| |
A guy could only take so much; Jason had already been pushing his limit. He knew what he wanted to do, which was settle all these issues between them before succumbing to his need to have her, hold her, love her. But the look in those wide blue eyes as they held his, the way her lips first parted and came together again before she swallowed, did him in and he went with what Meg wanted him to do.
He gathered her into his arms and cradled her against his chest as he carried her into his small bedroom. The bed was a mess, the sheets tangled from yet another near-sleepless night. He started to ease her down to the mattress, slipped on the rug and came down half on top of her. She took advantage, pulling him the rest of the way onto her, opening her thighs, pressing her hot, wet center against his rock-hard dick.
Jason fought to breathe. He wanted to take this slow, show her how much he cared. Meg cued into his thoughts and whispered, “How about we go slow next time?”
He pushed into her. Hard. She gasped and then gave a small choked sob as she wrapped her legs around him and clung to him as she met him halfway, answering every thrust. He wasn’t going to last, not when Meg was fucking him so wildly, and then he didn’t have to. She gave a small cry, arched, then exploded around him. One last thrust and he buried himself deep, holding her as he spilled into her.
And then he brought his forehead down to rest on her smooth shoulder as he fought to catch his breath.
“You ruin me,” he muttered before rolling over onto his back, one arm flopping limply off the edge of the bed, the other still half wrapped around her. “I want you to know that I was going to wait until everything was settled between us.”
“That would have been the sane thing to do,” she murmured against his chest. “But lately I haven’t been feeling all that sane.”
He exhaled, then pushed his hair back from his forehead. “Seems to be going around, this insanity thing.”
“Any chance we can be insane together?” she asked lowly.
“It’s what I want,” he said. “But I can’t shake the feeling that you deserve better than walking me through this.”
She pulled his lips down to hers, smiling a little as she kissed him. “And that’s what we call not shutting down.”
He frowned at her as her meaning took hold. Okay—a baby step. But how many more would follow? “This might be a long, hard trail. Me opening up.” Because he’d spent so much time protecting himself by not opening up. Not feeling.
“Don’t care. I’m in this for the long haul.”
“I have to ask...what exactly are you getting out of this?”
“More than I can put into words.”
Something tightened in his chest, but before he could speak, she put her fingers on his lips. “We deserve this, Jason. You and I. The chance to build something together. I’m so much happier with you than without you.”
He pulled her closer, gathering her soft body against his, and felt the rightness of having her there. She wanted him? She was going to get him. All of him.
The low rumble of a diesel engine brought their heads up. Meg cocked an eyebrow at Jason. “Now aren’t you glad we didn’t wait?”
“I am. Zach wanted to meet with me after he got back.” He tilted up one corner of his mouth in an ironic smile. “He’s back.”
“I noticed.”
Jason gave her one last kiss, caught the shadow of lingering uncertainty in her expression as he lifted his head. “We’ll talk tonight.” He gently nipped her lower lip because it always made her smile, then cupped his hand around the back of her neck in a possessive gesture as he brought his forehead down to lightly touch hers. “Promise.”
He closed his eyes, drew in her scent. Tamped down the fear that this would all go wrong. That he would lose what he wanted most now that he’d found it. He knew better than to believe that his fears would evaporate now that he and Meg were on the same page, but he was going to keep the faith this time. Believe in himself. Believe in Meg.
She slid her hand over his chest in a lingering caress and he caught her fingers in his. “I love you, Meg. You know that, right?”
She turned her hand over, laced her fingers with his. “I do. It’s what kept me going even when I wanted to give up. That and the fact that I love you, too.”
The meeting with Zach, in which they discussed the future of their breeding program and the possibility of buying not one, but two studs to explore different bloodlines—a meeting he would have thoroughly enjoyed under other circumstances—seemed to go on forever. And ever.
When they’d finally nailed down a decision—one stud this year, and maybe two the next—Zach gathered his research into a folder and refilled his coffee cup from the carafe on the table. He lifted it and Jason shook his head. Time to escape. But Zach wasn’t done.
He leaned back in his chair and asked, “How are...things?”
Zach was generally a straight talker, so Jason assumed that by ‘things’ he meant Jason’s relationship with Meg.
“I told her I love her.”
Zach’s chair went back just a little too far and he barely saved himself from going over. “Big step,” he said once all four legs were back on the floor. He casually reached for his coffee as if nothing had happened. “What now?”
“We’re working that out.”
There was a brief, rather uncomfortable silence, and Jason was about to find the door when Zach cleared his throat. “You’re good together. And I don’t usually make commentary on relationships.”
“Yeah.” Jason shifted his weight. “I’m going to do my best to be the guy she deserves.” He couldn’t believe he was saying these things out loud. But he was. And he didn’t implode or anything.
“You know...” his boss said slowly, a note in his voice making Jason go still. “She’s getting something out of this, too.” He raised his gaze, drilled Jason with it. “Remember that.”
“Yeah.” It was finally sinking in. He was good for her, too. Two-way street and all that. He smiled a little. “Crazy, huh?”
Zach grinned at him and lifted his coffee cup in a small salute.
Jason left the main house feeling better than when he’d gone in. More settled. More centered. He crossed the drive and headed for his corral of three-year-olds. They lifted their heads from the hay as he approached, then went back to eating as he leaned his forearms on the damp wooden rails.
He was good for Meg. She was happier with him than without him.
He closed his eyes, drew in the damp air. Filled his lungs with the scent of Montana, a place he loved. He deserved this. Deserved some happiness. He’d done a hell of a thing, escaping his old life. Dodging his brother. Not getting sucked back in.
He opened his eyes, tilted his head back. A moment later he reached for his phone and dialed a number he’d honestly thought he’d never dial again.
And his mother answered.
“Ma.”
“Jason?”
“Yeah. How’s Mike?”
There was a long suspicious pause. “You’re asking about your father?” He didn’t answer and she said, “He’s recovering. Getting some benefit money. Got hurt on the job, you know.”
He knew. Yet another Mann scam. And recovery would be a slow, slow process. Milked for all it was worth. And he was done with that world.
“I called to say goodbye. I never did it before. I just left.”
He heard his mother pull in a breath, one that probably involved cigarette smoke. “I let you go, too. Did you notice that?”
“I, uh...” No.
“I tried anyway. No controlling your father and those cousins of yours.”
Not to mention his brother. And apparently they were not.
“You were a different kid, Jason.” He could picture the bemused frown forming on her face as she spoke. “Never really belonged. We had high hopes for you when you got sent to boot camp, but you disappointed us.” She gave a cackling laugh and then coughed.
A joke. His mom was making a freaking joke about the fact that he didn’t have criminal tendencies.
“You said goodbye a long time ago, Jase. And I let you go.”
“Adam didn’t.”
“Adam is a jealous son of a bitch.” And still not forgiven. “He won’t bother you anymore. Not if I have any say.” He heard her take another drag. Exhale. “You were never really part of the family, Jason. But if you need a formal release, here it is. You’re released.”
He didn’t know what to say. He’d released himself a long time ago, but the fact that his mother understood the situation was totally unexpected.
There was a bellowing yell in the background and his mother shouted, “Give me a fucking minute,” before coming back onto the phone. “Goodbye, Jason.” She gave another hoarse cough. “Have a good life.”
The phone went dead.
Jason stood staring at the icons on the screen for a long moment, then dropped the phone back into his pocket and started walking toward the pasture, the wet grass dampening his jeans.
Maybe his mom did possess some maternal instincts. He would have bet money against it ten minutes ago. Hell, ten minutes ago, he’d fully expected to have to make some kind of monthly payments to keep Adam off his back.
He got as far as the pasture gate, then abruptly reversed course. He told Meg they’d talk and they would. Just as soon as he found her. He was at the corrals when he saw her walking toward him, her head bowed against the wind, her hands in her pockets.
Her chin came up as she heard his footsteps and he started walking faster, closing the distance. He had things to tell her, things to say. When they met, he took her hand, led her to the side of the barn, out of sight of the house, then pulled her against him, held her close. It felt beyond right to have this woman in his arms as they stood in the crisp Montana air.
He kissed her temple, felt her shiver before she looked up at him. Then he smiled, feeling freer than he’d felt in a long, long time. Maybe ever.
“I’ve got stuff to tell you. Us stuff.” Awkward, but he didn’t care.
“Us?”
“Yeah. Us.” He leaned back, keeping his hands at the small of her back, but needing to see her face as he said, “You make me happy, Meg.” He studied her, his heart swelling as he finally accepted the truth. She made him happy and he was allowed to feel that way.
He was allowed to have hope for the future, and he was strong enough to deal with whatever came of that future.
Meg framed his face with her hands, the way she always did when she had something important to say to him. “You make me happy, too. Even when I want to shake you.”
He smiled a little, loving the connection between them. “I’m going to try to stay out of shaking territory, but it’s still going to happen.”
“I know.” She gave a small shrug. “And I don’t care. That’s life.”
“There’s more. I talked to my mom again. Talked to Zach.”
A concerned expression crossed her face. “And the end result...?”
He hesitated, then put the end result into words. “I’m okay.” He gave a slow nod. “And you love me. And I think that’s all that matters.”
Six months later
“I still think McIntosh has the hots for you.” Jason put his hand on Meg’s thigh under the table. Josh was about to rejoin the American Extreme Bull Rider Tour and had stopped by the table to say hello before heading to the bar. Every woman in the place had her eye on the bull rider, now deep in conversation with the bartender. Every woman except Meg.
“Doesn’t matter if he does,” she murmured. “I have what I want.” One corner of her mouth lifted as she moved his hand a little higher on her thigh. He lightly squeezed her leg, then brought his hand up to the top of the table as Brandon and Whitney joined them. Brandon had started studying for his GED, and even though Meg didn’t think there was anything developing between them, Whitney was helping him study.
“Tough session tonight,” Brandon said as he pulled the pitcher closer and filled first Whitney’s glass and then his own. “Surprising how studying brings on a big thirst.”
“I think that explains why college kids drink so much?” Whitney said before giving a small shrug. “Not that I would know about that.”
She wasn’t being facetious. While her twin had gone on to get both a bachelor and master’s degree in business, Whitney had stayed in Marietta, started a small business that had failed, then worked whatever jobs she could land. And Meg had caught on real fast that her life choices were not a subject that Whitney chose to discuss. So be it.
“Hate to break this up,” Jason said, “but Meg and I have an early morning tomorrow. Heading off to the horse sale.”
If Meg had her way, they would also have a late night. They were doing good in the communications department, both physically and emotionally. Jason’s brother was on his way to prison and as Jason had predicted, his family never contacted him to inform him of the fact. He was truly moving forward, leaving his past behind and building a future. They’d even attended a couple-counseling session in Bozeman, at his suggestion, and then he’d decided to continue with private counseling, working through his issues and then reporting his progress to Meg.
He trusted her. He loved her. He tried to tell her he’d changed for her, had become a better man because of her, but she’d disagreed. He’d changed his approach to life, but he’d always been a good man.
The best man.
For her.
The End
