you didn’t get a haircut, and I know you’re not sick. I called your doctor. Don’t pretend to cough or feign a fever.”
“I don’t ‘feign’ things, Elsie. The last time I said I had a fever, the thermometer read one hundred and two degrees. You have no right to call my doctor, anyway. What are you, my mother?” Peter picks up his half-finished dinner and carries it to the kitchen. It’s a relief to be behind the thin wall, out of sight. As angry as he is with her, he can’t stand her accusing stare. He stands at the sink and listens for a moment, waiting for her to enter the kitchen behind him, looking for a fight. Instead, her chopsticks clink against the side of her bowl and Peter knows she’s not willing to make the effort.
He takes his time scraping his bowl clean with a plastic fork before tossing the takeaway flatware in the garbage. He slowly rinses the bowl. If he takes long enough, maybe she’ll realize he doesn’t want to talk about it. Hell, if he can stretch the act of rinsing this one dish out for half an hour, maybe she’ll finish her food and leave so he can avoid the discomfort of their conversation altogether.
He’d rather deal with the annoyance of her chopsticks spreading sticky plum sauce across the coffee table than engage in another fight she’ll probably win.
Peter realizes the water is still running and looks at the now spotless dish. He knows he’s being ridiculous. He places his bowl in the dishwasher and musters the strength to go back to the living room. When he rounds the corner, she’s typing away at her laptop and doesn’t even notice him. Peter moves over to her, stooping to rub her shoulders.
“Jesus!” Elsie shrieks and jumps under Peter’s touch. She slaps the laptop lid closed and spins around on her crisscrossed legs to face him. “How many times do I have to tell you not to sneak up on me like that? Fuck, Peter, clear your throat when you’re approaching or something.”
“Sorry.” Peter shuffles closer to the couch so the coffee table stands between them. He stares at her, unsure of what to do to make her feel more at ease. She glares at him. Peter sinks into the sofa. The way she looks at him makes him wish he could disappear.
“It’s fine.” She spits the sentence with venom. Then, as if she realizes what a bitch she’s being, she smooths her hair and smiles. “You startled me, is all. You’re just so quiet, you know?”
“Maybe I should tie bells to my socks.” Peter smiles with uncertainty at his own joke. She doesn’t get it. He points at his feet and wiggles his toes. “For the noise.”
“You’re so weird.” Elsie rolls her eyes before she smiles at him awkwardly one more time.
Even though they’ve been together more than a year, she’s still a mystery to him. There are some days, he thinks he doesn’t know her at all. And rarely correctly guesses what she thinks about anything. He’s not sure he even knows what she likes, aside from high end restaurants. He frowns and wonders aloud, “Do you love me?”
Elsie’s smile fades and her eyebrows squish together. “What?”
“I’ve been wondering if you love me.” Peter does his best to not look like an abandoned puppy, but judging from the pout of Elsie’s lips, he’s failing.
“Honey, there’s lots to love about you. You’re kind, have an excellent job, and always bring me Phó noodles when I ask for them.” Elsie’s expression is placating at best.
“You love me because I order Vietnamese takeout?” Peter feels his chin tense as his frown deepens.
“Absolutely.” Elsie crawls around the coffee table and pats his foot reassuringly. “Well, that and you don’t mind me doing homework at all hours.”
“I suppose happy relationships can be built on less.” Peter looks at the parking lot outside his window and ponders how worried Jeanne seemed to be about his lack of feelings toward Elsie. He tries harder. “Do you want to spend the night tonight?”
“Here?” Elsie bursts into laughter. “Peter, you have a twin bed.”
“The couch pulls out,” he says as he squeezes the cushions beneath him.
“Aww, honey.” Elsie pushes her lower lip out. She forces it to tremble dramatically. “I’m sorry. I’ve got a big test tomorrow. Plus, my parents expect me to come home for dinner.”
Peter points to her empty bowl. “We just had dinner.”
Elsie looks at the dish. She whips her head around with an apologetic frown. “Well, yeah. But they eat late... and they’ve been planning this dinner party for weeks.”
“Can I come with you?” Peter feels a flutter in his chest as he waits for her answer.
She sucks air in through her teeth, making a wet hissing sound. It’s something she does whenever she’s nervous, which seems to be nearly always. “Oh, Petey, I wish you could. But you know. Dinner reservations. I can’t add a guest this late in the evening.”
Peter slouches deeper into the upholstery. “I understand.”
“Why would you even ask to go?” Elsie’s tone is accusatory. The harshness of it makes Peter want to shrivel up and die.
“I don’t know. It’s just... we’ve been together a while now. It seems like time for things to get a little more serious.” Peter looks to her for agreement. “Doesn’t it?”
Elsie shakes her head and laughs. “Peter! You had me going for a minute. First with you disappearing at lunch, then wanting me to stay the night, and meet my parents...”
“I don’t understand. Isn’t that what you want?” Peter shakes his head. Jeanne made him think if he said he wanted a deeper relationship, Elsie would be happy. “We could do things to be more... I don’t know. Together?”
“Babe, I’m fine with things the way they are. We don’t need to rush into anything. I’m getting everything I need out of this relationship. Aren’t you?”
Peter nods, although he knows he isn’t. He wants to be close to someone. It’s been so long since he felt he belonged anywhere, and Elsie has only ever shared a sliver of her life with him. She always seems to have someone she’s meeting, or somewhere to be. She has so many exciting things going for her. Peter yearns to feel like he plays a part in any of them.
“Good. Let’s not push ourselves, okay?” Elsie drops her pouting expression and replaces it with hard eyes and a flat grin.
“Okay,” Peter agrees. “But if you ever decide you want more, just say something.”
“I promise,” Elsie says. “If I want anything else from you, I’ll be right here to tell you about it.”
For once, Peter believes her.