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Cody blew out a breath and let his head drop back against the pale green wall. “This is going to thrill Zach to death.” The emergency clinic was quiet. Jason was the only patient. Cody, Jo and Meg the only people in the waiting area.
Jo and Megan nodded in silent agreement. It was no secret that their oldest cousin was all about the ranch, and had been since he’d unofficially taken over management at the age of sixteen after their father had the accident. Meg had been eight when Vincent Marvell was crushed by a load of logs while helping a neighbor.
It was one of the few times her father had shown anything but a business concern for the goings-on at the Marvell Cattle Company—estranged sister ranch to the Marvell North—and he’d driven to Bozeman to wait for word on his cousin in the hospital there. An unprecedented move on his part, and maybe part of the reason that she started to wonder about her cousins and later sought them out at rodeos and other events they attended together. Slowly the cousins had become acquainted—had come to like one another, despite the fact that their parents never grew any closer after the accident.
Vince had survived, but had lost the use of his legs. Zach had taken over the ranch, and Vince had sunk into a bitter funk until the rural nurse he’d eventually married had forced him out of it. Not many men in their mid-thirties could say that they’d managed a major ranch for almost twenty years, but Zach could.
“How long does it take to wrap broken ribs?” Cody muttered.
Meg translated that to mean ‘did Jason have internal injuries?’ She hoped not, but the big man had kicked him hard, more than once.
“Any idea why that guy jumped Jason?” She’d told herself that she didn’t want to know. Didn’t need to know. Jason’s business was no business of hers.
She had to know.
Cody shot her a look. “He was picking on a kid in the bar. Jason intervened.”
“Ah.” Jason and his protective tendencies. He’d used them as an excuse when he broke off their relationship after a near perfect summer; had said he was watching out for her. No—he’d said his leaving was for her own good and wouldn’t accept arguments to the contrary. It still irked her to think about it, even now, with her stomach tied in a tight knot as she waited for word on his condition.
She’d just gotten to her feet, and was about to go to the coffee station, when the ER door opened and a female doctor came out.
“Cody?”
Cody stood as the doctor peered at her clipboard, probably more out of habit than a need to review the information. She looked up, her gaze sweeping over the three of them, all standing now.
“Mr. Mann has cracked ribs, a severely sprained wrist, and a concussion. I’m not letting him go until tomorrow because of the head injury.” She shook her head. “He fought me on it.”
Cody let out a breath. “Typical.”
“I’ll release him before I go off shift tomorrow morning if all goes well.”
“Sounds good,” Cody said.
“Can we see him before we go?” Meg ignored the look Jo sent her way. She did not want her last memory of Jason to be that of him lying beaten and bloody in a parking lot, telling her to go home. Not that a hospital bed was all that much better...but seeing him again would also give her the opportunity to settle a few things with him, and with herself.
“He’s doing pretty well for having hit his head so hard, but he’ll be more himself in the morning.”
Which meant coming back. Which meant highlighting the fact that she still had unfinished business with the man before her protective sister went home late tomorrow afternoon.
“You can have a few minutes now if it makes you feel better.” The doctor lowered the clipboard to her side. “If you have no more questions, I’ll see you first thing tomorrow.”
Meg waited until the doctor disappeared down the hall, then said, “I want to see him now.” She met her sister’s gaze. “Get my answers and be done with it.”
Jason felt very much as he had the time one of the horses at the youth camp had rolled on him, bruising his ribs and fracturing his collarbone. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to move. And his head...
The nurse fussed about, trying to make him comfortable—as if that were possible—before offering him acetaminophen one last time.
“No.” He was fairly certain that anything that went into his stomach, even a couple of pills, would bounce. He wasn’t about to puke when his ribs felt like this. He’d barely closed his eyes after the nurse left before the door opened again. Cody.
Only it wasn’t. He recognized the light woodsy scent. It stirred something deep inside of him, which pissed him off. Megan Marvell wasn’t allowed to stir anything inside of him.
Maybe if he kept his eyes closed...
“I know you didn’t take any painkillers.”
He opened his eyes, found himself on the receiving end of a gaze that was both very blue and very angry. She looked like she wanted to pick up where Big Jim had left off. “Why are you here, Meg?”
“Why’d you tell me to go home?”
He frowned at her, ignoring the pain it sent shooting through his skull. “So you didn’t get hurt.”
“In what way, Jason? Physically or emotionally?”
He didn’t have an answer. Could barely remember telling her anything. She’d simply appeared out of nowhere and his gut instinct had been to protect her. “Maybe we should have this discussion when I don’t have a concussion.”
“I agree that would be best, but since you’re going to hit the road as soon as you get checked out of this place, when might I do that?”
“I don’t know. Come down to the ranch. We’ll talk there.” He wanted her to leave before he did something stupid like tell her how often he’d thought about her. Nothing wrong with thinking about her, reliving the time they’d had together—not as long as he stayed grounded in reality.
Not an easy task with a head injury.
“You think I won’t?”
His eyes, which had been drifting shut, came open again. “Long drive, Meg.”
One corner of her full mouth tightened. “Right.”
His eyes started closing again. Was he supposed to go to sleep when he was concussed? The thought drifted through his head and then he slipped into darkness.
“You know this is a crazy idea, right?” Alex shot Meg a frowning look before pouring cinnamon tea into their great-grandmother’s porcelain cups. She put the pot aside and set a cup in front of each of her sisters before taking her seat at the far side of the table. “What can you hope to accomplish?” She pushed her dark hair back before picking up her cup and resting her elbows on the table.
“I’ve been too damned passive,” Meg muttered as if her sister hadn’t spoken. Neither Alex nor Jo responded. She picked up her tea and blew on the hot liquid. “I’m tired of being the wimpy sister.”
“You aren’t wimpy,” her sisters said in unison—one of the few times they agreed on anything without a lengthy discussion—but it didn’t make Megan feel any better. She bounced a look between her two sisters. They had similar features, Jo and Alex, a near perfect mix of their mother and their father, but Alex’s hair was deep chocolate brown while Jo’s was dark blond. Meg’s was somewhere in between and she was the only sister with their mother’s blue eyes. She was also the only sister who seemed to have inherited their mother’s peaceful nature. That nature was beginning to wear.
“Yeah. I am the wimpy sister. I always skirt trouble.”
“That’s why you were the one barreling across the parking lot to break up that fight last night?” Jo asked dryly.
“I was going to cause a distraction. From a safe distance.” It seemed she did everything from a safe distance.
“Do you want this guy back?” Alex asked in her get-down-to-business voice.
“No.” She was certain of that. “I...want things settled. In my head.”
“You want to show him,” Jo said simply.
Meg slowly raised her eyes from her teacup. “Yes. I think I do.”
“That’s it,” Alex muttered to Jo. “Encourage her.”
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to salvage pride,” Meg said. “And, yeah. I’d like some comeuppance. After all, he told me he was leaving me for my own good.”
“He was probably right,” Alex said.
“Who in the hell is he, to tell Meg what is and isn’t good for her?” Jo asked Alex.
“Twice,” Meg added. “It’s one thing to leave because you want to and another to pretend you’re being noble about it.”
Although she’d had a strong feeling that he truly believed he was doing the right thing. The noble thing. She did not agree. Not then. Not now.
She focused back on her oldest sister. “He drew a line, Al. I’m crossing it.”
“Why?” Alex set down her tea.
“Because I need to.”
“I never wanted to hire him,” Alex muttered.
“We know,” Jo said, but the words held no sting.
They’d only done so because Phil, Alex’s husband, had been killed overseas and even with Meg coming home as often as possible during school vacations and long weekends, it was obvious that they needed the help. Cody had just gotten out of the military, and when he heard they were looking for a hand at the Marvell North, he called and suggested his buddy, Jason, also newly discharged and with no place to call home.
The decision to hire him had been a godsend for the ranch. He’d helped them catch up on months of maintenance, working more hours than he was paid for. He was a cowboy, pure and simple, even though he hadn’t been raised on a ranch. Wherever he’d worked before, and he’d never really said, simply calling it ‘the ranch,’ he’d learned all he needed to know about fields and fences, cattle and horses—especially horses.
He was easy to talk to, respectful and hardworking. But there was a quality about him, a remoteness, a distance, a sense that he wasn’t totally comfortable in his skin—as if there was a side of him that he didn’t quite have a handle on. Meg had sensed his boundaries early on. And she had respected them. Which had probably been her downfall. Instead of pushing at him, as the women in town had done, she’d let him be. He had come to her...
“You didn’t want to hire anyone,” Meg pointed out. It had taken Alex well over a year to start acting like her old self again. Or almost like her old self. Both Meg and Jo knew that their oldest sister would never be the same as she’d been before losing Phil.
“He was a good hire,” Jo said. “My only beef is that he messed with my sister.”
“You guys don’t get a beef,” Meg said, getting to her feet. “I can handle my own issues.” Alex lifted an eyebrow and Meg snorted. “I’m done being the good girl and I’m done playing it safe. I went to college, got an education, and what did it get me?”
“A career you enjoyed until you recently hit a bump in the road.” Alex always had been kind of ruthless about not buying into fantasies or bogus motivations.
“When have I ever taken a risk?”
“When have you needed to?” Jo asked.
Excellent point. She’d always lived so cautiously and planned so carefully that taking a risk was often along the lines of trying a new restaurant without first reading the reviews. For once she was going to be like her sisters, risk it all, because playing it safe didn’t necessarily keep you safe. Or sane.
She set down her cup.
“I’m going to the MCC.”
Jo held up her phone and lifted her eyebrows.
“In person.” Meg pushed her chair back and then carried her cup to the sink, poured the dregs out and carefully rinsed the cup.
“You’re going now?” Alex asked in a dubious voice.
“Yes. Now.” Before she talked herself out of it. She and Jason were going to have that discussion they never had. He’d told her to come to the ranch and she was damned well going to oblige him.
Okay...so maybe this is a bit crazy.
Five hours of driving hadn’t diminished Meg’s determination to have a face-to-face with Jason, but it did give her time to consider what her actions might look like to an outsider. Crazy.
She slowed as she approached the main gate of the Marvell Cattle Company ranch. The log archway had once been struck by lightning and had a dark streak going down one side where the log had briefly caught fire before being doused with rain. The first time she’d come to the ranch with her dad, she’d thought the arch was the coolest thing ever and had begged her father to construct a similar arch at the Marvell North. No luck. Her home ranch had a simple wide metal gate with a hand-painted sign welcoming people to the ranch.
She still had no idea what the business had been between her father and his cousin, about a year before Vince Marvell had been crippled, but it hadn’t resulted in the family branches becoming any closer. Not with his generation, anyway.
The cousins of her generation met up at rodeos around the state and played together at the rare family function, aka a funeral. Since none of them knew what had split the family, they did okay together.
She drove under the arch and through the open gate. Jackleg fence lined the drive on either side, keeping the cattle off the road and making it unnecessary to stop and open gates as they did on the Marvell North. When she reached the main ranch, she noted another big difference from her ranch—the house and the outbuildings were painted and well kept, but, other than the lawn and old lilac bushes and a few flowers from late bulbs probably planted by one of her great-great-aunts, the MCC was all about work. No gardens or flowerbeds. No homey touches. Not that her ranch was in any way femme, but this ranch cried out guy-ranch. No time for niceties.
“Everyone has time for niceties,” she muttered as she pulled up in front of the main house.
Jason, with his broken wrist and ribs, probably wasn’t out with the crew, which should make finding him and having this showdown fairly easy. He was, at the very least, on the premises.
Thankfully her cousin Zach was expecting her, so she didn’t have to ambush two guys this morning. She’d called from Livingston to tell him she was in the area and stopping by, without telling him the reason why. He hadn’t asked, which made her believe that Cody had filled him in as to what had happened between her and Jason in the tavern parking lot. And in the emergency clinic. Zach was a smart guy and would have no problem putting the pieces together—his cousin had come to the MCC to have it out with his horse trainer. Formerly her ranch hand.
The screen door opened as she got out of her car. She hadn’t brought the truck for economic reasons, but now she wished she had. A truck would add to her cachet. Right now, she looked like a teacher getting out of a small economy car. A middle child who didn’t make waves and who could probably be talked down and sent along her way.
Meg raised her chin, ignoring the sharp stab of nerves when she saw Jason step out of the house and onto the porch. She wished he didn’t look so...Jason-like. All long and lean and hard angles, his handsome face set in a non-expression. Barriers reaching to the sky.
“Zach told me you were in the neighborhood.”
“Yeah?” She sounded calm enough—for a person who didn’t generally have confrontations of a serious nature anyway. “You told me we could talk on the ranch. Here I am. Ready to talk.”
He started down the steps. His wrist was in a splint and from the stiff way he moved, she guessed that his ribs were bandaged. He had a semi-black eye and an abrasion down the side of his face—a face that still showed no expression. She was doing her best to match him.
“What is it we’re going to talk about, Meg?”
His bald statement made her stutter mentally, but she hadn’t practiced conversations for five hours for nothing. She lifted her chin, dug deep for strength.
“Two years ago you walked away from me.”
“It was time to leave.”
“For my own good.” He gave a small nod as if to verify that she had correctly identified his motivation. “That’s a bullshit reason, Jason. I’m here for the real reason.”
“Why now?”
The flatly stated question threw her momentarily. It was exactly what Alex and Jo had asked and she hadn’t been able to come up with a hard-and-fast answer. She sauntered closer, hoping to pull something out of the air before she got too close. “Because you owe me an answer and you never gave me one.”
“You drove three hundred miles for an answer...two years after I walked?”
More like twenty-two months. “And since I did that, I think that I should get an answer.”
“I was done, Meg. There was no place our relationship could go.”
Okay, that stung. But it would have stung more if she hadn’t seen the way he swallowed before he lied to her. Jason was an honest guy. He might not have told her the full story two years ago. He might have gone all manly and clammed up when he’d broken off their relationship, but he was not a good liar.
“Imagine that...when we didn’t work to take it anywhere. When we just abandoned it.”
And by ‘we’ she meant him, which she assumed was clear enough. Although she hadn’t pursued matters as she should have back then. Instead she’d withdrawn, thrown herself into her work. Used her savings and part of the money her parents left her to buy a hay farm with Brett. Told herself that the hurt would diminish. And it had...but her need for an answer had not. Why had he left when he still cared for her?
“You don’t know that much about me, Meg. Only the part I let you see.”
Her stomach tightened. “So what’s your deep secret, Jason?”
He simply shook his head. Now Meg swallowed as she held his gaze and waited to see if he would break just a little. Finally, he did, but only to say, “I’m not a relationship guy. What we had...wasn’t real.”
Anger spurted to life. “Funny. It felt real.”
“It wasn’t.” Now he started moving toward her and she had to force herself not to follow instinct and ease a step or two back.
She lifted her chin. “You’re saying you didn’t care for me?”
“I’m saying that the circumstances were temporary.”
She frowned at him. “Like a summer romance?”
“It’s all it could be.”
“Because you don’t do relationships.”
“Don’t know the first thing about them.”
“And refuse to learn.”
“Not with you as my guinea pig.”
Meg let out a breath, dropped her gaze to the worn flagstones. “Well,” she said in a dark tone, “at least you could have asked me if I was willing to be your guinea pig.”
“That wouldn’t have been good for anyone. Trust me on this.”
She’d have to, because she knew next to nothing about his background, his big secret, except that he professed to be bad at relationships. If the conversation drifted that way, he’d always redirected, which kept her at a disadvantage.
Would she get answers? Looking at his closed off expression, her best guess was no. But even if she never got answers, there was no getting around the fact that she and Jason had shared something special during those months on her ranch—whether he wanted to admit it or not—and it was going to be a long, long time before she erased him from her mind.
Like forever.
He shifted his weight and casually crossed his arms over his chest. “If you got to know me better, the real me, you’d get it, Meg. You really would.”
Really? A platitude? She narrowed her eyes, chose her words carefully. “But I’ll never get the chance, right? So I’ll always have to wonder.”
He held her gaze, gave no answer, and apparently didn’t sense the trap he was about to fall into.
“Wondering is why I’m here, Jason. I’m tired of it.”
He didn’t say a word. Nothing like withdrawing behind a barrier to keep oneself safe. Well, it wasn’t going to work this time.
“I need to do something to keep from wondering. To get answers and closure and whatever the hell else I need to move on. Where’s Zach?”
A startled expression crossed his face at the sudden question. He frowned, but before he could answer, she heard the barn door roll open and turned to see her eldest cousin disappear back inside where a tractor lay in pieces.
“Never mind.” She smiled at Jason, then turned on her heel and marched across the driveway, past her tiny teacher car, toward the barn where the guy who might decide her future was picking up a wrench.
