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RYAN GAVE ME A SEDUCTIVE smile, one he probably thought was bulletproof. It occurred to me that he probably had his pick of women, and that I might not have been the only one he was with at the time. Who knew what had occurred since his supposed death? I’d moved on, but it was only because I fell in love. He’d probably moved on to multiple conquests, and was accustomed to getting his way in the bedroom.
I set my jaw, determined not to fall for his charms. He was still beautiful, and that was something I would have to deal with. But he wasn’t half the man Theo was, and I knew it. All I had to do was keep my wits about me, say my piece, and get out of there.
“Have a seat,” Ryan suggested, pointing to the bed.
“I’d rather stand,” I asserted.
“Humor me,” he said with such an exaggerated sigh that I felt forced to comply.
I didn’t want to seem like a crazy person or like I was worried about what might happen. I was in complete control of the situation, so why should it matter where we sat? Just because it was a bed didn’t mean anything was going to happen in it.
I sat down, drawing a breath to begin my unceremonious dumping. “Ryan, listen—”
“No,” he said, cutting me off. “I owe you an explanation.”
I couldn’t argue with that. I pressed my lips shut and gave him the floor, eager to hear the details even though there were warning lights flashing in the back of my mind.
“I almost died in the field,” Ryan said, beginning his story. He put one hand over mine, making me uncomfortable. I took it back, not shying away but also not wanting to play boyfriend and girlfriend after all these years. Ryan took it in stride, continuing the saga without interruption.
“The mission was to take down a high-ranking Dark Sparrow operative. At the time, we weren’t aware that they were the good guys.” He sighed, getting comfortable. I could tell this was going to be a long story and held my tongue, waiting for the payoff. He continued after a moment. “When I woke up, I was in a strange place with a bunch of people I didn’t recognize. It wasn’t a hospital, but there were some medical personnel there. It took me weeks of reconditioning to recognize that I was in a secret CIA bunker somewhere in the Midwest.”
So far, I wasn’t buying it. He still hadn’t explained why he hadn’t reached out. And if the CIA knew that he had survived, why didn’t they reunite us? Were they that cold-hearted that they could watch me run around the world looking for revenge and not say anything? Apparently, the answer was yes.
“The thing was, sweetheart,” Ryan continued, putting his hand back over mine, “I had amnesia. I didn’t remember who I was, and I didn’t remember that I had once been engaged.”
I removed my hand again, tactfully, but listened with renewed interest.
“There was a lot of physical therapy, because I was banged up pretty good. They retrained me, and by the time I got my memories back, they were more interested in the things I could tell them about Ashcroft than they were about letting you and me get back together.”
“How long?” I demanded.
“How long?” he asked, brushing a lock of hair off my shoulder.
I snarled. If I didn’t know any better, I would have sworn he was doing it on purpose. He was trying to get under my skin so that I wouldn’t look at his story too closely. I didn’t know what more I could do to broadcast that I didn’t appreciate these romantic gestures. It made me wonder again what I had ever seen in the man, aside from his obvious good looks.
“How long did it take for you to recover your memory?” I elaborated.
“Years,” he said quickly. Almost too quickly.
“And you still didn’t make yourself known?” I snapped.
“I’m here now, aren’t I?” he questioned, as if I had just been waiting around all this time.
“Yes, but why are you here?” I asked him, certain that it was more than serendipity that brought us together again.
“We’re fighting New Dawn,” he replied. “It’s an all hands on deck situation.”
“And how long have you been in fighting condition?” I continued.
Ryan sighed, finally looking away and keeping his hands to himself. “I should have come forward earlier, that’s true. But by the time they let me back into the field, you were wanted for murder. I only heard later that you had hooked up with your MI6 agent.”
“His name is Theo,” I said.
“Right,” Ryan agreed without saying his rival’s name.
“So you’re saying they only let you out a few weeks ago?” I clarified.
“Baby, that’s all behind us now,” Ryan replied, not specifically answering the question.
I straightened in my seat, feeling the heat of anger rising in my belly. This explanation was almost as bad as the Russian one. If he thought I was going to swallow it hook, line, and sinker, he had another think coming.
“Why did you lie to me?” I asked. “Why did you say you were being held by the Russian mob?”
“That was my mistake,” he said. “I thought it would be easier for you if you thought I was being held by hostile forces. I was wrong. I admit that.”
It was a classic bluff. Admit to something less outrageous than the truth and you could steer people away from what was actually going on. The problem was that I knew every bit as much about interrogation techniques as he did. If he thought he was going to bat his eyelashes and get away with anything, he was sorely mistaken.
I shook my head, deciding to level with him. I owed him that much. He had been a big part of my life, and for some reason, I still felt like I should be able to trust him.
“I don’t believe you,” I said, putting my cards on the table.
“Honey,” he began.
“Don’t call me baby, or sweetheart, or honey,” I pushed back. “We’re not together anymore. I’m with Theo.”
“Do you love him?” Ryan asked, as if he really cared.
“Yes,” I asserted. “I do.”
Ryan smirked, as if there was something funny about that. I held my tongue, but inside, I was screaming at him. He shouldn’t be allowed to play with my heart that way. Either be honest and accept the fact that I’d moved on or ask me to reconsider, but it was irresponsible of him to pretend that my new boyfriend was a joke.
“Theo has never once let me down,” I said, trying to sound more authoritative than I felt. “If he had been injured, he would have found me.”
“That isn’t fair,” Ryan objected. “Didn’t I just tell you that I had amnesia?”
“That’s pretty convenient,” I snapped.
“It’s the truth!” he rallied, finally getting stirred up.
“And I’m telling you I’m not so sure about that,” I countered.
“So what?” he demanded. “You think I’m lying? That I just made up all that to get close to you again?”
“Did you?” I asked.
“No!” he shouted. “I care about you, and I don’t want to see you make a mistake with some British ass—”
I stopped him before he could finish the sentence. “The last thing you want to do is insult Theo.”
“Or what?” Ryan said with a laugh.
I exhaled in frustration. “Or nothing. I just think you should know that I’m in love with someone else, and that there’s no future for us anymore.”
“Don’t you want to think about that some more?” Ryan begged.
I could see him getting ahead of himself and imagining that I would fall in line if he just said the right thing. He was searching for a way to get to the top of the heat without considering that I was the one in charge of the race. I wasn’t going to budge. Theo was the man for me, and it didn’t matter how much wheedling and kissing up Ryan did. I didn’t love him anymore. It was as simple as that.
“Please, Ryan,” I said, giving him one last chance to hear me out. “If you want me to accept your story, that’s one thing. But we’re not getting back together.”
“All I’m asking you is to consider what we had. Don’t throw it all away,” he answered smugly. After all we’d been through and everything I’d said to him, he still thought he could worm his way back into my pants. I was thoroughly disgusted.
“No,” I said, standing up.
“Baby, you’re not thinking clearly,” he asserted, pushing my damned buttons again.
“Call me ‘baby’ one more time, and I’m going to put you on your back,” I threatened.
“On the bed?” he asked with those seductive eyes.
I felt myself throw up in my mouth a little bit. This conversation was going nowhere fast. He wasn’t listening, and he wasn’t telling me anything I could believe, other than that he had been a poor choice to begin with.
It finally registered with him that he wasn’t being as enticing as he thought. “Come on, we were going to be married.”
“That was years ago,” I said.
“And we have years to make up for,” he pleaded.
“You did nothing to try to find a way to tell me you were alive,” I reminded him. That fact alone drove my suspicions through the roof and proved to me that I couldn’t trust him.
“Why would I have done that? It would have put you in danger!” he claimed.
“You forget who I am,” I said, bearing down on him with all of my anger. “I can take care of myself.”
“Is that what Theo tells you while he skips around the world on missions you’re not allowed to go on?” Ryan sneered.
“Theo risked his life to find me,” I informed my ex-fiancé. “Which was more than I can say for you.”
“Come on, Clark, don’t be like that,” Ryan whined.
“I’m through with you,” I told him. “We’re through. Don’t come find me again.”
“I’m about to go off to the jungle,” he said, still trying to pull off a win.
“Good luck,” I offered. “I hope you don’t get killed again. But for you and me, it isn’t going to happen.”
I reached for the door, my heart beating wildly. I half expected him to block my way, to force my hand and make me hurt him. But he had the sense to stay right where he was, sitting on the bed, staring up at me.
I hated him in that moment. I hated myself for ever falling for his lies. I hated the CIA and Dark Sparrow for keeping me in the dark, and I hated New Dawn for taking over my life. The only person I didn’t hate was Theo.
Wherever he was, I hoped he was having more luck than I was. I couldn’t wait to see him again so that I could debrief. He was the only one I trusted, and he might have a novel perspective on Ryan’s cover story that would help me make sense of what had just happened.
I didn’t think Ryan had amnesia. Yes, he had a dangerous job, and it was likely he had been hurt. But to bounce around a CIA stronghold for three years with no memory stretched credibility.
I pulled the door open and barged out, leaving Ryan to pick up the pieces on his own. I wasn’t sure why he was so hell-bent on getting back together again, but something told me it wasn’t out of love. He wanted something from me. Maybe the same thing that the government wanted from me. Maybe it was all about Mr. Ashcroft and my early experiences with New Dawn. If that was the case, I might be in over my head. I needed to cool down and find somewhere to think. If only Theo was back from his mission and available to talk. I really needed a friend right about now.
