By the time the big dance came around, I had seen Ralph several times. A couple of times we met after school and hung around Tech with Mike and Cesca; once I went to his house, and once he came to mine.
Ralph lived in a wonderful house that had a view of the bay from his upstairs windows. He took me to his room to watch the boats sailing by, and before I knew it he was kissing me, and we were making out.
It was so strange to be making out with someone who wasn’t Lenny. At first I was nervous and stiff, but I did like Ralph, and it wasn’t long before I began to relax and enjoy the sensations of his kisses.
The day was warm, and the scent of the sea blew through the open window. The breeze rustled the curtains and caressed my skin. Ralph’s touch was so soft that if I closed my eyes I couldn’t tell if it was he or the breeze that was caressing me. Making out with Ralph was so different from the way it was with Lenny. The intense passion was lacking, but it was still nice. It made me feel good to know I could actually feel something with another boy.
When Ralph came to my house, my mother was absolutely overjoyed to see me with a boy who wasn’t Lenny. She practically fell all over Ralph, offering him an assortment of snacks and telling him how happy she was to meet him. Poor Ralph looked confused, as if he didn’t know how to respond. I couldn’t wait to get him outside.
“Let’s take a walk, Ralph. It’s too nice to stay indoors,” I suggested. But no sooner did we step outside than I spotted Lenny, standing on the corner with a bunch of his friends.
I couldn’t believe my timing. I hadn’t seen Lenny at all since the day he broke up with me. And now, the one time I had Ralph with me, there was Lenny, standing on the corner as if it belonged to him.
At the sight of him, I was filled with conflicting emotions. My heart pounded, and I knew then that if I had thought I could get him out of my system so easily, I was only fooling myself. Part of me was afraid of what he might say or do in front of Ralph. Part of me was very glad that Ralph was there to show Lenny he wasn’t the only one who could attract someone of the opposite sex.
Even though I was glad Lenny had seen Ralph, I knew it would be best to get him away from Lenny as soon as possible. I smiled and waved to the kids on the corner, and then, grabbing Ralph’s hand, steered him away in the opposite direction as quickly as possible.
Not quickly enough. “Wow! Look at them go! Aren’t they cute? Linda and her latest boyfriend, and holding hands, too! Watch out, boyfriend; you’re heading for nothing but trouble. Wait till she gets her clutches on you!” Lenny’s taunts rang out as Ralph and I hurried away.
“What’s all that about?” Ralph wanted to know.
I sighed. “My ex-boyfriend. I told you about him.”
“Yes, but you also told me it was over. If that’s the case, why doesn’t he leave you alone?”
“He’s the type who has to get in the last word,” I tried to explain. “He loves to torture people. Just ignore him, and he’s bound to shut up.”
But Lenny kept up his remarks until we finally rounded the corner and were out of range of his voice. It was a good thing Ralph could laugh about the whole thing. Someone less good-natured would have wanted no part of me after a scene like that.
Lenny’s game was plain for me to see. He didn’t want me, but he wanted to fix it so no other boy would want me, either. He made me so mad I could scream!
That evening, I received an interesting call from Jessie. She told me she had heard I had a new boyfriend. She wanted to know all about him and asked me all sorts of detailed questions.
I knew right away that Lenny must have gotten Sheldon to put Jessie up to this. I made sure to tell Jessie all sorts of wonderful things about Ralph: how cute he was, how funny, how caring and appreciative of me. I built up how beautiful and romantic it had been to make out with him with the warm sea breezes blowing across our bodies. I built up the relationship until it sounded like something fantastic.
“Being with Ralph makes me wonder how I ever went with Lenny for so long,” I concluded. “Lenny never learned how to treat a girl properly. Now that I know what a boyfriend should be like, I feel sorry for that girl in Queens!”
I hung up, laughing to myself at the look I pictured on Lenny’s face when Jessie reported all she had learned about Ralph. And as if to prove I was right in my theory that Lenny was now seeking information, he was there hanging around my corner when I arrived home from school the next day. He leaned against a car and grinned his cocky grin.
Again I felt my heart speed up at the sight of him. Darn it! I didn’t like to think he could still affect me this way.
“All alone today, Linda? What happened? Did your little punk boyfriend get sick of you already?”
His words got me angry, which was fortunate because that kept me from feeling soft and susceptible to his charms. “I’ll have you know that my ‘punk boyfriend,’ as you call him, has a lot more going for him than you do. He goes to school and manages to keep a part-time job as well. He might not have as much time to hang around as a bum like you, but at least he’s doing something with his life!” My eyes flashed with spiteful anger that wanted to hurt—to hurt him the way he had hurt me.
Lenny laughed in that maddening way he had, but for a brief second I could see in his eyes that what I said had indeed hurt. “Well, you’re really trying to hit below the belt today, aren’t you, Linda? Calling me a bum without even knowing that I’ve been going on job interviews every day this week. And that it looks as if I’ve finally found one which I expect will turn out a lot better than the one I had before!”
“Really? Oh, Lenny, I’m so glad! Tell me about it!” I found myself growing all excited at his news. I had to remind myself that we were broken up, and it shouldn’t even matter to me whether he had a job or not. It would only give him more money to spend on his new girlfriend.
“It’s downtown, for a company that handles computer supplies. It’s a good opportunity for me to learn the computer business.”
Now it was impossible for me to stay mad at him. “That would be wonderful! And maybe you could take computer courses at school and—”
“Hey, wait a minute! One step at a time. I’m not even sure I’ve got the job yet. But I went through the first interview fine, and I’m scheduled to meet the top boss on Monday, so it looks good.”
“It does!” I smiled at him, and he smiled back at me. I felt an intense magnetic pull drawing me to him, the way it always had. I was so defenseless against Lenny. Why did he continue to affect me this way no matter how much hurt he inflicted upon me?
I forced my eyes away from his. “So, what else is going on with you? What’s happening with your uncle?”
“There may be more good news there, too. He finally heard from one of the companies he sent his résumés to. They’ve offered him a job. The best part is that it’s in Washington, so he’ll have to move away if he takes it. He had the interview yesterday, and he actually managed to show up sober, so he should be out soon.”
“That’s great. And what about your mother?”
“She’s so thrilled to be getting rid of my uncle that she’s been almost human to me.”
“Well, it looks as if you’re finally starting to get your life in order, then. Maybe all you needed was to get away from me and find a new girlfriend,” I said bitterly.
“That’s not it at all. I got serious about looking for a job because I knew I had to do something with myself, and the thing with my uncle just happened. As for Janice, she’s just a girl I’ve been seeing, not really my girlfriend.”
“Oh?” I felt this unwanted rush of hope. “I thought she was so wonderful. So superior and all that.”
“Well, she is a nice kid,” he said quickly. “But after seeing her for a while, I find her a little tedious—if you know what I mean.”
“No, I’m afraid I don’t, because I certainly haven’t found Ralph to be tedious at all. In fact, he’s taking me to a big dance Saturday night which should be really exciting. I’m looking forward to it.”
“You are?” I don’t know if I was imagining it, but I thought I saw a fleeting look of jealousy cross Lenny’s face. “Well, send Ralphy-boy my best, and tell him to watch out. I could appear at any tune, when you least expect it!” He laughed that infuriating laugh, and the antagonism between us flared right up again.
Here we were, enemies, trying our best to hurt one another. Enemies when we were once so deeply in love. It was sad.
* * *
I took special care getting ready for the Saturday night dance on City Island. I wore a new dress, an early birthday present from my parents. My skin, fortunately, looked presentable once I had put on makeup, and I added some lipstick and eyeliner, both of which I used only on rare occasion. The effect was to make me look completely different.
“You look wonderful, Linda,” my mother commented as I stood before her. “It does my heart good to see you going out with someone nice, instead of that boy!”
I frowned. The last thing I needed to hear was a reference to Lenny when I was trying hard not to think of him.
“It’s just unfortunate you have to go all the way out to City Island by yourself on the bus.”
“Ralph would have come to pick me up, but I told him not to bother,” I explained. “It’s such a long way for him to come, and it stays light late enough now so I’ll feel safe taking the bus. Besides, I’m meeting Cesca and the two of us will be riding together. I’ll be absolutely fine! Got to run, now. Bye!”
I left the house before my mother could come up with anything else to worry about. I rounded the corner, heading toward the bus stop, when I heard a voice say, “You look terrific!”
Lenny was standing in front of me. He was dressed as if he were going someplace special, but he was apparently in no hurry. He was leaning against the candy store window eating a double-scoop ice-cream cone.
“Th-thanks,” was all I could say.
“So this is the night of the big dance.” He grinned. “I see you bought a new dress for the occasion, too. How sweet!”
“My—my mother bought it for me. It’s a birthday present,” I felt I had to explain.
“I bet she was thrilled to have the occasion to—having you date someone else, I mean.”
“Well, to tell you the truth, both my parents are happy I’ve finally gotten over you and moved on to someone better.”
He laughed at this. “Oh, so you’re trying to tell me that little nothing I saw you with is better than I am? Ha! And I suppose you can honestly say that he moves you the way I do, too?”
He put his hand on mine, sending currents of electricity through my body. I could feel his eyes boring into me and was afraid to look up to meet them. The power he had over me was too strong, too frightening. The only defense I had over him was to stay mad. So, I made myself think of the cruel words he had said to me when we broke up, about how the girls from Queens were so much better than I was.
I shook loose from his grasp. “What are you doing hanging around here, anyhow, Lenny? How come you’re not out in Queens with your wonderful Janice right now?”
“Janice is babysitting tonight. She told me to come out there later, after the kids are asleep, to keep her company. I wanted to get out of the house, so I’m just hanging around, killing time.”
“Oh, babysitting—how convenient!” My blood boiled at the thought of it. I knew perfectly well what the scene was when a boy kept a girl “company” while babysitting. With no adults around, the making out could progress in no time. It made me feel sick to think of Lenny making out with another girl, doing those things he had done with me.
Trying not to show my jealousy, I glanced at my watch. “Well, maybe you’ve got time to kill, but I don’t. I don’t want to keep Ralph waiting. Bye!” I turned from him and began walking down the street as quickly as I could on high heels.
“Oh, Linda!” he called after me.
I whirled around. “What?”
“When you’re dancing with Ralphy-boy tonight, make sure you don’t spend any time thinking of me!” He gave me an all-knowing grin.
“Don’t worry, I won’t!” I stalked away, absolutely steaming. I was angry at Lenny for trying to get to me and twice as angry at myself for allowing him to.
“Leave it to Lenny to spoil everything for me,” I said to Cesca as we rode together on the bus. Mike and Ralph had arranged to meet us at the bus stop and escort us to the dance. They had promised to take us back to Cesca’s by taxi when the dance was over. I was going to spend the night at her house.
“He’s not here. He can’t spoil your good time if you don’t let him,” Cesca pointed out.
“I know. But I can’t seem to stop letting him. It’s as if he’s taken up residence in a part of my mind and heart, and I can’t get him out no matter what I do. I thought I was doing so well, and then talking to him brought it all back again.”
“Then what you’ve got to do is keep away from him completely,” said Cesca. “And I’ve got the perfect way. Remember I told you my father has a friend who knows about this great summer job?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well, I got it! I’m going to be a mother’s helper for the children of the director of a summer camp for the blind. The camp’s not too far from the city, and it’s supposed to be a beautiful place. When I spoke to the director, Mr. Bard, he asked me if I had any friends who might be interested in working there. You’ve worked with blind people before, haven’t you?”
“Yes. When I was in junior high, we did volunteer work at a school for blind kids. I became friendly with quite a few of them.”
“See, I knew you’d be perfect,” said Cesca. “This is a camp for blind adults, and they have an opening for a waitress. The pay isn’t great, but you’ll be in the country all summer and get to use the pool and lake and all. The kids who work there bunk together in a big house, and there are organized activities, like movies and hayrides, for us as well as for the campers. There are plenty of boys, both high school- and college-age, working as bus-boys or counselors. Mr. Bard told me that all the kids who work there have a great time. It’ll be the perfect way for you to get Lenny out of your system once and for all. What do you say, Linda?”
Say? Cesca had thrown this information at me so fast I didn’t know what to say. Going away on my own to work at a camp with other kids my age did sound like fun to me, especially if I could be with Cesca. It sure beat going back to Eden Gardens, which my parents were considering doing once again. I remembered that lonely summer last year, and I didn’t want to repeat it. But part of me really still wanted to stay in the city and work on becoming Lenny’s girlfriend again. I told Cesca I would think about it and let her know.
Our conversation made the long trip go by quickly, and we were soon at City Island. Ralph and Mike were waiting for us as planned. They had brought us flowers to put on our dresses, which I thought was really sweet. Lenny had never bought me flowers. Ralph was dressed up in a jacket and tie and looked adorable. He held my hand as we walked, the way I always wanted Lenny to. He danced with me, dance after dance, the way I always wished Lenny would.
But as we danced, Ralph hummed along to the music, and somehow I found this annoying. The cologne he was wearing was so strong it made me feel nauseous. And as I looked up at his profile, it seemed almost alien.
What was I doing here? Why was I dancing in Ralph’s arms when I belonged with Lenny?
I do not belong with Lenny, I reminded myself. I’m here because he broke up with me and because I enjoy being with Ralph.
I knew I was kidding myself. I liked Ralph, but my feelings for him could never come close to what I felt for Lenny. Ralph was just not enough to do it for me—to break that powerful spell that drew me to Lenny no matter what. I needed to do something more decisive, something that would really change things and give me the opportunity to break away from Lenny once and for all. Maybe the job at the camp would be the very thing.
Late that night, after Mike and Ralph had taken us to Cesca’s house in a taxi; after they had kissed us good night in the hallway of her building; after Cesca and I had discussed how cute they were, but I had admitted that Ralph didn’t have what it took to make me forget about Lenny; I told her what I had decided. I would call Mr. Bard for an interview as soon as I came home from school on Monday.
It was what I needed to do.