Chapter 64
Vera’s train ride stretched in front of her as she looked out the window at the snowy landscape. Snow in November, the week before Thanksgiving. Could it be that she hadn’t seen Tony in two months? During this time, so much had happened to steal her time away—she’d even been in jail. And then there was Annie, who still was in the hospital, now being treated for pneumonia.
Vera hated to go away—even now. Even though they had the murderer in custody, it still felt unfinished to Vera. Just a nag she felt pricking away at her.
And then there was her mother’s romance with Jon. Why, before Vera even knew it, he was moving in without any explanation from either of them. Good God, didn’t he have a home in France? Vera didn’t like it. They should have at least consulted her about it.
“Why should they consult you?” Tony had said during a phone conversation. “They are grown-ups.”
“She is my mother,” Vera had said. “Why has she been so secretive?”
“But do you need her permission to come and visit with me?”
“No. That’s different. I’m not eighty-one years old. What if he’s after her money?”
Tony chuckled. “You’re a mess, Vera.”
“Okay,” she admitted. “I’m a mess.”
She saw his face immediately when she stepped onto the train platform. The eyes. The grin. The dimples. All heading her way. His arms encircling her, then reaching for her bags. He led her to the cab he had waiting for them.
“You’re a little late. I was starting to worry,” he said, handing her bags to the cabbie, who placed them in the trunk.
“You know how these trains are sometimes. And we have a little weather,” she said, trying to get her bearing. It always took awhile to get used to the speed of things when she first got into the city.
They entered the cab. It would be a short ride, but with her baggage, it was easier to take a cab to Tony’s place. They sat quietly for several blocks, holding hands, as she watched the buildings and people on the busy streets.
“I’m coming for a visit to Cumberland Creek. I want to meet your daughter, your mother, and yes, even Bill. Maybe those scrapbooking friends of yours, too. I want to come for Christmas,” he said, after a while.
Vera didn’t know what to say. She felt as if all the breath had been knocked right out of her. He didn’t ask her if it was okay. He just told her he was coming. This felt a little forced. She felt like a cat being back into a corner—almost felt her back hunch over in a protective stance. She breathed, counted to ten.
“I don’t know why that’s so important to you.”
He looked at her, astounded.
“We’re here, folks,” the cabbie interrupted. Tony took out some cash and gave it to the cabbie.
His apartment building loomed in front of her. A man came out of the building and smiled. He recognized her. Why did she feel like running the other way? She stopped in her tracks.
“Vera? What’s wrong?”
“Listen to me, Tony. Don’t push me. Do you hear me? I’ve been pushed around my whole life. Felt like I was living someone else’s life for the first half of it. I’m not ready to commit to you. I’m not ready to bring you into my daughter’s life.”
“God, Vera, we’ve been seeing each other for over a year like this. When are you going to be ready?”
Vera suddenly realized that they were still standing on the sidewalk outside his apartment building. The man was politely looking away. Who ever said that New Yorkers were impolite?
“Do we need to talk about this here?” she said quietly.
“No, let’s go upstairs.”
But as soon as they arrived in his apartment and he kissed her, her anger with him almost melted away. They went at each other like sex-starved newlyweds. Afterward, when she was lying in his arms, he grinned shyly at her.
“Whatever you want, Vera. I will wait for you.”
Her stomach flipped. Was that what she wanted to hear? His feelings for her were growing. And she felt nothing but lust. All she wanted to do was sleep with him. That was not a good thing on which to build a lifelong relationship. She kept thinking it would fizzle out. But it hadn’t. Sometimes she would lie awake at night remembering the way he touched her, the way he made her feel—like a vibrant, sexy, whole person. She was a middle-aged mother. Her feelings of lust should be set aside with her youth. But it was what it was.
But she had never totally considered his feelings and now wondered if she was being fair to him by considering him only as a lover, nothing more. She’d always wondered if you could have sex without love—if you could actually ever enjoy it. Good Southern Baptist girl that she was, she’d never truly considered that yes, you could enjoy sex with a man and not be in love with him.
Which was exactly what Bill had tried to tell her when she found out about his cheating on her.