Despite Pat’s words of encouragement, Eden Gardens was pretty much the way I feared it would be. I didn’t meet the other counselors until camp started. When I did, they were far from friendly.
I guess the girls weren’t happy about having another female around to compete for the attention of the two CIT boys, Roger and Evan, because all I got from them was an icy “Hello.” As for the boys, once they found I wasn’t about to play up to them and mush all over them the way the other girls did, they didn’t pay me much attention, either.
The group I was assigned to was called the Tumbleweeds. There were over twenty little kids, ages five to seven, under the direction of Tess, the senior counselor. Tess was a teacher during the school year, so she knew what she was doing. By watching and listening to her, I found I could learn a lot about dealing with kids.
Roger was also a CIT for the Tumbleweeds, and it didn’t take long to discover that he was a complete lamebrain. He messed up even simple stuff like art projects that merely required helping kids glue seashells onto cigar boxes. Somehow, all those kids helped by Roger wound up with their boxes glued completely shut. Roger couldn’t keep scores right when the kids played kickball; he spilled the juice at snacktime; and he ate so many cookies, there weren’t enough left for the kids.
Once Tess discovered what a jerk Roger was, she began giving him less and less to do, and she gave me more and more. I wound up having to do most of Roger’s job as well as my own.
I didn’t really mind that so much. I never liked to sit around doing nothing; I preferred to keep busy. It made the days go by faster and brought me closer to the time I could be with Lenny again.
Not that I had any guarantee that Lenny and I would wind up back together. He had made no promises to me before I left. I knew he would be going out with other girls while I was away, and it was always possible he would fall for one of them. Each day, I waited anxiously for a letter from the city so I could find out what was going on. I had written to my closest friends, Fran Zaro, Roz Buttons, and Donna Fiori, the day after I had written to Lenny. I was bound to hear from one of them soon.
Each day, when camp let out at five o’clock, I rushed to the rec hall, where the mailboxes were located. Each day I found nothing. I struggled not to show my disappointment. To be stuck in the country and cut off from everything going on in the city was pure torture for me. Why was the mail so darn slow?
Finally, on Friday, there were two letters sitting in my box. The one on top was from Fran—I could tell her messy handwriting anywhere. Slowly, I slid it off the bottom letter so I could see the return address. Was it? It was from Lenny! Joyfully, I rushed from the rec hall, looking for a secluded place to read my mail without being disturbed.
I found it in the apple orchard near my cottage. There was a big old tree with thick branches that hung low enough for me to grab. I hoisted myself up and settled in a comfortable nook created by two large branches that came together against the trunk. Anxiously, I ripped open the letter from Lenny first.
His letter wasn’t very long, and it wasn’t very satisfying. He started out by parroting the opening I had written to him:
To my Dear, Sweet, and Lovable, but not too Cruel Ex-girlfriend Linda.
He told me he was glad I had arrived at the country safe and sound, and he hoped I would like it there. Then he began to tell me what a great time he was having in the city.
It seemed that summer vacation was drawing kids from other neighborhoods to our crowd’s hangout—a wall that overlooked the baseball field of the park. There was always someone new showing up, always something interesting happening. Of course, summer school and his part-time job at a drugstore were far from exciting, but he and his friends more than made up for it at night when they hung around the wall or the poolroom, or organized a card game. Sometimes they had so much fun they would stay out all night. Not only that, he had dates with three different girls coming up. He hoped I was having as much fun this summer as he was.
When I finished reading, I sat there staring at the letter. My first reaction was one of anger. The nerve of Lenny to write me a letter like that! The nerve of him to tell me what a great time he was having in the city without me! The nerve of him to rub it in that he was going out with three girls in one week! How could he?
I took some deep breaths and finally began to calm down. After all, I had asked Lenny to tell me all about what he was doing in the city, and he had done exactly that. I would rather know the truth, painful as it was. Then at least I could make up my mind how to deal with it.
And, when I thought about it, Lenny was reacting just the way I would expect him to act. During the year we had been going together, one of the biggest problems we had to deal with was that Lenny felt torn between me and his friends. Some of Lenny’s friends didn’t have girlfriends. Those that did weren’t as involved as we were, and they always teased Lenny about spending too much time with me. So I guess it was natural for him to be running around with his friends as much as possible now that he was free.
It was probably natural for him to want to go out with a lot of different girls, too. Lenny had told me that the worst thing about going steady was that we would wind up wondering what we had missed by not finding out what other people were like to date. So here he was, making sure he found out.
Actually, this wasn’t so different from the way Lenny had acted the other times he had broken up with me. He would always start by going out of his way to prove he could have a good time. He would act wild and crazy and happy and carefree, as if he were glad to be rid of the burden that was me.
And then he would burn out. As soon as I would start making a life for myself, he would realize that it was me he wanted after all, then tell me he was sorry for the hurt he had caused me, and ask me to be his girlfriend again. And each time I would take him back, so happy to have him that I would forgive him anything.
But three girls in one week! As I thought about it I felt hot anger beginning to take control of me again, but I shook it off. I couldn’t do anything about the situation, and besides, I still had Fran’s letter to read. Maybe she had some information that Lenny hadn’t given me.
I opened Fran’s letter and couldn’t believe what I saw. She had typed the whole thing on a long sheet of pink two-ply toilet paper!
I had to laugh. That Fran was such a nut! Short, with wild frizzy black hair and a sprinkling of freckles, Fran could be actually pretty when she took off the thick glasses that hid her long-lashed violet eyes. Fran had been going with her boyfriend, Danny Kopler, who had at one time lived in my apartment building, for about one and a half years Recently, they had had problems in their relationship, too, mostly because Fran wanted to go out with other boys, and Danny was not happy about this. The fact that Danny’s parents had moved away from our neighborhood in Washington Heights and out to Queens had put more stress on their relationship. And now Danny, who was a mathematical genius, would be going away to college in Massachusetts. Fran was torn between letting go of him so she could have her freedom and holding on to him because she thought she still cared.
Fran’s letter reflected her mixed-up state of mind:
Dear Linda,
If you think you’re lonely up in the country, you should see what it’s like in the city for me! I’m surrounded by people who don’t understand me. My parents are hopeless, but what’s worse is what’s happening with Dan. He doesn’t want me to date anyone else, ever, but just sit in the house all day with him. On top of that, he makes nasty remarks about every boy who shows me the slightest attention. When I tell him it’s ridiculous not to date anyone else, he throws a fit. It’s awful! He seems to like me more than I want or deserve to be liked.
I don’t want to see Dan unhappy, but I do want to live my own life and not be tied down years before I’m ready to find a person to marry. I feel like I’m going insane. What do you think I should do about Dan?
What did I think she should do about Dan? What a question! I would love to be in Fran’s situation right now. I would like nothing better than to have Lenny want me so much that he didn’t want me to go out with other boys. There was no one I wanted to date, anyhow. If I were Fran, I would just love Danny back and be happy doing it!
Fran went on to tell me about some of the boys she had managed to flirt with when Danny wasn’t around. Then she finally got to the subject of Lenny:
I saw Lenny the other day when his friend, Joel Fudd, invited me to join a bunch of kids that were going up to his house. Lenny acted like a real hotshot, dancing with one girl after another, especially Nancy, who is very cute. When he danced with me, he mentioned he was taking Nancy out this weekend, and also Toni, and Chrissy. I’ll try to get to know the girls better and find out what they think of him, but what’s really important is: What do you think of him now? Do you still like him? Don’t waste your time; he’s only interested in having fun and doesn’t care whom he hurts. Forget the memories and see him as he really is.
Fran’s words really hit home. The picture of Lenny, dancing and flirting with these new girls, taking them out on dates, and making out with them was more than I could bear. And all this while I was rotting here in the country with nothing to do after camp but read and eat and hang around with kids who were all younger than I was. What a disgusting situation!
I wrote back to Fran that I wasn’t sure how I felt about Lenny at this point, and that she should listen to her heart in deciding what to do about Danny. I wrote Lenny a long, philosophizing letter about how it was great to be having fun, but he should think about where it was all going to lead him.
And I made up my mind that I would have to stop avoiding the other CITs after camp and start developing some sort of social life. I knew the CITs, along with some of the senior boys and girls, were planning a trip this week into the town of Monticello to see a movie. I had said I wasn’t interested in going, but now I would have to find some excuse and tell them I had changed my mind.
Lenny was obviously spending little time thinking of me back in the city. There was no way I was going to continue wasting my summer pining away over him.
* * *
I could see right away that this trip to the movies was not the solution to my social problems. It was the perfect illustration of the fact that it’s possible to be lonelier in the middle of a crowd of people than it is by yourself.
Pat was supposed to have come with us, but at the last minute he had to babysit for his little cousins and couldn’t go. So there was nobody in the group of seven girls and three boys I felt comfortable with.
I was the last girl to board the bus. All the others were paired off two to a seat, so I sat down by myself. Since there were three boys and the seats only held two people, Roger sat down next to me.
This earned me jealous stares from the other girls and remarks such as, “Don’t you have enough of Roger all day long, Linda? Do you have to hog him at night, too?”
I was about to mention that I had more than enough of Roger during the day, and anyone who wanted to sit next to his creepy, lamebrained body was more than welcome to it, but I thought better of it. This way, I could write to Lenny that I went to the movies with Roger and only be stretching the truth a little.
“Very funny,” was all I said. Roger blushed and immediately turned to talk to the boys in the row behind us about such exciting matters as the latest batting statistics of the New York Yankees. The other girls began whispering among themselves and giggling. I was sure they were talking about Roger and the other boys, so I had no interest in their conversation, either. I might as well have been by myself for all I had in common with this group of kids.
When we got to the movies I made sure to sit as far away from Roger as possible so as not to stir up any further animosity. After the movie was over, we had some time before our bus was due so we stopped in a store that had video games.
I never saw anything like it. The boys each went to play a game and the girls all gathered around to watch them and make flirtatious remarks. None of the girls seemed to have the slightest interest in doing anything themselves; they were interested only in those three nerdy boys.
It was disgusting to see. Although I didn’t really like video games, I decided it was preferable to play one than to stand around watching the girls watch the boys.
“I’m going down there to play a game,” I said to no one in particular, pointing to an empty machine in a corner of the room. No one even acknowledged me, so I went over, put in my money, and began to play.
Actually, it was kind of fun. The game consisted of a mock road that you had to steer your car down as quickly as possible, avoiding all the obstacles that appeared along the way. I wasn’t very good at first, but I found myself getting better. I became so engrossed in what I was doing that I didn’t notice the other kids leaving the video area. When I had finished my game, I looked around to find that everyone else had disappeared!
“Hey, where is everyone?” I called. The only response was a few stares from strangers; no one I knew was there.
I looked at my watch. It was 10:55. The bus was due at 11:00 to take us back to Eden Gardens. I had my ticket, but I had no idea where the bus terminal was. I had spent my last quarter on the video game. If I missed the bus I couldn’t even call anyone to come and get me. I’d be stranded here in Monticello, a perfectly strange town!
I felt panic overtaking me and raced outside the video store to see if I could spot the bus terminal. The street was deserted except for a few toughlooking characters hanging around the corner. There was nothing that looked like a bus terminal. A sick feeling of dread came over me. Anxiously, I returned to the video store. I would ask the clerk at the change booth. Anyone who worked in this town would have to know where the terminal was.
The clerk looked at me as if I were crazy when I asked for directions, then began to laugh. “The bus terminal? Where do you think you are anyway, kid? This is no big city with a fancy station. This is the bus terminal in this town. I sell tickets as well as supervise the video games. Go out the back door and you’ll see where the buses stop!”
I looked at my watch and saw it was 10:59. I raced to the back door and got there just as the kids from Eden Gardens opened it. They had finally noticed I was gone and had come to look for me.
They bombarded me with angry remarks as soon as they saw me. “Where were you, Linda? Don’t you say anything when you go off somewhere? What a dumb thing to do! We could have missed the bus looking for you!”
I tried to explain what had happened, but no one seemed interested in my explanations. Obviously, this night had done nothing to bring me closer to the other kids. I was going to have to find some other way to salvage the summer and prove I could have as good a time as Lenny could!