COMING CLEAN

“YOU’RE AVOIDING ME.” I swing around, startled by the voice as I exit our building. Jackie. She stands there waiting for me like she’s been camped out on the steps all morning.

“I’m not avoiding you,” I lie.

She raises her eyebrows and continues standing in my way, holding two to-go cups from the shop. She hands me one. It burns my fingers even through the corrugated sleeve. She sits down on the top step. I know I don’t have a choice but to sit next to her. “So, where are you off to?” she asks, carefully removing the plastic lid from her coffee.

“Nowhere,” I lie again. Across the street the park is in bloom, the brightest greens coming to life everywhere. There’s a light scent of cherry blossoms in the air, so faint you could almost miss it. I’d be enjoying it all right now if I weren’t aware of Jackie sitting next to me, seeing right through me.

“Listen, I have to ask you something, and I need you to tell me the truth.”

Instantly I feel my stomach leaping up through my throat. “Jackie, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I’m going to pay you back every cent, I promise.”

“Pay me back?” she asks.

“I don’t even know how it started. It was a mistake at first, and then I just . . . ,” I gasp, the guilt strangling me. “I feel terrible about it. I never should’ve started. But I stopped, I really did. And it will take me a while, but I will pay you back—I kept track of how much it was because I was always going to pay you back.”

“Brooke, what are you talking about?”

“Well . . .” My voice catches in my throat before I can say anything else. “Wait, what are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about what Callie told me this morning. She said Aaron moved out.”

Overhead a flock of geese fly in formation, squawking one after the other, putting our conversation on pause.

“So, is that true?” she says loudly as the geese gradually fade away beyond the park and the trees.

I nod, biting my lip, afraid to speak.

“I don’t understand why I’m only hearing about this now. You cannot be living here alone. Do you have any idea how irresponsible and dangerous—”

“No, I know,” I interrupt. “But it’s—it’s going to be okay.”

“You’re damn right, it will. Because you’re coming home with me right now.”

“No, just hear me out. I have a plan. I’ve been talking with Caroline. And I’m going to move in with her.”

“Brooke, Ray and I would be more than happy to have you come live with us. You know this, don’t you?” she asks, cupping my chin in her hand. “Things are going really well with Callie. And there’s no reason—”

“I know, and I appreciate the offer, and all. And I’m so grateful that you’re helping Callie like this, because she really needs you, she needs parents. But this is something I want to try—this is something I need to do.”

“For tonight you’re coming home with me. You have to talk to your mother about this. She is still your mother and she has a right to know what’s happening.”

“Okay, I will. I promise.”

She nods, taking a sip of her coffee. “So, what were you talking about?”

I take a deep breath—I have to tell her the truth now. My voice is shaking as soon as I open my mouth. “I’ve been stealing from you, taking money at work,” I admit, burying my face in my hands because I can’t look her in the eye. “I’m so sorry,” I blubber. “I just wanted to keep the apartment. It seems stupid now. It was so wrong. But I know exactly how much it was—I’ll pay you back with interest, I swear.”

She pulls my hands away from my face and looks at me, hard. I can tell she doesn’t want to believe I would do that—take advantage, break her trust, waste her generosity like that.

“I’m sorry,” I repeat. “I will never do it again. I feel so terrible and I really am so, so sorry.”

“I know,” she finally says, relenting, and puts her arm around me. “I appreciate you telling me. I’m sure that was hard to admit.”

We sit there like that for a while, and for the first time I think I’m seeing Jackie clearly. Seeing how much she really does love my mom, how much she only wants to help, how much she truly cares.